Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - KISS and Tell w/ Gene & Nick Simmons | Your Mom's House Ep. 746
Episode Date: February 14, 2024SPONSORS: Head to http://policygenius.com/YMH to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. Get Coors Light delivered straight to your door with Drizly or Instacart by goin...g to http://coorslight.com/YMH Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://Shopify.com/momshouse Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/mom or through my promo code MOM. Show me that you like me! This week on Your Mom's House Podcast it's Valentime's Day so Tim and Kristin talk about the very worst part about the corporate holiday of love, before opening the show with a cute song by a cool guy and reading a family friendly airtight story. Tom also gives us a toenail update, they react to some clips featuring a barefoot couple, a Bruins fan, the most hated barista in Canada Caitlin Campbell, and Drake's pet snake. Christina and Tom then welcome the legendary Gene Simmons and his son Nick. Fresh off the final KISS farewell tour, Gene shares stories from his lengthy career with the mommies. He talks about being a straight edge rockstar, Tom asks him about going airtight with groupies, and Gene reveals his connections to Van Halen. Nick being a mommy himself is excited as Tom and Christina also showcase some Horrible or Hilarious clips and Christina's curated TikToks to Gene plus so much more! Don't be stingy, Mark. https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Your Mom’s House Ep. 746 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Have you ever considered why all the chicks love Jesus?
He's hung like this.
Don't do that, dude. Don't do that.
The whole booth were validating.
They measure you at your fluffed rate, your salt burn length.
I know if they follow me to get my physical, they'll be like,
is this a toddler?
And you learn that the word huddeo,
maricón, la duer, does not mean good morning, Jewish person.
You fucking gay Jew!
morning Jewish person. You fucking gay Jew!
Welcome, welcome to your mom's house.
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What it do?
Happy Valentine's Day.
Thank you for saying it correctly.
You're welcome.
Amazing.
It's a great day.
We're here celebrating my least favorite commercial holiday.
Yours, mine too.
We've both agreed to hate this day.
It's fucking, it's the worst.
It's the dumbest.
It's the dumbest.
Don't tell me when to love.
Don't tell me when to celebrate my 20 year
beautiful relationship.
Don't tell me when to buy stuff.
I'll buy stuff when I want to fucking buy stuff.
Tell me when to fucking buy.
Oh, you didn't get chocolates and roses today.
It's like, come on man, fuck off with that.
I also feel like it is more performative.
Well, you know what I mean?
Like the other women will, oh, did Tom.
Can I tell you, I think the worst thing is,
is a dinner reservation, like going to dinner on Valentine's.
So you're there with a bunch of other chumps.
So they're like, I proved that I actually care today.
Today.
Because you made a dinner reservation today.
Well, that and they overcharged the shit out of you.
Do you want regular dinner
or do you want the dinner that shows that you care?
Yeah.
And you're like, oh, no, I want that one.
Yeah.
Okay.
This one has chocolate covered strawberries in champagne,
cheap champagne.
Oh yeah.
We're gonna market $150.
Yeah, I don't like doing it when everyone else is doing it.
It's kind of like when somebody dies
and they're like, did you love your dad? Yeah, how much I mean this coffin is they do that with the
Coffins the gold seal that's amazing if you haven't been through that. Oh my god, you sit down with someone
They're like I'm so sorry about your loss and you're like mmm. Thank you and they're like
so
We're gonna pick the box for the body right now
So we're gonna pick the box for the body right now.
Did you wanna do just the plywood or do you wanna platinum box?
It just depends on how you wanna-
Yeah, did you love them?
To be interned in the earth for the rest of time.
Would you like it to be like just the wood
that goes up in a cheap apartment
or would you like it to be the high level stuff?
And you're like, oh no, I love them.
And they're like, now the corners of the box,
we can decorate though.
They just didn't blend and plane.
And you're like, no, don't decorate them.
Of course.
Did you love her?
And then it's funny, they don't-
Would you like a lining?
Like a velvet lining?
Oh, they told me they,
for my mom died, they go,
we can put a lining in there
that will slow down the decay.
Oh, yes.
To preserve her forever.
Absolutely.
Why would I want that?
She was terrible.
Do you want it embroidered or would you like it just
to be left as just plain velvet lining?
My favorite too is.
Give them something to read.
Yeah.
You can embroider it, please.
Put some pornography in there.
My dad needs to jerk off.
He's gonna be down there for a while.
Also, my mom died, they don't call it ashes.
They say, your family members cremated remains
are ready for a pick up.
I go, just FedEx, that shit to me.
I don't wanna go down there.
We can't buy law FedEx cremated remains.
We did all the stuff.
We didn't go for like all the choices,
like the fucking platinum thing.
I was like, yeah, just like a night.
And then they're like, yeah.
And then like, was he in the military?
And they're like, yes.
And they're like, do you have the documents that prove it?
I'm like, right now, here?
No?
I was like, okay, you'll have to send that.
Like, we can't just put, you know,
Marine Corps stuff on there without,
so we had to like go, like petition the state
for a document that proves it,
and then they're like, yeah, okay, we can do that now.
Thanks.
When I'm grieving, I wanna go dig up documents.
Yeah, dig up documents.
Or two, they're like, do you want doves?
How many doves?
Like five or like a hundred doves.
I was like, my dad would like it if we release doves
and then shot them.
Like if you could have the Marines go ahead
and shoot them in the air.
That would be the best.
It was amazing.
Actually, my dad really loved tits.
Can you bring out a hundred tits?
Could you have like four girls,
the big tits walk by the basket? That hundred tits? Could you have like four girls with big tits walked by?
That would be real. That would be amazing.
That would be amazing.
We could do that.
All right, let's open the show though.
Sure. Here we go. I can help but despair For the love I feel for you
I want you, I need you
I love you
With all my heart
Happy Valentine's Day
Who is Randy?
Don't bring anyone loving to this
Don't burn with a fucking this! Don't mind where the fuck is Dad!
Welcome to your mom's house.
Welcome to your mom's house.
And Christina Pajit's interest in your mom's house. I'm not sure what to do with this. Wow, what a nice lovely way to start the Valentine's Day episode. I love you.
Yeah, so nice.
Nothing but love is in the air.
Now for those of us who want to elaborate on the love?
I just sent you there.
Jesus Christ.
It just doesn't, it doesn't ever end, you know?
I can't believe this is really,
this is really taken off.
Yeah.
You know, we have our finger on the pulse of the world,
not just America.
I guess we'll get right into it.
I'd love to.
Well, this is a love story for a love day.
That's another airtight story.
About 16 years ago I went to a cousin's wedding in Bakersfield, California.
If you're not familiar, Bakersfield is a lovely city.
Beautiful.
It was a big wedding and lots of fun.
We get back from the wedding close to midnight and as soon as I get out of the shower, there's
a female that I recognize from the wedding who has just opened the door, grabs my hand and leads me into the bedroom,
throws me on the bed and proceeds to give me a blow job.
She's a hot Latina, nice body and sucks like a puffer fish.
She swallowed and said to me, when you're ready come over to the guest bedroom. Holy shit, what am I about to embark on? I later enter the guest bedroom and
there's my cousin getting his penis sucked and his bestie doing doggy. I'm
thinking immediately like, where do I fit in? I lay down on the bed,
she gets on me, while my cousin is hitting her anally and the bestie is
getting polished. We were like a three ring circus,
full DP and air motherfucking tight.
Went on for 20 minutes and I nutted
like a sophomore frat boy.
I guess I'm part of the 1% club.
Enjoy your day, thanks for reading.
Whoa, a mess!
That is insane.
He took it to another level
because it's not just airtight, it's airtight with family.
With your cousin.
With your cousin.
Jesus Christ.
That's pretty, that's a whole new dimension.
Incessant.
Yeah.
I wonder if-
Think about your cousins
and doing something like that with them.
Well, I did French my second, third cousin.
Jesus Christ.
But I didn't go airtight together.
Bitter bear!
So.
By the way, I'm a little upset that he said Latin and not Latinx.
Oh, Latinx.
Latinx.
Yeah, that does affect me too.
His cousin, he went airtight with his cousin, bro.
It's wild.
Ew.
Weddings, though, man.
Weddings are crazy.
Yeah, they make people horned up.
They do, they horn you up.
Yeah.
But didn't he begach before?
Yeah, he just did with her.
So, you know, he recharged and was able to find it in himself
to come again with his cousin.
That's so fucking insane.
That's the coolest part of the story
is he came the second time with his relative.
I know.
Which one of your cousins?
Can you even imagine?
Like if you're a couple?
Half of you, one I don't see a lot.
I'll tell you that. Couldn't be like one of my close cousins. That would
be so strange. Fuck dude. God. To be like, oh, hey, what's up bud? Like walk your cousin
walks in the room. At Christmas, you're going to see them again? No, because you know there's
always a cousin you're like, I haven't seen this guy in 20 years. That's fine. I guess
he could do it. Right. Like the cousin I French, haven't seen the guy since. Stop talking. Is that a first cousin though?
It's fine. You can have children with your second or third. Did you French him
abroad or here? Abroad. I wasn't hungry. Oh yeah, that doesn't count. It's my summer abroad.
That's fine. I feel like it doesn't count because it's on foreign soil. Yeah,
anything there is fine. Yeah. Don't you feel that way that any escapade you've
had sexually on foreign soil? It's almost like it's happened in a dream or something. It didn't happen on your home turf.
Yeah, totally.
A dream, a fever dream.
I feel like something I don't know.
Anyway, I have things to do today.
By the way, apropos to this discussion of romance
and you know, last week you came back from Jiu Jitsu
when you had a horrible injury.
Yeah, yeah, that was cool.
Why didn't you tell them that happened?
I kicked off on accident my big toe toenail.
I spluttered it in half, I should say, like doing a drill.
So they heeled, lifted it up.
It was painful, but like I just taped it up.
It was bleeding everywhere.
And then later on when I took that tape off, I just taped it up. It was bleeding everywhere and then later on when I took that tape off
I was folded it and I just ripped it off
No, no, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Where were you when you were doing this?
In bed. Lying in bed. Yeah. Yeah.
Lying in bed and I was next to you. Yeah.
And I see you fidgeting with the toe and you're picking it and picking it and I'm
like, what is this fool going to do?
Trying to see what the damage is really.
Right. And I'm intrigued too because I want to see what the damage is. And then you peel
off the toenail.
The whole thing comes off. Yeah, it's gross. Super gross. Well, I should say not the whole
thing but half of it comes off.
I'm going to throw up. And here's the best part, you guys, is that I saw you and I, Yana,
I saw you go to do this.
No, that's not what I was doing.
I saw you.
That's not what I was doing.
You were going to go and then do this and swizzle your fingers.
That's not what I was doing.
I was just playing with it because it was so substantial I was just like toying with it,
like folding it, you know, like it was, and then I was, I thought you were going to take
a bite.
I was trying to hand it to you for a bite.
I thought you wanted to nibble on it.
And then you were like, if you fucking drop that on the floor, it's gonna cut me open.
Of course, I'm gonna step on it. Our kids are gonna step.
I just, you know, I just toyed with that, tried to give it to you as a memento.
And then you're not good at receiving gifts, so I took it back, and then I disposed of it in the toilet.
Yeah, yeah, that's cool. Yeah. Yeah.
It's revolting. How's your toenail now? I've even seen it.
I've been putting neosporin and a bandaid over it. And then I also tore up the top of my foot.
Yeah, you know, those jiu-jitsu mats are filthy. You know what the pediatrician told me that's how kids get ringworms and stuff
Yeah, so you got it. You got to wash with that tea tree oil. Yeah to kill the fungus. I have been have been you swear
Yeah, okay. I don't want to lose my foot. Yeah, I don't want you to lose your foot. Yeah, I've been doing it
You were gonna throw it on the carpet. No, where did you end you would you put it in the toilet? Yeah, I flushed it, yeah.
Okay.
I flushed it, but I wanted to give it to you.
I thought you wanted to hold it at least for a second.
I mean, it's not every day somebody hands you half of a large toenail.
It's half of it?
Yeah, like half of it.
Is the other half turning black?
No.
No, there's just a bunch of blood.
Okay.
Yeah. I thought you would enjoy it. I thought you'd have a bunch of blood. Okay. Yeah.
I thought you would enjoy it.
I thought you'd have a little better attitude about it.
So gross.
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Speaking of love, this is just such a beautiful idea and I hope so many of you get inspired
the way I did after seeing this.
My husband and I have removed the bottoms of all of our shoes.
Yeah, me too.
We decided to start walking barefoot and one of our followers had a great idea.
