The Tim Dillon Show - 388 - Mike Recine & Lizzo Be Quitting
Episode Date: April 13, 2024Tim sits down with comedian Mike Recine about Lizzo calling it quits, the unreality of online, the border, Gen-Z doing trade jobs, old-fashioned cooking, call centers and Boston Market. American Roya...lty Tour 🎟 https://www.timdilloncomedy.com/ SPONSORS: Robinhood Get Started At Robinhood.com/Boost PrizePicks Download The App & Use Code ‘TIM’ For A First Deposit Match Up To $100!” | https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/TIM Gametime Get The Gametime App & Use Code: 'TIM' ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4wo... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1wo... #TheTimDillonShow Merch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/ For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same. #TimGivesBack
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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon show.
Mike Racine is with us.
He has a really hilarious new special
on the Out For Smokes YouTube channel.
His podcast, Out For Smokes 2.
Go and subscribe to that and listen to it.
It's very funny.
He does it with two really funny guys, Scott Chaplin.
And Sean, I always forget his last name.
McCarthy. McCarthy, I like him a lot.
Is he back on Twitter?
Yeah.
Remember when they got rid of him?
Yeah.
But he's back. He's back. He's a great follow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a lot of fun. Yeah, Rich when they got rid of him? Yeah. But he's back.
He's back.
He's a great follow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's a lot of fun.
Yeah, Richie Torres was tweeting about him,
the United States Congress person.
Oh, interesting.
Yeah.
Who's that again?
I think he represents the Bronx.
Okay.
Yeah, and he represents Israel.
But he goes very hard for Israel.
He's one of these guys. Richie Will, Torres, you would make sense.
Torres.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because his family, for many generations, the Torres family from Israel.
Yeah.
And so he was getting into it with Sean McCarthy?
Yeah.
Sean tweeted something about the hostages and then when they did the release and then
Richie Torres goes, look at this an account that hates me is fantasizing about raping a teenager
about Sean.
There was nothing.
Can we say that?
I know it's the first 10 minutes.
It's fine.
I mean what you know we've kind of given up on the idea of some of them get the green
dollar some of them get the other dollar.
They hide some of them. Some of them don't.
Float to the top of the algorithm.
I was trying to look at my YouTube monetization
the other night, I couldn't find how much money
I was being paid.
I'm clicking through the whole.
It's arbitrary in the sense that like,
there's episodes that you'd figure wouldn't get the money,
but they do, and then there's ones where you go,
I didn't say anything, and then those don't.
They like it being arbitrary,
because that's where the fear is.
Sure.
Because if you knew what you could and couldn't do,
there's no fun in that for them.
They want you to just kind of be afraid.
They probably like having that power
to take somebody's channel away.
It's why a dictator just will do random raids.
Right, right, right.
I mean?
It's like, I don't want you to know why we knock down your door and drag you out.
Yeah, you're like, I've never seen a guy get eaten by sharks before.
What does that look like?
Yeah, you gotta keep it fun.
Yeah, you gotta keep it fun.
They just drag people out every now and then.
That's really what it is.
YouTube just opening the door, your family's all there,
and they drag you out in front of everybody
and question you in the middle of the night.
That's what it is.
And then you go, I don't, I don't even.
And people act like they wouldn't do that
if they didn't have the power.
That's correct.
The Chapo guys would be doing it.
Everybody would do it.
They could.
All of those people would do it.
Absolutely.
It's hard when you get,
because the tech people have more power
than anyone's ever had.
Yeah.
Because they know what you're searching for.
Sure.
They know your thoughts, your dreams, your fears,
what keeps you up at night.
Yeah.
They have all of that info.
Yeah.
They use that against you.
Yeah.
They can market everything to you in real time.
You talk about something,
the next day you get an ad for it.
Right. They know. One day they just go. What if we barbecued Tim Dylan? Yeah
No someone someone somewhere
I'm sure has brought up like why don't we just shut him off
I just shut it off and then someone else is like well
Yeah, my kids like him. You know it's like my 13-old daughter listens to him. She loves him, you know.
She's a cutter and really likes him.
And what...
She's watched him and Rogan and Alex Jones.
That Sandy Hook doc really doesn't do Alex Jones any favors, huh?
It is tough when you watch that Sandy Hook doc.
You're like, that was a clear, fair-end judgment.
Wasn't he making, like, a million dollars a day
to say that Sandy Hook was fake?
I know I mean who wouldn't?
Yeah it is impressive monetarily.
Yeah.
But it is uh.
How did he even figure that out?
If I say Sandy Hook was fake.
So here's how.
And people piss on those kids graves I'll make a million dollars a day.
They showed on the documentary every time he said it.
Yeah.
He made like a bunch of money.
I mean, I wrote on the documentary, every time he said it, he made like a bunch of money.
Like, no, like every time, they have like the analytics.
So it's like every time he would say like,
Sandy Hook is fake.
People would buy his iodine supplement or something.
They'd buy like the colloidal silver.
Right, right, right.
So the supplement sales.
But it takes work to settle that up.
I mean, that's, I I mean that's business, baby
Yeah, it's just all we have is the patreon on our show all we have is talking shit
And we get the patreon and then every now and then YouTube blesses us and we have some ads yeah
But we don't we don't have that type of tech. Yeah, yeah, yeah
Did my headphones broke so I so I need to buy a new pair of headphones
But I said to my wife I said I'm gonna buy you a new I'll take yours and I'll buy you a new pair
Of headphones and I said you can pick them up today at Best Buy. It felt so good. It's the right thing to buy my wife
Yeah, but a hundred dollar pair of headphones. That's right
What if I was making a million dollars a day cuz I said Sandy Hook was fake
Listen she'd be so happy, you know, and she deserves it.
My sailboat's fucked up.
How about this?
You get a new boat.
I'll take your boat.
I mean, I was just watching it and it is tough because obviously the family went through a lot.
It's unimaginable grief that they're going through.
If my kid got killed and someone pissed on his grave, I would work it out with Alex Jones over the phone.
I'd say, give me 200 grand and we'll call it even.
You know what I mean?
We'll adopt somebody.
There was probably one family member who said,
listen, why don't you just give me money directly?
Yeah.
Were they doing that?
Were they pissing on the graves people were yeah
Oh my which is like okay if the shootings fake then then what?
No, it's it's the it's not good. Yeah, but here's the thing
He's always been lovely to me sure yeah, this is not Anna and Dasha like him
It's very tough because he's like a very warm and caring man to me.
But I understand that this was a not good thing.
I'm not like that guy who thinks this was good.
Well, you gotta make a few enemies to get anywhere.
There's gonna be a few people that aren't in love with you.
You know? I mean, that wasn't...
But he says like he's like, I was drinking and I was kind of out of it.
Yeah, and I was delusional and stuff, but they were very good at making that money though.
Sure.
Somebody was running the board.
Yeah.
Somebody knew what was going on.
Well, you're not making money off YouTube, so how do you gonna, I mean you got to pay your bills,
you got to feed your family.
It's a great point.
You know?
It's a great point. What do you gonna, I mean you gotta pay your bills, you gotta feed your family. It's a great point. You know?
It's a great point.
What do you do, sell t-shirts?
What's the best merch for you?
For me?
Yeah.
Probably the hoodie.
