Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Women in Power w/ J. Bolin & Cyndi B.
Episode Date: March 6, 2024SJR is back this week to tell us what she loves most about Women's History Month, and it has a lot to do with P O W E R! Here to help her differentiate between the illusion of power vs. having it forr...eal, are her friends, stylist J. Bolin and photographer Cyndi B. Chhiiillleee, this episode is full of nuggets! 'Cause what better way to explore the "look" of a woman when she knows she's powerful than with two gurus who insert their images on the daily? What W.E. know for sure is — power is embodied, NOT flaunted! And all power ain't good power! Tune in and prepare to kiki as they lowkey let us in on their group chat. Stay until the end to hear SJR share the cliff notes from her April 30th book release, Power Moves! PRE-ORDER your copy today at https://www.thomasnelson.com/p/power-moves/. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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That's it. That's really it.
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Welcome, welcome, welcome to another episode
of the Woman Evolved podcast. I am your host, Sarah Jakes Roberts.
And how are you doing?
First of all, I want to welcome you to March, okay?
It is Women's History Month.
And women who have made history are
My kind of gals and what I love the most about women's history month is that we learn a lot about unsung heroes
But we also have a moment to reflect on the women who have made history in our lives
You know, it's so funny. I actually posted a video on TikTok of me sitting down
Well, actually I wasn't sitting down TikTok of me sitting down.
Well, actually I wasn't sitting down.
My mother was sitting down and I was doing her hair.
And I was treating her the way she treated me
when I used to get my hair done.
I don't even know.
I'm gonna see if we can play the clip from the video.
I hope the sounds not terrible.
Now, can I ask you to be still?
I asked you to sit down if you was comfortable
doing all that and moving.
Come on now. I'm just moving how it is. Turn around so you can be still, I asked you to stand down if you was comfortable doing all that and moving. Come on now, I'm just leaving how it is.
Turn around so you can be comfortable now.
Oh, oh, oh.
Keep your head still.
Be still, how about that moving?
Okay, then I ask you to keep your head still.
I'm at the salon, I don't have to.
All right, I'ma leave it like this.
All right, I'ma leave it like this.
This is how you used to do me. This is how I'm not this is how oh
Mama
That's how you
Put this on why are you filming this one thing back in
No, it don't hurt I hair one to many times. You just burnt my ear with the fire in the other day.
I have probably watched that video about 18,000 times. Don't ask me why, but I think it has
something to do with me reliving my childhood, but with the roles being reversed. What does
this have to do with women's history in my there is something powerful about us living out what we have seen
Demonstrated for us and when we have representation, it's powerful and when we don't we have to feel our way around or
You know search our way around to find someone who is doing something historical for us
I bet that if you look throughout all of your life
and you think about the women who you have encountered,
the women who stand out in your mind
didn't just stand out in your mind
because of them being normal.
They stood out in your mind because they did something
that left an impact on your life.
That impact made you into the person you are today,
whether it was a teacher, a parent, a friend, an aunt, a cousin,
some lady from church, your grandmother. They are a part of the fabric of who you are.
And so for Women's History Month, I am celebrating all of the women who go the extra mile to say,
you know what, I am going to show up in the fullness of who I am and any chance that I have
to impact another person, I will. We're going to spend this episode talking about what it means to be
a woman in power, what it means to be a woman who is making history. I believe that this is going
to be encouraging for you no matter where you are on your journey. When we start talking about women
who have been historical and who
had great impact and influence and talking about power, it can honestly be pretty intimidating.
Why? Because we often see our area for growth. We often compare ourselves or we're so busy
trying to live up to other people's expectations that we miss out on an opportunity to really understand what does power look like for me?
What do I wanna do with the time,
the gifts and talents that God has given me?
And how do I really ladies at the feet of Jesus
in such a way that he tells me what to do
with this hand that I've been dealt?
Isn't that what we're all trying to figure out?
It's like, what do I do with this hand that I've been dealt. Isn't that what we're all trying to figure out? It's like, what do I do with this hand that has been dealt?
And sometimes the best way to do that is to shuffle the deck.
I've got a mind your business question,
and that's exactly what she has done.
She is shuffling the deck and she's got a different set
of cards, and the only reason why she was able to do this
is because she created some boundaries.
Let's listen in to her question.
Hi, my name is Jamise. I'm a recovering people pleaser.
My question is, what kind of advice would you give for someone that's recovering from people pleasing like growing up?
Just really having a hard time with saying no to people and then standing
your ground or my thing is I always get attacked with the after effect like feeling bad for
saying no or you know feeling bad for whatever the label they put me on like I'm selfish
or whatever for saying no like how could I push past that and move on?
Who cannot relate to the guilt of being a people pleaser? In 2021, we had the Woman Evolved Conference, we had Nedra Glover-Tawab there, and she took a Q&A from the audience and someone
asked her a very similar question like, okay, I'm a recovering people pleaser.
I'm starting to set boundaries.
And now I am wondering,
what do I do with the guilt that I feel afterwards?
And then the consequences of creating boundaries.
And the person basically said,
how do I not feel guilty?
And Nedra Glover Tawab.
She's got one of those names
where you gotta say the whole name.
I hope that my name is like that.
Like I hope that you have to say Sarah Jakes-Roper.
It's like, say the whole thing.
But anyways, she basically said that guilt is an emotion
and it will pass.
It is unrealistic.
And I think we do ourselves a huge disservice
when we think to ourselves, I wanna set boundaries.
I don't wanna be a people pleaser.
