The Tim Dillon Show - 382 - Leave It Online
Episode Date: February 22, 2024Tim touches on the death of Alexei Navalny, Wikifeet, California real estate, the friendship recession, ‘looksmaxxing' and why we need more internet. American Royalty Tour 🎟 https://www.timdillo...ncomedy.com/ SPONSORS: Morgan & Morgan: For more information go to forthepeople.com/tim Factor Use Code: TimD50 At FACTORMEALS.com/timd50 To Get 50% off! Express VPN ExpressVPN.com/TimDillon ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4wo... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1wo... #TheTimDillonShow Merch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/ For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same. #TimGivesBack
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon show. So excited to perform at Royal
Albert Hall in London. This is a iconic venue. This is one of the, uh, this is one of the big ones.
Very, very excited there. Um, tickets are on sale right now. Promo code fake,
sell right now promo code fake biz F A K E B I Z if you are in the market for tickets for that show, it'll be great. I'm really excited about that is there's some tickets
that are that end up being reserved for the aristocracy, the lords and ladies and people that,
when they built that venue,
they said we're taking some tickets
and we are keeping them for people that are higher,
high-born, high-born.
They have that in England, they have class,
and that's okay.
And that's okay, nobody's offended by it,
nobody screams and yells about it.
Well, people do, but it doesn't matter.
They still do what they're gonna do.
So if you are one of those lords or ladies
and you have a reserve ticket,
then you know, have no fear.
But for everyone else, you should go and buy it.
You should go and buy a ticket to the show.
It'll be very exciting.
Other dates in Europe I'm doing,
at venues that are not as impressive
in countries that have less money,
but are still important.
Our Manchester, which is the north of, you know,
Northern UK, Northern England, which we love.
We love the people there.
Belfast, I don't know what venue I'm doing in Belfast.
I imagine a grocery store or something.
I don't even know what's happening.
I imagine there's a site of a bombing, I'll be there.
Belfast, which is in Northern Ireland, but it's good now.
Glasgow in Scotland, a very fun city,
city of the future, they say, Glasgow, very gray.
And I remember when I, me and Sam Talant,
who I'll be returning with, had dinner there at
an Italian restaurant.
It was the worst Italian restaurant we had ever been to in our entire lives.
And everybody told us this was the spot to go and it was indescribable, the horror that had befallen us that evening. And everyone
around us was so happy and thrilled to be there and they were enjoying it and it was unfortunate
to be the, you know, and we didn't want to let on how bad it was. We didn't want to convince,
you know what I mean? Like why ruin the time of everyone else who was just, but I mean
God was it terrible. I won't say the name. Shugo, I think. Look it up in the Glasgow. See if it's
still there. Shugo in Glasgow. Is it still there? Yeah, there it is. Get a Google image on that.
Shugo, and I don't wanna hurt anyone's business.
I'm telling you right now, this place was terrible.
Who's that guy they like over there?
Gordon Ramsay?
He would've went in this place and he would have went in there with a Hamas.
But we're excited to be back in Belfast in Glasgow.
First time we're going to be in Copenhagen in Stockholm in Helsinki.
Dublin, we're coming back to Dublin.
That's the European run.
That's the European run.
And we're excited about that.
Everybody very upset about the death of Alexei Navalny, who is a popular reality TV star in Russia, a winner of the Amazing Race
in Russia, died sadly.
Very upset.
People do not like that.
He was a cast member on Big Brother, the Russian Big Brother, Alexei Navalny, the Russian
Big Brother, died in it.
What they do in this season of Big Brother is they put them all in a prison, the Arctic
Wolf Prison in Siberia, and then they see who turns on each other.
You know what Big Brother is.
And it was Alexei Navalny, and Caitlyn Jenner had gone over to do it this year. And sadly, Alexei Navalny died.
We're obviously joking.
He was an opposition leader in Russia.
We don't know what that means.
There doesn't seem to be a ton of opposition in Russia
to Putin.
I'm sure there is some.
I'm sure there is some.
But Alexei Navalny was poisoned, they're saying. And his widow, Julia, is that her name?
Julia? His widow, Julia, is saying, I'm going to continue his work. And our country is
And our country is beside ourselves with this. This is...
Cannot go unpunished.
This type of treatment of a political, you know what I mean?
Of a political prisoner cannot go unpunished.
This is something that the United States would never do.
You know, we would never engage in this. We would
never punish somebody for leaking uncomfortable things about the government. This is just something
we don't do. People say to me all the time, they're like, you know, it's moral equivalence,
like, you know, it's confi, like Barry Weiss the other day, who I know listens to this,
It's confi, like Barry Weiss the other day, who I know listens to this on her outlet,
the free press, that blog she runs.
She came over my house once and she's like,
oh my God, I can't believe you can afford this.
It's like, Barry, I don't have a blog.
You know what I mean?
Like, I love her, but what are we?
Like, eh, eh, eh.
So Barry Weiss, they're all over there being like,
it's getting confusing and Sam Harris, all these guys are, they're all over there being like, it's getting confusing and Sam
Harris, all these guys are, they're all like, there's some moral confusion out there.
People don't know who the good guys and the bad guys are.
And we gotta, we gotta make sure everybody knows who the good guys in the best.
So I'm not confused at all. At all. I know that we, the United States government would never, ever, ever, ever
prosecute or persecute anyone who leaked uncomfortable information about things that we've done. Because that's what
information about things that we've done. Cause that's what Navalny was doing.
You know, he was talking about corruption in Russia
and you know, he's flying drones over the houses of people
like Dmitry Medvedev, Medvedev, Medvedev,
I don't know how to, but he was showing all the oligarchs
and all their mansions and Putin's palace and Dimitri Medvedev's
palace, and he was going out and saying, look, look at all these people that are charged
with running the state, and yet they are corrupt and they have enriched themselves with your
money and they've built all of these palaces.
And that's what he did.
And he would fly drones and, you know, people in America,
we have that is called selling sunset.
We do that too.
It's a reality show.
We think it's good.
We think it's great.
We think it's good.
We enjoy that every week.