Yeah.
Good margins on that?
The hoodie.
You know?
I mean, they're decent.
We don't do a ton of merch.
We do some.
It's good enough.
Yeah, yeah.
But we're not like, it's not like- You're not like Ian Fydance. Does he do a ton of merch. We do some. Good enough. Yeah. Yeah, but we're not like it's not like
You're not like Ian Fidance. Does he do a lot of merch? He's got like 30 different t-shirts
I think. Oh, yeah, no, we just had like a few they sold well. Yeah, but I'm not a fashion designer
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I've never been a fan of like, I don't know like doing a shirt a week or something
Yeah, right, right, right. Where it's like you say something and then you're like I did that
I thought I picked a cool little design for our show and then people were like you guys don't know your audience at all this
Fucking sucks right because we don't know how to design things. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I put out something
The fake business was great everyone loved that with the Enron logo
But then we put out stuff and people were like I thought this would be a lot better. I'm like why yeah
Why would you think that yeah? What is that based on yeah my other line? Yeah of clothing. What am I a seven-year-old in Vietnam on fiber?
Do you believe this Lizzo thing where she's out for good no, I don't think so I don't know much about it
She's quitting cuz she says I've had enough of people
She goes I'm getting tired of putting up with being dragged by everyone in my life and on the internet
And look at all these celebrities that are like oh
Stay strong girl. Bravo Andy's like stay so I can put you in a reality show and you can kill yourself
Yeah, Andy Cohen puts people in reality shows where they there's multiple people who've just committed suicide
He would treat her like Dumbo. Oh my God.
She'd open, he'd open a Bravo Clubhouse,
he'd open a big wood crate and he's like,
and here comes Alizzo.
But that's, you're right.
He just wants to have her on a show.
He just wants, she'll be the real housewives of Atlanta
They could replace three of them with her. Yeah, so the whole season would just be two housewives in the Lizzo
Yeah, fighting both of them. Yeah, just grabbing both of them by their throats. Yeah, this doesn't make any sense
It would be more there would be more written if she was actually
That's just attention
She goes I'm constantly up against lies being told about me for clout and views, being the butt of the joke every single time because of how I look.
My character being picked apart by people who don't know me and disrespecting my name. But that's just any type of level of anything.
That's any level of fame, that's all of that. That's anything.
Don't read it. I switch my Twitter notifications where you have to follow me to say, for me to see your reply.
And it's like so much better.
Yeah, I barely go on anymore.
Yeah. Yeah.
I barely go on.
I was on for years and then you just get bored.
Sure. You get bored.
I'll go on sometimes and I'll go on for like a couple
of months and then I come off.
I'll tweet for a little while.
Then I come off.
It's just, as you get older, it feels less, I don't know.
Well, it's more fun now because it looks like Anthony Cumi is moderating it with the stuff that you oh that is hilarious
He's the new mod. Yeah on X. Yeah. Yeah, well, it's wild now right? It's crazy. It's just everybody. It's free-for-all. Mm-hmm. Yeah
Yeah, I don't know it just feels
I feel like you look at it and you get a real dark view of humanity and then you go outside and you're like
This isn't that bad. No, so that's the problem with all these social media sites. Yeah, it's the Bill Hicks joke about CNN where he goes
You look at it and you're like war death disease famine eight and then you go out and it's just your birds
Yeah, so it's kind of like yeah, I don't know but I feel you know, listen Liz. Oh if we if I contributed in any way
To her quitting I apologize. I don't know, but I feel, you know, listen Lizzo, if I contribute in any way to her quitting,
I apologize, I don't know what to do, sorry.
I do wanna see the Bravo show, it's a story.
She's quitting, yeah, she's quitting for good,
I don't think so.
Yeah, you're not quitting for good, you're coming back.
She'll have a podcast in two months.
She should get hot and go alt-right,
I've said it many times. That's the next phase.
I mean hot's a relative term, but drop the LBs.
Start talking about the border.
You're in.
Those people are loyal.
Huge.
She goes out at the RNC and she goes,
I used to be a fat fuck and now the only thing
I think about every day is the border
I used to eat all day. It's like I stopped letting in calories. Yeah, we just it's addiction
I know it well you get addicted to anything addicted to sugar addicted to food you need she needs to get addicted to America's border security
Yeah Yeah Addicted to sugar, addicted to food, she needs to get addicted to America's border security. Yeah, yeah.
That's all that can really happen there.
Do you think about that stuff at all?
Do you think about the migrant crisis and the border?
I have no idea who's-
Sometimes, but if it's in front of me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like if I read an article about it,
or if I'm talking about it, I'll think about it,
but it doesn't keep me up at night.
I have no idea who's a migrant and who's I don't know
I don't care. It's not they're not doing me. Yeah, I mean, I think they got to figure it out
They got to solve it. Yeah, but that's my surmise that they got to figure it out
They got a they got to do something to make them to secure the border and let people in but figure out who they are first
There's ways to do it. It's just chaos down there now. It just looks bad. It's like if you had a store and then everything looked
crazy. It should look bad. Like down there, there's like TikToks telling people like,
here's the hole you got to go through. And then all these people are like going through
a hole and you go, this seems to show the TikTok border hole. And you go, well, there's gotta be a better way than this.
Like I'm not an expert, but there's gotta be a better way
than like, you know, there's gotta be a better way
than just, you know, figuring out everything after the fact.
Yeah.
And I guess the people that live in these bordered cities,
like the cities that live right on the border, it sucks.
It sucks.
It's tough.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because they're in like the line of fire.
Yeah.
Yeah. So I mean, I guess they gotta just figure out how to do it.
But I don't know. See, this is the famous...
Is this the famous hole?
Yeah.
Is a global destination.
Littered with travel documents from around the world.
With the help of a translator, we learned a little about the Chinese migrants coming
through.
They're coming through from Mexico?
We talked to one guy who was Chinese.
Yeah.
We also met a banker and small business owners.
Yeah, they look, by the way, are these people migrants? They look great. Yeah. I also met a banker and small business owners. Yeah, they look, by the way, are these people migrants?
They look great.
Yeah.
This is kind of hilarious.
Like they do look really, if those are migrants,
they look better than most people I know.
You're specifically the TikTok hole.
We wondered how all of these migrants knew about this
particular entryway into California.
One of them had an iPhone. The answer was in their hands. We wondered how all of these migrants knew about this particular entryway into California.
The answer was in their hands.
How do we know about that?
Oh, the wind, tick tock, tick tock.
You dumb fuck, we go through the hole on TikTok.
You dumb white fish.
We were struck by just how orderly and routine it all seemed.
Yeah, they're Chinese!
They're doing a good job. a half mile down the dirt road.
They're doing a good job.
They're clearly doing a good job.
Yeah, why were you surprised?
Why are you shocked about this?
How much property do you have?
It's not a bunch of Irish drunks.
Taking selfies.
All right, all right, we got it, we got it.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, they gotta figure it out then.
They're making a little, the Chinese should,
there should be a different way to do it so that people don't aren't going through a hole
Is tick-tock the only social media app that they're learning that on?
They could probably could probably learn it on reels. Yeah, everything on tick-tock then goes somewhere else to the real or yeah
Yeah, YouTube short just makes me roll my eyes a little bit where they go
They're learning how to come into the country on TikTok. And they're already trying to ban TikTok.