I still want people to be happy with the boundaries
that I set and to applaud when I make these changes
because that means that they'll still be pleased
with me making the decision that ultimately
made me not want to be a people pleaser in the first place.
It makes sense in my head.
It's girl math, you know what I mean?
But at the end of the day, I think it is unrealistic
to expect the very people who benefit from
our people-pleasing tendencies to also be the people who applaud us when we make boundaries.
Only a few people have the maturity to be able to say, hey, thank you so much for creating
a boundary that preserved yourself.
I'm so proud of you for doing that.
And I will adjust accordingly.
I will say though, my friend Courtney and I kind of
had that going, but it's because we both have spent
so much time in therapy that we can see when the other
person is at a boundary.
And as much as it may mean that, you know, we're not
getting something that we wanted or needed from the
other person, we're like, I'm so proud of you. First setting boundaries.
Look at you, I hear not people pleasing.
I struggle with the concept of people pleasing though.
I think it is because when I was a teenager,
I felt like I disappointed so many people
when I got pregnant,
that I was like, I'm not gonna live to please anyone anymore
because I've already disappointed so many people.
But I do believe that I internalized
a people pleasing mentality in me wanting to perform well, to reclaim a sense of acceptance,
and then also feeling like I had no more space to make any more mistakes.
And so I felt like I needed to please anyone who I encountered to make sure they wouldn't
leave me, wouldn't reject me, wouldn't abandon me.
And as a result, I suffered a lot.
Until I got to a place where I was like,
listen, I'm not gonna be able to please anyone
and I need to make some tough decisions
that are gonna shake up my life again.
And in the process of doing that,
what I learned is I can withstand the shaking
that comes with me rebuilding my life.
Maybe that's something that someone needs to hear
who's listening to this right now.
I told you before this started
that there was a woman who sent in a question
who was trying to figure out what to do
with the hand that she's been dealt
because she has reshuffled the deck.
When you reshuffle the deck, only you get to choose
whether or not you're gonna shake things up in your life
and you need to know that you can handle the shaking that comes with reshuffling the deck.
But it is your choice. And a lot of us don't make that choice because we do not want to
deal with the shaking, deal with the rejection, deal with the guilt trips.
We tell ourselves that it would be so much easier if I just continued to do what
makes everyone else happy, even if it means that I suffer.
There's, you know, I don't know how large of the population has this philosophy because
there are some people who are like, listen, I'm going to look out for myself.
I'm going to take care of myself because if I don't know one else will.
And to you, I say, where's your podcast?
Because we want to listen to it.
The rest of us are out here on this awkward journey
of choosing to take up space and doing it in a way
that honors our truth and hopefully preserves
the relationships that we value.
Part of the reason why people pleasing is honestly
so addicting is because we do get a sense of belonging.
We have a sense of identity,
we need that sense of belonging and that sense of identity and that approval and it feels good
when you've been rejected. It feels good when you're afraid to fail to say that they're,
for someone to be on the other end saying you're doing a good job at this, even if it means you're
betraying yourself. And so to choose to no longer people please is to choose to be faithful to yourself.
Obviously we're going to be be talking about power all this month.
And I cannot tell you how excited I am about my book Power Moves, Ignite Your Confidence and
Become a Force. This book is so important to me because I started realizing a few years ago that we are inundated with the concept of pursuing power.
And so many people who we admire, who have great influence, we say, hey, those people are powerful.
We're looking at their outward work saying that they're powerful, not recognizing that before you can make a power
move that people can see, you have to allow power to move inside of you. And in order for power to
move inside of you, you have to be willing to examine where am I experiencing a power loss.
And a lot of us lose our power in people pleasing. Many of us lose our power in expectations
of our community, our culture. Where have you lost your power? Was it shame? Was it
an experience you had? If you can begin to identify where you lost your power, then we
can reclaim that power from that scenario. So Power Moves is all about recognizing that,
hey, what happened to you had power.
We do not do ourselves any favors
by pretending that the divorce didn't have power,
that the betrayal didn't have power.
Like you can be out here gasping yourself,
like it don't matter, it don't matter, it don't matter.
But if you changed what you believe,
you changed what you thought is possible,
you changed how you see yourself, that thing had power.
I, oh gosh, I wish I had my Bible on me.
I'm recording this in my car.
It's a long story.
We're at a rental house and all the kids are here and there's a lot of noise in the house.
I got in the car with this microphone.
If I had my, oh, I have my, but the service is terrible.
Okay, so I will tell you though, there's a scripture,
you all look it up, read your whole Bible, you'll find it,
but there is a scripture that talks about
when Jesus gave the disciples authority and power,
and you know, you've probably seen that,
I'm gonna tread over serpents to heal the sick,
cleanse the lepers, he lists all of these things,
and then he goes to have an over, cleanse the lepers. He lists all of these things and then he goes to have
an overall of the power of the enemy.
If you grew up in church, maybe that's not unfamiliar for you,
but what's so intriguing to me is power.
That word power is a Greek word that means dunamis
and we see it in Acts when he gives the disciples power.
And that same dunamis is the power that is used
when he talks about the power of the enemy.
When you try to act like the enemy didn't have any power, unless you put Jesus' power
on top of it, unless you've healed, unless you've been restored, unless you've been
redeemed, that thing took a bite out your tail.
You know what I mean?
Sorry to break it to you, but it's okay to admit that like,
hey, I need the power of Jesus over this area of my life
so that I can be healed,
so that I can be restored.