And he was doing that in Russia.
And the American government is very upset
that he was punished for that, which is, you know,
he's a ballsy guy and it was very sad.
And we would never, we would not do this at all to anyone.
We would never do this.
We have to say that. Barry's right, Sam Harris is right, they're all right.
They are right.
We would never, ever,
hold, make sure there would never be a guy,
stuck in an embassy for years,
and then transferred to a maximum security prison,
it would never happen in this country, not in this, not in my country.
Oh, say can. Never, it would never would happen.
There would never be a guy stuck in an embassy where the police were sitting right outside.
If he even opened the door to get a breath of fresh air and somehow stumbled out.
There would never be a guy who's denied safe passage to an airport. There would never, ever, ever, ever, ever be a guy who is transferred to a high maximum security prison where the six
guests to his wedding were denied entry into the prison. There would never be that Never I I don't think so. I don't think so
So I am horrified at the treatment of alexi nevalli. I am horrified
at a government that would punish
somebody for uh leaking information about that government and I'm
for leaking information about that government. And I'm very happy to live in a country
where that has never, to my knowledge, happened, not once.
It's never even happened one time.
Thank God, cause that'd be awkward if that happened.
That'd be real weird.
That would be odd if that happened.
But it is not thank God thank God it has not happened because
It would be real weird to do that and then also
Be be you know like a gas at this
Murder of Alexi Navalny, which I'm I it's probably a murder. I don't know, but I imagine it's a murder. You know, I don't know what happened to that wiki feet guy.
Remember the guy did wiki feet? I forget. Remember the guy who published the foot pictures
of, of John Podesta and Hillary Clinton. Remember that? Something happened to him, the guy.
He was a journalist and he got information from this, um, this, um, uh, uh, military.
I forget what rank, uh, uh, Chelsea Manning. I forget what rank Chelsea Manning was in the military, probably not high, high enough was a private.
Well, Chelsea Manning gave the guy who ran wiki feet
information, leaked information about things
that the American government was doing in Iraq, the military.
This included like targeting civilians from a helicopter, like shooting civilians.
We weren't supposed to be doing that in Iraq and Afghanistan. We weren't supposed to be
shooting civilians from a helicopter.
But you know, that sometimes the price freedom is shooting civilians from helicopters. So Chelsea Manning
gave this guy who led the Wiki feed webpage some of this information, some of the information
that this Wiki, Wiki leaks, we'll say the real name. Some of this information that this
guy leaked was not only American abuses, it was Guantanamo Bay,
how many people had been abused, tortured and killed at Guantanamo Bay. It was that Hillary
Clinton had made $675,000 for a speech that Goldman Sachs gave her where she said she wanted
open borders and she wanted free trade and all of the things that she was saying in her campaign she didn't want.
They also leaked Vault 7 from the CIA which said that the CIA was focused on remote hacking
of cars and smartphones, Michael Hastings, among other things.
They also talked about this Pied Piper strategy the Clinton campaign was doing where they were using their contacts in the media to elevate
the more extremist Republican candidates. So it made
Hillary seem more moderate by comparison. Um,
this was all stuff that came out and and Julian Assange has been of course, uh, for the last,
has been, of course, for the last, I believe, 10 years, probably more.
He's been destroyed mentally and physically in front of our eyes, and nobody really talks about it. Nobody cares.
Nobody cares. You will see more posts about Lexi Navalny in the last 48 hours,
and you will see about Julian Assange.
And this guy, they're reviving the Espionage Act to charge him with.
And they thought about pursuing this during Obama's term. They didn't, even though Obama was very tough towards whistleblowers, during Trump's term, they got the Democrats ravenous
because the WikiLeaks cables were cited as one of the reasons
that Hillary Clinton lost the election.
So now the Democrats are like, get them.
So now you have the Republicans and the Democrats
reviving a hundred year old, nobody's been charged with the espion the Democrats reviving a hundred year old.
Nobody's been charged with the espionage act in over a hundred years and he's been
held in a high security prison in Southeast London since 2019.
Before that he was at the Ecuadorian embassy. So the guy has been in solitary, his health is deteriorated, members of his family that
have seen him, his wife, Chris Hedges, a journalist, whose friends with him, they've all basically
said that you can see him being killed in front of everybody.
You can see him being killed in front of everybody. You can see him being killed.
But again, what happened to Navalny is bad.
This is, it's unforgivable to be honest,
what happened to Alexi Navalny is unforgivable
and someone must pay for that one.
Someone must pay for what has happened to Navalny.
Someone must pay because, you know,
that's the one that's offends me.
I'm offended by that.
Julian Assange, you know, hey, he got what's coming to him.
He got what's coming.
But this Navalny was a freedom fighter.
Julian Assange was just leaking things
that government didn't want you to know. But Navalny was a freedom fighter. Julian Assange was just leaking things the government didn't want you to know.
But Navalny was a freedom fighter.
He was fighting for freedom, for the freedom of Russia, which as an American is the most
important thing to me, is the freedom of Russia.
So anyone who's fighting for the freedom of Russia to me automatically is, in my mind,
is a hero.
And you know, I mean, anybody leaking what the CIA does is a hero. And you know, I mean anybody leaking what the CIA does is a problem. So I'm just
happy to live in a country where there's moral clarity. Barry, Sam Harris, others. Thank
God. Thank you for the moral clarity. I completely understand why Alexei Navalny was a heroic freedom fighter whose death is a complete tragedy and why
Julian Assange was a rabble rouser whose continued public torture and imprisonment is par for
the course and doesn't really warrant mentioning. We appreciate. I get it now. I was, I didn't
get it, but now I get it. Now I understand. Now I understand. So let's, uh,
you know, and I'm not saying what happened in the volume was good. Clearly, you know, I get it.
He was bucking the system. He was fighting city hall, as they say. And, know the last thing you want is a drone flying over your
house and then it's on YouTube. You know what these scumbags of the Robreport
just did to me? I'm selling my house and can I have the people at the Robreport
sent to the Polar Wolf Prison? Because do I get any privacy or no? Do I get privacy?
