Three Bean Salad - Disguises
Episode Date: December 13, 2023Hats off to Ross of Vancouver and then immediately put a different hat on along with a rubber nose and a set of matching eyebrow wigs because Ross has got the beans wagging their false chins about dis...guises this week. This episode also includes an update on Henry’s Beefcake Journey and the secret to success. With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladTickets for our live shows at Machynlleth Comedy Festival can be found here: https://machcomedyfest.co.uk/show/2024/three-bean-salad-three-bean-salad-podcast-live-2/Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Do you remember Lottie from one of our live shows?
Yes, I think she is the person who works at the Royal Opera House.
Is that right?
Behind the scenes.
I can't remember that detail.
She's on, we set up on a date with someone.
Yeah, she, this, people, well, need a bit of filling in.
There was a live show in London,
a young woman called Lotty asked us to,
I think she phrased it, please find me a man.
She didn't, just, just to give more contact,
she didn't shout this out from the audience.
No, that's true.
No.
She was, it was invited, I mean,
it was sort of any other business, wasn't it? It was an interactive bit. Yeah, but it caught us by surprise. And it was,
she was a long-term listener of the show, so that I think that particularly caught us,
she, despite having listened to the show quite a few times, she still felt that we might have
the skill set to manage that. I'm only bringing up because I met her sister Amy the other day. Oh really?
I was at a theatre where she was working and she said hello.
So I have a lot of updates.
Mike's always very humble about these things, but let's get out.
Mike, you were starring weren't you at the Royal Opera?
You were, you were playing, you were playing Conchita del blood conchita del del blood yeah weren't you in the
new labo m isn't it this labo m origins that's right it's a second in the
labo m origins franchise yeah until the Swinton was doing a definitive Captain America.
That's right.
And because you've always had the face for opera, haven't you?
Yeah, people often say, look like a holographic Pavarotti.
Well, you did a lot of praverotti's later gigs.
That was you, wasn't it?
I was filling in.
Yeah.
Venice, Rome, to the mall.
So anyway, so you're at the opera house.
Yeah.
You at Inch thick in makeup, isn't it?
Because there's a lot of makeup you have to wear,
not present it.
Well, that's why Pavarotti always looks so big.
That's right.
But Amy was able to punch through that
and recognize my singing voice.
Describe by the set of the graph as curiously
greedy for not pressing it.
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Everyone moved round one, didn't they?
Yeah, and the ice cream salesman became the chorus.
Well, Mike, we've actually had an email about this from Lottie, which is strange.
Really?
Yeah, from the horse's mouth.
Yeah.
Maybe she knows her sisters been updating and maybe she wants a ride to reply before we
even put it out there.
Well, I think we're going to get two bites at this interaction.
We're going to get it from both sides in the kind of, how would that, you know, in a movie?
Is that Rashaman?
It is, yeah, Rashaman.
That means we need two more as well after that, I think.
We also need a view of a sort of travelling minstrel and a samurai, I think.
It's punishing, isn't it, in Rashomon, when you're like,
God, I'm finally watching Rashomon.
I've been telling people I've seen it for two decades.
I've finally faced up to doing it. You've 45 minutes in.
It's in black and white, so I'm already pissed off. There's no 3D setting.
There's subtitles so I'm absolutely furious. I'm not only that. I waited through
the first 45 minutes and now the film has effectively started again from the beginning.
Still, does it? Is he some as B or is D? It's really confusing.
Which runs some as B? Yeah. Okay, so we're going to Rashman
let's do it. Yeah, I
it was that is that the reference I've never seen Rashman, but I've never seen Rashman to do it.
Rashman one story told from different perspectives. Indeed, I'm happy to pretend to know about Rashman,
that's fine. Yeah, let's Rashman this. Yeah, let's Rashman it. Play the Rashman jingle.
Ameo will say when describing her sisters, romantic endeavors seemed weary.
Oh, I would say.
There was a fondness, but there was a weariness.
I gather the date we set her up with,
that didn't happen,
but I think there were rumors of that being the case on the day.
I think ever since that day, I felt a little bit guilty
because what happened was,
mainly at my instigation,
we set up Lottie on a date
with someone. And then as the show was going on and we moved on, everyone else moved on.
But all I could think about was, oh no, I've essentially opened up this young woman to just
the advances of someone who picked up random who might feel that as a result of this process
he has a kind of right to speak to this person
or to kind of some sort of ancient feudal right might have been invoked or claimed to marriage.
Exactly. And I just became a bit worried that, you know, as nice as this man seemed,
you know, who knows what we might have set up. And also, ironically, in a way,
things would have come full circle there, wouldn't it? Because that would have been, I think,
quite a good storyline for not pros, isn it would be, but now we must marry.
The beans have foretold it.
Did you mean?
Yeah.
That would lead to quite a good tragic arc.
Yes.
We must have a child.
I wish I hadn't gone to the live show.
X-ray the onion child.
Here's a child or an onion.
I don't know, but either way, he's making me cry,
like an onion might.
So what World Show is ongoing, and I could hear,
imagine in a movie, the voices of you and Henry
start to become a bit muffled, a bit like the Charlie
Baron teacher, so I'm like, more comfortable reference
on I think for us than Rashaman and Opera.
Yeah.
And all I can think is I'll know she's, you know, I've slightly set up this slightly awkward
thing that might happen and, you know, so then all I can remember is I was quite rude
to the guy you went on the attack.
Yes.
Yeah, we were all a bit rude to the guy.
And he'd been very pleasant to you know what I mean, he'd show no signs of, and I basically
said to him like you can't even approach her after the show.
And, and he'd seemed, he seemed perfectly nice.
And we started even thinking about just creating a secure corridor, didn't we,
to get him out of the building? That's how, what could we felt the whole thing had become?
Yeah. And then we said, then I managed to sort of cast him as a kind of malphysian,
or something, you know, that's right.
He left that show reputation, he's speaking in tatters.
He effectively had a long evil, twidly moustache,
he was twidling in people's eyes, didn't he?
Exactly, which I put on him.
Which you put on him mentally.
And ever since that show, and it's now been a few months,
I would say about 1% of my brain power has been spent
and all times just wondering if he's okay.
And I hope he didn't take it to heart
because it wasn't about who he was or anything he did.
It was more to do with the situation that I created.
We created a thing where everyone had to stand up.
Basically, I think some people might not be clear
on what happened here.
Okay, Philharmon.
Well, they're still seeing the opera, aren't they?
Well, they're seeing the opera by now.