Because if I don't have that,
then that means the power of the enemy
is going to run rampant in my life,
in my decision-making, in my purpose,
in my destiny, in my relationships.
And so power moves us all about reclaiming the power
that has been stripped away from us
and using the power of God to really trump that power.
So power moves, you get to tell that thing,
you don't have power anymore.
Pack up your bags.
We outta here.
It's an eviction notice around here.
You no longer have power.
And then I'll walk you through literally
once power moves in you,
then power can move through you.
And when power moves through you,
that's when you're shuffling the deck.
That's when you're saying I'm gonna show up differently.
And because I'm gonna show up differently,
it's gonna change my relationships.
And I'm not like a burn every bridge kind of girl.
Although some of them bridges do need a gasoline can
and a lighter and
yeah a lighter to them. I also recognize listen I'm married I got six kids I have four siblings I
have two parents I have an incredible mother-in-law I have a lot of relationships and if I'm no longer
going to be a people pleaser these people are going to be impacted by me changing who I am
and I still I rock with them. You know what I mean?
Like I do rock with them and so how do you introduce your power into these new relationships?
I'll walk you through that and then we talk about becoming a force. I know you all didn't
ask for a summary of the book but the point is this. I believe that women have a greater
tendency to people please because we have been awarded. We have been celebrated for people pleasing when we live up to the body stereotypes when
we live up to, you know, probably in the fifties.
It was like being a fifties housewife, being barefoot and pregnant in the seventies, maybe
being a free sex spirit.
Like when we live up to these different tropes, then we are considered someone who can embody
power.
Some of the celebrities
who we see as powerful today are, you know, it's questionable. Are they powerful? Are
they not? Like, can they sleep at night? Are they having relationship issues? Like, just
because you're powerful doesn't mean that your soul has power in it. And so if we're
going to be powerful in the earth, if we are going to be women who are historical in the impact that we leave on others, we have to be willing to let power move in us.
Evolve.
Everyone in our country has a voice.
It's something that says not just where you come from, but who you are.
Welcome to NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths,
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Hillary Burton Morgan here,
and I am excited to share with you
a new series I'm launching,
a companion podcast to my passion project,
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Now on the show, we focus on small towns
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The cases we've covered have confused me
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What got me so excited about doing this podcast
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Listen to Money and Wealth with John Hope Bryant every
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Now I asked two of my friends who I believe work with some of the most
incredible people on the planet to join me on this podcast because
they take pictures of women and in those pictures,
myself included, you know, we look powerful,
we look, maybe we look like we fit the bill.
And yet they know because they're behind the scenes,
you know, what does power really look like,
what doesn't it look like?
And so I wanted to talk a little bit about the illusion,
the image of power versus having the real deal power.
And so I invited them to have a conversation with me
about what it means to be powerful,
how it shows up in our world.
And then they let me mind their business a little bit as well.
So I can't wait to share this impactful conversation with you.
I hope you love it as much as I do.
By the way,
I was supposed to record this podcast, well this interview with them. My husband had an unexpected trip.
He was going to join me for this podcast. He had an unexpected trip and so I tagged
them in last minute. The only problem is they only had evening slots available. You know, I'm somebody's mama evening time is bedtime. You will not believe
the struggle I had trying to make this conversation flow
seamless seamlessly. Ella was definitely ready for bed. She
had a long day at her play rehearsal. Mackenzie was hungry. So
there's literally like so much stuff happening in this podcast,
but we edited it down so that you didn't hear the 15 minutes of me trying to
gentle hard parent.
So, uh, if you notice that it feels a little like about halfway through,
it is and just pray for your strong friend.
Okay guys, I have a question for you.
Who is the most powerful woman you know,
who doesn't realize how powerful she actually is.
I think my wife, I think my wife is very, very powerful. And I don't think that she knows how
powerful that she is. I think that what I'm able to put and push and help other women with across the world is because of what she
Forged into me at home
and
So it allows me to really
You know go out across the world and help other women out and I don't think she knows it at home
Because she's so meek with it like she's so kind and so meek with it at home that I just don't think that she knows it.
But hopefully she hears this.
Oh, we love Nicole.
Do Queen, Queen Nicole.
It's so funny.
Because I am honestly.
Oh, go ahead.
Live your life.
No, I said I will say say my mom too, honestly.
She really is that girl.
I don't think she realizes it.
Tell us about her.
My mom?
Oh my God, she's just that girl.
She's great.
I mean, what do you want to know?
Like, what her job is?
Well, no, like, what, like you've seen her,
like what makes her that girl in your eyes?
Because she really be changing lives. Like I think seeing her from like as a kid to now
and how she really went and got it for us like to change our world because we grew up very much.
You know, section eight food stamps and she didn't want that for us
no more.
So like she went and, you know, got a degree after degree.
Now she got her own nonprofit, but her nonprofit,
like millions of dollars, you know what I'm saying?
Like she's that girl.
And I don't think she realized that she's that girl.
I have an interesting question because you all both deal a lot with women and their images.
And so I am curious to know what does it look like when a woman knows that she's powerful?
It can be very dangerous sometimes.
It can be dangerous sometimes because I think you can, I think with all things you can either
utilize it in its best way or you can, I think with all things you can either utilize it in its best
way or you can abuse it. And I think that what I have noticed over the years, I think when I
first got started in the fashion world and started working with ladies, what I would see is that
what I was giving them was vanity. Like I was pouring vanity into women and so it would make them feel so powerful
and then you would, these ladies were turning to
like fashion beast and not like beastie mode,
not like what we talk about now,
but I mean like they would become mean girls.