The price of my home is 4995.
It's not 5 million Robb report.
And I'll tell you right now, folks get invest in California
now, now is the time.
It's on the up.
California is on the up.
It's on the up.
The weather is great.
The people are fun.
The business is built on is strong.
Every indicator is that you're going to not regret.
You will not regret a sizable multimillion dollar investment
in Los Angeles right now.
Let me be your guide.
Come on in. Come on now. Let me be your guide, come on in.
Come on in.
What about Ohulia Navalny?
Why not let's get her in the house?
Does Hulia, Hulia, Hulia Navalny wanna live in the house?
We'll put her in the house.
But if you do wanna buy the house, buy the house.
It's Los Angeles, folks.
Nothing better.
I'm just not spending a lot of time there, you know,
because of everything, all of the reasons.
But you'll like it.
The good news is I'm selling it because it's too good.
The political leaders are too smart. The weather is too good. I'm selling it because it's too good. The political leaders are too smart.
The weather is too good.
I'm too happy.
So I'm giving it to you.
Very fair price.
What I bought, it four plus what I put into it.
Very fair.
One of the greatest views in the world.
In LA, top 50 views in LA without question and it's right by a
nice
Nice big mudslide that happened which is nice
So you can only get to the house one way now because the the road is taken out Mulholland Drive
It they took it out with the mudslide, but that's kind of fun a lot and because here's the thing with the mudslides
They're pretty
They are pretty
The rocks and the mud and the earth
Is pretty there's something beautiful about it because we don't slow down enough in our day
And I think to to really be grateful and to be present
There's something about stopping your car make that bigger
be present. There's something about stopping your car. Make that bigger.
There's something about stopping your car just to be present in this moment
and to just take a deep breath and to, you know what I mean? Cause we're part of the earth.
There's all kinds of people that have talked about this, but we are,
we're part of the earth.
So when you take a moment to just to be the dirt, to be the mud,
it's beautiful. Don't take that way to the to be the dirt to be the mud it's beautiful
Don't take that way to the house But um, you know I listen I love it. I have so many friends there
And I wish them so much
Peace
Love and enlightenment on their journey on their journey and I think it's time
To for because you know what they say is that, uh, you know, a sucker is born every day. And you know, that, that's what
we need. We need a sucker. We need a sucker here. We need a real sucker. We need a sucker. We need a sucker here. We need a real sucker. We need a sucker.
We need a sucker.
We need someone to come in who goes,
I wanna be part of this city of angels, city of lights.
Beautiful view, it's a beautiful view.
You look out at everything as it all, as it all happens.
It's beautiful.
As it all as it all happens. It's beautiful
America, so that's my
You know if you want to buy the house
Go buy it. It's not gonna sell probably and I'll still have to keep it for years and years and years
But maybe not maybe someone will get in get getting while the get-ins good
Get in while the get-ins good. Get in while the get-ins good. The film industry might be over,
but fuck it, you create a new film industry. It's on you now. So you buy my house endless
possibilities starting from zero. You build the city. You build the state. That's right.
It's a fixer-upper, not the house, California. The house is fine. The house is beautiful. It's the state of California that you will have
to take a hammer to, to defend yourself from the people.
But no, we've only, the car's only been robbed a few times.
It's good, it's fun.
They do it late at night, it's on the ring camera.
They don't bother you.
They don't wake you up and say,
hey, I'm taking the camera out of the luggage in the backseat, they do it very quietly.
And there, here's what's good about the people
who rub the car outside of my home.
They don't even seem like they wanna do it.
They're conflicted, like you can see them
kind of conflicted about it as they do it.
They don't seem like they're professionals.
They seem like they're amateurs,
which is more fun to watch on
the ring cam. They're kind of like trepidatious a little bit. But if you
don't mind mudslides, atmospheric rain, amateur thief stealing from your car, the
total moral and cultural collapse of a city, it has an amazing view. Because the
view is all the little jack-in- jack in the boxes where people stand outside stabbing each
other, they all light up in the valley and you can smoke
marijuana and look at, I imagine if you buy your smoke
marijuana, your a degenerate or something and you get high and
you stare at all the lights that are created by the gas
stations and the jack in the boxes and the El Pollo Locos. You know, all the things that
make up the valley view of Los Angeles and the, you know, porn mansions where they used to have
orgies and now it's a bunch of, you know, TikTokers jumping on a trampoline or whatever the hell they're
doing. But what a beautiful view. It's a stunning view. And I'm telling you right now LA is the stock that is low. This is a low stock
Okay, get in now
Get in now. Yeah, look at that. No, that's not the yeah, that's the Valley view
You get a view that's kind of like that and the lights twinkle at night. You don't even have to be high
I mean if you buy the house you probably are but you don't even have to be high. I mean, if you buy the house, you probably are,
but you don't even have to be high
to really enjoy the view.
If you get injured by a person, place, or thing
you deserve to get paid, truly, if you are laying there
and you've just been injured,
I want the first thing you think about,
I want it to be money.
I want it to be getting even, getting what's yours,
getting what's rightfully yours,
getting them before they get you. That's what life's about. If you're in an accident, not
calling a lawyer means you could be leaving money on the table again. When you are in
an accident, the first thing I want you to think about is a table with money on it. You're
leaving the room instead of doubling back and going, wait a minute, was with money on it. You're leaving the room. Instead of doubling back and going,
wait a minute, was that money on that table?
Oh yeah, there is.
Let me grab some with my broken hand.
Be grab that money.
When you're seriously hurt, your injury
could be worth millions.
Did you hear me, permanent limp?
If you're ever injured, you could check out Morgan & Morgan.
They're America's largest entry law firm.
They have 100 offices nationwide
and more than 1,000 lawyers.
With over $20 billion recovered for over 500 clients,
Morgan & Morgan has a proven track record
of fighting to get you full and fair compensation.
Submitting an injury claim with Morgan & Morgan has a proven track record of fighting to get you full and fair compensation. Submitting an injury, claim with Morgan and Morgan is so easy. If you are ever injured,
you can check out Morgan and Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win. That's big.