Since some businesses don't want us being completely barefoot, if we cut off the bottom
of our shoes, it'll allow us to be barefoot but blend in with everyone else.
This is a huge commitment, but we were willing to make it.
We're so happy for you.
These are our favorite shoes.
Our shoe collection is worth more than $20,000. But this is a sacrifice we're willing to take
because walking barefoot means the world to us.
The benefits of walking barefoot are priceless.
And now our shoes are worth more than money could ever be.
So today we got to work and started removing the bottoms.
We weren't sure if this was going to be easy or hard
and it ended up being pretty easy.
First of all, it's just, it's so brilliant.
I mean, you could invest in like,
keep those and just get barefoot shoes
and wide toe box shoes that are like
to keep your foot splayed open.
So they sell shoes that could mimic
what it's like to walk barefoot.
100%, yeah.
And by the way, there are many companies doing this now.
It's not like there's one.
There are barefoot shoes.
From stepping on hypodermic needles.
And then there's the wide shoe, what, shoes. From stepping on hypodermic needles.
And there's the wide shoe, wide toe shoebox, whatever it's called, wide shoe toebox.
I'm fucking it up.
But it's the one so that your foot is splayed open.
Sure.
Right, as opposed to traditional shoes that keep, yeah,
wide toebox shoes, that's what it is, wide toebox shoes.
Traditional shoes are narrow.
So, yeah, they do confine your feet. Yeah feet and like, if they're too tight, they obviously
have like some negative effects. But the other thing you could
do is just fucking shave the bottom of all your shoes off. And
then to completely destroy them. Where you're walking and then
they just little shelves where our toes are and our heels are,
we made a little lip on the bottom of
The shoe where our toenails will go so they can latch on so we'll actually
Brilliant while trying to walk without the bottom such a good idea thing for our heels
Yeah, the experience of cutting off the bottoms of our shoes was very freeing and detoxifying just like walking barefoot is so after
We cut the bottoms off. We decided to try it out
So we went to our favorite store Sephora and as you know, they don't really like us in here without shoes
I needed to go for a trip we're going on the experience was absolutely perfect
Your foot is coming out of the shoe
The workers came up to us, they talked to us, they even complimented our shoes
I definitely recommend this if you're trying to go incognito barefoot
It's the perfect way to get all the benefits of going barefoot, but also have no one know
Wow
Fully retarded
Look these foot prisons are ridiculous. Why spend, why destroy $20,000?
20 steps.
They had like really nice sneakers.
Yeah.
But here's the problem is that you can,
once they walk, you can still see the sole of the non shoe.
Like you can still see someone's barefoot.
Yeah, you can be like, that person has no bottom to that shoe.
Yeah. Yeah.
And I mean, I'm sure like they're going to be in businesses
where they're going to go, hey, I, I noticed that your foot just popped out of your shoe. So unhygienic. Yeah. Yeah. And then I'm sure like they're gonna be in businesses where they're gonna go, hey, I noticed that your foot just popped out of your shoe. So unhygienic. Yeah. It's so stupid.
Well, that's why they sell barefoot shoes. Right. That they mimic so they just they cover for the
hygiene and the security, but they're you can be fully split. But then you can't ruin $20,000
worth of a shoe collection. You have to ruin your shoes
In order to do this. But then they don't have to spend hours cutting off shaving the soul. What the fuck are you doing?
What are you doing?
It's so dumb
Cheesecake factory in Sephora. It looks like a fun day. Hold on a second. Just hold on a second. Sure. Just hold this one quick. I'm composing this extremely brief Instagram post
to remind everyone if there's a Bruins game going on I
Urge you please refrain from attempting to message me between
445 p.m. Oh and the 6 p.m. Hour. Thank you. I'm busy in the kitchen and I will not respond to any messages
Okay, all I can say is I hope you enjoy sending messages to thin air because I'm not responding.
Wow.
All I can say is stop it.
Is he wearing a hospital gown?
A mental hospital gown.
I don't know, but it is an important message to put out to people.
I am unavailable for the next hour and 15 minutes.
Stop texting me.
If you fucking keep messaging me
and no one's gonna respond to you.
Nobody.
Also, it's like these people.
Does anyone respond that urgently to messages?
No one cares, no.
But it's the same thing where people are like,
I'm taking a break from social media.
I'm off of Instagram.
And they're like, oh, what do you think
a collective gasp around the world is?
No, what is P No, Mike is done.
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. Sure.
What is this?
What is this?
I don't know.
Why did people?
Is this on TikTok?
This platform?
I think this was Instagram.
So he's letting that's he's letting the followers know.
Just listen, man.
Don't text me.
You're not going to get a reply in the next hour and 15 minutes
Like you don't even have you don't have to do that
You can do it the next day you could reply everyone's like, okay
Like well but that and also to I love when old people don't understand technologies and platforms like the people that follow you on Instagram
Probably don't have your phone number. It's okay. You can wait. They'll wait. They'll wait. You can wait
You don't have to do this You don't have to do this at all. This is also, you
know, people like put their phones on that silent, like don't. Oh yeah. Some people leave
it permanently, which I find very annoying. It's so stupid. Like anytime of any time you
message certain people, it goes so and so has their thing on silence. They'll get this
message later and you're like,
dude, do it at night.
I get it.
But why are you doing this throughout the day?
Or not only that, like,
you don't have to check your text messages constantly.
You can also just not look at your phone.
Yeah, they can't do that.
Why do you have to put on the stupid-
Notification thing?
And it's also people that you need,
like that you work with,
that have fucking these notifications on oh
So and so doesn't it's like well you should turn it off because you fucking have a job Yeah, business hours dipshit fucking dipshit. Yeah, cuz they don't turn it off people forget
Of course, it's very rude when you get that so and so is on
I can't be
burdened by a message
You fucking cunt. I'm sorry. I just I just need a little me time
I'm so important so many people are reaching out turn that shit off during the week fuck-o
Yeah, don't take it. You don't need to let the world know and also it's kind of like a flex like I am I am so
Enlightened and I'm so into self-care. Yeah, I just silent mode like all right
Good for you, Swamy, whatever fucking
double soul shaman cunt.
Our home girl has continued to put
her videos up of how her day goes.
Welcome to the day in the life of a 29 year old
small business owner who makes coffee for 11,
keeping it high and tight.
You all know we were headed first thing in the morning
What are my favorite places to the gym? They tried to be one of the first people here
I think we're the second person here today, but I'm still kind of that as a win
We are sticking on the grind back to the consistency doing all my favorite workouts including some boxing and today
We're gonna mix it up a little bit
I'm gonna hop on the treadmill and I'm actually gonna run for like the first time in like over a decade
Didn't film that because I'd look ridiculous But it was an amazing workout. I noticed my mental health has immediately improved just from going to the gym and working out
There you go good for her doing great
And then it's coffee time we're gonna start packing up some coffee orders
You showed it to all you guys for the support now start for Papa's Reaper one night to hit the road
We have a couple meetings to attend to we got to run some errands
And of course drop off some coffee to some of our local customers before ending our errands at UPS and shipping some coffee out. Decided to go to Chipotle
for a little Chipotle date, pop a strip retreated. We both got some chicken bowls and yes they were
delicious. Also got this new coffee brewer. It's purple and perfect. My favorite color and now we're
gonna end with the leafs. Love it. She's a really use stamps.com. I know. You have to drive to UPS.
Let's see.
Is there...
Well, first of all, how cool is it that she dropped a...
Keeping it high and tight.
Come on.
Yeah, she's with the program.
That's for us.
Of course.
Are there comments in this thing?
Or no.
I have some comments here.
Okay.
No, no, what's a banana split?
Yeah.
Yeah, very cool.
Now most of her comments have just turned into Y I'm a- Now we are bullying her.
Bullying her.
Good morning.
That's the full good morning Julia speech.
It's me, Joe.
Just wanted to say hi.
Wish you a great day.
Tell you that me yesterday and getting a look at you was probably one of the greatest moments
of my life.
You were so beautiful.
You don't know how beautiful you are to me.
I mean, just gorgeous.
You're precious.
And it's been sitting in my mind. When you said to me you want to go back with your ex boyfriend,
please erase him from your memory. They'll never go back in the past. I know
because I've been there and I understand. You know you're trying to find somebody,
you go on dates, and nothing compares to your ex, but there is that better person
out there. And Julia, I promise you, it is me.
I will love you like you've never been loved before.
I will cherish you.
I will make you feel like a woman, real woman.
And believe me.
And it went on and on.
He wrote the whole thing.
The whole thing was fantastic.
That is a beautiful speech for about.
It really is.
I'm home here now.
I love that it's the people that usually write her hate are probably
like, the fuck is this all about?
This is all we do.
That's how we do it at Falcon Car Wash.
Yeah. A little fed smoker in there.
Yeah.
Crankin' at it.
It's a good job, guys.
I am actually incredibly curious to try her coffee.
I know.
I really hope we can get some of that.
Will you reach out about that?
I'd like to try this coffee.
Yeah, for sure.
Maybe she could do a YMH coffee blend for us.
Coffee experience, yeah.
I would love that.
That would be really cool.
That would be very cool. That would be very cool.
Talking to the penis enlargement folks, I'm excited to see what I can learn.
Seriously?
Well, I just want to know what it's like.
I just want to know what happens.
You know what I'm really curious about?
Wow.
Well, so when they measure you, how do they know that they're measuring you at your smallest?
Oh, wow.
Right?
Like, what if you go in there and they're like, okay, so you're Five inches long and four inches around and you're like hey, yeah easy easy
This thing gets way smaller
No, right, right isn't that a legit question right cuz don't you have your your sickness length?
I have a range that you wouldn't believe I mean, I'm like fucking
I'm like Marlon Brando.
I could, it does everything.
Yeah.
So I just want to know if I show up and they're like,
Yeah, it's a really good point.
This is pretty nice.
And I'm like, whoa, hey.
They measure you at your fluffed rate,
your salt burn length.
I don't know.
Or your regular.
I know if they follow me to get my physical,
they'll be like, is this a toddler?
Because it always knows where it's in a doctor's office and it goes...
Hello doc.
Like that?
I don't know.
But do you think because you're visiting the Dick Doc that it will shrink like that?
It may be.
I don't know.
I think this is probably the most important question I have for him.
So this guy claims that he can what, add girth?
He doesn't claim, he does.
Add length?
I mean, they have like a lot of, no, no, they don't add length.
Just girth.
The length is a mystery, girth, yeah.
The length is a mystery.
Yeah, no, they say we cannot add length.
Wow.
We add girth.
It's exciting.
And they do it by injecting, just like the same thing that like somebody injects into
their face.
They do this in your pee-pee, but they also are very clear
that if you inject it into your head, it's gonna get weird.
They're like, you're gonna have a distorted head
and it's not gonna last long, but it lasts in the shaft
it says for like a year and a half, two years.
Wow, that's exciting.
Yeah, I know, I can tell you're licking your lips.
I'm liking my chops. What are you gonna do this?
Well, I mean, I want to ask these questions either the most important question
That's true. That is a very important. Zolo, you need to relay these very important questions for me. You got it
Yeah, how do we know you're at your smallest? Yeah, how do we know the smallest? What is the smallest? It's a good point
Dang good. That's exciting. What about your balls? Can they do stuff to your balls?
I think I'm gonna leave my balls as is.
I wonder like, is there guys with super small balls?
Can they give them a little bounce, a little something there?
I would stay away from that.
Neuticles?
I think you should definitely leave your balls
the way they are.
Yeah.
Too sensitive, too much that can go wrong.
These are your reproductive organs or the actual,
they're the real workers.
They don't get the same press that your dick gets, they're the actual, they're the real workers.
They don't get the same press that your dick gets,
but your balls are doing a lot of work.
Yeah.
That's so true.
They're the workhorse of the genitalia.
Yeah, they are.
They support the dick.
Yeah, and who's like,
I just really gotta change these balls up.
You don't know.
Maybe there's guys out there that hate their balls.
No, there probably are, but come on,
get the fuck out of here.
Really?
Do you guys think it's you think
It's inappropriate to hate your balls
The dick is a star of the show. I got the balls are the backup singers. I don't really ever think about my balls
See yeah, yeah, I don't care. Yeah
Also feel like I would lose some sensitivity which would really suck on your balls. Yeah, like if they injected them
Yeah, don't wait a minute. Will you lose sensitivity in your peener with the filler? I mean, these are questions that I
want to ask. These are things I think about all day and all night, but there's only one
person that can answer them and that's the people that work at this company. So filler
in your peep. Yeah. Or they could, that's interesting. Yeah, we'll interfere with nerves
and sensitivity. It's very legit questions. It becomes so sensitive. Okay, so sensitive.