But essentially, a girl in the audience, Lottie, said she was single and was looking
for a boyfriend, and we do think we would ever understand up, and then as she went through
her requirements, so, you know, sporty, good legs, good, good, good sporty arms, you know,
strong calves, different color dyes, different color dyes, perfectly symmetrical ears able to convince
singly pretend that they've seen Rashomon. Yeah, exactly. Works at the London Transport Museum.
Time set off at the shop. You can get a night pass at the aquarium,
the London Aquarium. One of those ones where you get to dress up as a fish and then watch
the people the next day. Just incredibly expensive. I mean, if you all are going to get to do that,
standard dating stuff.
So we've got everyone to, and basically everyone,
most people sat down, you know, eventually got to
point where there was just one person standing up, right,
who ticked all the boxes.
And that was this poor guy who was just a guy,
essentially a being orders from stage
to the standing up or not.
He could have sat down at any point,
but I think in a blind panic, I would have done the same.
We're all quite institutionalized.
I think he just remained.
He obeyed the instructions to the lesser.
He obeyed?
It's a Stanford prison experiments.
And of course, when I said press that button
and administer the electric shock to your own balls,
he did it with the up-to.
And even when we said,
but your balls are now on fire, he carried on.
But this poor guy, all he'd been doing was paying orders from the stage,
essentially, essentially, sort of mucking in with the fun and stuff.
So apologies to him. Yes, I'm sorry.
So I'm enjoying this Rashman stuff. So who's perspective on the main?
Let's get back into the Rashman stuff.
So let's get Mike's Rashman. Well, we then, after the show, we bumped into another different young man,
a quite well put together young man, who said that he was desperately sad that he
hadn't been picked in the selection process and had approached Lossi.
I forgot this bit.
He was a Hori young Jack.
He invited her for a date.
He was a real jack of the lad.
I mean, his calves were extraordinary, weren't they?
He had those big meaty calves. You could, you could rest the mug on them. Can you
or a little ceramic, a little ceramic figurine on either, on either of those calves? They,
they were so jutting out. What happens? That guy and his mate came up
to us half to show and said, Oh, guess what? We, um, they seem quite proud of themselves
that they'd found on Instagram and message during shows. Now I thought they'd done it
in person. They'll miss that bit. That's how people do it.
No, they found it on Instagram.
And then I sort of went, oh, yeah, great.
But inside I was thinking, this is horrific.
I've ruined this girl's life.
She's a piece of meat to be handed around by.
This is the three-been side.
Three weighed and assessed.
And I was just sort of quite horrified by it.
So then when I got the email from Lottie,
she doesn't seem to have been damaged by the experience. Okay, okay, let's go.
Okay, well Amy's perspective sister Amy, okay, back to Rashomon.
Spoke of Lottie was great fondness, but she did admit that the first date, the one we
said are up with, that had not happened. And also the second one with this young, young
buck had also not happened. I'm not talking, and I asked her how things were going generally,
at which point Amy, she sort of sighed quite deeply for someone too young.
Yep.
And she said, if her sister's love life, it goes on.
It goes on.
And then she had to get back to work.
Wow.
So Amy is getting jaded by lotty's
love life. That felt that way. That's so extraordinary, isn't it? I apologise, Amy, if
I've misrepresented you there, you can take that up with Lossy. Well, basically, I think
there's quite an obvious solution to this, which is if you want to date Lossy, get in touch.
Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, No! No! No! You're laughing again!
Anyway, do you want the second ration?
Yeah, I want the second.
I want the horses mouth, Rashman, please.
So this is from Lottie.
Poor dear sweet Lottie.
Poor Lottie.
Destin to lie atop life's heap.
Isn't it?
Through no fault of her own, should it be tossed on the winds of loneliness, won't she, for her, all the existence now?
She should know, come on, it's a classic trope. If every young hero approaches a trio of any kind for wisdom or advice, it's the beginning of a tragedy.
Yes, go to the trio.
Never, ever, ever.
Think about it. The three witches of Macbeth.
To tweedle them, tweedle, the end tweedle do. You wouldn't ask the sugar bag to advise.
You wouldn't ask the sugar bag to advise.
In any of the many guys, there are sugar bags three.
You never trust the three, do you?
A wise man or woman, they're singular,
a knowledgeable double act potentially could exist,
but three feels.
Well, there was the three wise men,
famously the most famous conglomeration of wise men.
The most famous wise people of all time.
No one was asking them for any advice,
they were they?
No, just hard gifts.
Drop your gifts off,
but don't say a bloody word, you lot bugger off.
But I would argue
that actually controversially but but timely for this time of year is actually only two of those
supposedly wise men were actually wise when you look at the gifts they chose. Here we go. Gold.
Pretty wise. Frankincense. I think it's probably quite wise. No. That's just a sound. That's not a gift.
You're not wise.
It's Henry Packers Christmas special show. Come on down kids.
And the shepherds are ready. It's two.
And the donkey was an absolute prick.
Waaay! And the donkey was an absolute prick. A way in a preta morge.
A preta morge back.
It's Henry Pasha.
Chris was Fandango out.
Coming to the preta morge near you.
Let's come with the ration man.
Let's wrap up the ration.
So lot of your rights.
Yeah.
Dear beans, you may remember me from your recent live show where I asked you to find me a
boyfriend.
Myself and every man in the audience were then subject to a man auction.
Now, I didn't call it a man auction.
No, but it wasn't a bidding, but when she frames it that way, it sounds inappropriate.
And it was inappropriate, it felt inappropriate.
So I think it's, I'm gonna let that go.
Okay, yeah.
She continues, my emailing in was prompted by Mike,
recently, me see my sister, Amy, who blurted out,
oh my God, I love you while topping up his wine.
Is this true?
Oh, what a topping.
Mike, this is very different angle,
but this is, this is why Rashaman,
it may be he is worth finishing Rashaman.
Pravin starting Rashaman.
Because maybe the second story is actually surprisingly sexy.
And while topping up his wine,
so Mike's coughing wine.
It's Lavo M. Origins.
What do you think? Of course there's coughing now.
The straights long glistening grapes. So she continues, she told him I had not found a date What do you think? Of course, there's coughing down. The stress long.
G listening grapes. So she continues, she told him I had not found a date
and I wanted to correct that claim
by saying I met a lovely man called Henry
who reached out after the podcast.
This is where Rashman gets, whoa.
What the direct.
What the, this is postmodern.
First of all, can I make a clear that Henry wasn't me?
Oh yeah, let's make that crystal clear.