For more information, go to forthepeople.com or dial poundlaw.com.
From your cell phone, that's f-o-r-thepeople.com or poundlaw.com.
from your cell phone, that's forthepople.com slash Tim, or pound law, pound 529 from your cell.
This is a paid advertisement.
Everybody right now is doing factor meals.
They have all kinds of different dietary options.
They have keto, calorie smart, vegan, veggie.
This is, everybody is so busy right now,
you want fast, nutritious meals. Factor is the perfect solution. If you want fast nutritious meals.
Factor is the perfect solution.
If you want an upscale dining option that's very fast,
done easily.
Two-minute meals fuel up fast with factors,
restaurant quality meals that are ready to heat and eat
wherever you are.
Snacks, smoothies, more, discover a wide variety
of easy options for the entire day,
like breakfast, midday, bites, more. wide variety of easy options for the entire day, like breakfast,
midday bites, more.
Here's the thing, it's flexible.
Get them as much or as little as you need by choosing six to 18 meals per week.
Plus, you can pause or reschedule your deliveries anytime.
You need the flexibility.
Do you understand?
I dealt with a meal delivery service in California who did not let me be flexible. Okay? And we had to end the
relationship. Okay? They are, this is nationwide. There's flexibility. I wanted
flexibility with my meal service. Sometimes I would want the meals delivered to the house.
Sometimes I would see the person coming
and I would hit them with my car.
I would attack them.
I'd chase them down the street.
What I'm saying is that flexibility is key.
It's key.
It's key.
It's so key.
Sometimes I would say thank you for the meals.
Other times I'd have pit bulls go, get them.
No prep, no mess meals.
Factor meals are 100% ready to heat meat.
We all love factor, I love it.
We all use it.
There's no prepping, cooking or cleanup needed.
Head to factormeals.com slash TimD50.
Do it, do it now.
Factormeals.com, TimD50. use code TimD50 to get 50% off.
That's TimD50.
At factor 50% off are you nuts.
Do this now.
They're being incredibly generous with you.
Fatibun batis.
Care about yourself, do it right now.
Fatibun bati. Friendship recessions. Americans have stopped hanging now. Fatibunbatte.
Friendship recessions.
Americans have stopped hanging out.
This is a big problem.
Socializing rates have plummeted more than 50%.
For all age demographics,
people just don't wanna be around each other anymore.
They'd rather be online.
And this teen depression is skyrocketing.
That's what they're saying.
Teen depression is completely skyrocketing.
Teens are upset, they are depressed
because they're all on the internet
and they're getting instant feedback all the time
about themselves, it's a tough age
to get that kind of feedback.
It's difficult.
It's peak insecurity when you're a teenager.
You're supposed to go away,
you're supposed to have a small group of friends and their information is supposed to go away. You're supposed to have a small group of friends and their you know
Information is supposed to be filtered. You're not supposed to know everything that everybody thinks about you
But a lot of people are our bullying teens a lot of it's and some of them are adults
Remember that mother who was bullying her daughter. That was a real thing. A mother was bullying her daughter
with a fake name to like toughen her up.
There was a mother who was, yeah,
mother facing charges after allegedly cyberbullying
her own daughter.
But this is what parents are going to have to do.
If you want your kids to be tough enough to withstand the bullying,
you kind of have to start.
You have to rough them up.
You know, I mean, you have to really.
You have to really bludgeon them online. Yeah, this woman just went on there and just shredded her daughter every day.
She used software to hide her location, used several numbers in area codes.
Yeah, and she would just, she would say, oh, it's your classmates.
They're the ones that think you're a dumb whore.
And she would just go and, and fuck her daughter up every day.
And now she's going to jail, but maybe, maybe she was mother of the year.
Maybe she was mother of the year because maybe she understood that if her daughter is not ready
to handle the onslaught of
comments about her daughter that her daughter was not going to be able to survive
Kendra LeCarrie of Mount Pleasant, Michigan
Faces faces five charges including stalking a minor and obstruction of justice.
She was going on there every day and just serving her daughter.
Realness, total realness.
And now she's going to jail, torturing her daughter,
pushing her daughter to the edge of suicide every day, the same
way that we teach Navy SEALs how to drown.
You know we do that, right?
We teach them how to literally get water in their lungs like they're dying.
So maybe teen depression is skyrocketing because they cannot handle what is being said about them on the
internet. Maybe they are not able to handle it. They don't have a thick skin. Maybe the
first thing you do when you get your kid a phone, when did people get phones now?
Middle school.
What is it? 11?
6th grade. Yeah. 10, 11, 12.
The first thing you do when you get your son or daughter a phone is literally text them
from another number. What's up, faggot? That's the first thing you do. That literally is
the first thing you do. You're a fat piece of shit. You're never going to get laid.
Go at their head.
So Derek Thompson writes an article here for what the Atlantic. It looks like the Atlantic.
Why Americans suddenly stopped hanging out?
Why did this happen, Derek?
Tell us why it happened.
In its earliest decades, the United States was celebrated for its citizens' extraversion.
Americans weren't just setting out to build new churches and new cities.
Their associations were, as Detokeville wrote,
of a thousand different types,
religious, moral, serious, futile,
very general, very limited,
immensely large, and very minute.
Americans seemed to debt
that forming social groups, political associations,
labor unions, local memberships, da-da-da-da.
Something's changed in the past few decades.
American dynamism declined.
Americans moved less from place to place.
They stopped showing up at their churches and temples.
In the 1990s, the sociologist, Robert Putnam,
recognized America's social metabolism
was slowing down in the book, Bowling Alone.
We've talked about it millions of times.
Well, well, this is what, you know, here's the deal and people hate Trump.
He brought back like, okay, QAnon's not great, but those are people hanging out.
Literally. No, they're hanging out.
They're hanging out.
They're hanging out.
People need a shared purpose.
They need something to do.
People, you can't just hang out with nothing to do
if you're not like using drugs.
Adults need something to do.
So it doesn't have to be QAnon, but that was like a very engrossing
thing for many people that really got into it and were like solving puzzles.