But I do know when I get filler in my face,
it doesn't affect nerves.
How do you feel?
And it's, I get it under my eyes.
And they're always like,
I'm like, what are their risks?
They're like, you could go blind.
And I'm like, oh, let's keep doing it.
Sounds like there'd be a risk to your dick too.
Well, yeah.
Yeah.
I'm sure they hit a wrong nerve or something or...
Yeah.
Bang, and next thing you know, I don't know
Yeah, I mean if it doesn't take take away sensitivity. I might hit the balls up
Yeah, you might hit the balls up your balls done. Yeah, I might get them a little rounder
You know I'm saying and how about your dong you won't get that filled out more. I mean any any more filled in
That's just too much
Enough is enough
Yeah, sure.
Okay.
Perfect.
And he's letting you know.
Yeah, he really is.
He's letting the world know right now.
He's got that drizzy dick, you know what I mean?
Geez.
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Geez.
Do you see Drake jerking off?
No. Can I see that?
Is it new?
Yeah, it's kind of, well no, it's a couple weeks old.
May I see that? Yeah. I'd like to see Drake's Peter. I love when celebrities release. He's jerking off like on his bus
What recording it himself? Yeah, he recorded himself and then it leaked or something. Yeah leaked or he fucking
No, it leaked all right. Oh it leaked. Yeah, there was a boy on the
To all the boys I've Loved Before. It's all over Twitter.
That teen show. Yeah. And there was a video of him, Jay and his D.
You better believe I found that thing. Lickety split.
How would you think? It was wild. And he's like a T.
He plays a teenager. Which guy from what?
To All the Boys I've To All the Boys I've Loved Before.
And what'd you think? It was it was good.
It was good. It was a good one. And he's cute.
But it also feels weird because he's playing a teenager and I don't want to be that guy, but he's not he's not
He's like 25 so I felt better about looking at it
But it's still felt weird. What is it and slapping your clam to it?
I didn't slap my clam to it. No, I just like to see what I what is what's going on and what do you think?
It's great. It was great. I miss he drags dong. I can't believe that. Do you think you leaked it really?
I'm so naive. Sorry. Yeah, he may have such a child knows who knows you may have well in the actual Twitter feed
You can definitely find it
It's
Almost in Drake's Twitter feed. No, no, no just like all of Twitter as like if you go into search component
It's just like you can't get away from it
Like if you go into search component, it's just like you can't get away from it
Might I say though that master because trending master Bay jones a little
Embarrassing like wouldn't you want to release it? Yeah? I think this wasn't like this was like just like a shot of here's here's me doing this
It wasn't like a full video. It was just like look at my dick. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's trying to show off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
Yeah, don't give up, Zolo, you keep looking.
You search until the end of time. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha celebrities. It's so cool. It is cool. Gosh, growing up I remember when Madonna came, there were some photos that she had taken
when she was like 18. Some photographer leaked it. And she had Harry Pitz and you could see
her boobs and I was like, wow, that is something else.
Isn't that something?
And now I get to see celebrities, dogs and then I'm jerking it and stuff.
It's pretty cool.
It's a good time to be alive.
Here's the thing that happens too is you go no way and then you're like, yeah, that's just another person's naked
Yeah, body doesn't like it doesn't really
No, I think the older you get the more you're just like it's just another person. It's another naked person
Yeah, skin another human. Yeah, no, it doesn't have the impact of when you're like, huh?
What can you're young and they're like someone's naked?
What?
Like you just I don't know.
I think too, when you have children.
Yeah, you have kids and you realize that everybody comes out in the world like this.
And yeah. And you wipe asses and you see them pee on everything.
And they piss on everything still.
Still. Every seat.
Every floor. There he is.
Oh, oh, yeah.
He's just he's just bragging.
He's just showing you this stuff.
What a fucking wiener dog. Yeah. I mean, it seems a little bragging. Yeah's just showing you his stuff. What a fucking weiner dog.
I mean, it seems a little bragged.
Yeah, he's flexing.
You can look at it.
I feel weird looking at it with my husband right now.
Oh, I'm right here looking with you.
Go ahead.
Oh, you're looking?
Yeah.
I don't like watching guys jerk it.
I don't know why.
It seems very like I shouldn't be watching this.
Oh, life's getting people to look alike.
That's a big old dong though.
I know.
Big old Drake dong.
Can I tell you what's off-putting?
What?
The full sweatshirt with the hoodie and then nothing from the waist.
Like he took off his pants the whole way and his underwear the whole way down.
And he kept his hoodie on?
Yeah, you don't do that.
Sometimes the urge just hits us and we just got
it go, you know. Yeah, but you take off your pants and you're not all the way. No, no.
The silly. So this is clearly. It was to film this. I think we got it now. Thanks gentlemen.
But now now watch. Well, go ahead. That's a great hang. It's good. Once I get over the
shock because I don't like to see guys.
Yeah, you have to process it.
Yeah, and then in retrospect,
I go, yeah, this is a good one.
Like tomorrow I'll be walking through the house
and it'll be like, God's plan.
God's plan.
I'll be like, what's going on?
Why are you listening to this?
Oh, nothing.
No reason.
Yeah, that was a biggie.
Turn the o, two, three.
I wish we could have seen Prince's dick.
I'm so curious.
I bet you it's normal.
It's normal size.
Yeah.
It's not that big.
It's not that big.
Yeah, because he was petite.
He was very petite.
Yeah.
Now again, it's not always a giveaway.
Not always the case.
Yeah.
That's why it would be kind of cool if we could see.
Yeah, and he is black.
He's black.
You're black. All right. Why don and he is black. He's black. Yeah, you're black.
All right, why don't we take a quick break? Sure.
And we'll be back in a moment.
It's a very special day here.
Oh, boy.
Yeah, we have the legendary Gene Simmons and his beautiful son,
Nick with us.
Thank you, sir.
Appreciate that.
Thank you for giving me the clap.
I was beautiful once. I have to say this before, like everybody already knows, but I just have to tell Thank you, sir. Appreciate that. Thank you for giving me the clap. I was I have to say this before like everybody
I already knows but I just I have to tell you this sir that your your son your your seven foot ten son came over
Picked me up, and I went to see you perform here in Austin at the moody
And I've legitimately was blown away by your show. It was really impressive.
I mean, it was, I know you already know that,
you've been doing it a long time,
but I was like, what the fuck, man?
I mean, you guys have been-
I thought it was just okay.
Wow.
You guys have been doing this for how long?
How long have you been performing?
50.
50 years.
And you're up there and I was thinking like,
I was telling Nick, I was like,
do you realize what most dudes in their 70s are?
74.
You're 74.
Well, most 74 year olds are like, help me walk to the-
Look at that.
Look at that.
Wow.
Look at that.
The big problem is you get much more on your back.
Yeah.
I've got a wookie butt.
So you'll now start to see the 70s in this conversation. Yeah, I don't even know
I don't even know how you pull off like honestly
It really is impressive to see you put on like it's a big thing for somebody in their 70s to be like
I went to my step class. Oh, he did a war on tour to do the tour and like crazy when you're performing up there
Well, the hard part the hard part is doing it with weight like if you go to a class that last two hours sure a
roll mix and whatever you're out of breath sure but if you're carrying weights
anybody will tell you weight training of course knocks you out yeah I'm carrying
about 40 pounds of armor studs eight inch seven inch platform heels as any
chick will tell you when she goes out on a date
and at the end of the night, her feet are killing her.
And all that's just like that.
Just like that.
Plus you're playing, plus you're singing,
plus you're performing, plus you're engaging with people.
Yeah, it feels, it seems like it would be
incredibly exhausting.
Stuff, you guys about to play the same venue in LA.
You about to play the forum.
That's very impressive, I have to tell you.
Oh, thanks.
Yeah, that's exciting. We just went to see, I saw him there in 2019, I think, right before COVID.
I hope you can come. That'd be fun if you could come. That's incredible. You're doing that with no,
I mean, I've always been terrified of what comedians go through because when you fuck up with a band,
you know, the basis is still like someone's kind of distracting while you go, oh,
should have hit a wrong note, but no one notices one guy. You have to really fuck up to be noticed.
You're just like, it's just you.
There's nothing.
If you fuck up, you know that they know
that you know that they know.
They definitely know.
They definitely know.
But, how do you stay in shape when you're touring?
Don't really work out.
You hike.
We hike.
Yeah, about three miles or so up and down hills.
You don't do Jagger's Jazzercise class that he does every...
No.
Oh, nice.
That's all good.
This is all happening.
It just happens.
It's real life.
It's real life.
Yes, Angus.
Good morning, sir.
Can I bring in Lisa, please?
Don't put your accountant on the podcast.
What is happening right now?
He's gonna read your PIN number.
Go ahead.
What are we doing?
What's happening?
Angus, you're on the air.
Go ahead, Angus.
Am I really?
I'm not.
Yes.
Don't worry about it, I promise.
I'll pull out.
This should stop immediately.
This should stop now.
Okay, hold on.
I'm trying to...
Did the wire clear?
They have a voice recognition thing, so then I'm gonna say approve.
How much is the deposit for?
Are you about to say a password for something?
No.
Okay.
Jesus Christ.
You don't understand.
Can you get me back?
Otherwise, you will be on the air.
Can you get me back in, I don't know, about two hours?
It's amazing.
I'm essentially his cybersecurity specialist.
Thank you.
If not for me, man, it would be gone.
Like he would be one of those like telemarketers camps.
It'd be gone, we'd be out of luck.
People will think I drink beer or something, right?
No.
Because I've never drunk or high in my life.
How the fuck did you get through a rock career
without ever?
I mean, was-
You're allowed to say no.
People don't know this about him, by the way.
A lot of people don't know that.
How about like, okay, now it's a different,
but let's say like when things were really ramping up
at first. When?
You know, I mean, when it's starting.
It's like, you're a young guy, all this shit's around you.
I mean, were people ever really trying to pressure you?
Just you- All the time. He's not really tempted by it. But just to people ever really trying to pressure you all the time all the time
He's not really just to let you know that if you don't know this about Gene Simmons is that he's never touched drugs
Well, this is crazy. Well, there's one accidental story. Can we tell the brownie story? Sure
Okay, I mean this is hearsay so you can tell if you want but he didn't he's so removed from drug culture that he didn't
Know that you can bake cannabis into baked goods. Yeah. He had no idea that was
a... Who does that? So before I was born, before mom, he was like, yeah, his sweets
are our drug of choice. He was like backstage and somebody had baked a pan
of special brownies and he had no idea that that existed, so he had no
hesitation for eating six of them.
Just down, just like, so please describe
what you hallucinated.
You've told me this a couple times.
It's my favorite story.
The only time he's ever been high.
I've never before or since had anything like that
happened to me.
Let me take these off so you can see.
Tom's got a too high story too, so I know you're late to this.
Well, I wasn't prepared for it, and so you've got a room full of people celebrating, we're
breaking some kind of record in Detroit, how many shows we're doing and all that. This
was in 76 or 1876. See what I did there? That was a joke. Don't patronize that. The whole room is full
and I'm just seeing the, can you see the picture? The brownies are piled on it and I love that
stuff. Everybody's like smoke, let's put things up our ass. Just give me a cake. Give me a brownie,
yeah. Jews and cake. you've heard that. Always.
And I'm going, come on, it didn't hurt that she wasn't bad looking.
This is before I met your mom.
Yes, I understand, thank you.
And it comes over,
and give me another one of those.
And then I started, you know,
like a dog with a bone,
just following her around.
Can I have another,
you want another one?
And I just kept eating at six.
Six brownies.
Well, they weren't big.
Right, right, but still.
So what happened to your head and your hands?
And not too long after that, you know,
the room started to get bigger
and my head started to get smaller
all the way down to the size of an olive on my shoulder.
And I started to open, I remember this, I started to open my eyes and things so that
people wouldn't think that, you know, I was normal or anything yeah like that and
As I moved my hands became the farther away like as you
It gets farther your hand gets smaller. Yeah, hope just ballooned up like cart to like so head the size of a pee
And like I'm trucking yeah, so it's got enormous and I'm taking a step and my foot goes out to the...
And luckily there was a girl there who was...
She's written about it too.
She was the editor of Creep Magazine, which was a ruck.
So she took me out of there and to the limo and as I'm walking, every step I take giant
feet.
Like that Ludacris video.
Yeah, yeah.
And I'm like that. And I'm talking loudly because I don't think she can hear me because my voice is small.