Yeah.
So you know the guy called Henry that she went on a date with
was he the one that she did meet on the night?
The stalked on Instagram.
Yeah.
I think so.
She's contradicting us as she's saying,
no, I did go on a date.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Classic, classic Rashamon.
Classic Rashimum.
Can we get an email from Amy to get another rachimum,
another layer of rachimum?
Maybe that's what we need.
Or maybe, Henry.
Maybe he'll have a voice to Henry.
Or even that poor bloke who?
The poor nameless bloke.
The poor nameless man.
He'll all spoil.
Yeah.
The villain of the peace.
The true villain of the peace. I feel so terrible about him.
The emperor behind Arthur. Anyway, Lottie writes onwards and upwards, the offer of a backstage
tour still stands. If you know what I mean. So that's not even,
there's because he works at the Royal Art of Rouse,
which I would like to take her up on.
I would love to go and see behind.
You know what, wouldn't it be quite fun or interesting
to go and see behind the scenes
at something we've never actually really seen it before
the scenes, in front of the scenes, you know what I mean?
It's like, we would like only visiting a sausage factory
but never having eaten a sausage.
Yeah, I mean, I've had a tour of a power station
but you've never been a positively charged ion.
I don't know, I mean, have you used electricity?
You've used electricity.
But would it be weird to go and see something?
To be then watch, you know,
what's it called?
The marriage of a figure,
but we'd know we'd already know all the tricks.
For example, where all the trap doors are kept.
Where all the trap doors are kept.
Where the bungee's are tied.
Where the bungee's at.
How most of the opera singers are actually just a laptop to spotify on inside a kind of
human papi mash a mannequin that gets we all around.
We just select the opera press play.
But I mean, we'd have a lot of the magic would have.
Yeah.
Right.
Let's do the tour.
Let's do the tour.
I'm not afraid.
I do want to do the tour.
We've had a couple of people offer us these kind of things.
Like the woman who was looking after the pygmy hip
photomers, and the Zeus that we visit, the pygmy hipo.
I thought we were going to go and do that.
Yeah, maybe we should do it again.
Do you want to see behind the scenes of a tiny hippo?
Of a tiny hippo and like lose all the magic of the
wonderment you get when you're in front of, you know,
when you're in the audience section, one, just the marvelling
at how small it is.
You get behind the scenes, you realize, this is what it's
actually quite big.
It's a bit weird to make it seem so.
Unfortunately, it's just at the size where it's of no interest. It's not big or small, it's quite big. It's quite big. These mirrors are made to make it seem so. Unfortunately, it's just at the size where it's of no interest.
It's not big or small.
It's just medium.
There's no market for that.
You can't market a medium if, OK?
It's like the size of an Alsaceian.
It's roughly the size of an Alsaceian.
And it is an Alsaceian.
LAUGHTER
It's an Alsaceian with alopecia.
There's been quite a thickly varnished.
LAUGHTER There's an association with Alopecia. There's been quite a thickly vanished.
That's what you're looking at.
Or a lacquered pig. Lestin' on the bean machine. This week's topic are cent in by Ross from Vancouver, which is in either Canada or America.
Well, that would be great.
Yeah, it's in the North American landmass.
Is disguises, how many times, or have you ever genuinely been in disguise?
I'll had to be in disguise in your life.
Good question.
Because I have, at least once, I can remember.
What, why?
So this was a few years ago.
A few years ago.
When you were in Blazing Squad.
In their other peak. were in Blazing Squad. And they were at their peak.
What is Blazing Squad?
A pop band.
Blazing Squad were a ten young men who did rap and songs.
I wasn't in Blazing Squad Mike.
Okay.
God, how do I not know Blazing Squad?
I'm looking at them.
I'm like, you're right.
I could be anyone of those guys pretty much.
Good shout.
Plasons quad exactly the same age as me and I watched them open their GCSE results on TV
on the day of my getting my GCSE results.
And they hadn't done very well.
But they had dead stuff on them.
They had dead stuff on them.
Yeah, and similarly, while your GCSEs were decent, that rap night that you set up to celebrate
them, where it was just you rapping about your different grades all night, wasn't a great
night.
It was very misjudged, wasn't it?
You sang your exact same age as people in Blazing Squad.
Where the same school year.
Same school year.
That's reminding me though, you know, when someone's on telly or something or in a magazine
and there is the exact same age as you, I always think, I'm looking at a referendum on my own face.
When I look at them.
Who's voting in this referendum?
Me, where?
I'm voting.
It's a referendum that I haven't wanted to take part in, but I've been forced to, because
you need to look at that person's face and you go, there's no way.
Yeah, it's always disappointing. It's always, whether it's from an aesthetic
point of view, or just because they've achieved, they're in the magazine because they've achieved
a thing. Or the achievements referendum as the other one, yeah. Yeah. It's an achievement
and facial referendum. Yeah. Someone with a perfect complexion who has also sent a satellite
to Mars. Yeah. Yeah. By the same age as you. But they were married to Lawrence Fox for a bit. The way is equal. Yeah, it's always something. Yeah. And it's normally a brief Lawrence Fox marriage.
Isn't it? It's normally it's one of the steps on the way to success, isn't it? You take
you have to have that slice of agony somehow, don't you? Yeah. And if you don't marry Lawrence Fox,
you'll never actually be able to make the step of divorcing him. Do you know what I mean?
Which is a crucial step for fulfilling your potential.
And in terms of explaining who Lawrence Fox is,
he's currently suing some people for libel as we speak,
so I'm not going to say a single thing.
Yeah.
Have a Google.
Enjoy yourselves.
...
What's happening?
You're doing a great degree of build-up to your why you wanted a disguise.
Okay, so I've genuinely been in disguise once.
Yeah.
So this was, it was a few years ago, I think enough times past now that I can talk about
it.
But will MI6 agree?
And why is that gas seeping through the door behind me? And why is Judy dentch creeping across the kitchen towards me?
With a stiletto between her teeth.
She can't be the same age as me, can she?
With a stiletto between her teeth and one stiletto on each foot because she dresses
formal when she kills.
And she's going to an important ball after this.
We're in clothes from the three bean salad shop.
You can salad shop.com.
Yeah.
So, so, a few years ago, but rhetorically, are you both aware of the Maclumth, the Comodifestival?
The Maclumth, the Comodifestival.
The Maclumth, the Comodifestival. The Maclumth, the Comodifestival, yes. The Maclumth, the Comodifestival.
Yeah.
So it's a great Comodifestival in Wales.