There were tons of QAnon meetups.
You can't have it both ways.
You can't say, oh, everyone's lonely, and then when everyone gets together, you can't
put them in jail.
Either.
You can't, that's what you can do it.
You can't have it both ways.
If people are getting together outside of, let's say, the Capitol, you can't just say,
oh, look at all these people, they're a violent mob.
You know, people hang out, then they become a violent mob.
Well, what is it?
Are they alone or are they a violent mob?
Because if people want to hang out, they need something to do.
QAnon gave them something to do.
It went to people that were bored.
These motherfuckers were bored. They
were working at like a car wash and they said, do you know that the government has tunnels
under Central Park? They're fucking kids. They're eating there. They're drinking Adrena
Chrome from there, the gland in their neck and that's what keeps the people in the government
living forever. And everyone's like, wait a minute, what?
They were like, you know, checking out some guys buying an air freshener and their friends
letting them know this.
And they're fucking drinking their blood and you go, hold on, hold on.
Yeah, okay, thank you, making change.
And then they go, we're going to go talk about this this weekend.
I'm going to a meetup.
You want to come and automatically you're kind of sold you're like yeah they go yeah and all
these celebrities are in on it and a lot of them are body doubles they've been
they've been dead but they they're back their body doubles and JFK juniors not
dead he's coming back and he's gonna to kill these. They're going to kill all of these people.
They're the Clintons and the Obamas and the Bushes. They're all going to Guantanamo Bay.
They're going to jail. And they're there now. They're actually there now awaiting trial.
And then people were like, well, this, this sounds crazy. And then he go, yeah, yeah, yeah,
a couple of us are going, getting together this weekend. There's a couple of guys we watch on YouTube and they've
made some shirts and they got a couple of trailers, a couple of caravans.
We're just going out to a public park, you know, a couple of us have tickets.
Tim Dillon's doing a show over there and we're gonna go see him and you know, but,
but Tim Dillon has a diverse audience. That's what they would say. They would say that.
They would go, but it won't only be people like us. There'll be a lot of people there.
They go, really? Yeah, it'll be all kinds. And, and they would say that they specify that. And
then they would, and they would say, come, why don't we go hang out? We'll go hang out in the
field. And we got merch and people have pins and it's all about this shadow war that's going on
Between different factions of the American intelligence community now automatically all of this sounds great
You're freeing kids
It's a shadow war
It's like you don't have to do much. It's like the Hunger Games or Narnia or Lord of the Rings.
It's any of the fantasy movies, but you don't have to do much.
You just got to hang out with some cool cats and they're going to tell you,
they go, we're going to go to the Rothschilds and everything.
We're going to go deep through the whole thing.
We're going to tell you about the entire thing.
And they're like, okay.
They were not lonely. The people that got deep into QAnon, deep into it, we're not lonely at all.
So the problem is the, the, because whatever is going to get people hanging out again,
it's going to start online. It's going to start online. No one's just gonna hang out. I
Mean, that's weird if it doesn't start online. What would it even be?
Would you just live next to people that you like I'm okay, but what are the chances?
What are the chances you're living next to someone you like so no matter what?
What gets you out of your house,
you're gonna start on the internet.
Hey, we're all doing this Saturday.
You wanna come?
All right.
Sounds cool.
So QAnon had its necks, I get it,
but a lot of people made a lot of lasting friendships
through the QAnon movement. There were a lot of lasting friendships through that moot they didn't, you know?
And so what one might reasonably ask, aloneness is not loneliness, not only that, one might
point out the texture of a loneliness has changed.
Solitude is less solitary than ever
with all the calling, texting, emailing, work chatting,
DMing, posting, we are producing unprecedented terabytes
of interpersonal communication.
But for Americans in the 2020 solitude, anxiety,
and dissatisfaction to it, by the way,
the same people who wrote this article
were all guaranteed for, they were all like,
let's lock everything down and you can't go anywhere
unless you take 19 vaccines.
And then they're like, why is everyone lonely?
Why did everyone become lonely?
It's so weird that teenage depression's gone up.
Why is that?
I don't know.
Was it because they had to have a drive-thru prom
Is that why teenage depression's gone up?
Because they had to do a fucking birthday party where their friends would drive by their house and honk is
That why teenage depression's gone up. I don't know
Is that why teenage depression has gone up? I don't know.
You took two or three of the prime years of their lives and destroyed them.
You know?
Listen to this.
I love this.
2023 NBC pollster said, we have never before seen this level of sustained pessimism in
the 30 plus year history of the poll.
I do think every social crisis in the U.S. could be helped somewhat if people spend a
little more time with other people and a little less time gazing into digital content that's
designed to make them anxious and despondent about the world.
Americans have collectively submitted to a national experiment to deprive ourselves of
camaraderie in the world of flesh and steel, choosing instead to grow the time we spend by ourselves gazing into screens,
wearing actors and influencers often engage in the very acts of physical proximity that we deny
ourselves. None of these influencers actually do anything real, by the way. Most of them aren't.
They're simulating, but none of it's actually real. They're just doing it for the thing that you're watching
So don't think that don't think they're all having great lives and you're just sitting at home
Their lives are equally as lonely. They're just monetizing their fake interactions for you, but they're not like
They're not like oh wow. It's an amazing
They're not like, oh wow, it's an amazing,
there's people all the time. I always look at the people and I go,
this person's probably a lonely person, you know?
And we all fight that.
And what we have to find things that we can all do together
But we have to find things that we can all do together
that are productive and helpful.
And that, you know, and those aren't like obvious.
They're not obvious what to do with a bunch of people that you don't know, you know?
All the things that people do together right now are
crazy. It's crazy. It's like furry conventions and neo-nazi rallies. Every time people gather,
it's a nightmare. It's a vice documentary. Every time there's more than 30 people in one place,
outside of the Super Bowl. Every time there's more than 30 individuals in one place outside of the Super Bowl. Every time there's more than 30
individuals in one place, it's a national news story and it's never about something
good ever. I'm sorry, but it's true. They just tried to open a diaper spa in New Hampshire
where people would gather who are into diaper fetishes. So it's kinda like, I don't know?