Everyone learns everything on TikTok.
Fun fact, there was no drug use in America before TikTok.
That's where everybody learns how to die.
We talked to this Indian wigger comedian who makes his money from TikTok.
Most of his revenue is from people. He say, how did you guys meet at a comedy show?
What do you think about the, there's a new article in the Wall Street Journal where people
are actually, and I think this is good, they're going back to get real jobs.
It says Gen Z is becoming the tool belt generation.
They're actually doing real jobs.
Yeah, that's probably good.
Because in art, when we grew up,
people were like, don't be a scumbag electrician.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Those guys make great money.
We were like, everybody was like, go after your dreams.
Right.
They're like, go after your dreams and then. They're like, go after your dreams,
and then go to college, because the only way people will know
you're not a dirtbag is because it was that attitude
when we were growing up.
Yeah, those guys with tool belts,
they're all dirtbags who didn't finish college
because they're scum.
It was like an attitude.
It was never said, but it was always kind of implied
Mm-hmm that everybody that worked with their hands was like an illiterate adult
Yeah, and then everybody who went to college was like a favored genius and now we know that that's all bullshit. Yeah
Yeah. Yeah, so a lot of people are like
Going back to be carpenters or plumbers. Yeah, I think about my kid and like what kind of life I want for him and what direction I want to push him in.
You know?
And so part of me is like, yeah, if he goes into the trades,
he'll make decent money,
but he'll probably be a little racist.
Yeah.
And then if, but if he goes to college,
hopefully he goes for something that's like lucrative
and not some like horse shit.
There's a lot of stuff.
No one told us,
but then I'm like, literally everybody said to us like they were like just go to college
It doesn't even matter what your major is. Yeah, no one even told us right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
I went for I went for acting. Yeah, they were like as long as you go
I just went to a community college and dropped out but they were like as long as you get a degree
As long as you get a degree then you're safe. Yeah, it was the biggest lie
I know it was just another way for boomers to go. Yeah. Yeah. As long as you get a degree, then you're safe. It was the biggest lie. I know.
And it was just another way for boomers to go, yeah, yeah, yeah, go get out of here.
That's what boomers ever wanted their kids to do is get out of their face.
Just leave us alone.
We just want to drink on a cruise.
Just go away for four years.
How about eight?
Go to grad school.
Yeah. Your dad bought a new pizza oven he wants to play with.
Your dad's been making us these great pizzas. Why don't you think about grad school? You can't get out of here for 12 years.
Yeah, get out of here for 12 years. Yeah, I'm happy that people seem to be
like getting over this lie that like you should um, yeah, there's like a big lie that you should uh,
that like you should um yeah there's like a big lie that you should uh just go to college and like for four years just just kind of fuck around just kind of
fuck around and like every other week decide if you're trans yeah something
and then come come in and out of that right or then just go or just get really
drunk and commit a bunch of like softcore rape yeah figure out which
hormone you want to take you gotta, just figure out which hormone you wanna take.
You gotta take something.
Figure out which online guru you want to shepherd you
through the experience.
Yeah, yeah.
Which, yeah.
Do you ever watch this woman, I really like this lady,
find on my Instagram, you ever watch this woman
who's kinda like a Wiccan chef?
No.
You would kinda like this because we had a food podcast
called Steward many years ago.
Yeah.
That by the way, if anyone listened to, we would both be scrubbed from like every...
I guess people still tell me that they like it.
No, it's hilarious. It's the best.
But it's crazy. It's just so funny.
I don't know if you go to the people I follow and feel like,
What is this bitch? The copper pot? Find it.
She's like a... She looks like a witch.
But she makes food on Instagram and no, I don't know.
She's a, just figure it out. She's some type of witch chef. I don't know.
She's like a weird like, when you watch her, she's like a medieval, not medieval, I don't know.
It's a way to say it.
Does she cook from like historical period? medieval, not medieval, I don't know, it's a way to say it.
Does she cook from like historical theories?
Yeah, she makes really unhealthy things, but it's really a...
Is she like cupcakes with gummy worms on them?
No, she's like...
Sam, what the fuck is this?
She's like, she makes like...
She makes like skeleton cookies.
Yeah, she makes like a grill, she'll make like a grilled cheese...
She'll make like a grilled cheese or something.
It's, uh...
It's called the, uh...
The Copper Spoon.
Go to the Copper Spoon.
The underscore Copper Spoon, uh, 21.
She's a digital creator I
Think you'll like her a lot. Is she like a trad wife?
No, I don't know what she's like a witch trad wife kind of okay. There is a little go here go dad
Go down here we go
Yeah, I had sex with her in 2013
Traveler welcome to the the Copper Spoon.
Today is a very special day because today is the very beginning of Home Chef Throwdown.
It's going to be an eight-week long competition between me and 10 other chefs,
all in order to raise money for an amazing organization called Lasagna Love.
Let's get into it.
Week one, the kindness challenge.
Yard sauce.
We all know love is kind.
Yeah, because that's the whole thing.
You have to use it because like Ragoo is sponsoring.
Yeah.
Go to one of her other things, her other recipes where she makes, here she's like, hello, traveler.
Hello, traveler.
Welcome to the copper spoon.
Hello, my little spoonies.
Let's make some portobello mushroom burgers.
This recipe is super, super simple.
I am not vegan and I don't claim to be the best
at imitating meat, but I will say that I think
these mushroom burgers are absolutely delicious.
So in a bowl, I just put some mushroom soy sauce.
She's like good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, yeah.
Yeah, AI could never do this.
Yeah.
You know?
Wait.
But she's like good. she has like the cups,
the bowls my grandmother had.
Yeah, she's like, and also I'm a witch.
She's also like, I'm a Wiccan, I'm a witch.
But she's interesting, it's interesting the way,
like she couldn't just, what's brilliant about this channel
is no one, if she's a regular cook, who cares?
Yeah, right.
But because she's like, hi, you've stumbled into the witch's room.
You know what I mean?
But I like it, I dig it, I get it.
This is a job.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is what they didn't realize
when they were telling us to go to college.
Right.
Like, no, you should kind of be a wiccan.
Right, you gotta be like,
hey, my wife and I are furries,
let me show you how to make an easy salmon bowl
easy weeknight salmon bowl
And you would think she'd make like healthy things she doesn't she's like she's like welcome traveler today will make a patty melt
That sounds great like go to go to that thing she's making it the first go go up go up. Yeah that watch this
Look at this. It's great to see you today. How are you doing?
This I just got done making a spicy meatball sandwich
It's just hilarious like the music from Lord of the Rings. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's like, I have made a veal parmesan. We're making some hobbit-sized mozzarella sticks.
You'll need a lot of-
For the little hobbits in your life.
You'll need a lot of sustenance on the journey to Mordor.
Mommy, I don't want to dress up like a hobbit.
Shut up.
I want to see my friends.
Mommy explained to you this is how Mommy makes her money
to buy her toys. If you like our toys, Mommy makes her money to buy our toys.
If you like our toys, Mommy makes her money like this.
So you have to dress up like a hobbit, and you have to get the bread from the oven and then walk it over to Mommy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's, uh...
I mean, what are your other options these days?