You gotta get to the hotel. Right away. In his mind it's... But he's walking up to people and going,
something is wrong. Jesus fucking Christ. So before we get in the limo and I'm afraid to move or anything and I'm thirsty, I'm
thirsty and so they pull over two or three blocks in a ghetto in Detroit and she leads
me in to get me a drink because the limos didn't have anything.
And it's filled with neighborhood folks who are there at night grabbing a burger and stuff after the show
And I'm dressed in leather and no kidding
And they all turn around and do that and I'm thinking they're looking at me because my head is small
So I try to make myself
And I go up and the guy goes well yeah. Can I have a glass of milk with it?
You know, like that.
And then walked back.
Now I will say, can you plug up your ear?
So as we're going back to the hotel, I feel like she takes out my key and I try to put
my key, which is enormous, in the keyhole.
It grew to the size of his hand when he held it.
In those days you had keys to turn it.
He didn't have...
He's trying to stab the door.
Sure, it doesn't work.
Now, my son is not here.
Are you gonna tell me what happened?
You stop usually at the door.
I will say that I've never been as big in my life.
Jesus Christ.
Wait, can I just tell you this though?
Wasn't part of your experience with that,
didn't part of you go like,
this is what people do all the time?
Like when you got high,
what was part of your realization?
Like this is what people intend to do all the time.
Feel like this.
Joey Diaz especially.
Oh my God.
No, quite honestly I didn't,
I didn't think about it.
To be serious for a second,
okay now it's over and I can get back to stupid.
I never wanted to get higher drunk because of my mother.
Right.
She was in a concentration camp
when she was 14 years of age.
And I never wanted to break her heart and I was always aware
I'd never wanted to disappoint her right there was enough aggravation so I literally never smoked
cigarettes wow every got high never got drunk that way when you reach 74 your hand can be in front
of your face yeah he's reaping the benefits now compared to his compatriots there's some other rock
people who yeah not like oh yeah you're looking pretty good now. Yeah in terms of posture and ability to speak. No, okay
That's very that's an interesting origin story of why orgy of what or orgy of the hearing goes well everything else
Speaking of that because this is way before Nick. Let's say wait. Let's go way back to before Nick
Oh, but still excellent. It's back. You ever go way back to before Nick. I know, I know, but still it's back.
You ever go airtight with the fellas?
Ah, yes.
What's airtight?
Like you, and the other dudes, right?
It's a great show.
There's a lovely lady backstage.
The other guys in the band?
No, but no.
You and the band or other friends
all plug every hole in a lady.
One in the pink, one in the stink, one in the mouth.
Although, has anyone ever, I asked you to do that.
Can I just say that, Bon Jovi?
Hey, you wanna, no Eiffel Tower?
No, no, there's just,
can I just say that when I met his mom,
a long time ago, Shannon.
Do I met, so lovely, which one? You may as well have, you know, not AC DC, mom Yeah, Shannon
So well have you know
not AC DC, but BC and
AD AD yes, he's saying before and after yeah, gorgeous. She's literally my Jesus. She
Literally, she is the moral compass that literally kept me from
Getting into the dark side. You're very pretty eyes. You're gonna be very popular in jail. You know that me know the other guy in back of you Oh, Jesus. I didn't know what's my dog? I didn't know I know he has a DD. Okay. I can subtract to yes
Thank you for the compliment
I'm saying but I'm saying yeah the without without Shannon and everything, and I had a sordid
pass.
There was, pin my tail on your donkey.
There are seven girls lining up.
What?
Yeah, let's, everyone shut up.
Who else about this?
Shut up.
What?
Pin the tail on a donkey?
Pin my tail on their donkey.
What? I'm seven girls lining up. Pin my tail on their donkey. What?
I never get to see their faces.
I knew this was a bad idea.
Bent over the...
What?
Bath tub.
You've never told me that.
You're my son!
Nick.
Nick, it's not a test.
It's a lot of tests.
I was on a show, where is...
You weren't...
I have a girlfriend.
You weren't...
I'm Kelty.
Wait, Nick, come on. I don't want to do that. You don't want to hear about your dad's sex life. I have a girlfriend. You weren't. I'm guilty. Wait, Nick, come on. I don't want to do that.
You don't even want to hear about your dad's sex life.
Hold on a second.
So all seven donkeys got to pick?
No, only one.
Oh, you pick one.
No, no, it's what happens.
Ah, that's the winner.
Oh, that's the winner.
When, now, when, now, when, now.
That's awesome.
Wow.
No, I never teamed up.
But they were.
That sounds like a joke.
There were rooms where.
They were others there, but never males.
Oh, got you.
Got you.
Can we, it's a nice day today.
No, this is what this is.
I prepared for this.
This is a beautiful day.
You mentally.
Have you ever encountered, it was the 70s before.
And the 80s.
And the 80s.
And the 80s. Any any mother daughter teams. Yes
Good fucking yeah, that's what they had Tommy Leon wait, but so it's a lot of mother daughter teams
Some some Jesus Christ. No, he didn't have a nightmare
For who for them for the rest of their lives. Have you ever Have you ever considered why all the chicks love Jesus?
He said, this is the same shit.
Well, he's the same one.
He's hung like this.
He said that this is the same shit.
He did every every.
That's not. Don't do that.
Don't do that.
The whole booth.
We're validating the whole booth.
You're validating the dead.
It's such a profound way because you're a professional.
And so he's never gonna get over
With that another one never heard what does a guy who's damn it?
What does a guy who's hung like a donkey have for breakfast? Why say donkey? It's donkey don't is it?
Don't say don't key. I think east coast west coast. There's no way
Someone back me up on this. It can be either one is fine.
This is like elementary all over again.
Elementary.
What's donkey?
Elementary.
Yeah, I agree.
And it's donkey also.
Well, donkey, there's roof and roof.
I'll bo-
This whole show is screeching halt until you get this right.
Okay, donkey.
Okay, donkey.
What is it, guy?
It feels like your teeth are growing.
I'm like, so.
Anyway, he wants to hear about the orgy's.
Yeah.
No, I was gonna make a joke
and I forgot what it is, because I'm 74.
What was, what the joke was, what is a guy who's hung like?
What is a guy who's hung like a donkey have for breakfast?
What?
Well, this morning I had corn flakes,
with bananas. Just kidding. corn flakes. Bananas.
Another hit. That's another hit for sure.
All right Don Quay, sterile. There's a very important thing you should know that there's
an interviewer who goes backstage like with the Austin Wombats. What's the sports team
here called?
Longhorns.
The what? Longhorns.
Longhorns. The what?
Longhorns.
Longhorns.
The wombats.
The interviewer goes back and she wants...
What's the matter?
No, that's good.
She goes backstage, or back in the locker room.
Why are you laughing?
No, I'm just listening to this story.
I haven't heard.
I haven't heard.
Okay, good.
She goes backstage to interview the football guys who have towels on it.
Yes.
And as soon as she walks in, they're going, hey, how you doing?
Nice to see you.
And in the corner is a very attractive cheerleader.
And she's going, hi, nice to see you.
And she goes, what are you doing here?
She goes, oh, I know the guys.
You know the guys in the foot.
Yeah, they let me stay here.
And all that's, well, why do they let you stay here?
And the other cheerleaders know, well, I blew the team.
You blew the team, all of them, she goes,
yeah, hi Joe, hi Blake, she goes, well that's ridiculous.
They're all there waving at you and smiling.
Do you wanna say anything to them?
Of course they're smiling.
She goes, do I wanna say anything?
Yeah, I wanna say, I love you guys.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
It's better with milk. Ha ha ha ha ha. Yes, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That's great. Can I ask you, so was there? No. Was there?
Why don't you do more Hungarian stuff?
Hey, yeah, I'm trying.
Okay, were there ever like hardcore groupies like in every, like, is there like a girl
in every town or is there a girl that toured with you?
You know what I mean?
Like that you guys all...
I'm married.
You're gonna call such a big problem.
I love, I love my wifey.
By the way, in all seriousness...
This was on TV.
There was a little overlap.
We approached all that.
And you see the wound on my finger.
You see that line?
Yeah.
That doesn't come off.
That's never going on.
I know.
It's the only marriage I'll ever have.
I love Jim dearly.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Shannon.
Shannon.
It's gonna be the only marriage I'll ever have.
I believe it.
And she says, well, what happens if I die first?
I'm going to jump in right after her.
It's never going to be anybody else.
And there's a real psychological, it's like Jekyll and Hyde.
I'm aware that in the dark days, before and even during our marriage, there was a self-absorbed, arrogant
liar to myself, to her, to the kids, to everybody, just like, hey, where are you going?
Where am I going?
Who wants to know?
That sort of self- 30 seconds ago you pretended to guzzle cum and then now we're talking like
really nice like family.
I liked the both ends of the
Of course these are semantics, but I'm not anti-semantic no no not at all anal was that big
Thank you
Okay, so we're talking groupies into anal though go to it as long as we preface it with this is all before mom
He wants to hear the same pre all of us like 70s. What what well? This is pre aids. Yeah, you could walk into a room and
There'd be somebody
In your bed nice good time, and you'd never have to what does it all mean?
Do I have my mother's hips?
There's no talking.
There's nothing.
That's the best.
Sky stream.
Yeah, well you don't have to think about them
as like a person. Excuse me?
Well you don't have to like, make them a person.
You can just like have the-
An object.
Yeah, like an object.
Kind of a receptacle.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Boy, mom and sofa really gonna, they can't watch this, you know.
They're gonna kill us.
Amazing.
Yes.
And his sister.
That's amazing.
Yeah.
Sophie is, is our, but especially my, if I'm nearing an ant that's crossing the street
a block away, dad, what are you doing?
What, what?
And she has to point, you can't say those words.
Women will not appreciate it.
You have a dog.
Sof's a better person than he and I.
Oh, you are both better people than I will ever be.
I know, but so it goes, yeah.
It goes sof.
But isn't that kind of like every dad's dream?
It should be.
Right?
Like your kids or?
I tell them all the time,
Sophie and Nick was beyond anything I ever hoped for.
When do I stop?
I'm 35.
Whenever anyone talks to me, they're like, his adult children.
I go, what?
Is that like jumbo shrimp?
That's like ridiculous.
By the way, you have fucking great skin.
Great skin.
Thank you.
Great hair.
That's unreal.
Satan is the answer.
Tom.
Is that how you did that?
No, honestly, my sister's the skincare guru.
But do you do shit?
And also swallow.
No, I don't even watch my face.
Look at this guy's face.
I got a swallow.
No, but so here's the thing.
Thank you.
He looks really nice.
No, he's adorable.
I don't agree.
And Nick is a sweetheart.
He's a sweet soul.
My sister gave me one piece of advice that I do follow.
The one thing I do is she goes,
sunblock every day, rain or shine, period.
Like every morning, every day, sunblock is just like brushing your teeth. is she goes sunblock every day rain or shine period like every morning every day
Sunblock is just like brushing your teeth. Yeah. Yeah, okay
So sunblock she just says like if you listen to nothing else, I tell you
SPF as high as you can go all the time every day
Yeah, even if it's dark out even if it's raining just do it right because it's a ball of radiation in the sky
Yeah, she's and she by the way hasn't aged aged since she's 23. She looks way better than I do.
She's 30 and she works with these tick talkers
and they're like, let's go to the club.
And she's like, oh no, sweetie, no, you're a child.
Soon you're gonna stop, if not now,
talking about how old your sister is.
Yeah, well, she's, I'm saying she looks great.
She looks great, yeah, not how old she is.
No, no.
Well, now I'm in charge of that.
Girl roles are different than life roles.
That's true.
That is true.
When can we traumatize him?
Can I put he do you mind putting on those shades?
No, no, no, no, the headphones.
Well, um,
are you going to listen to we're going to play some stuff for you?
Yeah, I just want to repeat.
Yeah, no more group.
Yeah, he's without and Shannon knows everything. We didn't. Yeah.
Eventually it all came out and you've got to have that. We talked about it last time
I was on Christina's actually she's the patients of the saint. Really sweet. You know, may I
say though is that it is very enviable gene is that you had to come to Jesus. You had a turning point.
You had a change.
And I wish my father could come to that.
And it's not everybody that does that.
Nobody, no woman is ever going to force a guy to do something.
He doesn't want it.
You've got to come.
I mean, I've never been an addict of any kind, but I keep
Being told by people who have been until you're ready if you live or autumn it's not gonna happen
Right. I also have to sing his praise a little he does something
He gets a lot of flak for being kind of an egoist which he embraces right as his thing
One thing he does that I don't see most people do is,
if he is in the middle of an argument with you or somebody,
and you show him like proof that he got it wrong,
he will like in the moment go,
oh, I'm wrong, I stand corrected.