I don't know if we should be out there like that.
Maybe people don't need to be out there like that.
I gotta be honest.
It might be okay, this world the world fighting might be good.
The one of Netflix and Press the Button and the Burrito comes, that might be good. Every
time people go out, it's grown adults with wizard hats on and they're trying to
fuck animals. I'm telling you it just might not, it might not be it. I mean I
just read a story about a woman who was fucking her dog and the husband's
filming it. I mean this is socializing. This is socializing.
I don't know.
You know, you go out and if there are groups gathered,
it's either skinheads or 45-year-old virgins
at Disney World.
I don't know what's going on,
but here's what I'm telling you.
This life that everybody is telling you to fear,
the pod life, the lonely life, the press, the button, and the thing comes to you life,
the life of very few, if any, actual friends, the life of only digital communities.
It, I'm telling you right now, it may be preferable to the diaper convention and the clan rally
and the furry or the fat convention.
Did you see the fat convention they had?
It's just a bunch of fat people being fat.
And there was like fat designers and like people
that designed different types of neck pillows
so that people that can different types of neck pillows so that people
that can't, you know, their neck is like they try to do something with their neck on the
plane. It's like a bigger neck pillow. Fat Con.
So this is Fat Con. This is socializing. People, it's not, it's always gonna be kind of embarrassing.
This is hanging out.
This is the thing that everybody wants to do is hang out.
Stay in, I say more internet, not less, more.
More internet, more internet, not less. Leave it not last leave it online leave it online
I know I want people chanting I have no friends and that's too much. I have no friends and that's too much
Get them I'm telling you every time people in the real world leave their homes, it's a nightmare for everyone.
It's a nightmare.
It becomes fodder for this show.
People are like, yeah, that's no one's hanging out anymore.
Everybody's lonely.
It's like, okay, and then there's like a Harry Potter
bar crawl for a 40 year old divorcee.
They should not, they should be in their homes alone, masturbating and dying.
Why in God's name are they on the street?
She's 43 year old woman who has been divorced twice.
Her last husband tried to kill her.
She's dressed up like Hermione and she's going through the streets of Baltimore in a bar crawl. Hey, shut it down
Go in your house get in your house now. Yes or yes get in now. No, no, no, no
You don't have you don't get friends. You don't get friends
None of the people out there in desperate need of friends are gonna do anything good with the friends, by the way.
You have no idea what you'll do.
The embarrassing activities that are being engaged in by people on a daily basis.
It's crazy.
We did a high school reunion at my fucking house, and I had to pay three grand to a girl who I call fat.
This is what, this is the price of having friends.
Do you understand?
This is the price and the burden of having friends.
I had to pay $3,000 to a girl I called fat.
I said to fix her teeth, but instead she got her eyebrows tattooed with the money.
That's what I had to do because I tried to socially, it doesn't work.
It doesn't work.
Stay in.
You know what's nice?
Door dash.
They don't even pay me anymore.
And let me tell you why it's nice.
They don't even pay me these people.
But why it's nice, and someone clipped this and sent it to them.
The person who sends the door dash, who brings it,
and leaves it outside of your door,
they take a photo of it,
and they send you the photo of the bed
on the floor outside of your door,
because I do no contact.
I don't want, you know, what are we doing here?
Just leave it outside.
That is enough of a friendship for most people. That is enough of a friendship for most people.
It's enough of a friendship for most people.
The bag of empanadas lying on the floor of the apartment
is fine, just a photo of that.
By the way, has any guy called you
when they don't have the thing you wanted, Dordesh?
You can have a little back and forth with the person.
Hey, you go, hello, Dordesh? I go, yeah, they go, it's Nahavijilet. Nahajilet.
I go, all right, do they have the Nivea sensitive skin?
Ah, hollah, hollah-less. That's enough. That's enough. That's it now.
That's enough. That's enough. That's it now
The discussion with the door-dash guy about the shaving cream. That's it now. I'm sorry. Yes. I
Yes friendship look better in a John Hughes movie. That's not what this is anymore. That's not what it is
The last time friendship looked really good, it was rent and everyone had AIDS. That's what looked good, everyone had AIDS.
Remember that show, Rent?
Literally every song was like, I have AIDS and you have AIDS.
Fuck me with your AIDS.
That was the song.
I can't give you AIDS.
It doesn't matter.
Cause we all have AIDS and we're friends.
Cause we have AIDS.
That was the last time friendship in this country
seemed remotely appealing
and it was Tranny heroin addicts with AIDS.
That, it felt good.
It was like, I get it.
What is friendship now?
You go to a pro-Israel rally and jump around. I don't get it. I don't
know what AIDS is or friendship. I'm tired, but I'm tired. I looked at a house today,
this fat little penguin man was leading me around eight, when it eight million dollars for real dump.
I said, buddy, what are you nuts?
This fat little penguin man walked around.
He's like, I'm like, what's the guy doing?
He goes, he's getting out of New York.
I go, why is he dodging taxes going to Florida?
He goes, no, no, no, no, he's not dodging anything.
He's everywhere.
I go, all right, you have a horrible poker face.
You have a horrible poker face.
What is this looks maxing? People are getting
upset at this. Why? Why? So what?
It's the teens are like drastically altering their appearance to sort of like,
Good.
Appear as good as they can look.
Good. So what? Show me a looks max person. Show me someone who's looks maxed or looks. This kid right here. What is, so what
is that? Is that not the way he looks? I guess he's done a lot of like the jaw exercises
and okay. You know what folks, get off people's deck and let them do what they want. I want
children getting plastic surgery in this country. I want young children getting plastic surgery in this country because
I want them to have every advantage. Get off people's dick, let them do what they want.
I want somebody to bring a four-year-old into a party and have that four-year-old have like,
you can already tell them how to work done and go good good good start them off right
I see people all the time with these fucked up noses and I go get it to get it done
White maxing which involves using creams to present as more white well that one I don't like
white. Well, that one I don't like.