We've all appeared there in various guises over the years, haven't we?
Oh, and if it counts, you want to turn up in a high on DiI-10,
but I didn't think of that as being a disguise.
I just thought of...
If anything, that's the opposite with disguise.
It's the raw truth.
Yeah.
It's almost too raw.
Yeah.
You must want to put a bit of disguise on that.
Maybe dress it up as a, as a Monday-o.
Using the three-bean sabote, GIFSHOP, Monday-o, car quilts.
Car quilts and false noses.
Many car into Monday-o with one easy draping motion.
And not just cars, you can turn a dog into Monday-o.
Or at least favorite aunt.
Three means salad is not legally...
Monday-o.
It's not legally Monday-o.
Three means salad will not be half the sponsor if you're aunt is...
Hitboy another car.
Hitboy another car. You're playing another car.
Or clamp.
Aren't clamping as a serious issue if you've been in fact away, aren't clamping.
Please go to the feedbacks, have a shot, you can buy.
You can buy an aunt drape.
An aunt drape, which is a drape of an aunt.
Who isn't clamped as you can drape over your clamped aunt. And it will make everyone feel more comfortable.
Apart from your aunt.
But there's a reason she's least favourite, provisioner.
So, so, so, cross to bear.
Yeah.
So, clear enough.
So, add the McHughn-Liff comedy festival.
Yes.
Through, through, no, this is very five years ago.
Which, by the way, we're playing next year
We are sure yeah, it's true and tickets are on sale now or should be
Link in the show notes got it's plug-ups and plug isn't it? It's like browsing through the arse section of a sex shop
Is it it's just plug plug plug plug plug plug plug plug plug plug plug plug plug plug plug
Sorry Henry, that's the kind of thing you get away without on alfake's plug
I sometimes get the tone mixed up come back off the kind of thing you get away without an alphacus vodka. Sorry, I sometimes get the toned mix. Come back off the end of the beer, Henry.
Benjamin and I are on the promenades.
That might impress Gabby Rosley, Henry.
But he doesn't impress us.
I'm so sorry, it's such a gear change.
I shouldn't record them on the same day.
We record albums.
Certainly not at the same time.
Oh, for God's sake, take your alcohol, see you off.
We were.
I'm just so basically when it's tricky because when when Ben or Mike's talking,
I'm listening to Alpha because I've got them on my separate lap.
While you're talking to me, I'm listening to Aimein Holmes.
So when I reply to you, I'm hoping the reply works for both,
but I'll prioritize it working for AIM and Homes.
Yeah, you see what I mean.
And you've got your personal trainer working on your lower half as well, haven't you?
That's right. It's a busy day.
I'm having a leg day with him.
So he's under the table right now.
Working way furiously on my legs, like it would be faster.
Hang on, we need an update on Henry's beefcake journey.
Play the jingle.
Ugh.
Ugh.
Oh yeah, come on mate.
Yes.
Ah.
I'm an agony and I absolutely love this.
Ah.
More pain.
Crunch it.
Push it.
Flex it.
More pain.
Smash it.
Spray it.
Wait.
The path to beauty is pro-lap tenorides. Ah. Henry's a brain it. Wait! The path to beauty is pro leptanerides.
Ah!
Henry's beef gauge early.
They say every journey starts with a single step.
I've already used that map.
I've already used that map for ever,
and I think last time we talked about it.
Try a different aphorism.
People talk a lot about things coming off the rails or it was on the rails and that's
not on the rails.
That train should be on the rails.
Oh, everyone's complaining now that it's not on the rails.
A train rolling down the hillside, go as no moss.
A train carriage or car being buffeted by rocks
as it tumbles and smashes its way down a hillside,
is often not seen as a sign of the railways working,
working certainly from a customer perspective.
But it is a great metaphor for your cardiovascular health.
Yeah, my cardiovascular health is currently in that world.
You don't know what's up or down because the train carriage is being buffeted down that
hill.
The abyss is so deep and the plunge is so chaotic.
The plunge is so chaotic that actually,
I can't keep up with how fast the trains are taking
around.
You know what I mean?
It's almost like, okay, yeah.
I could use this as an opportunity
to probably get some more teasers
and not have to pay for them.
Hahaha.
From the, from the buffet trolley.
Which is currently lodged in your thorax.
Yeah.
So actually the chances of me actually fully digesting these multis is just pretty low.
But it's actually only way, it's like free multis, do you know what I mean?
So they're almost killed free these multis.
I can see them coming out of my chest cavity as I pop them down.
They're just flying back up.
And they're held in because because we were rotating so fast,
we're in a sort of zero-grav world,
where the multises are just sort of suspended around my face.
In a way, I'm actually going to describe
as a little bit Christmassy.
Well, okay, so what's happened is,
the train was on the tracks, I did three sessions.
I'm just going to be completely honest with you.
We're talking about disguises today, but I'm not going to disguise this. I'm not going
to dress it up as anything that it is. The fourth session was going to be Maleg. It was
going to be Maleg Day. We hadn't done Malegs at all. So you're hugely overdeveloped in
all parts of our from your legs. You're like, Kato from Batfink. I was like, I had the perfect kato bod.
So we're literally talking,
I have to go to Jackamo from my shirts
and mother care from my trousers.
That's what we're looking at.
We're looking at almost, you know, not just V-shaped,
but I mean, imagine something that tapers into
more aggressively than a V.
More like a sort of vestigial appendage now.
Yeah.
Sort of thing, you could,
your legs are the sort of thing you could twist off.
Yeah, they were like a sort of double tail, almost,
like a sort of bifurcated tail.
Yeah, or like the back end of a prawn, as you say.
Or a lot of people were liking it too.
That bit on a Parpeapot potter.
But.
Oh yeah.
Oh, there they have. Well, people too get a little bit, they get a bit anxious around me now.
They find it hard to say things properly.
Well, because they want to, the young can your legs and see if streamers come out of your hair.
They want to, the young my legs up and see if my head explodes and those streamers go everywhere.
Because it's got that sort of vibe to it.
So very underdeveloped lower section.
But luckily my
arms are so huge, I can actually use them as legs. They
actually are technically hand hand leg. The hand legs. The
legs with handle on. Yeah, essentially my legs haven't been
worked on at all. Fourth session in the diary. I emailed him the day before to say, I'm sorry, I can't make
that one. Comment what it was. Two weeks to walk to the gym. Now I said, sorry, could we reschedule
it till next week. I then got an email back. This is the email we all dread to receive in a way,
I then got an email back. This is the email we all dread to receive in a way, which was, I'm sorry Henry, but I
have a 24 hour cancellation policy.