Not much. They're saying van life sucks not as glamorous as Instagram makes it seem apparently sure
There are people that have been convinced that the van life is a glamorous thing
Which I don't who they were yeah, I knew a comic who looks fun. It looks like it's a fun weekend. Yeah
I knew a comedian that
Lived in a van he hosted for Jake Silverman? No, well maybe.
Is he a Portland guy?
He hosted for me an American comedy company
a couple years ago.
He was a nice guy.
And he lived in a van.
And I went to go see it.
And it was, you know.
It was a van.
It's a van.
It's tough.
It's tough. It's just was a van. It's a van. Yeah, it's tough. Yeah, it's tough. Yeah, it's just not great. Yeah
But apparently no showers no sleep van life isn't as cool as Instagram makes it seem
It's all from the Wall Street Journal all these articles from the Wall Street Journal has
been like taken over over the last few months.
And literally every article they've run has been like, Americans don't want kitchens.
Nobody wants a dining room.
Nobody needs a- Americans are skipping breakfast.
Yeah, all of that stuff.
They're skipping dinner.
You don't need a dining room.
They're just trying to move you into everyone lives in a storage facility
Like Americans would kind of prefer to live in storage facilities like a 10-year project
Yeah, the community that many Americans find in homeless shelters is better than neighborhoods. Yeah, you're like, oh, okay. They just ran one
the Wall Street Journal just did one where it's like
Nobody wants to retire. What was what I talked about on the last show was Wall Street Journal just did one where it's like, nobody wants to retire. What was it what I talked about on the last show
was a Wall Street Journal article.
They were like, it was like, do you remember what it was?
You ever see that Simpsons where Sideshow Bob
gets a storage unit?
He's like, I have a question.
And the guy's like, you wanna live in the box?
It's like, cost you two bucks a day.
Yeah, but there was a guy that made a TikTok
about living in a storage unit.
He was like, I live in a storage unit, It's great. I have a lot of space.
I get to do my sprints in the hallway. I get to work out.
Yeah. And I'm sure they kicked him out because he put it on TikTok.
Of course. Which is like...
Oh, the sociopath. Right. They're like, you were...
They're like, it was a female sociopath, and they're like...
And she wrote a book where she's just basically like, hey, we're out here.
We're sociopaths. And, you know, I'm now telling you that.
I don't know who that's for.
Like I questioned that on the show.
I'm like, I don't understand what this does to people.
Like why this?
But it's always like, so van life to me
never seemed like it would be an amazing thing
for long times, long periods of times.
Yeah.
Well, I would see see some of these videos
maybe two or three years ago and she,
you know the girl would be like,
yeah my dad's putting in the floors
and the plumbing and the, you know.
But then it's like, okay but what do you do,
what's your job?
It's always a fun desert landscape
where the van is parked.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They never show you.
It's never Bushwick.
Yeah, they never show you like just like,
it's parked in like the like parking lot of a checkers
Yeah, yeah, you know and then the employee the checkers has to knock on the door and go hey
We just don't yeah, we have to call like I don't want to call the cops on you
Yeah, but I have to like we were told like we have to call or will be fired
If we don't call the police on you, but it's never that it's always like oh, I just gonna take away my van, right?
the police on you. But it's never that.
It's always like, oh, I just...
They're gonna take away my van.
Right.
Right.
They're like, if you get busted, a lot of us live here.
But they're always like by these beautiful desert landscapes.
They're like, oh, you just stumbled upon a beautiful landscape in the desert.
Caleb Smith parks his home in Brooklyn, New York.
Yeah, this guy, Jake Silverman, has a joke.
He's like, yeah, I lived in a van and I had sex with a few girls in the van.
He's like, and you don't really think about,
you don't really think of women as losers.
Yeah.
But you are if you have sex with me in a van.
I wonder if he was a guy, maybe he was a guy, I don't know.
He's like tall, kind of curly hair.
Yeah, I think maybe it was.
I don't remember.
He was a good guy, nice guy.
He was a good guy, yeah.
You know, this is not a great way to live, I guess,
this is what they're saying, which I never thought it was.
I never thought it was.
What do they do for work?
They get odd jobs or they do fiver or something?
What do they?
I think maybe Postmates, DoorDash,
maybe things like where they're on the go.
They can use the car for work. Some of them do, I guess, comedy. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah.
It's a tough thing to travel around. Yeah. But it almost seems like
some of the people that I talked to that did it were very into the idea of being free and not
having any roots and not because I think you could get a roommate and just be broke in New York, like a lot of people were.
Yeah.
You know, a lot of people are.
Yeah.
But if you like this, you can do it.
Well, it seemed like people were doing it because it was like the cost of living so expensive, so maybe I'll live in a van.
Right, maybe it'll help.
But it wasn't really...
It also, like this article says this woman her transmission died and they
They needed five grand. Yeah to fix it, right?
Those are vans aren't as good as they were my mother had a Ford Econoline van with the bed in the back
You could live in that. Yeah, I was like a mate. Do they even still make the Ford Econoline?
Mm-hmm. That was a legit van you could live in. Yeah, we had a Dodge Caravan with the wood paneling
Yeah, those vans you like my mother threatened all the time
She's like I'll just go sleep in the van
Like when her my dad would get in a fight. Yeah, she'd be like I'll just go live in the van
Yeah, he goes fine go live in the van. He goes. It's nicer than this shithole house
We lived in because the vans nicer than this dump. Yeah, I would just be sitting there. Yeah eating a cheeseburger quietly
Yeah, dude
Go to like a Ford Econoline van like 1998
Ford Econoline
These were the vans. Yeah, so hit image on that. Yeah, these are the vans, you know
Get the interior get an interior because the Sprinter van is too much the vans that you can stand up in that's a lot
It's a lot. It's a lot. But I mean, so this is like the van that, uh, yeah, the Connellyne van, they had a bed in the back.
Mm-hmm.
You could live in the Ford or Connellyne van.
Mm-hmm.
But I'm, again, it's probably not, not, not a great idea.
Yeah.
This doesn't look good for Americans.
This isn't great.
This isn't great.
This isn't the Wall Street Journal.
It just shows you where everything is now.
Where the Wall Street Journal is writing an article.
They're like, hey, you know that plan everyone had to live in the van?
That's not as fun.
That's not as fun as maybe it's a...
A shed.
A shed. Now you're a parent. what do you think about hitting the kids?
I you know I don't I don't do it. I haven't done it yet
You know I'm hoping I never like snap I don't lose Gomez is a friend of ours very anti
Violence towards the children but pro violence to other people all the time
Right, which is interesting like the lady that works at Wendy's.
Right, anyone, you know?
Which I like about him, I like nuance.
Right, right, right.
But there's a video here of, I guess,
a grandpa defends hitting a child in Walmart
who is mouthing off.
I saw that.
And I don't know if this is, I don't know how.
It must have got to Lee the last hour, I'll pull it up here.
Oh, can we find it on the dark web?
Just go to the fucking dark web and find this guy beating his granddaughter.
We need to watch something here.
I gotta go to Belfast and entertain these animals.
Oh, I've seen this.
Is it the guy with a red tie?
Boy, I hope it is.
Granddaughter across the face.
I smacked my granddaughter across the goddamn face because she was swearing in
public and mouthing off to her grandmother.
He looks like he has a filter on.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I got to be honest with you.