Edge maxing, which is described as withholding climaxing in order to boost testosterone and improve in peer appearance, starve maxing,
dyes bone smashing.
I like this,
which involves using hammers to break bones in the face to look more masculine.
Okay.
more masculine. Okay.
Inevitably, human beings are going to get so angry that they don't look like the
things on the computer. They're going to take hammers to themselves.
There's nothing we can do about it. Truly.
So make plastic surgery safe,
legal and, and, and, and, and it should be for everyone.
There should be a doctor who comes into schools and works on the kids because otherwise they're gonna
do it themselves.
If you do not make plastic surgery cheap and easy
for children, they're going to do it themselves
with things they find around the house.
They're going to do it themselves with with things they find around the house
Let them see a doctor let them get a consultation
Yes, so what's wrong with that he looks better in the in the you know, he's doing well also for some people It's like puberty too, you know, like they just lose the baby fat in the face.
Here's the thing.
Everybody's judging everybody else and I don't like it.
I don't like it because to me, I mean, here's the way I feel about this. You have to use every advantage you have in life and you should get every advantage
that if you can afford it, get plastic surgery.
You know?
Everyone's upset about everything, but you know what I say?
I say get plastic surgery for your children
Get plastic surgery for your child. Isn't it interesting and I like Tiffany Haddish and I don't want to get I don't want to get in trouble here. I like Tiffany Haddish. Can I say that?
She they're putting her out is like the top Jew
Isn't this interesting so does everyone remember the woman I had on my show?
Noah Tishby? If you go to Tishby's Instagram, Tiffany Haddish is traveling with her to Israel.
They're putting Tiffany Haddish out as like the top Jew, which is interesting.
I mean, God bless, I'm, hey, I'm for it.
Yeah, watch this.
Let's watch this here with a little volume.
I'm just good for her.
Last forever.
Ever and ever.
["The Scenes With Tiffany Haddish"] Hi, I'm here behind the scenes with Tiffany Haddish.
Hi.
Hello, darling.
Hello.
I was shocked at what did Tiffany ask to have backstage?
Pickles.
Co-share pickles.
Co-share pickles.
Which is shocking.
First of all, I love pickles as well.
But also, let's just have a quick chat about the pickles.
The whole thing about pickles, it's a very Jewish food, right?
Yes.
And one of the things is that the Jews
didn't have money throughout history,
so we had to preserve things and use whatever we could.
And we didn't have, there's no money for like fresh food,
so we started preserving it.
What do you think they told Tiffany how to show
she was Jewish?
Like...
Like...
Can someone tell me I'm Jewish? Can someone...
Are you under there?
Where are they?
Are they over here?
When?
Who told Tiffany Haddish she was Jewish and when?
When did she get picked to be Jewish?
There's no way.
What is going on?
Tiffany Haddish kind of looks confused like,
ah, ask Tiffany Haddish like three Jewish questions.
Ask me a Jewish question.
I'm like Irish Catholic.
I know very little about my own religion.
Ask me just a plain Jewish question.
How many days of Hanukkah are there?
Oh, eight.
I got that one.
What about another one, this little harder?
You probably don't even know them to ask me.
What do they spin during the holidays?
Oh, cradle, these are the easiest ones.
You're too dumb to ask anything.
The point is like, if you asked her like,
what's Sukkot or or something like a real question
like what you know what I mean I'd go oh I why I have no idea let's play the rest of this
pickle and I'm happy for her that's what this segment's about being happy for her
my mom used to say pickles are good for your skin. They make your skin beautiful.
I love that.
And she used to have the pickles and put a noun later
or a jolly rancher in the middle.
Then I got hip to the packs of Kool-Aid,
the little packs of Kool-Aid.
And you dipped the Kool-Aid, man.
No way.
You dipped it in the powder, in the Kool-Aid powder.
You eat it.
That's not Jewish.
That's not Jewish.
You dipped a pickle in the Kool-Aid powder.
This is not, they did not give, this is not the right script.
She is on the wrong script. Get her out of there. Get, get him out of there.
That is not,
no, it is, he's like, what?
She's like, you take the pickle and you dip it in the Kool-Aid powder. No, it is. He was like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait Do you know why Navalny died? Because he didn't use ExpressVPN. It's an app that sends 100% of your traffic through their encrypted server.
So your eclectic tastes in a ham cinema, porn hub music.
So here's the reality.
Some of you people are watching porn, you don't want anyone to know, but here's, most of my fans are the opposition.
And much like Asajj and Avani,
you listening to the show are super important and historic.
Okay?
And you need a VPN.
It's not just because you're whacking it,
it's because you're an important historic opposition figure.
Or you can use it to watch wherever Netflix Canada has. whacking it. It's because you're an important historic opposition figure. Or you can use it to watch
wherever Netflix Canada has.
Just get it.
We're all using it.
Everyone I know has one.
All the cool kids.
All the cool cats have ExpressVPN.
It works on all your devices.
I can use it on my phone, TV, computer, whatever.
I can watch whatever I want.
Everything from Netflix to OnlyFans
without the whole world knowing it. I love ExpressVPN so much, I even got them to give
you an incredible deal. If you use my special link, expressvpn.com, you'll get three extra
months completely free. That's E-X-P-R-E-S-S-V-P-N.com, this is a great way to support the show,
to help support the podcast, get three extra months of ExpressVPN absolutely free.
You know, we have a saying in our family,
use sports, don't let sports use you.
Hi, it's Jeff Merrick from 32 Thoughts to Podcast.
Are you a sports parent?
Rep sports, travel sports, whatever you call it.
If you're like me, you know that one of the great joys
of having your kid or kids play sports is travel. You know, our families use sports to see different parts of the world,
meet new people, and stay in a number of different places. Recently we've started
using Airbnb. The kids love it because it feels like a sleepover at a new
friend's house. Well, my wife and I enjoy more space, a proper bed, and mostly a washing machine.
That really comes in handy for baseball trips.
Trust me.
In fact, it was on a baseball trip last summer when my wife sent me a text after the first
night saying, do you think we could do this?