Oh, no, I don't remember that ever coming up in Rocky.
Well, that's because Rocky turned up to his session.
I'm just saying.
Rocky, I wish I could help you, but it's a 24 hour policy or nothing I can do.
Okay.
Rocky, I've already bought all the carcasses for you to part.
They're hundreds of dollars.
We can't eat them afterwards.
I know you're an important journey,
but I got a mouse to feed.
I got a, this work is gonna work as a career for me.
As well, yeah.
I then, I'm gonna say, I slightly got the hump at that point and I haven't really been in touch with him since.
I was so you're silken. How many sessions did you pay for?
So I paid for four sessions.
You did three?
I did three.
Oh.
The fourth one, the day before, that was leg day.
Yeah.
The day before I said, I'm sorry, we moved to next week.
He said, I've got 24 hour cancellation. But to be fair to him, he hadn't seen my email, I think, I, I, sorry, we moved it to next week. He said, I've got, I've got 24 hours of cancellation.
But to be fair to him, he hadn't seen my email, I think, till a couple of hours before.
Also, to be fair to him, he has a 24 hour cancellation policy.
That's fair enough.
I thought the way it worked with 24 hour cancellation policies was,
it happens within the 24 hours.
You, you have to tell them within 24 hours of them within that's more how I operate my life which is more like oh well if it's an immediate
issue it's an issue then we can yeah of course yeah I've got fine but if it's an advanced
and you've got enough time to not have to cancel it you're canceling it two week you're
canceling it two weeks in advance well then don't cancel it me you've got two weeks to
come up with a solution to this.
Do you know what I mean? It's a good point.
All right.
For some reason, I feel that with 24 hour
cancellation policies, you get one.
That's that. I don't know why I feel that it's it.
I just feel like you get you get one.
Normally it's like, sorry,
I've got 24 hour cancellation policy, but it's your first time.
We'll let this fly in and your legs are like little flesh-colored tears, just hanging
off you. We need to work on these. But no. So essentially, I'm now in a holding pattern,
waiting to get back in. I think I will get back in touch with him at some point. I'm not
able to pay for it for a leg day, but I'm slightly, I'm in a slight soul about it at the moment. But also, I mean, you're in a world where you've done
three sessions over the course of what?
Three months?
Oh, that's generous, Ben.
LAUGHTER
LAUGHTER
No.
I think it's knocking on the door of half a year.
So I'm not sure it's, I've, I know, I'm not,
I'm not really a big ex-sized guy myself, but I'm not sure it's, I'm not really a big exercise guy
myself, but I'm not sure that's the level of consistency that you do need. It's not called
Henry's very, very quick beef cake journey, is it? It's my slow-cooked beef cake journey.
It's a slow-cooked beef, which I think is the best beef. Let's face it, isn't it?
Yeah, it is the best. The flesh will literally be falling off my bone by the end of this process.
You'll be able to just hold on to me
and bits of flesh will come off the bone.
When I take my shorts off,
I'll take off most of the flesh with them at the end of the session.
Oh, there's the go-to-buttics.
The go-to-buttics.
Just try and push them down the old shower plug-o
with my foot.
Oh, my foot's not there either.
I'll... Up. Just after you use this protein bar.
As a foot.
Maybe that's why they are foot-shaped, Ben.
Yes, a beef-cake journey was, I mean, the thing is, if something comes off the rails,
should it have been on the rails?
Why do we need to live a rail's life?
Do you know what I mean?
Like the rails are taking me somewhere, maybe I want to go somewhere else.
Maybe I want to tumble down hill and maybe it, land in some sort of rocky valley.
Crush a chevrore to the bottom.
Yeah.
That might be my dream.
No, it's true that I have lost some momentum with it, but it's a journey.
So it may be that it continues its own sweet pace.
Anyway, Henry, when were you in disguise?
Okay, so I have, I have once genuinely been in disguise.
So this was at the Macunclef company festival,
about five years ago or more, maybe seven years ago.
So what happened was I was booked in to do an hour show,
working progress, stand up comedy hour.
And I'd had that thing of thinking,
oh, I'll write it all on the train.
On the train.
But unfortunately, the train came off the rails.
Yeah. We're doing this story, the story, yeah there is a bit of a theme. But I've just been
putting off and putting off writing on it in the months building up to it. I think I'll
do it next month and then it was like I'll do it on the train and then it was like I'll
do it in the hotel in the country. If the night before the show. And I remember very specifically in the hotel the night before
my work in progress show, I watched quite a good noir detective film on my laptop.
I just couldn't concentrate. I couldn't get myself to do the work. I was desperately trying,
but I was procrastinating. I was taking any distraction. I was like, I've got to watch
this noir detective film. It'll help me in some way. I did that. Anyway, the day of the
show came, I completely panicked. I was like, I can't do this show. I can't have an audience
turn up. I just can't do it. So I called the organizer of the festival, who he's a, is he's a, is he should we name him or not?
Who's a fan of all of ours?
Henry, yeah.
Henry really come.
Yeah.
And I pulled the show.
Oh, how true.
Yeah.
I pulled the show, baby.
Within 24 hours.
Within 24 hours.
Oh my God.
I'm really sorry. I mean, I'm very sorry to Henry if he's listening. I mean, I was
prodrised at the time a lot. I pulled the show.
What did you tell him? That's bad.
That is bad, isn't it?
What did you tell him?
I can't remember what I told him, but I remember the situation I ended up in was, I'm in
my country. I wouldn't mind that I'm here anyway. I've pulled my show. I wouldn't mind
seeing some shows. I don't know.
I remember that year that that old crone was watching all the shows.
Yeah, I thought I saw someone dressed as Julius Caesar going to see sheep at some point.
I wasn't quite sure I was going on there.
That's right.
And everyone kept on saying, is that Henry Packard dressed as Junior Caesar? Why is Henry Packer dressed as Junior Caesar?
I think I saw him dressed as Bluebeard.
I wasn't really sure what he was doing.
I see him as show must be,
do you see it looks quite good?
Let's definitely book tickets for his show.
Yes, and I think I saw him bring one of those costumes
where it looks like you're riding an ostrich
and running along at the same time.
Yes, that's fun.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
You're surprised that I recognized him.
Well, what I did do is, I remember at one point,
I basically, I was feeling a lot of shame
about canceling my show, I felt really bad about it.
I also wanted to still enjoy my weekend in Macunthalif.