Which I find that's like rare.
I don't even do that.
And even like my very well-bound.
I definitely don't do that.
I don't do that.
Like I feel like that's one of the most difficult.
He's very good about that.
So defensive.
Because he doesn't want to be wrong.
So he's like whatever the...
So you know, that's something I admire about you is that I've seen you literally go, oh,
you're right, I changed my mind about that.
People are very like blown away.
That takes a certain amount of time.
I feel like in conversation that's like a supernova.
That's rare.
Yeah, very much so.
So good for you, buddy.
And you care for your children and your family.
He is a good dad.
It shows, I mean, the fact that your adult child
wants to even spend time with you.
I got my first tattoo.
It's amazing.
Whoa.
At the last show.
That's awesome.
He was of two minds, because he's not a tattoo guy,
because Jew, you know. Oh, Jew. All kinds of two minds, because he's not a tattoo guy, because Jew, you know,
all covered.
Oh, Jew.
However, because Jew.
Because Jew.
And he's a big J.
But,
I was like, well, it's the closest we've got
to a family crest.
And it's something you made.
So I feel like it was meaningful.
That's pretty rad.
We got it on the day of the last MSG show.
And oh, looky sol, looky boo,
do you boo, do you boo?
Yeah. That's sweet. The biggest compliment that Shannon and I have And oh lookie's all lookies Boop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop So true. Your kids will. I hope so. For sure. We wish.
How many do you have?
Two boys.
Two boys.
Two boys.
Five and eight.
I've got a couple, probably adult ones.
Stop it.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
It's from back in, you know, they're probably 20.
How old?
March.
23, you know.
How old?
Our boys are five and eight.
Our boys are five and eight, yeah.
They will.
It's like, I can tell by the way you describe the way you talk to them
That's it. Yeah, you talk to them like they're people. Yeah, all they do is fuck me up
I just jump off a shit ruin your house into my neck and I'm like Jesus Christ. Yeah
They like they swear at you right he doesn't know about the
Fuck mother fucker like they stop there. The little guy. The older guy's already going, he said effin.
He's like not even saying it.
But the five year old's like, hey, what the fuck idiot?
And you're like, hey dude.
Well for a short time we used to have a potty box.
If you said a potty word, you had to put money in the,
guess who donated the most, mom.
I know, me too.
I'm such a potty now.
Yeah, she's actually the worst.
I'm the reason.
And I try to tell him like, dude. I'm such a party now. She's actually the worst. I'm the reason. She's the worst.
And I try to tell him like, dude, I'm sorry, but...
Now, when it, when, when, uh, it's, he's so funny,
because on one, in one second, he'll be like,
it's not convincing when you use words like that.
And then I'll hear me later and he'll go, for fuck's sake.
And I'll just be like, what's, what's real?
No, I do think there's such a thing as
real emotion and using a word, almost any word
to express that.
But yeah, that was walking on the street,
some motherfucker came up to, no, that's not what you're
talking about.
And by the way, a culture that invents having sex
with your mother as a positive, see that guy over there?
That guy's a motherfucker.
It was an insult first, right?
I mean, I feel like it evolved.
Anyway, I think he fucks other people's mothers.
Was the, oh, I see.
So he's like a fucking...
Why are you looking there?
I was just making...
I don't know, I don't know.
I was just being creative.
Anyway, sorry.
What were you about to move on to?
Oh yeah, sorry, headsets.
Sorry, I just wanted to show you some stuff.
Are you wearing that?
I'm doing that thing I hate,
which is when I listen to this show I hate
when you guys have guests,
I'm always like, I just wanna hear you guys talk.
Okay, hold on.
I'm ruining it. No, no, this is great. All right, This is you don't have a thing. This is a brought my own oh
Class because I'm in the biz black guys who love the fuck fuck good
If you're a hot black guy, you want to fuck me at 23 95 if you want to move in you can move in
But you got to fuck me. I need I need to be fucked a lot man
Get rid free food free rent and everything else man hands a deal man
men from jail homeless or um you're a thug want to come move in a friend can
move with you man free rent you can at least in a key fuck me piss on me beat
me I'm home now now you see me when I come over today and try it out try it
out man if in my building try it out you want to fuck a over today and try it out try it out man. If in my building try it out
I'm gonna fuck a piss. Let me try it out. Seriously, probably only this fuck man
I'm looking for hardcore guys and mean it want to do it and I want to deliver it
I'm a hot fuck white trash come down flip fuck. I'm so happy right now. He's a huge kiss fan. I'm so
When did you shave your mustache?
When did you shave your mustache? I'm so happy.
I'm so happy.
A while ago, yeah.
That I got to watch him watch RPC just now.
What do you think?
Yeah, how do you feel?
What does it strike you?
I got a woody.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're lost.
If you want him to be shocked, you gotta go farther.
Thank you.
I am.
He's a, they've met him.
Yeah.
They tracked him down.
They tracked this guy down, yeah.
Is he, was he being on or is that who he is?
No, this is very much who he is. Yeah, it's very much who he is. He's just a morning
Yeah, he puts his address in the like his real address so the people will come over
But why does he why does he have to advertise just go to the corner and see a homeless guy who'll move in?
Yeah, that's it. That's it. But then you can't like
We've never thought of that.
Of course you have.
Wait, that's a good one.
No, why doesn't he just walk downstairs?
Yeah, why the internet?
They're right.
He's in New York.
On the corner of 2390 CA, whatever the fuck this is called.
Yeah.
By the way, he probably used to live near there.
He was a.
124th, First Avenue, Spanish Harlem.
Sure.
He used to teach there. Maricón, Ratuyotum, are Latuyotum are you kidding I taught school there yeah he's did he's
to teach history you did you did you got sixth grade I said that first yeah
yeah he used to teach history I was a sixth grade teacher in Spanish Harlem and
you learn that the word who they all Maricón Latú, it does not mean good morning Jewish person.
You fucking gay Jew!
By the way, the way I said it...
Is that what he said?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Isolate that.
I just blew it out.
By the way, the way I said it, it's got the right spices.
Actually, you nailed it.
He's... Can I hear it again, it's got the right spice actually you nailed it. He's he's violent He's good. We say again. Maricong la tuyo tu madre
es muy trabajo pero Julio
And why you Maricong?
It's not as good as you put Jew in there. Yeah, yeah with anything. It's the food. It's Jew food. Well, that is
Why do you parley who?
Cuz my mother is Peruvian.
What's your mother's name?
Rosario. Please say hello for me. I remember.
I'll let her know.
I'll let her know.
I love Jesus Christ.
Yeah, but it didn't last long.
Six months or so the band just took off and boom.
Since then... Jesus Christ.
No, he didn't
He had his own life. Oh, wait, I gotta ask you what are you talking about?
I don't even I was a are you still talking about banging his mom? No, he's only lasted as a school teacher
He moves on so quickly. I can't
Yeah, this is what I want to ask you before I show you something I never touch
This is what I'm gonna ask you. Yes show you something else. I never touch jeans like this. This is what I want to ask you.
Yes.
You've over the course of this incredibly long and successful career with the band, you've
replaced people in the band.
Is it true that Slash tried to be or you know auditioned to be in the band?
Yes.
Can you tell us that?
Because I think...
Richie Sambo and Lenny Kravitz I think.
Richie Sambo. And Lenny Kravitz, I think. Richie Sembo. Lenny, I know the whole thing.
But Lenny was...
showed me a photo of him dressed up like me.
He was kicked out of school for coming in dressed like me
when he was 56.
Not when he was 13.
Yeah.
Look, everybody goes through their thing.
And depending on when you're born, the time period.
He's old as fuck.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Your reference points culturally and musically and depending on when you're born, the time period. He's old as fuck. Yeah.
Your reference points, culturally and musically
and everything is what's around you.
Of course.
I've always been surprised that there's people of note
who said like, check this out.
And it's like them in costume.
I go, you?
And they're like, yeah.
Lawrence Fishburnt Denzel.
Condoleezza Rice.
Condoleezza Rice, really.
That's the weirdest one. We were in Sweden. I got a phone call. Denzel Condoleezza rice Condoleezza rice
We were in Sweden, I got a phone call the secretary would like you to come upstairs again, okay cut it out April Fool's Day
So we go upstairs secret service. It's like I grew up with us and we're kind of like really awesome you
Okay, I was gonna make a point, but I can't for the life of me remember
Yeah, it's gonna have and I have a feeling
It's gonna get worse. That's okay, but Richie. I want to make clear Richie and slash both like auditioned
Oh, yeah, there are many others on drums. I don't remember if Carmine
Carmine a peachy or a piece back bogey in a piece
I don't know if you guys do you ever have the memory of like one of those guys,
obviously everything works out,
but do you ever had the memory of being like,
man, that kid was really good, like it impressed you
and then you didn't take them?
Well, I personally as opposed to a band decision
made the decision to tell Eddie Van Halen
because I found that band in a club, signed them,
produced their first, yeah.
I didn't know that.
Yeah, he loves Eddie.
Yeah, if you look up Gene Simmons.
We've got their demos, I've heard it, it's pretty good.
That is rad.
So you saw that?
Rad is good.
Hell yeah, dude.
Okay, so,
Edward, he liked, he preferred Edward, but everybody just called him Eddie.
Really the groundbreaking guitarist of the period.
I mean, there was Henricks and then there was Eddie Vanioe.
I forgot that he did the solo and beat it, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Eddie did?
Yeah, that's Eddie.
And Quincy Jones just called him up and said, hey, we did this.
Yeah, I don't know.
We did it in one take.
Yeah.
One take. And as a matter of fact, Alex and Eddie
helped me do demos along the way in a song I wrote called
Christine 16, which was a hit and all that.
Note for note, Eddie.
But I just want to get to the point.
He was not getting along with David LeRoth.
And there's a story behind that and in 1982 he came down to the
studio where we were working on something and he said to me you're looking
for a lead guitar player let me join Kiss and I remember saying let's go to
lunch and talk about this because we were using different guitar players
Ace Fraley our original guitar, was the first of three
different times that he was asked to step aside.
You can use any words you want.
It was all because of drugs.
I mean, it wasn't drugs, alcohol, which affected behavior.
Unprofessional behavior, not showing up.
And we went across the street to the deli and he
says I can't take Roth anymore I've got her let me join the band and I said you
got to do yourself a favor we'd love to have you in the band but there's no room
sonically you take up too much room and there's Paul rhythm guitar and we write
slightly you know more rock whatever that is stay in
your band rough it out every band with the Beatles stones everybody turns on
each other it's tough it's even tougher than marriages you're with each other
more people 24 hours a day people call people call Paul his first wife thanks
for that I'm not gonna hear the end of that from Paul.
All right, you're his first one.
And he stayed with the band. I mean, eventually it had to end because...
David, look, it takes a unique personality to be an elite singer. You're out there like a comedian.
One of your pods had David on. Who?
One of your guys, one of your friends. Yeah.
Well, it might have been Rogan or something.
Yeah, it wasn't us. No, not us, but yeah, he's known to be, you know,
kind of wacky, maybe difficult or whatever, his reputation.
At his height, there was nobody that could touch him on that stage.
Nobody. Backflips and stuff.
He's amazing.
Well, the stage presence, the charisma, his lyrics and the band, his singing style, he
was the king of the period. And everybody's got their period. See, there's a joke there,
but I'm not doing it. I didn't do it.
It's okay. I was like, I want it.
I know that. I have my period.
I want it. I want it.
Anyone in your period? I have my period.
Let's all talk about it. She goes, I want it.
What is the male version of a period?
Well, my ovaries once a month, they kind of...
I don't even know what the fucking ovary is.
Well, you got to get the poison out.
That's ours is you got to get the poison out.
So, right, so if you haven't gotten the poison out,
that's our period. That's right.
That's true. That's true.
Like blue balls. I think Tom can... Got to get that poison out. So if you haven't gotten the poison out, that's our theory. That's true.
Blue balls.
I think Tom can.
Gotta get that poison out of there.
Tom gets diarrhea and that's his period.
I feel like when you get diarrhea, that's your period.
Cause blood comes out.
Sure.
Tons of blood.
Tons.
I'm hungry now, let's get a burger.
Wait, can I ask you this about the band though?
Cause that's good advice you gave him
when he tried to join your band.
But like, how do you sustain but like how do you sustain,
like how do you not give up on the band?
You know, how do you maintain that relationship
with the guys in the band through all these years,
through the turmoil?
Like what do you do to kind of withstand it?
Decisions are tough and sometimes you have to make
tough decisions and truth hurts and you've got, I'm the luckiest
guy in the world to have met Paul who is every good or better than I am, songwriting,
singing and all that stuff.