Look, if you've ever stayed at an Airbnb, you've probably wondered the same thing.
Could our place be an Airbnb? And now that our kids have also discovered the joys of skiing,
in addition to travel hockey and travel baseball, we're on the move even more.
Well, our house just sits there. Why not make a little extra money to cover some costs, right?
We have friends who travel south every winter and they Airbnb their place. Why
not? Look, if you want to make a little extra cash and who doesn't need that these days,
maybe your home could be the way to make it happen. Find out how at Airbnb.com.
Have you bought tickets to Royal Albert Hall yet? Because you should be. If you don't, you're an idiot.
I hope that, uh, I hope I hope that, what's his name?
Harry comes, Prince Harry, I hope he comes.
I hope, well, I hope we get some Royals.
Can we get Beatrice?
Some of the, or Princess Eugenie?
I want someone.
Can we get one of them?
Cause they're gonna like some of the stuff I got.
Yeah, they're gonna like what I got.
How about Prince Andrew?
Can he come get him in?
I guarantee you he's got one of those seats.
There's definitely a seat for Prince Andrew.
Bring him in.
I'll tell him when he comes in, I'll go,
don't worry, I'll say cancel culture has no home here.
You come on in, you big pete of how? Who doesn't sweat?
Apparently he does not.
So people are actually liking the migrant,
people moving in with them now.
I was looking at that article,
apparently people are saying, hey, this is kind of good.
That we had some of these migrants
come in because actually we need help in our homes.
And this woman is happy about this.
So by the way, if that's the case,
if you can find a nice family from,
it's like the show Mr. Belvedere.
Remember Mr. Belvedere?
He was a British butler and he went and lived with a family.
Get the trailer up or the opening sequence to Mr. Belvedere, the opening sequence, because
I think this is, this article is basically telling us this is what the migrant crisis
is, essentially. This is the migrant crisis right now. Let's watch
He's a migrant by the way
Streaks on the China never met it before He's a monocrat.
And he's going to Pittsburgh.
There he is. All hands look out below There's a change in the status quo
Gonna need all the help that we can get
According to our new arrival
Life is more than mere survival
We just might live a good life yet
There he is. So it can work.
It can work. We have a blueprint for it. It's Mr. Belvedere,
the migrant crisis blueprint. If you want to see how it can work, let's see if that's
what we got here.
Now things are looking much brighter as they've been welcomed into Lisa Hillenbrand's Brookline
apartment. Your daughter is very happy now. Yes, very happy.
When she wakes up in the morning, she says,
Oh, Lisa.
She says her daughter is very happy.
When she wakes up in the morning, she says,
Hi, Lisa.
And everyone starts the day.
It's great by the way, because it's great that we can make white women lazier,
which is what apparently the migrant crisis is, is to make white women do less.
It's a delight.
And it's really fun having them.
Of course it's a delight.
What I realized is there's so many prejudice against it.
I do so little as is.
Now I do nothing.
Because I do so little as is in my household.
I now do absolutely nothing.
Refugees mostly because people don't know them.
Lisa says she feels like she has her own personal chef as Will Donde loves cooking. How do absolutely nothing? Refugees mostly because people don't know them.
Lisa says she feels like she has her own personal chef as Woldande loves cooking.
Oh, Woldande loves that cook.
In fact, her goal is to open up her own restaurant.
That's going to happen.
That's the way it worked in America.
The couple has their work permits and they've been taking English classes.
Yo pa aquel trabajo pa hacer pa guarda mi dinero pa hacer mi futuro. they've been taking English classes. I want to do my job to save my money to make my future.
They're open to work anywhere to save money for their future.
In the meantime, they're enjoying their time with Lisa, their new friend for life, and
their daughter's new grandmother.
My grandmother is my daughter.
They are hardworking, they want to learn, They want to be successful. And I feel great helping.
And I get to understand the refugee crisis from the inside.
Lisa says she's so impressed by the number of people she's met right here at Brookline Town Hall
meetings who've been stepping up and hosting families. She's hopeful more will do the same
in the coming days and weeks. In Brookline, Aaron Logan, NBC 10 Boston.
All right. The need for more migrant shelters in Massachusetts is something we've been following days and weeks in Brookline, Aaron Logan, NBC 10, Boston.
All right. The need for more migrant shelters in Massachusetts is something we've been following
really closely.
Well, I'm happy for Lisa. Anything that can get Lisa back onto that couch where she belongs.
We liked that Lisa has some, let's, can we call them indentured servants?
We don't wanna use the other word,
but we liked it, Lisa has some indentured servants
that can help her in Brookline, Massachusetts,
because God forbid she has to saute anything herself.
It's nice to watch these two people work for you.
And then you can share your home with them
as long as they do at
hold on hold on I'm thinking about the historical precedent for this you let people live on your
property but they have to do every single thing that you want and they're kind of afraid of you
and they're from Haiti and you're a white lady from Boston
And they're from Haiti and you're a white lady from Boston.
Huh. This sounds interesting.
It feels like something.
I can't quite put my, you know,
I can't put my finger on exactly what it feels like.
People come from Haiti or another country.
They live in your house on your property
and they do everything that you say
and they kind of fear you because you could kick them out
or worse, report them or whatever.
Interesting.
I don't know what the term for that is,
but I'm sure it'll come to me.
TimDillComedy.com for all our tickets to live shows.
We will be everywhere, you know?
And then we released this late this week to to really have the European tour get
The full marketing bath it deserves
Frankly I'll be in Schomburg, Illinois this weekend. It's pretty much all sold out, but there are some tickets
Danny Beach, we're doing some clubs having a little fun, but we then we've got some theaters coming up in Florida, obviously our UK run.
Tour is coming to an end the next couple of months.
Buy my house in LA. It's a good deal. It's a good deal.
LA is on the up. Everybody knows it. Everybody feels it. Everyone sees it.
Everybody feels it. Everyone sees it.
LA's best days are ahead of it. You know, if you doubt that, just I'm telling you, it is what it is.
So, go watch the Oscars from 1997.
Get revved up before you come see the house.
Good night.