I went one point, I went out in disguise.
So I put on a hat and some shades and a scarf, which I wrapped around
my throat and I kind of coat, probably had the hood up. So I could just walk around town.
I felt really ashamed that I pulled out the gear. I didn't want to brim into Henry. I felt
awful. But yeah, this is water on the bridge. Henry's forgiven me. I've apologized.
Are we all performing at the moment? Next year.
Next year. Next year.
Take his unzeled.
Take his non-refundable event of cancellation on the day.
I think they probably are refundable if we cancel the day.
I'm not sure we weren't canceling the day.
But I don't trust that you won't know, though.
Luckily, there's no preparation involved in three
being sad, which is why it suits me so well.
Hang on.
Last year, I reanimated the opening of Avatar,
which took me about two weeks.
That's true, so.
Oh God.
Now I'm falling out with everyone in the industry
in one podcast.
You've still got Mike.
You've still got Mike.
Please Mike.
So anyway, I genuinely put on a disguise.
I actually had a problem to solve because I wanted to wander around my country.
If I wanted to go and see a few shows, I felt utterly ashamed.
I pulled out of my gig.
I didn't want to bend to Henry Ruddickham, even though he's one of the nicest men in the
world.
No issue, but that's partly why I felt so ashamed.
So I decided to put on a disguise.
And it worked.
It was quite an interesting feeling.
To me though, it sounds like what you were in disguise as is Henry Packer weighing sunglasses.
Devolishly brilliant. I think that would draw the eye on a sunny main bank holiday weekend.
Relatively young man swaddled effectively. Who's that? Oh, it's Henry. Why is he doing that?
There's nothing I could do to disguise my very, very peculiar and specific lurching gate.
My slightly awkward lurching gate was still there.
You have to go up three yards before you can go along one yard.
That's right. Yeah, like a chess horse.
Yeah. Yeah, I progress in a sort of, what's the say?
It's the same pattern as offshore drift.
You have to be done. River drift. I need river movement.
I sort of tumble to the left and then I sort of,
I then the gravity deposits in the right.
Oh, you were rode the pavement, all right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You can tell if I'd been living in an area for over a year
because all the pavement's slightly...
They were all oxbow.
Well, the roads will actually start to meander.
They were eventually oxbow and become a crescent where the property value is actually.
But who you say you suggested that no one recognized you then this extraordinary disguise.
Well, I don't know.
I don't know because it's a small town and it's a sort of festival.
You're going to bump into an awful lot of people you know exactly.
Well, that's why I wanted to disguise. Because what I didn't want was, basically that was the thing I didn't want.
Was lots of people going, I Henry has it going and me having to go, yeah, I've canceled
my show or you're doing your show later now, I've canceled.
I didn't want to have that conversation in there, everyone.
But I still wanted to enjoy McHuntliffe as a sort of, what, as a punter, essentially, a
punter in disguise.
Ben, one option you've got in disguise, Elvis Costello, just, but just, if you were to do a spate of murders, whatever,
and you had to go on the run. Pin it on Elvis Costello.
Just pin a man 30 years older than me.
I seem to be the same.
No, I'm going.
You wouldn't know it.
No, but because you could push it, I'm just thinking how would you always recognize
ourselves?
It's a really good question.
You could push yourself towards Costello.
Interesting.
But then you're in disguise as a famous person.
Is that a good way to lie low, depends on the context? So what do I need to do to be more Costello? I can't really think
where it looks like a little hat. Sideburns? Sideburns. You've got the suit as per usual. So you might
need to trub them off some of your hair and fatten up your sideburns. But the glasses are kind of
there and you've got the hair quiff capacity. Okay. I mean, obviously I'm looking at you Henry. The obvious one is Charlie Demick from
Groundforce. Just big ginger wig, fake rubber boobs from a joke shop. From a 90s joke shop.
It's not the gas the gas it would have worn on a nice house.
Just to explain who Charlie Demwick is.
So, also this is a bit of a sidebar.
So you know the last week I, so I was going to make a jingle about...
I promised.
You did, didn't you?
You promised.
...explaning British concepts to people who aren't from this fair aisle.
So I put it off.
I put it off. I forgot about it. You watched a film
noir on your laptop. And then last night at 1 a.m. A, I remembered that we were recording
today this morning. I was happily watching old chattereparences by Shane McGowan on YouTube.
Lovely stuff. RIP. And then I thought, oh, fuck, we're doing
Bean Smirro. I said, I'd do that jingle. I couldn't
remember what genres you suggested. So I had to go back,
listen to it. It turns out that you suggested male voice
choir meets K-pop, meets C-shanty. I bear in mind, I'm
looking down the barrel and I said, onem. So I did end up making something
but I think it's quite bad. Oh, then you devilish little, you silly little, modest little,
it'll be absolutely brilliant and if it isn't me and Michael be really disappointed,
play it. Okay, so before I play it, I want to say this, A, I don't understand really what K-pop
is, and I did look into it, but it seems to be everything.
It's inherently too broad a term, right?
Yeah.
It's basically all pop music that comes out of K-pop.
It just mirrors other pop genres, doesn't it, and kind of recreates them, yeah.
So it's, yeah, it's a very white, so that was hard.
Yeah.
Shanti fell by the wayside.
There's an element of Melvoise Choir, so in the background, you might not over near
it.
Blimey.
This really is the canceling a personal trainer of composition, isn't it?
What have you done?
I listen to it this morning.
You know, when you do something, you go back to it the next day.
Yeah.
There's a kind of manic energy to this that I think you can hear in my delivery that's just a bit off. It's all a bit off. Anyway,
you ready? Yeah, please, please. Uh oh. Time for an explainer. For non-British listeners.
In the most supportive and loving way, is that it? Darling, well I think you've done really well.
Hasn't he Mike?
Well he tried.
You've done really.
There's so many wooden...
...wouldn't put themselves in for it. A lot of people wouldn't have been asked to present that even with that to someone.
A lot of people wouldn't have had, and the fact that you didn't have that level of shame
or self respect is actually longer term because a lot of people that do well in business
and stuff are actually psychopathetic.
They can be real meanies.
They can be real meanies to the friends and family.
Actually, they're high functioning psychopaths.
High functioning psychopaths.
Certainly, they're signs of being a psychopath and certainly not of being high functioning either.
So in many ways.
In many ways, you've ticked neither box, but it's not a box ticking exercise. So from that respect, you've not soiled yourself literally
You creatively you have
But we still love
Elements of this relationship
Something wrong with that so actually that isn't the finished article. Oh, yeah. Are you ratting? He's just frantically composing live while we speak.