I kind of like him. Mm-hmm
What did he say she was swearing?
Well, listen no matter what you're, that is the correct reaction when someone takes
their little camera out and starts filming you.
And just go directly and say exactly what you did.
You go, I was buying child pornography
to get it off the streets.
Yeah, that's right.
Post it.
Put it on TikTok, motherfucker.
Because you can't be embarrassed or anything.
You have to just proudly, no matter what. When they do the pedophile. You're a pedophile. You're a pedophile. You're a pedophile. You're a pedophile.
You're a pedophile.
You're a pedophile.
You're a pedophile.
You're a pedophile.
You're a pedophile.
You're a pedophile.
You're a pedophile.
You're a pedophile.
You're a pedophile.
You're a pedophile.
You're a pedophile.
You're a pedophile.
You're a pedophile.
You're a pedophile.
You're a pedophile.
You're a pedophile.
You're a pedophile.
You're a pedophile.
You're a pedophile.
You're a pedophile. You're a pedophile. You're a pedophile. You're a pedophile. You're the pedophile. By the way, that's the future of America. It's just guys with phones in wars going, you're actually the pedophile.
You're the pedophile.
No matter what's going on, if you hit your wife, you've got to just very confidently
be like, I hit my wife because that's the way our relationship works.
Don't get involved.
I bet you're single.
She just gave me the black eye.
I bet you're a single person.
Actually, we're a lesbian couple. Yeah, we're single. Yeah. She just gave me the black eye. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I bet you're a single person.
Actually, we're a lesbian couple.
Yeah, we're lesbians.
We like to hit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lesbians do like to hit.
Do they?
Well, statistics.
I mean, again, I don't make the statistics.
I don't put the numbers in the columns.
Sure. But the people that do find that some of them are...
Yeah.
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Do you like Boston Market?
It's fine.
It's closing, a lot of it's like, what?
I feel like this has been happening for like three years.
I know, but it's really, it's dire now.
When I was a kid, when Boston Market opened,
it was a big deal.
Well, it was a huge deal,
because this was like a way to get health food.
Like macaroni and cheese, cream and spinach,
you know what I mean, stuffing.
You get stuffing at 3 p.m. on a Wednesday.
It's health food.
Boston Market was-
You've been eating Burger King too much.
Yeah, yeah.
Anytime you wanted, you could have a Thanksgiving dinner.
This was the premise of Boston Market.
Is it any time day or night that you wanted to,
you could sit down with your family for like $7
and have a Thanksgiving dinner.
And Boston Market had some good grub.
My friend Rob worked there.
And my parents would take me there after dance class.
I tell a famous story about it where I would sneak three sides. See how
you get two sides? I would tell them to put cinnamon apples on the ham. I would
get ham. I get macaroni and cheese and then I would get either whatever, the
cream spinach. That's why you're a millionaire. And I put the cinnamon
apples on the ham. Yeah. And I would say that to them. And then once, they wouldn't, they didn't do it.
They put it in the side and they just started screaming.
I was in like my dance costume.
I was this little fat kid in the dance costume.
And I started screaming, put it on the ham!
And I was crying.
I was like, put it on the ham!
Put it on the ham!
And then the African guy started to chant, put it on the ham!
Nice.
And then this woman, this manager walked over
and she's like a white lady with glasses.
Yeah.
She's like, what's going on?
I'm like, I want the apples on the ham.
I'm like, it's not one of my sides.
It goes on the ham.
Yeah.
And she's like, okay.
And they did it for me.
But I remember it was such a great.
That's what America's all about.
That's what it is.
Yeah.
That's what it is.
Yeah. Cause they got their hands in your pocket. That's what it is. Yeah. That's what it is.
Yeah.
Because they got their hands in your pocket.
Everybody's got their hands in your pocket.
Well, who are we ripping off here?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Who even owns this thing?
Mm-hmm.
What fucking vertical nightmare hedge fund private equity company owns Boston Market?
Yeah.
Someone that's shutting it down.
Engage Brand.
Oh, yeah, this guy, it's owned by Rohan Group, owned by Jignesh J. Pandya. He took it over, I was reading the article,
he took it over and he was like, I'm going to make it very good for everybody. And then
just started shutting it down. God bless him. I love an Indian scammer. Like there was this
guy, Sant Chatwal, who owned these hotels, the Chatwal hotels,
and they opened a restaurant called Romera.
This was years ago, in like 2011.
It was neuro gastronomy.
It was food that was supposed to make
your brain chemicals reactive.
It was such a scam and it tasted terribly.
And it lasted for like a few months.
It was a great scam.
Yeah.
Well, that's like those guys that work at the call center.
They're probably all like middle class.
Which guys?
In India.
Yeah, right.
The ones in Bangalore.
Yeah.
Yeah, they probably have good lives.
Probably good lives.
Yeah, and we all feel bad for them.
Well, our call centers here at Terrible,
that documentary, the telemarketers,
those guys that were raising money for the police,
do you ever see that on HBO?
Oh, no, but I, okay.
They just called people up
and the people were donating to the police.
The police.
Play that trailer from HBO.
These guys who were telemarketing
and they were all on heroin
and they were calling up people and being like,
hey, here, this is great, watch this.
The great documentary.
Hey, what's up?
Where are we going into?
Oh, we're going into Civic Development Group
and what we do is we call up people
and chizz on them out of money.
Money on my motherfucking mind.
Patrick and I both work at this telemarketing place.
I was this 14-year-old kid making calls on behalf of charities.
It's like a big-ass cookout.
Get money out my motherfucking mouth.
I didn't think I was doing anything bad at all.
Now, Lisa, these families, they do need your support.
The business model is defrauding the most vulnerable in this country.
It was a big-time scam. This is capitalism
We need to show the world what this place really does
The media the government haven't been able to stop them. So now it's up to us
Yes, this was like they had this.
They had these like telemarketing call centers where they would call people up
and be like, hey, would you donate to the police?
And like a very small fraction of the money went to the police.
Yeah, most of it went to the just the owners of the company.
Yeah, they didn't even pay these people really well, just like the owners
of the company, really.
They would just call old people.
They'd be like, do, do you like the police?
And they'd be like, well, I do.
You know, one of them was shot and they go, oh no.
And then they go, let's do a donation.
It helps the families.
And it was all bullshit.
Then it was just, you know.
Deb took Benjamin to an Easter egg hunt this weekend and it was like mob and she was like,
yeah, the rules said that you're only allowed to pick like three eggs per kid and
Some kids had like 12 eggs in their basket, and I said what did you learn Benjamin? It's a dirty world
That's a dirty game. You know where was this hunt in Brooklyn Heights interesting where all the poor people are you're right
Millionaires yeah, and no but it's nice. It's beautiful over here is nice. Yeah. Yeah, and what do they do with?
The eggs they just hide them and then the kids guess they hide them and the kids find them and it's supposed to be three
Eggs per kid he didn't get any eggs my kid
Really? Yeah, that's unfortunate. Yeah, cuz these older kids are stealing eggs. Probably that's not nice, huh? Yeah
You know, what'd you learn? Are they gonna get our hands a little dirty? Well, let me ask you a question.
Do you think there are people that are participating in that Easter egg
hunter and not Christian?
Probably. Yeah. I mean, it's Brooklyn.