And he's told me he wouldn't be here without me and I've told him I wouldn't be here without
him.
But he wasn't him too.
Like he has a glass of wine now and then he was never really he didn't do drugs at all like nothing
But did you guys you guys also clashed over that time disagreed is different than class
Oh, they've always been pretty good about just like talking it through I've never seen you guys fight with a capital F
No, I've seen you guys kind of go well. I feel strongly about that they talk about it like it's a board meeting
She's our temperament. You're a good temperament match with Paul. It sounds like
It's called being realistic. And you don't sweat this most like you guys don't die on every
molehill. You go like all right he wants that I'll give him that I want this. There are guys that
have left the Eagles and Metallica on their own because they because mama likes me best kind of
thing. Yeah it's like I'm not getting enough attention and stuff, what are you gonna do now?
Flip burgers and ask the next person in line,
would you like some fries with that?
What's your all trying to do?
He's told me a lot that so many of the bands he knew,
like the disagreement always starts with like,
well, I wanna stand in the center or shit like that.
It's like, you get, you start to worry about that crap
and you don't see the big picture, you're like,
hey, you're in a famous band,
shut the fuck up and enjoy it.
No, it's not the right. Like, is this or nothing?
Or are you worried about standing on the right?
When the actor that's on the hit show is like,
I feel like I've,
I want to do something else.
I want to do something else.
I'm going to leave the show.
You're leaving this once in a while, this gravy train?
Okay, just go ahead.
Have some perspective.
Like, it's usually nothing.
Usually people get nothing.
Street's company, you know, Shelley Long. Yeah, if I was the drummer in Coldplay, I think I'd be stoked. It's like, but Chris Martin get nothing. Three's company, Shelly Long.
Yeah, if I was the drummer in Coldplay,
I think I'd be stoked.
It's like, but Chris Martin gets all the prey.
Okay, I'm making millions of dollars.
Shut up, like, Karris.
Play the song.
Sing the fucking song, man.
Sing the fucking song.
But it's just, I want to have my moments.
Go back to your sagura mansion and...
Yeah, right.
Yeah, there's a lot.
Once you get there, you go like, you know what?
You start believing your own hype and then you say to...
Well, and also too, I mean,
I imagine being the face of a band
and being the front man and being the one
that the attention's on.
Not fair to say that I'm the front man.
I never introduced songs.
Paul's always been the...
All right, how y'all doing?
I got to...
And by the way, no one's better at that.
I mean, he's got this great,
I mean, you saw, he's got this quality of like
talking between songs that makes you,
he's got this like public speaking skill that we,
that I can't imagine being good at.
You can't learn that.
Yeah, you don't have it.
But I'm saying that being the front,
the face of a band of a property,
that's not always great.
It's a lot of pressure. So I think to be a side player is probably ideal. It's not a lot of a property. It's not always great. It's a lot of pressure.
So I think to be a side player is probably ideal.
It's not a lot of pressure.
I'm more like you.
I'm more like your personality.
We're like, I'm fine.
I would like to be the drummer in Coldplay.
You know what I mean?
That sounds pretty good.
The perfect amount of exposure.
I get to go to school parties.
You get to play the forum
and then you get to walk to Starbucks
without anybody bothering you.
Yeah, I know that you too has multiple members, but I'm like, I don't really know what the other guys even look like.
And the edge kind of.
Yeah, and they're thrilled to be in the back.
Yeah, exactly.
I'm sure.
And that's a point is like I would actually, I would be thrilled in that position.
You kind of get all the best parts.
Okay.
Some people don't want all that attention is, I mean we talked about this.
Sucks.
It gives me anxiety.
Yeah, it's a lot of attention. I got like this much, you know, quote unquote fame
from being on a show with him for like seven years.
And that was way too much attention for me.
I don't know how you guys are handling it.
Fame for you, that actually, I mean, does it kind of-
He's fine with it, his personality.
It can ignite you a little bit, like is it exciting?
Whatever pays the bills and that's not a joke.
If fame is the one where you make the money, I like to get a little bit like it's exciting. Whatever pays the bills and that's not a joke. Yeah.
If fame is the one where you make the money, I like it.
Yeah.
If being unknown is the thing that makes you the money, honestly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like it.
Yeah, I don't care.
If you're going to be a miserable son of a bitch, it's still much better to be a rich,
miserable son of a bitch.
There's just no way around it.
You've always been like talked about for your business sense too, that you are...
What does that... What does business sense mean?
I'll tell you exactly what it means. Okay.
There's people who participate in any number of entertainment lanes, so whether they're
actors or...
I'm glad you said that because...
And they don't. They're just like, well, I do the thing. Like, I know how to act or
I know how to tell jokes, right?
In the artist. You're right. And they thing. Like, I know how to act. I know how to tell jokes, right? You're right.
And they don't have any fucking clue how things work.
And I'm glad it's a lead into May 4th and 5th.
Yes.
In Las Vegas, go to Jean Simmons RecordingEvents.com.
Jean Simmons RecordingEvents.com.
You can also just go to Jean Simmons.
I'm doing something that no other performer doing as far as I know. We
already did one at Electroclady. This is in Las Vegas, Gene Simmons, recordingevents.com.
Imagine you live in Wisconsin and you have no idea how records are made, what a studio looks like.
You would sure love to go to a recording studio and
record with Gene Simmons I'm right here on a 24 track master where you're the
only one that's gonna get a recording of that song with you singing on it or
playing tambourine or doing whatever so these events allow fans to experience
something you can't get anywhere else
standing alongside somebody who's been doing it longer than your mommy and daddy
and by the way I've worn more makeup and higher heels than your mommy thank you
so they're having you you get to be you get to record a track with Gene Simmons
producing bit essentially right exactly right, that's cool. Very cool.
So Gene Simmons recording studio events.
Gene Simmons recording studio events.
You have to step in strong.
And there are not many spots available because I don't want hundreds of people to be there.
But this is what I'm talking about though.
This is what I'm talking about.. This is what I'm talking about
This is a business idea also. It's rewarding. You're right if you go to Jesus money bag vodka
Mother's got a money bag vodka.com. Okay, you'll be able to order the finest vodka
I'm gonna lay myself on fire like the monk on the radio. We make jeans Simmons
soda the monk on the rage against machine covered. Also, we make Gene Simmons soda.
Gene Simmons, sorry, moneybagsodas.com.
Moneybagsodas.com.
This is what I heard in the crib.
As like a lullaby, he would go,
you know, I just trademarked the moneybag
and I'm like, got, got, go, go.
And he's like, did you know that LLCs
are actually the best way to protect?
He's right.
That's good.
Someone's gotta teach you that stuff.
Did the other guys, the other rock guys, ever hit you up about how to do things though?
You know what I mean? Like the other...
I did a band. Different bands.
Different bands? Never did?
How'd it hit you up with what?
Did they hit you up, ask you like,
hey, I see that you're doing this and that.
I'll ask you. Hit you up.
He's cool and young.
Okay.
Be chill, dude.
So the other homies... I don't talk like... English has been around a long time. Be chill, dude. So the other homies would...
I haven't talked like...
English has been around a long time.
Oh Jesus Christ.
Sorry.
Did other singers and performers ever tell a story to you?
All the time.
Okay.
They fax you.
All the time.
All the time about everything.
Do they listen?
No.
Right.
Because imagine life or business is like a bed of roses or whatever your garden is and everybody
really admires it when it's beautiful and all that
but
Wake up call every day you've got to go in there
It's called an inferred fiduciary duty or on the day that you don't water the flowers and everything
They're gonna start to die
Yeah, and there's no once they start to die they go dead and you have to go back to step one.
So all those days where you keep growing it,
compounded interest at infinitum, ad nauseum,
other big words like gymnasium,
you keep doing that stuff,
invest long, stop buying, stop being a short seller,
investing, I'm gonna make a dollar.
No, you're not gonna make a dollar,
you're gonna make less than 50 cents on the dollar cuz you got your uncle Sam there
leave it in their compounded interest invest stop smoking cigarettes don't do
stupid vacay okay I'm starting I've written a few books one is
me ink me incorporated by clips to show you. Mother fuck! Okay, go ahead.
Okay, check out this one.
This one, this is a real...
We did not follow my advice.
No, he didn't.
Walk out the door and pick a homeless one.
This is a, let's do this one.
Thank you for that.
Yes.
Yes.
Ah!
Ah!
That was weird.
Ah! That's a Japanese scream.
That's a Japanese scream.
Interesting, I'll get to you in a second. Hold on.
Is the car attempted? Hmm. That's interesting.
The car crashed into her. Are you gonna want overtime for this or? Okay, he's fine. Everything's fine.
I'm gonna go over here.
Go make a phone call. Someone's at the door.
I think I left the stove on.
So...
Gene... Someone's at the door. I think I left the stove on. Yeah. So. Jean. Oh, you guessed.
You guessed. Jean. Immediately.
Japan. But guess what?
Jean. It wasn't in Japan.
Do you want to take a second guess at the worst in Texas?
No, this was actually.
Are you ready? This was in Taiwan.
Taiwan. Taiwan. Taiwan, yes sir.
And he was clearly doing an impression
of a Japanese, that's how.
A lot of pain.
I think this is good for you this lane.
Would you like to see some more things like this?
Well, let me,
I fully understand it.
Somehow the car got started and crashed into him.
So the guy driving obviously, it's a manual car and I don't think he knew what he was doing and he crashed into him. So the guy driving obviously it's a manual car
And I don't think he knew what he was doing and he he crashed into him
Then you hear the engine rev because he's just like continuing to say engine or engine oh for fuck's sake
Oh, you're right. I did say engine engine engine
That's good. Nine ten or ten eight nine ten. Oh my god. Oh my god. What about one or one? Oh, yeah
WON. I won the game. You're a victory. You won. One. One. Like one. Yes. One. I say one. I won.
No, that's a guy from Guadalajara. Wait, wait, wait.
Going back, don't wait, going back to the classics. How do you pronounce like federal express like that company?
What's the short version of that name like UPS and FedEx?
He says it like you.
Dude, he says it right.
No, it's not right.
It's Fed.
No, it's FedEx.
He's right.
Is that FedEx?
It's FedEx.
Why would it?
Why would it emphasize?
You don't say federal express.
You say federal express.
FedEx.
FedEx.
Hey, Gene, what do you think they sell?
Hold on.
What do you think they sell inside of the store called Smart and Final?
What is Smart and Final?
Sounds like tombstones.
That was your best one.
You're right.
Yeah, you're smart, but all skills are final. Smart. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, you're smart, but all sales are final.
Use tampons.
I don't know.
Yes.
Smart and final.
What a strange...
Yeah, what a strange...
He shows the position.
Listen, he's been rich for a very long time.
Yeah, he doesn't know.
He doesn't go to smart and final.
He's never been to smart.
That's what I'm saying.
So I thought it was like a final sales store.
Like, yeah, you're smart, but all sales are final. Like if you shop here.
What? Okay, I give up.
What is it?
It's like, what do they fucking sell in there?
It's just like, it's like a Best Buy or like a.
Bulk groceries.
Yeah, groceries.
Sorry, bulk groceries.
They have them in California.
Yeah, like a Costco.
Yeah, smart Costco, I understand.
But it's a cost company.
Right, but they should say costco.
Yeah, there's no cost.
Unless, pardon me, I burped unless you're.
We don't do that here.
Atlantic.
We don't do that.
Yes. What's the cost of that?
No, it's cost.
Cost. Co cost.
You really can't burp on the show.
It's really not appropriate.
I did. Yeah.
It's not.
We forgive you.
They don't like they don't do that here.
No extra charge.
More for Jean. Jean, What do you think of this?
That was a three-legged dog. Yeah, I don't care about the guy he couldn't believe it either
He caused the driver to slam on the brakes
and then the cyclist.
I think it was a cyclist.
Can I see him again?
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, I like to see people in pain.
OK, here we go.
See, he's the dog.
This guy's not paying attention at all, though.
Look, he doesn't even brake.
Look, he's fine.
Oh, full speed.
So that's his fault, because he was well far enough away to stop.
Could somebody please address the three-legged dog?
I know, I'm hung up on it too.
Have you seen the three-legged dog before though, right?
The tripod?
Yeah.
I played Nick a video this morning that I'm afraid to...
The teacher?
The teacher's playing with fire.
I think three-legged dog was your nickname when you were in kiss.
All right, settle down.