So, I am, it must, so we went wrong with the render. So, can we just
10 seconds? He went with the render. Yeah. He's, he's blindsiding you with jargon really
is. He's quickly
composing something. He's downloading it from Spotify right down.
No Taylor Swift song. Rejig the notes the other way around.
I'm just saying I see the odd flashing of light from his world. It's copy and
paste. I'm in Garfunkel onto it. Then reverse the notes. Okay, let's see if this works.
Are you ready? Yeah. Ready. Uh oh.
Are you ready? Yeah, I'm ready.
Uh oh.
Time for an explainer for non-British listeners.
Get ready for serious international exchange.
We are one of this planet.
We call them trousers.
So I think something went wrong on my computer and I got connected to Spotify and some
K-pop was playing.
I was going to listen to K-pop for the last minute.
Sorry.
What was that?
Yeah.
So I'm going to go back to the drone board and
that one. But why? I love that. That's lovely stuff, Ben. If you're aiming to take the
listener, if this, the point of this thing, if to take the listener from state of confusion
to a state of understanding things more, yeah, I wouldn't say that's the journey that
that piece of music. You know what I mean?
Yeah, I need to do some deeper thinking about it, I think. Anyway, this was all probably to explaining
who Charlie Demock is.
She is a...
Yeah.
A much loved television gardener.
Great.
I tell you what would be interesting would be,
if we were to take Mike's tap if we all had
to go on the skies at the same time.
Take Mike's tash off and give it to Ben.
Okay.
Where's he putting it in the usual place.
Put it in the usual place, Eric.
I think you might look like an American academic.
Ben with a moustache who works at Princeton.
Okay. Hi, my name is Gustav Heraldo.
Yep, that's the one.
And I'm a senior lecturer in the literature of post-communist hungry.
That is exactly who you are.
And you've published quite a few papers.
You didn't want all the celebrity that came with the fact that you murdered your own,
well, three faculty heads from your university with your bare hands.
Hang on, he's done this murder after he's gone into hiding, has good stuff around.
So the second he's established himself got tenure as a professor or senior lecturer. No sooner is he in sconce and he goes on another
killing spree. He can help himself. He's done this one completely in character at her elder,
which is why it's such a compelling court case. No, no, it's going to stick to Bondraman, is it?
No, the missing stick to Bondraman. That's the whole court case. It's no, that's going to stick to Bondramin, is it? No, the missing to Bondramin, that's the whole court case is all about how he was so
deep in character as her alto that the murder he thinks. Well, who are you
jailing? Are you jailing Ben Partridge? Are you jailing Gustaf Harald? Are you
jailing a construction? A piece of fiction. You've been murdered by a
notion. And that is what I wanted to prove. And you can't in prison an idea.
You're free to go Gustaf Heraldo.
But wait, Ben, you are going to prison for 90 years.
Ben, Patrick and Gustaf Heraldo are both sentenced to 15 life sentences each to be served
consecutively.
So the first 15 years you have to do it in character as Ben, Patrick. Second 15 years you have to move over and do it in character has good
stuff for Aldo and so on. Good stuff, Haroldo has escaped.
Disguised has been to the apartment.
It was too confusing for all the prison officers that just let him walk away.
We thought we'd been to the apartment, we was visiting Gustaf, Haroldo, we don't understand.
We just settled the other side of the table in the visiting area and then he was
just walked out.
We thought it was where they were asking for a conjugal visit, but who are we to judge?
And Gustaf Haraldov is from hiding, he's still publishing really, really insightful papers
on post-communist Hungarian literature.
Would you actually be collected into a collection, a lovely gift collection.
Come and get it at the three-been-tile shop,
threebeen-tile shop.com. When you send an email, you must give thanks to the postmasters that came before.
Good morning, postmaster. Anything for me? Just some old shit.
When you send an email, this represents progress. My beautiful horse!
Our first email is from Rawls.
Hi, Rawls.
Dearest Beans, I am the Rawls, who you gave nearly 10 minutes of unsuristed university advice to.
I've got to, at the end of the pencil.
I'm more of our man's, explaining and mandating advice and all this stuff that we keep doing.
Sorry.
So yeah, Ross told us she was going to university.
We all sort of entered a kind of reverie, I think, just thinking about how we'd do it again.
Anyway, she says, I think the advice you gave her, Henry,
involved the genre of jazz.
Oh, I said, pretend to like jazz.
But I also said, don't worry if you didn't make friends initially.
It could just be the amount of friends person.
So she says, I just thought I'd let you know
that I'm in fact living my jazz truth as Henry recommended.
Brilliant. I went to a jazz gig.
Yes.
And it was really fun until the jazz started.
Coffin of hellish screams coming from metal weapons as I saw them.
It was really fun until the moment I realized I'd put my coat on a stool that had a puddle
of beer on it.
Oh shame.
Jazziest wishes.
Ros. So she ended up with a wet collar or whatever, or a bit of a damp jacket.
It's okay. Okay. Okay. So we haven't ruined Ros's life.
No, she says, PS, sorry Ben, but I can't be bothered to do any sports,
so no bodminton for me. Fair play. That reminds me of the time I went to a jazz bar in New York once.
Okay, next email.
Lovely little bit of myth making there from Henry building a picture for everyone.
Mikey emails, dear beans, your stories about Q jumping, so fialis bexta. Not only led me to find out who
sofialis bexta was, but also reminded me of the time,
I Q jumped the then current president of Bolivia.
Grace opening to me now. So fialis bexta was the president
in the co of the millennium.
It wasn't just the murder on the dance floor, it was the murder on the Parliamentary floor.
When I was 18 years old, I did my confession of faith in the Roman Catholic Church.
For the confession ceremony, our very stern German priest instructed us to line up alphabetically
to receive communion.
As my last name begins with letter A, this
meant that I had to be at the front of the queue. I showed up a few minutes late and noticed
that the queue was already formed, and there, standing in the front, was the former dictator
and current president of the country Hugo Banzer. Bracket with his bodyguards. I don't know
if I've heard of Hugo Banzer. No, I don't know, but he's doing a little bit of googling.
He's got a very good dictator sort of, if you had to be in disguise as a dictator, this
guy's sticking all the boxes.
He's got the Wozniak Moustache, he's got the Wozniak Appalettes, the Wozniak bit of rope
hanging off him.
He's got the Wozniak respect for the rule of law.