Well, it shouldn't be allowed.
Yeah. Because it's right. Yeah. Right. Yeah.
Am I wrong? I went with a whistle.
But if you saw if you saw a kid that looked Jewish in the hunt,
would it be wrong to go, hey,
this kid looks Jewish and this is an Easter hunt?
I guess technically it wouldn't be wrong,
maybe morally, but yeah.
I don't know, it just feels like it is a Christian holiday,
even though the Easter egg isn't part of the Bible,
it does feel like.
But I like that Jewish people celebrate our holidays.
Like I like that they enjoy themselves on Christmas and stuff, you know?
Well...
They go to the movies.
Yeah, some of that.
Yeah, well I like that they go to the movies.
I don't know.
I don't know.
No, yeah, it's good.
No, no, there's nothing wrong with that.
I'm just saying if Christian children are losing eggs... Right, right, it's good. No, there's nothing wrong with I'm just saying if if Christian children are losing eggs, right?
Right, right to atheists. There should be more or Jews or whoever Muslims. I don't care who's ever in that hunt
Yeah, and do's yeah, it should be a Christian. I should have been more organized of it should have been a Christian hunt
Right, right. Yeah in in Brooklyn. Yeah. Sorry. I just have a I'm like, can we separate the white Christian children from the other ones?
Who are you?
Are you one of the organizers of the hot?
No, I bought this at Dick's Sporting Goods.
By the way, it seems to me
that there are some Orthodox Jewish children
grabbing Easter eggs.
This is very confusing.
We do not want this.
Yeah.
This is an interesting story here well first of all what is this
Baltimore Bridge what happened with that I guess of a boat hit it it's not good
it lost power the boat lost power so the boat couldn't turn yeah well but they
there was nobody on it except a few construction workers they did like a
emergency shut down did anybody die like six I a few construction workers. They did like an emergency shutdown. Did anybody die?
Like six, I think six construction workers.
God.
It's a bummer.
Nobody was on the actual bridge.
No cars, no.
And it was lucky because there were cars going over it.
Yeah.
Like right a few seconds before.
Yeah.
That fucking sucks.
Now they're shutting down the port.
The comedy clip?
Well no, I think that whole port or something. Something's gotta...
They're doing something that's gonna disrupt the flow of like...
All the stuff that gets shipped in and out of there.
Yeah, yeah.
A lot of crab.
Yeah.
I don't know. I don't know what's going...
But something... There's bigger problems than just a bridge going down.
Yeah.
There's other issues.
Well, it was probably an inside job to rename it.
That's probably exactly what it was.
It's DEI.
People immediately were saying it was an inside job.
There's nothing now that will happen where,
as it's happening, people like to say,
as it's falling, like inside job.
There are TikToks of it as it's happening,
going inside job.
Let's wait for a little.
They're gonna rename it the Omar from the Wire Bridge.
I remember after 9-11,
the Omar from the Wire, the McNulty Bridge.
After 9-11, we waited like,
I think an appropriate amount of time.
It was like a year and then like loose change came out,
that documentary and then everybody was like,
oh, something's weird.
But that was after a while.-hmm. It wasn't like I
Don't know mm-hmm
Yeah, I guess it's just like I don't know everybody's bored and I
Don't know that's there's probably some currency in that right to make up conspiracy theories
That's a people for sure for sure, but maybe some because some of them are right
Yeah, the problem is some of them are right.
That's a problem with conspiracy theories.
And you don't know which ones are which until too late.
Yeah.
Alex Jones, perfect example.
Yeah.
It's like anything.
It's like, if you said, oh, there's
an island of politicians having sex with kids,
people go, you're crazy.
You're crazy.
But then that's right.
And if you said, oh, there's a labyrinth of secret underground
torture prisons
where America's kidnapping people,
they think are in Al Qaeda and torturing them,
you go, that's crazy, but then that comes out as true.
You say Obama killed Bernie Mac,
and then people go, you're crazy,
but then they find out it's true.
I'm a big Obama chef truther.
Yeah, I think me too.
There's no way that guy just died.
I don't wanna to believe that.
I want to believe they got him.
Because he's hot and he was having sex with Obama.
And that's what I want to believe.
It's a better story.
And it might be true.
We did an episode about this on our show,
but a lot of people who have worked for powerful people have died.
They just died because they overhear something they shouldn't.
Because they wake up one night, they go to the kitchen,
they're like, let me grab some of that turkey.
I'll make a sandwich.
And then you see Bill and Hillary Clinton eating a baby
in the living room.
And then they kind of just look at you and smile and wave.
And then you know, you're like, well my days are numbered.
Now I'm done.
The Clintons had a chef that Hillary Clinton
ate his lamb chops at a restaurant.
She was like, I want you to come work at the White House.
And then he went hiking one day
and drowned in like six inches of water.
That's unfortunate.
You just gotta say no, by the way,
any political family wants you to do anything, you say no.
If someone goes, I want you to walk the dog,
you go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Such an honor to cook for you, Mrs. Clinton.
No, I have a condition where I get really horny
when I'm around dogs.
I get crazy, insanely horny.
I have sex with dogs.
I have sex with dogs, yeah.
It's part of my therapy to not do this.
There's something about,
there's something about when you work
for like these political dynasties. Yeah, well Bush Bush's brother had a nanny and she like went out to her car one day and the car like ran her over
like
And killed her yeah
Yeah, it's unfortunate unfortunate, but eventually because he you know sometimes
When he would answer the phone he would go hello, hello, 9-Eleven brothers, we did 9-Eleven.
He could have knocked her up.
There's all these weird things.
People get killed for reasons we wouldn't even think.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
Right.
Everyone who's met the Clintons is dead.
People that shook their hand at a book signing in 1997
were found like, they were killed by like fireworks falling on them.
You know, people die. People that know the bushes, there's people that know the bushes that got, you know,
I know.
They got shellacked.
You gotta be careful.
The Obama chef.
Yeah.
Did you watch that Patrick Bet David podcast episode with Anthony Weiner?
It's the best.
I love when he just starts naming people
on the Clinton Kill List.
What does he say, you're dingaling?
You're dangling.
You took your dingaling out.
Little boys are learning how to suck each other's dingalings.
Wait, what does he name?
Who does he name on the Clinton Kill List?
Can you get that out of him?
He just starts naming people.
On the Clinton Kill List?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's so funny.
He just starts, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so funny. Yeah
And weaners like where did you get this info? He's like I got it at from part of the store still in the storm org
It is true it's maybe the Clinton killers is all made up. I don't know. Yeah, but I don't think it is. Yeah
There's gotta be enough people. Yeah. I don. Yeah, I don't know. It's weird.
Well, I guess, who knows?
But it's also like everyone that kinda knows
David Spade has died.
Right, right, right.
So that's also like a thing.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like, you could maybe do that
with a few different people, right?
Sure.
I don't know.
If I, you don't think I can make a list
of other people who are 70 something years old and say this
Person died
Haven't done that with Bush. She's in the same
But are you saying you agree with what I'm saying with Reagan
So many people close to them died, how was it so many people?
How is it so many people close to them died? How is it so many people close to them have stopped?
People close to everybody die.
How is it so many people?
Are you suggesting?
I'm asking the question.
You're asking a bizarre question.