And it was at one point where I realized,
I'm like, I think that I'm turning girls into mean girls
cause I'm giving them straight vanity. it's it has nothing it has no
substance behind what I'm doing and it's just you know it's just it's it's
vain like we can't get around the word vain and I think that it can be abused
at times but I've also seen women that have utilized their power, you know, and
Most of the times like you just said earlier, I don't think I don't think a lot of women even I don't know a woman that knows her power and
Speaks of her power. I don't think I've ever heard
One say that she has power I think that a woman who has power and never really speaks of it. She just knows she just loves what she does and
It's just a part of who she is and she knows that she's called to something
Bigger than her. I think that's the true definition of power to me not necessarily
knowing that you have power
I'm taking notes because I want to like ask questions and not forget, but like I am curious
about this because I think that most women want to feel confident, they want to feel
powerful, but I think part of the reason that I don't even lean into this notion of like
being that girl is because I feel like the moment you start drinking your own
Kool-Aid like you lose sight on what really matters and so you know what I mean like because then you're like
you see who you are instead of like who you can become you know what I mean I think there's
something to be said about there always being a little bit of distance between like where you are and who you could become.
So I honestly,
I think it's the reason why I wrote the book power moves ignite your confidence
and become a force like as powerful as that title is.
It really is about like harnessing power in a way that doesn't alienate your
people or like build up pride. Cause I think there is this like fine balance.
There is a fine balance.
I think you and I can't think of the only ladies name
that was on your podcast.
And y'all were talking about how when you get to a certain place
of therapy, you weaponize it.
And I think that certain women that end up knowing that they're that girl,
are they getting these powerful positions,
or they just start tapping in on what they're capable of,
and they can sometimes weaponize it.
And I think that the humility, like, Cindy was right.
Like you are that girl to us, but you're that girl to us
because as long as I've ever known you,
I've never heard you or seen you try to pull a power move.
You know what I mean?
Like I've never seen you try to pull a power move.
Like even behind the scenes, even with coming from childhood or coming
from where you come from, like I always, I've always seen you in such a humble state.
Like I feel like you embody this,
this internal power because you tap into
who you know God has called you to be.
Like you ain't trying to be nobody else.
Like I think Cindy always says that she's never
sees you in business mode.
And she's often wondering what you're like in business mode.
I'm like, she's the same person
that she is when she's talking to you as a friend
or talking to you anytime.
And I feel like...
He said, he'd be like, you on play,
like in business mode or whatever.
Damn. Wait a minute. Don't get that the screen show or whatever. Damn.
Wait a minute.
Don't get that away.
Wait a minute.
You're not gonna come in the screen show and just take, take, take.
Like you have to be able to give something and receive something.
You gotta be able to take criticism.
You gotta be able to give her a realness.
Like there's a give.
Like I feel like you're an all around girl.
That's my take on it.
So I do think that you're the it girl,
but I think you're it girl,
cause we get a chance to see you in your own world.
And you cook, you clean, you work out.
Like you cry, you cry.
I've never seen her cry. I've never seen her cry.
I've never seen you cry.
I mean, I'll stay. I mean, I'll church.
She cries.
I've never seen you cry.
She cries.
I'll cry.
She cries.
Well, as much as I have enjoyed as talking about me, Cindy,
I would love to know, like, what
has your confidence journey been like?
What?
Yeah, we want to know.
Ask me.
I have no idea.
No, what has it been like for you though?
Because you have, we have watched you grow.
What do you mean?
Okay, not even just over the years, but over the months, we've seen you grow.
Yeah.
I mean, we've seen you grow since like, honestly, like a few weeks ago.
Things, things happen and like you literally, you challenge yourself to grow.
Like that's, that takes confidence to do that.
It takes confidence to do that.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. What made you change?
Um, I don't know.
I was tired of being the same.
I don't know.
How would you...
I was just...
Now I was gonna say, how would you define
who you were before?
Oh my God.
Childish.
I was a people pleaser.
It was real bad.
Real, real bad.
I don't know.
I think, I don't know.
It was all bad.
I think.
And I don't even know how to articulate who she was. No, it was all bad, I think.
And see. I don't even know how to articulate who she was,
you know what I'm saying?
Well, how'd you know it was bad?
Like what happened that made you feel like
this is something I gotta change?
Friendships, people telling her the truth.
Yeah.
Yeah, and I think that's another way
to work on your confidence is to have people around you
that will tell you the truth.
And you take it and you try to grow from it
and you do something about it versus like just standing in the same place
because somebody could have told you the truth a month ago
and you could have retaliated against it.
Like, no, that's not who I am.
You gotta accept me for who I am.
You know what I mean?
But I think we've seen you grow in your confidence.
Even when you're in crowds, How do you take crowds now?
Like when you're in a crowd of people
and you're feeling fly.
I still don't like crowds.
I don't think I've changed with crowds.
I still don't like crowds.
I think that you and Sarah are just alike with that.
I think that Sarah is not good in crowds either.
So Jason is talent folks.
Why would you tell women evolve with 40,000 of them that I don't like growing up. I'm gonna keep it, I ain't gonna edit it,
but just know I am who I am because of you all,
because I was never out there trying to be in the crowd.
We outside, I guess.
That's hilarious.
I think you got pushed into the crowd,
you know, with your calling,
and it requires you to be with the crowd.
Even when you want to, you are a loner.