Oh, he's really dictator, isn't he?
Oh yeah, there we go.
Yeah, and he's got the Wozniak appearance at the idea of press freedom.
He's got all of the classic Wozniak traits.
He's got one of those kind of chains that you get like a local mayor would have in a village.
Yes.
Sashes and medals, galore.
Yeah, those epilots are just banging on, aren't they?
Yeah. Proper end of curtain rail, kind of stuff are just bang on, aren't they? Yeah.
Proper end of curtain rail, kind of stuff.
They really are, aren't they?
So, am I here, right?
I stood still for a moment and sure what to do.
Then, being a stickler for alphabetical order, I quickly jumped in front of the president
and looked straight ahead at the priest, not making eye contact with the president or
his bodyguards.
There was a bit of commotion from his bodyguards, but noting that I was just a kid and wearing proper attire, they didn't do anything. Mikey.
I enjoyed that. That opened me up to the bands of the world.
I'm imagining this is taking place in Bolivia, right? I guess so. But I think, I think
can we reply and just ask for some more background, because this is very interesting.
Can we get some ration with on this? If Hugo Banzer's listening, or any of his bodyguards, or any
German priests, what was that take on this?
How close did Mike come to being essentially sort of like shot in the back of the head
or taken off to a re-education centre?
Well, thank you, Mikey.
Blimey.
That pic, one of the pictures you go, bands are incredible. You're right, Mike, there's a weird overlap
between dictatorial garbs and sort of chinchy granny's
sitting in them.
It's sort of the same stuff.
Isn't it?
Just redeployed slightly.
The lampshade.
It's actually lampshade.
The epilogue is totally the same.
They look like they've been upholstered.
Yeah, yeah.
Unless a lot of granny sitting in the bizarre, as it turns out, just former South American dictators
have gone into hiding.
That's possible.
Because you've got the lampshades, you've got bits of rope, which are like, yeah, as you
say, like things that hang off curtains, or you know what they called them, helmets.
What's that?
The valence.
Pellets, valencies.
Doileys.
Doileys. Doilees.
Bits of fabric, which are there to disguise
sort of things under chairs or.
But it's actually a kernel.
A paraguion kernel.
Yeah, but it's actually a kernel in there.
Who's in hiding?
But tell you what, if you ever come across a granny,
when it comes to giving you as any much choices to whether or not you have to sit
through looking at loads of photos of the grand children, they can actually pretty dictatorial
in their attitude.
Yeah.
Yeah, take that, granny.
Take that.
Let's bring him down.
Viva la revolución!
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If you want to hear some more stuff for us talking about the topic or sometimes not the topic or something like that.
Oh yeah.
Basically we keep talking and every month we put those together and make a bonus episode.
You can also get ad free episodes and if you sign up at the Sean Bean Tier,
you got a shout out from Mike,
from the Sean Bean lounge.
And Mike, I believe you were there last night.
That certainly was.
Because last night, of course, it was the,
yes, it was the, um,
was it the paddling pool's full of soup evening?
It was, thank you, Ben.
And here's my report.
It was the paddling pool's full of soup evening last night at the Sean Bean Lounge.
Bean loungers were greeted by the sight of Timmo Yugster in the atrium floating in a spiced
carrot soup wearing nothing but a parsley garnish.
That got the juices flowing and within minutes paddling pools were being inflated left
right in centre and the air was thick with flavor some steam and with lukewarm soup based
batter.
Lana Tong drew gasps with a paddling pool
full of Sasquatch nest soup.
Krista, Sam Davis and Simon Nicole
treated onlookers to a synchronized paddling display
in a seafood gumbo.
Murray was disqualified on non-soup grounds
for filling a paddling pool with substandard gruel.
And given that standard gruel is rarely
anything to write home about,
you can appreciate that this gruel was utter butt crack.
Damon Darius almost suffered the same fate with his mulligan stew, but by the end of the evening, rule is rarely anything to write home about, you can appreciate that this rule was utter butt crack.
Damon Darius almost suffered the same fate with his mulligan stew, but by the end of the
evening it was so diluted with piss it technically met soup specifications and he was spared
his blushes.
Elizabeth Patterson accidentally splashed her chunky Haitian pumpkin into Keith's
veggie swathes, causing such bevelment and temperature flux that his octagonal vinyl
lined paddling pool burst.
Its contents sweeping away Ellie Bess's Gazpatio load-in-turing before she'd had the chance
to clean out her paddling pool of the leaves, twigs, and solitary dead bandger from its
last use.
Enraged by the infraction, Coco seized Sam Wells' croat-on sprinkler and turned it on the nearest
passerby who happened to be Abby Fester, who was trying to find a pork chop to liven up
her Dutch snurt.
But the only ones going had been adapted by Graham Brown into a pair of flip flops as he panicked about what the
shoes off versus shoes on policy was in the bean-lown and thought he'd found a safe compromise.
Elsewhere Tory Brown repaired a paddling pool puncture with an oddly sticky clam chowder.
Sam Karooff flew too close to the sun with an experimental paddling hammock full of
minestrone, and Lauren Proett secured a new world record for holding your breath in a Bulgarian
tarotol. Thanks all. of Ministrone, and Lauren Proett secured a new world record for holding your breath in a Bulgarian territory.
Thanks all.
OK, that's the show. Before we go, we've got a version of our theme tune sent in by
one of you. This is from Sandan from Tasmania.
Oh, nice.
Inspired by the brock stylings of your digestive tract talk jingle, I've composed you a
three-beam fugue for three indistinguishable voices.
Nice. Brilliant. Thank voices. That's brilliant.
Thank you.
Thanks very much.
Where did he live by the way that guy did you say?
Tasmania, he said.
Tasmania.
Tasmania is one of the only countries that sounds like a sailor in a shop.
Tasmania.
Come down now.
It's Tasmania.
It's got blue tazas, big tazas, French tazas, all the tazas.
More tazas, you can carry. It's Tasmania. got blue tazas, big tazas, French tazas, all the tazas, more tazas, you can
carry. It's Tasmania. Google taz.com.
Two for one taz.
One or dark, one, one, one, three, three, nine, nine, nine tazs, sexy tazas, self-defense
tazas, gristening tazas, edible tazas, appleetted, dictator tazas.
They're all here. They're literally calling it taz,ainia. It's like I've gone Taz Bonkers.
So thank you Sandin for that. That's the end of the show. We'll play out the show with
the original theme tune. Thanks for listening everyone. Cheers all. Until next time. Good ... Thank you for your time.
you