Exactly.
Did people die?
Folks, Anthony Weiner had.
But this was so funny because he starts the interview,
he goes, so you are a very weird guy.
I was on the show, and I liked them.
I liked Patrick with David a lot,
but one of their questions was,
what if we all caught a pedophile in Starbucks?
They're like you see a pedophile like one of the guys asked a question. They're like you see a pedophile
Look at a child porn in Starbucks
So I had a joke I go like I'm like I get him to green light a show on NBC
It's a fun joke. Then the other guys like answering it seriously like well
I don't want to hit him cuz then I go to jail. Yeah, so I tail
So this pedophile you see leaves Starbucks I tail him I get in the car I followed a pedophile, you know
There's an interesting
Can you get that?
I don't know if it's hard to find that section of the show,
but it was just a very funny, what do you do?
You see a pedophile, it's the craziest,
I'm like, wait, what?
So I'm like on the line at Starbucks,
and then there's a pedophile in front of me that is,
yeah, maybe this is it
You're acting like up I'm not assuming that he's gay
a gay president like this? What do you mean?
We probably already have.
If they're patching pedophiles in McDonald's, that's the most American thing you can do.
Go to the middle of them.
One in five Americans report.
Okay.
Yeah.
On the internet.
...sixties is looking at girl pictures, six years old, eight years old, ten years old.
What do you do?
I record him watching that, and then I confront his ass.
I'm stepping to his ass.
What do you do?
Is it just mind your own business?
Do we go back to eighties? and then I confront his ass. I'm stepping to his ass. What do you do? Is it mind your own business?
Do we go back to 80s?
I ask him to green light a show for me on NBC.
All right, there you go.
But it's just like, that was one of the,
it's just an interesting question.
It's one of those questions you don't imagine you'll get.
Yeah, but we all have to answer it.
All day.
In our minds.
It should be a question they ask you on a job interview.
Yeah.
They go, okay, you sound great, like everything seems like you'd be a good fit here, but let
me ask you another question.
You're at Starbucks.
Yeah.
Is a guy watching videos of children having sex in front of you?
Yeah.
What do you do?
Yeah.
Like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,
ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,
ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,
ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,
ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah I step to his ass. I go to the car I get my nunchucks. I say to him I challenge him
Friana. Well if he bites you you become a pedophile. I don't want to become a
pedophile because I get bitten. Detroit Teacher of the Month fight over rap side hustle, records music video with students.
The rap name is Drip and Honey.
Why would they fire anyone into who's working in a Detroit school?
They should just be kept.
No one, by the way, if you're willing to work in a Detroit public school, you should not
be fired.
Even if you're dating one of your students.
Right.
If you're willing to do that, you should just be kept.
Yeah.
Teacher of the month.
Can we watch some of the rap?
I want to see.
If it's not good, then maybe that's why.
It's probably good.
This is great.
This is good, yeah.
These are all our students in the video. This is great! This is good, yeah.
These are all our students in the video. I'm a T.T.G. It's F.O.E. I should call this bitch just like me. Give money, that's a T.I.P. I ran it up like yeah, we gon' see. Bitch, I really got motion.
I put a nigga on bitch's chest.
Now check this, watchin' every move.
Bitch, I'm the queen at the crib.
Watch the cameras, bitch, fuck you, B.
More time, baby, goin' crazy like that 80.
More time, baby, goin' crazy like that 80.
Yeah, all right.
So what?
Yeah, the kids were the ones that edited it.
Yeah.
That's where you get to...
I don't know why she was...
What?
Did they have any...
What?
What?
What?
What?
What? What? What? What? What? Yeah, all right. So what? Yeah, the kids were the ones that edited it. Yeah, what's the problem?
I don't know why she was what did do they have any why was she fired? A parent complained
That she was rapping that she was moonlighting her social media was inappropriate. Yeah
What else these kids gonna do after school? This seems relatively wholesome. Yeah
You know, it does. I mean, it's like, I covered it.
And I've covered this case, this case at Arizona,
where there's a bunch of rich white kids
randomly attacking people in the streets
and they killed one of them, attacking other kids.
They all look like that.
I mean, not the top right.
He was this guy who was killed.
But like, you know, so they're not right.
So you know what I mean?
Is it like, are we, do we, you know what I mean, is it like,
are we, do we, you know what I mean,
is like we're firing, why don't we fire those teachers?
Why don't we fire the white teachers
that let these kids play in football games
after they killed another kid?
Clip that just so when I'm called racist next week.
Put that in the column of things you can just send
to people very quickly when I'm called
racist next week because I imitate Leslie Jones or something.
That was such a good take.
You're right.
Who do these people think they are?
They're like smoothie salesmen.
But it is true.
It's like you can't cover up a murder if you own an Orange Theory gym.
That's not the way America works.
You can cover it up.
You got to be like, literally, this is how little our parents cared about,
like my friend Mike's mother, who I loved,
she sits in like a house dress, smoke a cigarette,
and she's like, you know boys, when you leave this house,
if you get in any trouble, a fight, a DWI,
or somebody gets you with drugs, she goes,
you can make any phone call you want,
but don't call this house, because me and your father
will be doing nothing for you nothing you will rot in jail
We take the phone off at 11 p.m
She goes if you get any trouble you will rot in just you and say that every time we went out
You know, you'll rot in jail
But these kids parents tried to cover it up. Mm-hmm
Your kid comes in come and commit some murder. You don't you don't cover it up. Your kid comes in, commits a murder,
you don't cover it up.
You say you can't commit murders.
But they tried to blame it on a kid
with another similar sounding name.
Cause one kid's name, I swear to God,
one kid's name's Talon, and the other kid's name's Talon,
but one spells it T-A-L-A-N,
and the other one spells it T-A-L-Y-N.
Yeah. So they're like we're gonna blame it on the kid that has the YN.
I hate poor people. You know? I agree. Yeah. Middle class are disgusting but they think
to kid with the YN is poor but he might have done it too. We don't really know. No one knows.
I don't know. I like to think sometimes that I should be a parent but I don't know. I like to think sometimes that I should be a parent,
but I don't know.
I've been thinking about that.
Is there a thing where you can occasionally be a parent?
Like, is there a program where you can kinda be a parent?
It seems very, it's very,
cause I was talking about Annie Letterman,
her friend of ours, staying with me.
We're talking about it.
I'm like, she should have a kid.
Yeah.
You know? But she's like, but it's such a thing.
I go, yeah, I know. Yeah.
She'd be like the mom you see like once a month.
Yeah. Once every. Yeah.
She's not. She'll be a fun mom.
Yeah, she would. Yeah. You know, she'd just be a kind of a mom.
She dropped a kid off.
She'd be like a fake leopard fur coat. Yeah.
You know, she's like a big old Cadillac. Yeah an old one
You can hang out with my kid, but it's kind of it's kind of tedious
The thing is it's hard because I have a godson who's Chinese and he's fun, but then you go oh
You have to you know you really do have to care for them for a long time forever
Yeah, we went to the park yesterday
It was very nice, but we like stopped in front of the water
and he just wanted to throw rocks in the water.
I was like, okay, this is fun, I'm giving him rocks,
I'm throwing rocks, but I was like,
I feel myself getting dumber having this experience.
It's not very intellectually stimulating.