If you can be at home and cook and clean and play with them
kids all day long and, and play with PT all day long, that's
all you would do, man.
That's all you would do.
How, how does it work for you getting out?
Like what, what do you, what do you think you've grown with people?
Like internal relationships, external relationships
and being in public.
How do you feel like you've grown over the past?
Like how's your confidence?
Cause I know sometimes it's hard
like you can struggle in a room not necessarily
just because like, oh, I don't want to be here around people
cause I don't like people,
but sometimes it's something that we deal with internally.
And sometimes it's confidence.
I walk in a room sometimes I get this big, which is why I don't like going into those
rooms.
How do you deal with that?
Yeah.
Um, I definitely prefer to be behind the scenes.
And I think that part of the reason why I have had to come out of my shell is because God's assignment on my life
has put me in a position that requires, I think,
more about what is required for his power to work through me
versus what makes me comfortable.
And by not being around crowds, it's not necessarily
like that I just don't like small
talk, you know, walking into spaces where it feels like status is important or like
people, you know, whether, no matter where you are on the totem pole, cause as a 14 year
old teen mom, I'd walk into some rooms and they're like, Hey, you can sit in the corner.
Nobody wants to hear from you.
But now I walk in and I am whoever I am.
And a lot of times people want to talk to who they think I am, but they don't really want to get to know me.
And so I think I do the best when people like part of the reason why I do well
with like, well, I'm involved in meet and greases, because most of the time they
come up to me and they like, girl, you're wig and like, girl, what you said. And
like that best friend in my head energy is good for me because it doesn't make
me feel like I have to break through small talk.
And so I do think that it speaks to
how God will position you and environments
that are uncomfortable, but they're not a drastic difference
from what it will take for you
to be the best version of yourself.
Because if what I had to do,
meant I walked into rooms like cold all of the time and I had to like speak up
and find myself and advocate for myself,
I think that I would not be very successful at that.
So I think God was like,
I am gonna make you go into the some rooms,
you are gonna be around people,
you're gonna be very exposed and very visible,
but I'm gonna make sure that you feel a sense of safety
in the community that I orchestrate to be around you.
And so I think, I mean, it just goes into the reality
that God takes into account all of who you are
and then still calls you out of who you are,
but he doesn't do it in a way that like-
What is so good?
What is so good?
I'm sorry.
It's like he doesn't do it in a way that requires you
to be someone you're not. Like I can only be me. So when I'm speaking, when I it in a way that requires you to be someone you're not.
Like I can only be me.
So when I'm speaking, when I'm in a room,
I can only be myself and sometimes that's nervous,
sometimes it's shy.
And like you can hear me trembling in my voice
when I first speak, but like I obey
and then God's power shows up anyway.
I do appreciate which rooms are ones
that God has called you to
and you're just gonna be exposed and uncomfortable
versus the rooms that you just flat out annoyed in.
Well, I mean, I know for sure that like I am called
to whatever Waman Evolve is.
So, hold on, a child is that,
we're recording this at 7 p.m. at night guys.
It's a long story, but my children are home.
And the 14 year old is hungry
and she slammed the door in the eight year old's face
and when we get out of here,
I'm gonna not be gentle parenting.
That is hilarious.
Can you tell me what's their mom's name?
The kids, what's their mom's name?
mom name the kids what's their mom's name have we not they belong to you they act
like their mom
alright don't make me fight you in front of a live audience
don't don't get fought you You know, Jay, I differentiate, differentiate between
the rooms that I'm called to be in versus the ones that I think are just, you know,
another opportunity by really asking like what purpose will be fulfilled by me walking
into this space? And is it God's purpose or someone else's purpose?
Cause sometimes we'd be asking like, what's my purpose?
And depending on who you ask, they will have an answer.
Cause some people are going to be like, your purpose is to be my yes ma'am.
Your purpose is to make sure that I get everything I want.
And so I recognize that anytime I walk into a room, I am fulfilling
someone's purpose and I have to qualify whether or not that purpose
is God's purpose.
And so there are some things that like I wanna do,
but I am not willing to step outside of God's purpose.
And even sometimes in my comfort zone.
So you know, like I got invited to the time 100 next gala.
Let's talk about it.
And I really wanted to go.
Let's talk about it.
Okay.
I really, I really wanted to go because, okay, let's talk,
we're gonna tie it all in together, okay?
So it was right before Wombin Evolved,
and Wombin Evolved was obviously bigger
than it had ever been in the past,
and it was like breaking records for stuff.
And so I was having this like, oh my gosh, God,
I can't believe that you would allow this 14-year-old girl
to experience this, that you would use me in this way.
So that's kind of like my mindset leading up to it.
Then I get this like you're being honored as time 100 next thing.
I'm like, oh my gosh, Shaggy.
And there's like this another layer of it.
Like these are all the things that if you felt like your power is in what you did, like
would add like this shiny sticker to my name.
And so I was mostly blown away by it.
I get invited to the gala.
I'm like, I want to go.
I want like my 14 year old girl to fully live in this moment.
I want her to experience it.
But they told me that I couldn't bring a plus one, which means that I was going to fly to
New York and go to a gala and be in a room by myself.
And I have social anxiety.
At least I'm used to my man being with me
because he can kind of like navigate the room.
And I just like did not wanna go out of my way
to be uncomfortable.
They weren't, you know what I mean?
Like I'm gonna pay my own way.
I don't invest in my discomfort.
God, if you're gonna call me out here, I'll go if you send me.
But I'm like, God, I'm not preaching a message.