Jesus. I... What was the teacher was your nickname when you were in kids. All right, so that was
I was the teacher I am I
can't Look at trouble really it's a it's a it's so it's alright. Just don't say anything. I don't like it
Okay, he is a teacher at elementary school teacher and she has two heads. Oh
Oh, I've seen it on t. And it's those famous ones,
co-conjoined twins. It is fascinating and alarming.
And the children don't react in any way, shape, or form.
They react to both voices.
Now we had a thought, oh, there.
It's nice, everything's fine.
They had a TV show, these two were on Abbey and Brittany.
I just feel bad, I feel bad.
Of course.
Here, we had a thought experiment.
Now, let's say one of them commits a crime.
How does the law punish one and not the other?
Oh my God, there's so many,
that's your question, I'm more basic stuff.
You can't send them to jail,
because that's committing an innocent person to jail.
So many basic calls. They both date separately. to jail. Because that's committing an innocent person to jail. So many basic.
They both date separately.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They both date.
Not saying a word.
Hey, if you try to kill yourself,
is that attempted murder?
Yes.
Yeah, that would be yeah.
Suicide is illegal.
No, no, I know.
But if you're a conjoining twin.
If they have two heads, not in general.
You're one of those.
In this case, in this specific case.
But I think F and one and not liking the others
are kind of a thing, right?
How do you...
There are fucking scissors.
Did you have a three-way?
Technically.
Yeah.
Did you?
Yeah.
Because it's one...
What does she do?
Does she put on headphones?
The thing we both agree...
It's noise canceling.
The thing we both agreed on is
whether you're a little person or a person
who's Siamese twin or conjoined twins
or any other way whatever complaints we have about life.
Yeah some perspective. It means nothing. Yeah. Of course. It's a good point.
I'd also go back to those bands you mentioned. It's like I don't get enough spotlight
times like this is your this is your issue this is your problem. I mean where
we live there's a famous song called the Beverly Hills Blues. You know how it goes?
My limo is late.
People complain a lot. Yes.
A lot of complaints. Thank you for that.
Oh this was cool.
It's just a guy fighting off a crocodile.
Have you seen the lady hitting the crocodile with a pan?
Have you seen that?
Yeah.
What is he doing there?
He thinks that he's going to take care of the gator by throwing like his jacket over
its eyes, like a full grown gator.
Take care means what?
Like, I'll get this thing.
I'll get rid of it.
Oh yeah, like everybody stand back.
I got it.
And he's, this guy's Adam's fun.
You can do it from far away.
That's probably a better option for this. Yeah. Or maybe call animal control. So this Florida then or send a chew in there
You know
Give it something to eat absolutely. Yeah, your leg
Was that English
That's what I did
Oh, that's what I did. He lost consciousness.
He ended on his face for a second.
I think he was out at the bottom there.
I think he lost.
I have to hear again to hear him.
No, I got to hear him speak again.
Okay.
I didn't write.
What the hell?
What the hell?
Yeah.
You sounded like Hank Hill there.
Oh, that was a rough one.
That'll teach you if you're mispronouncing English.
Thank you for that.
Oh, God.
That is horrible.
What did he say?
No, he's not good.
Oh, oh, oh, still going.
Oh, salt the salt.
What exactly did he say?
Oh, hell no.
Oh, what the hell?
Oh, what the hell?
That's my worst nightmare.
Is he slipping on ice like this.
Oh, my mom did it.
She had to get screws in her arm.
Yeah. The arm.
My sister had to rush her to the hospital during a blizzard.
There was a bone bone sticking out.
Yeah. What city?
She was in Whistler and she fell down her stairs
and she had like a bone sticking out of the thing.
And they had to put screws through the arm.
Shit. You've had some interesting.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know how to do one.
But it didn't break the skin.
He tore his patella tendon, which is a.
What is that?
He hand broke his arm.
Left knee and then I broke my arm.
Yeah.
Sounds like patootie.
There's a 4K footage of it.
It's pretty cool.
I have never, thank you for asking.
I've never had an operation.
I've never had any accidents, I've never had,
no, he has set himself on fire a few times.
That's an accident.
But his hair was so big it didn't touch his skin.
I remember that.
Paid for that.
Really?
He's like, doesn't count if I got a bit.
Cause that was a pyrotechnics accident?
I spit fire every show.
Oh right.
And you got seven fire.
He saw that fire.
Oh, that's right.
No, I saw you, you spit water on on me you threw a towel at me you threw a
pick at me. Yeah it was fun. Every show. It was good for you. It was good for me. It was good. And then people behind us demanded it.
They were like please give me that. They were like give me that. Spitty towel. They will beat you up for it and I've seen it.
It felt like it and there was like a middle-aged woman who was like fuck why did you get that give me the cum towel yeah I want the yeah okay yeah how about this
no why oh god you need a hand no she doesn't need a hand she's about to lose
a hand should I continue filming That's the best question.
Yeah, it's more white people shit than it is.
Oh, that snake's hungry.
Yep.
Oh, it's going to break her arm.
Oh, it will.
It will cut the circulation off.
OK.
Hold on. Wait, watch how he helps her here. Let me help the snake. Let me give the snake more leverage
Keeps going keeps going this is the best part
Okay, we're almost off the arm
I need you to unwrap her from my shoulder, please. Okay.
And her arm.
Oh, nope.
Nope.
Nope, still.
No, no.
So this is where you have two people.
Kenley, can we see if we can get her off of my arm?
Yeah, I think that's the point, yeah.
One, two, okay.
Oh, she's on the leg now.
She's on the leg.
She's on the leg.
She's on the leg.
She's on the leg. So get the snake hook and see if you can get it, like, inside her.
I don't blame the snake at all. I feel bad for the snake.
It's going to keep squeezing.
No, no, honey, you need to get underneath her finger.
Have you had his dripping too, you see her blood drips?
I got to say, she stayed really calm and controlled.
Yeah, she still thinks she's doing an instructional video.
She's like, as you can see, she's breaking my shin bone right now.
How did it turn out?
That's why you always need two people.
She died.
She died at 8 or...
Yeah.
Yeah.
It ate her.
It ate her, yeah.
But we got another video.
Wait, wait, wait.
Three, four...
Wait.
What?
I can't see my helmet.
Shit.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck is right.
What the fuck?
What the fuck? Oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck is right.
Another thing I want to point out.
Another thing I want to point out.
Hold on.
The guy was like, wow.
Another thing I want to point out.
I have one thing to say.
If you go to Gene Simmons Recording, Recording Event,
Gene Simmons Recording Studio Events.com.
Can I do that one more?
Can I do that again?
You can get one of the few remaining sequels.
It's like Looney Tunes shit.
This is so fun.
It's like Wiley Coyote.
Like what went wrong?
Is it the...
You wanna know what happened here?
Yeah, what went wrong?
Okay, so this guy right here,
I'll let you watch it one more time.
Three, two, one. Right here. I'll let you watch it one more time
Why is the mannequin head behind him? I know shit
Oh fuck, okay, what we do? Okay?
So this guy is Adam Knowles. He's making a YouTube video about the dangers of blast back created by the RPG7. He was knocked out, left with a fractured skull, broke his jaw, wounded by the shrapnel,
third degree burns, bleeding from his brain. He was airlifted to a hospital, doesn't remember
a thing, and now he owes 300,000 in hospital bills. But he got this video, which is cool.
Did he do it again?
No, I think he's done.
If he sells ads on YouTube, that'll cover it.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, it's a pretty great Ford brand.
Cool video, right?
I'll keep watching it.
And he's at the forum next week.
Yeah, that's right.
He does stand up now.
He does, he did a great job.
I think worth it.
That was insane.
It goes brain bleed stand up.
Real estate.
Yeah.
Oh, shit. It goes brain bleed stand up
I like it because it's a razor scooter. Yeah
It's a scooter. Oh, yeah
There's no more skateboards. Oh, fuck.
Holy fuck.
Dude.
Will he do it again?
My favorite is that the skateboard came to finish him off.
I don't even realize that.
It's like, no, not that you're not getting up. The skateboard came to finish him off. I don't even realize that.
It's like, no, you're not getting up.
But salute to the camera guy for doing the job.
Matt rocks what you do.
You don't put the camera down and see if your friend's okay.
You keep rolling.
You keep rolling for the good of it.
I don't.
You're a big skateboarder, right?
No.
I don't get it.
This is pretty crazy to you. Any, any, like sport. No, I don't get it.
This is pretty crazy to you.
Any, any, any sport.
Anything that's life threatening for free is idiotic.
Yeah.
Bungie jumping.
He did like race cars recently.
Like really?
It was fun.
It was really fun.
I was the marketer for IndyCar.
Indy 500.
I created the, I changed their name from IRL to IndyCar.
That was my campaign.
I am Indy, because I love the way I feel
when I get behind the wheel.
You won't get behind the wheel.
You won't do it.
Hell no.
I couldn't tell you a thing about it,
but that's not the idea.
The guy that sells the car has no idea how it's built,
but the guy that builds the car has no idea how to
sell.
Right.
I know how to sell.
Sure.
I can drive my truck.
I don't get into accidents or anything, but if you lift the hood,
I can't tell you a thing about the engine.
Well, holy shit, that's not true.
If you go to Jeansimonsrecordingevents..com and if you're in Vegas, you can do...
Did you say JeansimmsRecordingStudioEvents.com?
Oh, StudioEvents.
It's a really catchy short name for a website.
JeansimmsRecordingStudioEvents.com.
Sozzy Balls plopped menacingly on the table, incorporated.com.
Leo, take me mounting off of this.
Is that Natasha Benekill?
Why would you do that? That was not the best way.
I wish he hit the floor harder.
Yeah, me too.
Yeah, I wanted more.
I wish it was more.
Yeah.
I agree.
I wanted her to be punished.
Yeah.
Do you get pushed?
Oh my god.
Oh, he broke his back.
That was terrible.
He just went ragdoll.
Yeah, he did.
Look how far he goes.
Oh. Yeah, he broke his back. He heel tapped the back of the head. He's got a little bit broke his back. That was terrible. He just went ragdoll.
Yeah, dude.
Look how far he goes.
Oh.
Yeah, he broke his back.
He heel tapped the back of his head.
Yeah, it's just.
When you want women to be hurt more,
do you get blowback, blowback?
It's a relative term.
Sure.
Do you get pushback?
No, you can't say pushback either.
No, you can.
From women?
You're in the right show.
Oh, no.
No, our audience isn't lame.
It's times like this when I wish Nadov was still in the right show. Oh, no. No, our audience isn't lame. It's times like this when I wish N'Adav was still in the booth, because I know that he
was injured from a trampoline accident, and this used to upset her so much.
He would hate this.
He would hate this.
It's okay, we can send it to him.
Can you text him?
Sure.
I send him stuff all the time.
N'Adav's not here.
They're only Jew.
No, Josh Zilller's a Jew.
Yeah, I'm still here.
Oh, yeah, sir.
The question is, and only Jews have this, are you a Jew or a Jewish?
You can't be a Christian.
You can't be Christian-ish or Buddhist or Islam-ish.
It's like, I don't mean like in movies, but like Kirk Douglas was a Jew, not Jewish.
Woody Allen is Jewish.
I'm Jewish.
I'm Jewish.
I'm Jewish. Blonde mom.
Where you going?
What do you go to?
You know, have you got cash on you?
A little bit.
Well, that's very sad the way you said that.
It's what you handed him earlier.
So, you have tens and fives and all that?
Yes.
Can I have two tens for five?
Sure.
Now, stop.
Just why are you humoring him?
You're making my life real hard when I get home.
I thought I'd make a few bucks.
Yeah, yeah.
He's going to be.
So it's a way of acting.
Yeah.
How, what do you consider yourself?
Jew.
He's like the final boss Jew at the end of the video game.
Tony Curtis, Kirk Douglas, Edward G. Robinson, The studio heads, but Kirby enthusiasm and Woody Allen,
they're Jewish.
Very.
Seinfeld is Jewish.
It's a way of acting.
It's a way of acting, yeah.
I got that, that makes sense.
Where you going, what do you do?
You know, your Jewish conversation is how are you?
How am I, how should I be?
Who wants to know?
Why are you asking? You know, just endless questions yes that's Jewish neurotic
kind of yeah yeah yeah that was the old guy the Jewish guy that we had he was
like yeah I didn't know if I did all the clips right yeah but then we got
another like a spry younger Jewish yeah yeah every show he would come in me
like can I have a dollar?
We were like, Jesus Christ.
Are younger Jew or younger Jewish guys?
I think he should speak for himself.
I'd say Jew. I try not to be too Jewy.
Where's Jewy fall on the scale?
Oh, great question. He's kind of Jewy.
He's in jail.
Jail's Jewy.