Well, I mean, he's still young.
It's not like coming here and talking about pedophiles.
I mean, this is really-
Doing adult stuff.
Yeah, this is adult stuff.
Yeah.
I stepped to his ass.
I sweep the legs. I do an adult stuff. Yeah, this is adult stuff. Yeah, I stepped his ass
I sweep the legs
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is guaranteed you see Berkeley professor fired for telling students to get out of
California if they want to find a girlfriend okay I don't know why why why
is that such a controversial I think Berkeley should be a I used to think that Berkeley was like, you know, I don't know
They seem a little sensitive
Mm-hmm about stuff
But this I don't know this seems very sensitive
You'll be shocked by the stark differences in behavior of women in places where women are plentiful versus their behavior within artillery
distance of San San Jose and San Francisco
Andrew Tate was hired by Berkeley
I like he's kind of a foppish and rotate
Berkeley's Andrew Tate why fire him though? I don't know. I mean, I understand he's expressing an unpopular opinion.
Yeah.
Here's the thing about teachers. When I grew up, no one listened to them.
Yeah. Right.
Like, no one, like, people would say shit we didn't agree with all the time.
That's the point.
They would just say weird shit and we'd go, alright, that doesn't seem...
Yeah.
Like, one of our teachers was like, you just choose to be gay, that's the way it is.
And everyone kinda laughed at him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He was like a weird guy.
We were like, all right, he's just an older weird guy.
He's like, you make a choice.
He goes, you choose everything in life.
He's like, everything, everything you do is a choice.
To be gay, that's a choice.
And everyone laughed, like, because no one...
Would you say to that teacher
when you were late for class that one time
I forgot she was like if you if you're gonna get a job like you're not you can't walk in late
Your job and you were like well, I'm gonna have a real job not like a yes. No, I said I'm gonna have a real job
I'm not gonna be like an English teacher
So I said I'd be more motivated to show up to that and then I was sent to the
Dean I was always sent to the principal. Yeah principal because I would mouth off to these nothings.
My father hated them too.
That's why if I wasn't a comic,
I would have been a failure
because my father had no respect for Thor,
but should have.
Like should have, but didn't care at all.
When the teachers would go, your son talks in class
and he watches TV, he watches Arsenio Hall,
and that comes on like 11 p.m.
My father would go, well, he sneaks downstairs to watch.
We don't, I'm asleep.
And then one teacher goes, he likes this woman, Amanda,
is that his sister?
And my father goes, no, she's a character on Melrose Place.
They're like, is that appropriate for him to watch?
My father's like, I don't know.
He said in the parent teacher conference, my mother said,
they go, is Melrose Place appropriate
for like a third grader to watch?
My father goes, I don't know.
It's on TV.
What do you want me to do?
He's gonna see it.
He's gonna see it.
What's scary for me is all the YouTube shorts.
My kid loves watching YouTube shorts.
Oh really?
He's gonna get you one day on the short?
Daddy.
Daddy. Daddy. 3.3 K. Yeah, you're gonna be like Benjamin your curfew was 11 p.m
It's 12 45 and then he goes you were insufficiently supportive of Israel and then you go
You're like, alright, yeah, yeah, we all make choices. Yeah, you're right, I guess so. Yeah, I bet on the wrong horse.
Just try to get in by one next time.
People should watch your special right now.
It's a hilarious special.
It's on YouTube, the Out for a Smoke's YouTube channel.
Thanks.
Subscribe to, where can people find your dates?
You have a website, people go to your Instagram.
Yeah, microseencomedy.com.
I'll be in Chicago, I don't know when this comes out,
but this Wednesday, April 3rd, I don't know.
We'll come out this week, we'll put this one out this week,
and then we'll put out, we got Jessica Kiersten,
I'm in Europe right now, supposedly.
I'm going to Europe next month, yeah.
You know, I'm just...
Yeah, I wanna go to Minneapolis for one night.
I wanna go jerk off in a hotel room and fly home the next yeah, I just it's such a undertaking
Yeah to go to Europe. Yeah, you know, yeah
To be like they just were they're like great another fat American
Walking through our streets. Yeah, you know who has like, you know
Some level of a tiny bit of notoriety
Yeah, you're not gonna improve this certain corner of the Internet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's fun to do but it's just I don't know
I don't feel I'm not in a Europe mood
Mm-hmm. You need to be in a Europe mood and like that basic white girl kind of like right cuz what's over there?
Yeah, what's over there you can't do here?
What do they have? I don't know we don't have food. That's not poison. Yeah. What's over there that you can't do here? What do they have that we don't have?
I don't know.
Food that's not poison.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Better for you.
It's nice.
Walk around new areas.
But if this comes, why are you putting up the dates?
It's over ready if this comes out.
Let's put on mic states.
OK.
Chicago, New York, Amsterdam, Berlin.
Wow. You are going over.
Yeah.
And Charlotte, go see Mike, he's one of the best.
Find our old podcast, dude.
Yeah.
Make it big.
I'm happy, I'm happy with the special, I'm getting good.
It's great.
The best text I got was from Dan St. Germain,
and he was like, he goes, the special's great, man.
I would put you above even me as a stand-up right now
Why don't we calm down and then he hears phone privileges are over
Phone privileges are done
He's also his specials out to his go watch the end stage your main special. It's really funny Dan's great
He's also one of the funniest people
We hope to get him on. It's just funny that everything's like a direct competition with him. It shouldn't be no
It shouldn't be there's a there's enough. We're all just gonna thrive on our own on our own timeline
There's enough to there's a lot of fun to be had by all. Yeah, you're gonna get very sick someday
I'm gonna absorb some of your I'll absorb some you'll absorb some of my fans
I think I'll die suddenly you think I hope yeah, that's the hope isn't it the hope for all of us
I guess yeah, I hope you just one day. You're just not there like you're just driving and it's like that
I hope I kill a bunch of people
Yeah, but it's like a very kind of like it's like oh
You know, it's like when you go, how do you die? They go, oh well, you kind of it's a road rage
But yeah, then you get some of the fans, you know
Some of the people that came over after the the road rage like a bunch of people are dead, but you're also dead
So yes, of course. It's like whatever. I don't know people. It's so weird now like
You're checking the views on your on your video
Did you hear that the kid who went to fight for Israel died?
It's like he was like an American kid and he goes I'm just gonna go fight for Israel and yeah
It's like people just yeah, and but he believed in some so that's nice
Did he believe in the believe in something that much that he just said?
I'm just gonna give my life, cause I believe.
We don't believe in anything like that.
It would be very hard.
Outside of your family, your friends,
your own physical safety.
Like imagine like the countries at war
and like I, like Chris DiStefano and me are on a phone
like trying to justify going to fight China
in the Taiwan Strait.
Like I just, no one's up for that.
No.
No one's up for that.
No.
No one's doing that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's a bummer that anybody does.
Yeah, it's just, none of our friends would be like, we're doing it.
Yeah.
I'll step to his ass.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's when you need that guy.
The guy who'll step to his ass.
Oh, the guy who'll, yeah.
China.
Yeah.
Tell him China's a whole country of pedophiles
We got a big
Take over Taiwan produce child porn yeah, yeah, well step to his ass
I'll be right there
Out for smokes pod micro scene special go support him. Thank you folks. Goodbye