We literally talking about me getting dressed up to be somewhere in a room, maybe meeting
some people who are absolutely amazing, but I'll never know because all I'm gonna do is
sit in the corner and be like, I guys, I was one of the people nominated.
You know, but if I were called to preach somewhere,
like we've gone into women's prisons
and they were like, hey, it can only be you,
like I will overcome that in a heartbeat
because that is more important to me,
that is more important to me
than just being in a room to rub shoulders. So I think
I qualify it based off of like who's gonna get the purpose in the glory out of this.
That was great. That was great. Like literally just figuring out, because that's, I think that's
something a lot of people battle with is knowing what rooms that they're called to and they're
meant to stay in and they're meant to stay in
and you're meant to be uncomfortable.
You know what I mean?
Like in God's doing something in that room,
you just gotta sit there and wait
and not even know what that thing is, right?
Everyone in our country has a voice.
It's something that says not just where you come from,
but who you are.
Welcome to NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths,
a collection of podcasts and a celebration of the hosts
in journalism who've always spoken truth to power.
Our voices are as varied, nuanced, and dynamic
as the Black Experience,
and stories should never be about us without us.
Find NPR Black Stories, Black Truths
on the iHeart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hi, this is Shannon Doherty, host of the new podcast,
Let's Be Clear with Shannon Doherty.
You may know me from, let's see, 90210, Charmed, Mallrats,
Heather's.
Probably also know me from My Stage 4 Cancer Diagnosis
and sharing that journey with so many of you.
There's something so authentic about a podcast.
It's me connecting, me talking, raw in the moment.
That's what my goal is to give you,
to talk about why I feel that cancer to a certain extent
is a gift, what my responsibilities are
as a person with cancer.
Because I think that there's something so much bigger than me and to be honest I'm still trying to find out
what that is and maybe together we'll find it. It's gonna be a wild ride so I
hope that you all tune in. Listen to Let's Be Clear with Shannon Dordy on the
iHeart radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. the reclusive Matt Drudge, the founder of the Drudge Report. Along the way, I'll talk to people who've worked with him, dined with him, and fought with him, taking listeners
into private conversations, all in an attempt to get a better understanding of who Drudge
is and what motivates him. I'll also be chasing down tips from you, the listener, through
a special hotline. So if you know where Drudge is right now, or have a great Drudge story
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Listen to finding Matt Drudge on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hillary Burton Morgan here and I am excited to share with you a new series I'm launching a companion podcast to my passion project,
Sundance TV's true crime story.
It couldn't happen here.
Now on the show,
we focus on small towns and the crimes that can rip them apart.
The cases we've covered have confused me and they have made me deeply question our judicial
system.
What got me so excited about doing this podcast is that we have more time to really dig in.
So you're going to hear more information on these cases as well as never before heard
interviews and you'll get to go behind the scenes with me and the team
and learn what it's like to make a show like this.
Come join us as we get curious and get involved.
Listen to True Crime Story.
It couldn't happen here on the iHeart Radio app,
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Hi, I'm John Ho Bryant, host of Money and Wealth podcasts. financially. Even better. I'm going to teach it in a way that, well, you can understand. No unexplained theories, no mundane lessons, no using 20 words when two will do. I'm going to meet you
where you are and take you where you need to be. I'm giving you straight talk, relatable stories,
and life lessons through my own experiences and the lens of others. We're not just talking about
why financial freedom is important. We're focusing on how you can achieve it too. We all might have different starting points and end goals,
but as long as we have the desire to acquire financial freedom, it can be done from the streets
to the suites. Listen to Money and Wealth with John Hope Bryant every Thursday on the Black
Effect Podcast Network, iHeart Radio App, Apple Podcast,
or wherever you get your podcasts.
Can we talk about turning down big opportunities though?
Because there are some people who think
that they will become powerful by like
however many rooms I can get in,
however many opportunities I need to take advantage of them.
I don't want to miss my moment,
so I'm going to go to everything, I'm going to look the part, even if I don't have the money, because like I take advantage of them. I don't wanna miss my moment, so I'm gonna go to everything,
I'm gonna look the part,
even if I don't have the money,
because I am chasing power down.
And I think when we do that,
obviously there are a lot of room for error.
There's a lot of room for error.
But how do you qualify when opportunities are in front of you
that look powerful,
that could change your financial situation, that could change your financial situation,
that could change your status,
or maybe you're working with someone,
how do you qualify,
whether or like how have you maybe turned down
opportunities that other people would like die for?
Cindy, you wanna go for this?
How do you do that?
Why?
I have a story to tell, my God.
I mean, I don't have a story, but I just be like, no,
I just say no and I don't care at all.
Cause I'm not that girl.
I don't chase a bag like that.
You know what I'm saying?
Like I'm never pressed.
It was never that serious to me.
Never gave, take everything.
You know what I'm saying?
I do like that about you. I think that in our friendship I have seen that you always
say you and I are completely different because I'm always on the go and I like
like you're always working always not what I want to do I don't want to always
I don't want to always work but there are things that I like that I work for.
And I love that you are like, I want to be at a certain level.
And when I'm there, I'm comfortable.
And I'm good.
I haven't reached that level to know where I'm actually
like comfortable at.
So I had this one opportunity where I was like,
I was working with this crazy, amazing superstar
and everybody kept saying that it was so amazing, right?
Like when you wanna start,
it was a stylish dream to work with this person.
And so I had the opportunity to work with them.
And when I was working with them,
this was maybe three years ago.
And I started doing some work and they wanted
they wanted me to come in and do creative direction for their brand and it
would require me to move everything that I had just kind of gotten started and
on the ground here in Dallas which is my own office my own team and I just
started to kind of cultivate things and then they were like we're attracted to
what you have but we don't want to end Dallas we want you to uproot it and
bring it to Los Angeles.
And I'm like, okay, that sounds pretty good. So let me try to get everybody involved, I possibly can,
from, you know, CPAs to attorneys to everybody to really figure out if I can really do it. So
they say we want you. I say, okay, cool, I'm coming. I'm going to come, but I want to make sure that
the numbers are right. The numbers were never right.
And we went back and forth and back and forth
and back and forth to the point where I was just like,
you know what, forget it.
I don't wanna do it because if they can't pay me my worth,
I don't wanna be there.
I turned it into a worth thing more than it was anything
because that would help me to turn it down easier
because the person devalued my worth.
So that was my way of making that excuse to myself.
And so later they came back and said,
we're gonna meet your number.
Well, now I gotta put my big boy draw a long
because it's like, okay, you're gonna meet my number.
So that means now I have to really show up.
Yo, I called one of my friends and I said,
I don't know what to do.
And I said, I have this opportunity coming up and I don't know what to do and I said I have this I have this
opportunity coming up and I don't know what I don't know about you taking or
not something that just didn't feel right about taking it well I had a dream and
the dream was that I sat down and I sat down I was sitting in a chair and there
was a oven sitting in front of me I was sitting on a lazy boy couch and there was
an oven across the room in front of me and I was cooking chocolate chip cookies in the oven.
Follow me, okay?
Don't judge.
Follow me.
I mean, big, big back.
Big back.
So, I'm literally on this couch and this lady passes by and she says, oh my God, I want
some of your cookies that you're baking and can I have one?
And I said, yes, but it's going to take a minute before they're done. I sit on the couch and as I'm waiting, there was a
vent above my head and that vent above my head, I could see a reflection behind
me of a big snake that was forcing itself shaking trying to bite the top of my
head. And I literally woke up from the dream,
and when I woke up from the dream,
the revelation that I had the next day is that,
well, the next day I ended up turning the job down.
I felt sick as a dog, and I said,
this dream had to have been about this.
And one day, two days later, the entire world shut down.
So the actual facility that they had
that I was going to do creative direction over,
shut down and fired everybody.
So I would have uprooted everything
to move to Los Angeles,
thinking that this is gonna be,
and would have been stuck.
And it would have been stuck.
And just would have been moving on my own,
chasing the bag, chasing the opportunity,
and chasing the fame, honestly,
because it's just cool to be known to be working
in that particular position.
And so my revelation was that that snake
was the opportunity that was trying to take my head off.
And in reality, the cookies that were baking
was a product that I was able to build.
And I had women that were patient enough
to that wanted what I had to offer
that didn't require me to move at all.
So that's the reason why I was sitting in the lazy boy
and I was watching the cookies bake
and it took time for me to grow.
They were willing to grow with me.
So that's my story of how I literally turned down
the opportunity and was sick as a dog.
I literally, I remember puking, thinking,
I just turned down something and I feel like
I let down everybody in the industry
that was in my position, that wanted my position
to say you're turning this down,
like why would you turn something down like that
when everybody wants to be there?
And so that was my moment, I turned it down,
I felt my most free since turning that position away
and now not having to chase a bag,
I can say no to other things now comfortably.
Wow. You know, I play dominoes and we have this like,
all money ain't good money.
It's very much so given that like all power ain't good power.
You know?
All right.
What we got to say, Cindy?
No, it's, I think what's wild is the amount of people that tell me they want to be in
my position.
They want to do what I'm doing.
They would love to have, you know, one person they work with.
And I'm just like, why?
Like not why, but I don't think I don't think people realize they don't give what people
think he gives.
You know what I'm saying?
It's like you're chasing the wrong thing.
It didn't ever get.
I think we all get into it because of that though, because it looks like what it's not.
It looks like something else.
So when you're chasing a bag, I got into this on accident.
Me too.
And I feel like God just elevated me to an accident.
Yeah, no, I'm so serious.
And I think, I don't know, I was never attached to it like that ever.
I never wanted to be a celebrity, nothing. I think my biggest thing right now is like trying to not lose that original like lack
of intention now that I have to be intentional if that makes sense.
So like I didn't get into you know I did not start woman on purpose. I've never been the girl who was like one day
I'm gonna have a women's ministry. I've always been this like off to myself kind of girl
So when it became clear that like something was happening
it's very easy to have your purpose hijacked by other people's purposes and
people people's purposes. And people underestimate that when God gives you a purpose that you
also have to do the work of protecting that purpose because it is easily hijacked and
it gets hijacked by other people's opportunities. It gets hijacked by other people's motives
and what you will allow or won't allow. And so I think my hardest task is making sure
that like things remain pure, that I don't start taking
Ownership of something that I didn't even start where I'm like I did this I built this I got this right or start like inviting people
into an environment that is so
potent when pure that it becomes
You know pretend or performance because I started losing my vision
on what it was supposed to be.
Well, I hope that that conversation was as enjoyable.
We get a lot of kekeying going on in our group message.
So I hope we didn't annoy you too much,
but I hope that you got some really good nuggets
from the conversation.
I am still marinating on this idea that the women who are the most powerful don't feel
powerful at all and the women who think they're powerful are not powerful.
At least not in the way that they think they are.
What is that and how do we get to a place where
we can really own who we are but with humility? I want to say that I am really living in that space.
I feel more confident in who I am than I have ever felt and it doesn't feel prideful at all
because I also feel so confident that I'm raggedy,
broken, that I need Jesus,
and that when Jesus and I partner,
that amazing things happen,
and that I'm funny,
and I'm not the some results of my mistakes,
and that my accolades don't define me either.
Like, I really feel like I'm finding this sweet spot
of confidence that doesn't require me
to stay locked into anyone's box.
And I believe that that is a direct result of just truly, radically embracing authenticity.
And when we radically embrace authenticity, we have no choice but to become powerful.
You all have to pre-order my book, Power Moves. It's going to serve you so well.
And I can't believe I'm saying that. I was nervous about it. I wrote the book and then,
you know, how I'm preaching. I'm like, I don't know if this makes any sense, but I'm gonna give it
to you anyway. I got to read the book for the audio book just last week. I think it was. It was
last week because I recorded the interview after doing the audio book and the kids were acting crazy.
But anyway, reading through the book, it helped me to realize that there's some really good nuggets in here.
And if just one or two of these resonate with women, it's going to really serve them in a season where they are becoming.
So you guys download the book.
I am going to continue to unpack what it means to be powerful.
How do we tap into it?
How we embrace it?
I'm going to continue to ask some people who I admire
to join me as we dive into this discussion of becoming powerful.
How do we do it?
How do we shed the skin of our past?
How do we embrace the possibilities of our present?
How do we trust that our destiny is not going anywhere
without us?
What's that Pastor Phil?
Pastor Phil Muncie says that all the time,
if you're at one, you probably have heard it
a million times.
That is what I'm looking forward to unpacking
and I cannot wait.
And rescue, we haven't tried in a couple weeks.
Y'all need to rescue my mother. No. Y'all need to
rescue me from having to do my mother's hair in her sand owl 24-7. Y'all need to
rest, y'all need to rescue gentle parenting again or hard parenting or
something because at the end of the day I parented her like she parented me when
she was combing my hair and she didn't enjoy it. Maybe she wants to gentle
parent after all. Maybe her ways are changing. I don't know y'all. I'm going to ask the podcast team,
I'm going to be honest, I am recording this at a rental in the car. We may actually have some
rescue eaves, but I'm sitting in the car with very limited access to wifi just so that I can
get you this podcast. So we will see. All right, I love you guys. I will see you next week.
It's gonna be so much more professional.
It's gonna be amazing.
You're gonna be blown away.
It's gonna be fantastic.
It's gonna be powerful.
It's gonna be beautiful.
God, Holy Spirit, Jesus.
When I say, Father, we need you, Jesus,
please walk with us in the Holy Spirit.
Phyllis, I mean that from the bottom of my soul,
each and every day, comes with a new set
of circumstances and situations and sometimes we feel powerful and sometimes we feel so weak
that it doesn't feel like power is available to us at all. But then at the very mention of your name
but then at the very mention of your name demons tremble. So we say Jesus. Jesus Jesus Jesus. Jesus Jesus Jesus over her mind. Jesus over her heart. Jesus over her
finances. Jesus over her health. Jesus over her health. Jesus over her children.
Jesus over her grief.
Jesus, we need you.
We love you.
We're so grateful we don't have to do life on our own.
Please squeeze my friend tight.
Help her to fill your presence
and to never feel alone.
In your name I pray.
Amen.
I'll see you next week.
Everyone in our country has a voice.
It's something that says not just where you come from,
but who you are.
Welcome to NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths,
a collection of podcasts and a celebration
of the hosts in journalism who've always spoken truth to power. Our voices are as
varied, nuanced, and dynamic as the Black Experience, and stories should never be
about us without us. Find NPR Black Stories, Black Truths on the iHeart
radio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
What if I told you fairy Tales had a darker side?
He locked her in this dungeon,
he ordered her to do this impossible thing,
he threatened to kill her multiple times.
That's one where Red and Grandma are just dead.
She takes the frog and with all her might
throws him against the wall.
Join me, Miranda Hawkins,
as we step into the twisted world of the Brothers Grimm.
Listen to the Deep Dark Woods on the I Heart Radio app,
Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
John Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show,
which means he's also back in our ears
on The Daily Show, Ears Edition podcast.
Join late night legend John Stewart
and the best news team
for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews and more. Now this is a second
term we can all get behind. Listen to the Daily Show Ears Edition on the I heart radio
app, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hi, I'm Vanessa Bayer and this is my brother Jonah. And we are so excited to have you here the latest season of our nostalgia theme podcast,
How Did We Get Weird?
Not only do you get to know me and my brother, you get to know the stories that made us the
absolutely rad people we are today.
Check out our episodes where we welcome hilarious guests like our friend Andy Samberg.
That's it, that's really it!
And Queen Casey Wilson.
I really went carp before the horse.
I said, I think I have an opportunity to interview Leonard the Capricorn.
My God.
As a high school student.
And you do not want to miss out on our funny segments
like change.dork.
Change.dork.
And congratulations.
You played yourself.
Congratulations.
You played yourself.
Listen to our podcast, How Did We Get Weird on the iHeart
Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
The second season of El Flow is here. Step into the ever-evolving world of Réadon and get up close with both legendary figures and emerging talents in the industry.
Part of the enormous significance of Réadon is really the way in which personal narratives connect to larger things going on historically and socially.
Listen to El Fló on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your podcasts.