Jewy.
Yeah, not allowed.
By the way, do you want to tell Jean about your curations?
Yeah, are you familiar with TikTok?
No, I just landed on Earth.
Are you familiar with TikTok?
I've never had that question asked.
Okay, he doesn't know how to work it.
Let's not get too crazy.
Yes, I know.
The Chinese...
No, okay.
Yeah.
He's not wrong. He's not wrong.
He's not wrong.
Well, normally it's for fun videos where like pretty girls think and dance and stuff,
but I like to find the outliers, the people doing unique things on TikTok.
Sometimes illegal things.
Yes, I curate the absurd ones.
We'll just see what you think.
Just tell us how you feel. Yeah.
Oh, good boy.
Is she gonna fall on that template?
Why did the couple buy a loaf of bread on their wedding day?
They wanted to grow mold together.
Y'all have a great day. Take care.
He should never be on any... anywhere.
He shouldn't be anywhere ever.
Hate from Los Angeles.
He should never be on anything anywhere.
Hate from the world, it's horrible, thank you.
Now here's my question to you.
Don't believe the positive comments.
Here's my question, is like, most men on TikTok
are doing something to get laid.
Is this his way of attracting women?
No, he's clearly gay.
He's not.
Which is fine.
This is a subtractive man.
It's for men.
No, that's not a heterosexual man.
No.
No.
Which is fine.
It's fine.
It's fine.
I mean, I don't care if you're,
farm animals is your thing, but.
No, I care about that one.
Well, I mean, I just mean, if you like a grilled or rear, I don't know what you farm animals is your thing, but so I care about that one I mean, I mean if you like grilled or rear, I don't know what you're talking. Okay. All right. No, but this gay man is just doing
I mean I it seems to me and it's fine. It's fine. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it's corn. But he shouldn't be seen anywhere
Corny is sad. It's very sad sad and gay. Let's move on
You can't do that. Oh, no. Jesus. What are you doing?
That sounds like artillery fire in the distance.
That sounds like an insurgency is happening down the street. You can't comment on that. Well, I'm just talking about the fart.
What are you talking about?
There is nothing you can say.
Spider-Man is cool.
That is...
Oh, I see Spider-Man.
Yeah. What are you talking about?
Created by Steve Ditko.
The cover, though, was drawn by Jack Kirby,
inked by Dick Hears on Amazing Fantasy No. 15.
Jesus. That's the level you're into this.
He's a big comic book. We go to the Arlo Marvel movies together. You do?
It's the thing. It's the father-son thing. No, too much. Every girl within a thousand yards runs away.
Did you ever get to meet Stan Lee? Yes. In fact, we had Kiss Comics, the largest selling
course. Well, hold on. He had not only only did he meet Stanley, he was in Marvel Comics.
They had Kiss and the Fantastic Four fighting Dr. Doom.
I beat up Dr. Doom.
Amazing.
No way, was that a thrill to me staying for you?
Very fun.
Sure.
And I told him more than he ever thought anybody knew.
Your real name is Stanley Lieber.
Your brother's name is Larry Lieber, who's not as good of an artist as even Herb Trimpe and we flew up to the
Boston facility where they put ink you know in the, because they had different
colors, different colored inks for the illustrations and we poured our blood
into the red ink and literally and we had it anyway it was the legal people kept track of it and all that.
It was really that big so that when we become extinct a thousand years from now
and aliens land here and find kiss comics, they will be they'll be able to
reimagine what human beings.
The DNA, they'll be able to.
That's so smart.
Only a thousand years, huh?
You think that's all we got?
Disclosure's coming, 2027.
I love this idea.
2027.
Disclosure 2027.
The Jews are taking over.
The Jews are taking over, yeah.
Boy, those tunnels really didn't make us look very good,
did it?
Jesus.
What is 2027?
Tom.
Oh, sorry. What is 2027?
I thought you got rid of the fart mic.
Aren't you married?
Disclosure.
What's 2027?
So in Congress, actually, right now, they're passing legislation for disclosure.
It's true. Chuck Schumer is pushing a bill, meaning that all the government agencies
that have been concealing what type of alien technologies we actually have and have been
developing behind closed doors has to be disclosed to Congress because there have been concealing what type of alien technologies we actually have and have been developing behind closed doors has to be disclosed to
Congress because there have been all these programs that have been operating
you know whatever under the radar and so Congress is now investigating it.
In that way I'm agnostic I think most people are no matter what your point of view is show me.
Yeah that's it.
I mean I'm excited I want it.
I want it.
I want it to be true.
Whether you believe in it or not, if you believe something else and you're allowed to say I
was wrong, they are real.
Yeah, it's exciting.
Show this, show that.
Just three more years.
Yeah.
And if they don't reveal that all, they get in trouble.
This is on a cruise ship.
It's the KISS cruise. We have KISS a cruise ship. It's the KISS Cruise.
We have KISS Cruises here.
It's the KISS Cruise.
Not this one, that's not yours.
Not that one.
Could be.
That would suck, right?
To be on this one?
Is that it?
The scary thing is if it's coming from the bottom or the top.
I thought somebody was going to slip and slide it.
Oh, right.
That's a good point.
That's a big point.
That's a really good point.
It's a distinction.
I saw Titanic.
Well, to clear the palette, here's another gig.
What drink makes you go, punch.
If you like that, please like and subscribe.
Take care.
It took longer to say like and subscribe than the whole other thing.
He sounds like a very friendly, nice...
Hate from Austin.
Man.
Guy.
Yes. Almost actually, man. And that's okay.
Prescript. He should have done the last part over.
Come to my eyelids and shut them and make-
He flubbed subscribe.
He flubbed it. He shouldn't have flubbed it.
He should have retaken it.
Shit in my cereal.
That's wonderful. Shit in my cereal and I'll drink it in front of you while making heavy eye contact.
Oh my god.
Would you do that? No. So you choose don't do that.
No. So I've collected a series of white people traveling. That actually gives me like real.
No it's terrible. People do this shit for fun and they post it like hey I'm in Pakistan
like why are you doing that? Everybody asked me if you know,
the family's going to Whistler.
Are you gonna ski?
I go, I'm not skiing.
I'm a Jew.
Jew's on skis, that's wrong.
It doesn't sound right.
And you don't miss it at all.
You don't actually.
Miss what?
Breaking my back?
That's what I'm saying though,
but none of it's tempting to you.
Oh no.
Because he's risk averse.
He's risk averse.
He's only. Yes, there's only one mistake.
You're going down, you have no control,
and if you make a mistake, blah, blah.
Yeah.
John Denver.
He's too much to lose.
He's like, I don't know, that's not worth it.
John Denver.
That's how he went out.
Sunny Bono.
Yes, that's right.
Gwyneth Paltrow.
And that guy.
Was it to, I'm thinking of Sunny Bono, not John Denver.
Sunny Bono crashed into a tree.
Liam Neeson's wife died.
Oh yeah, that's right.
The brain bleed.
That was crazy.
He died.
Later on.
Bro, no thanks.
Not counting all the people who've
broken, breaking.
I speak a few languages.
You know, that English is very bizarre.
Is it?
You don't know?
Tell me.
He's spilling. You break. You don't know? Tell me. He's bilingual.
You break?
What, uh, Spanish and English?
Yeah.
Hungarian, German, Hebrew, English.
Oh, my God.
And my son is learning to speak Japanese.
Oh.
Let him have it.
Chotto, chotto, nippon gohanashimasu.
Chotto.
Wow.
But, uh, you know, I made, I made the mistake of saying that in, uh, so that's like the
wrong thing to say, actually. of saying that in, so that's like the wrong thing to say actually.
I said that in Japan and I didn't realize
the way you say you don't like something in Japanese
is you say the little translation is like,
it's a little and then you just kind of trail off.
So what I just said is like, I speak a little,
a little Japanese I speak, a little,
which kind of to them sounds like I'm saying,
Japanese is meh. Oh. So I said that to everyone I met. I speak a little bit which kind of to them sounds like I'm saying, Japanese is meh.
Oh.
And so I said that to everyone I met.
I speak a little bit and they're like,
OK, you don't really like it.
Why are you doing it?
Stop that.
Stop doing that.
Damn.
I'm like, oh, OK, thanks, man.
So I learned that too late.
What were we talking about?
People getting hurt.
More.
Yeah, there's no reason.
There is no reason unless it's for a lot of money to do anything that's...
No, that's the fun game to play with it is when you have a proposition like going airtight or how much would it take?
How much would it take you to go skiing?
How much?
One run down the hill.
On skis, no training, just straight.
No training?
Well, they can give you a little less how much of a thing it's not it's not like the diamond hill, but it's like you know
I don't know what died to a jeweler sounds like heaven. It's not super advanced diamond hill. All right. It's uh
It's intermediate
One run 250 grand Jesus
What about to take this bus ride that we just watch yeah the bus right One ride. 250 grand. Jesus Christ. Wow. I actually thought he was gonna go higher than that.
What about to take this bus ride that we just watched?
Yeah, the bus ride.
How much to go on the Himalayas and bus ride?
How much?
No, for no amount of money.
No, hold on, there's a number.
There's a number.
Why?
If you fall, you die.
Because you're the king Jew shit.
Come on, king shit you.
Can I point out if you fall, you die.
Yes, I do.
But then I get it.
So that's cool.
Gene Simmons gum.
Gum?
Gum.
Okay.
So.
They have more stuff to.
It's okay.
Yeah, but this is interesting.
Show me the gum.
Gene Simmons.
You can pull up Gene Simmons gum. This is my entire life. Okay, put it up. Yeah, we can do this for you. Can you put it up? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You guys that same lady with the towel. It says Jean Simmons chewed gum auctioned off for over 245,000 dollars.
Yeah, but so don't make me look at your asshole. It says singer plans on donating the proceeds.
He kept all the money and sent it on dying folks.
It said close kids.
It said plans on donating.
Yeah, we'd wait.
No, no, all the money went to the children's hospital.
No, it went to the Jewish tunnels in Brooklyn.
Oh my God.
There are, there are.
I know, every conspiracy theorist was like, ah ha!
I know it!
The Jewish tunnels?
You don't know about this?
No, no, no, no, no.
Tunnels everywhere.
Under the synagogues?
What?
Under the synagogues, and there are.
Yes, there are, in New York.
Yeah.
Who doesn't, who didn't tell,
there's already stand-up bits about it.
Derosa did a bit about it.
Really? Yeah, Brian Simpson's got a good one. Do you not know about this? I definitely don't know. This is there's already stand-up bits about it. De Rosa did a bit about it. Yeah, Brian Simpson's do you not know about this?
I just don't know exciting. I don't know about this any Zolo. Can we give it like a lowdown on what happened here?
They found
Okay, it's a New York City. There's all these tunnels and there's like mattresses that they found true
So there's there's theories that there's like human trafficking going on.
Plus, I know a little bit. So there's this guy on Twitter. This is my favorite story
about this. So this is a huge news story now that the Hasidic Jewish community in Brooklyn
has been building secret tunnels underneath other people's property from their homes to
synagogues. It started during COVID apparently. They were trying to go and worship and they
wouldn't let them out or whatever.
So they built tunnels and there was other reasons I guess.
But there was this guy on Twitter
who he tweeted in like 2020 or something.
I hear Yiddish under my floorboards.
There's Jews in my house.
There's Jews under, I don't have a basement.
There's Jews under my floorboards. Everyone was under, I don't have a basement. There's Jews under my floorboards.
Everyone was like, you racist crazy son of a bitch.
And later he said, you all owe me a fucking apology
because it hit the national news.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait, what about, why did it show them
like destroying the walls inside the synagogue?
They got arrested.
They were like freaking out though.
Illegally built.
They fought the cops.
They like gotten fistfights with the cops.
Oh, for arresting them for building a.
Well yeah, you can't just build tunnels
if you feel like it.
Under people's property, that's crazy.
That's pretty crazy.
Oh, so you didn't know what I was talking about.
I was like those tunnels didn't make us.
But you can't also go on January 6th
and do whatever you wanna do in the camp.
No, that's not a thing you can't.
People do what they want.
This is not an insult that we didn't build the tunnels.
We're fine.
We didn't? No, not We're fine. We didn't know not you and I yeah
Yeah, by the way, what's 12 inches and Jewish tell me nothing
Thank you, that is the one he told you thank you. Thank you
We're not gang rivals for lovers and their cultural background
Relationship hasn't always been plain sailing
Expecting people to just fully embrace you all the time.
That's just not how life is in our culture.
The gay man, it's an embarrassment.
That's what's up.
We think that's OK, just like the joke guy.
It's just like the game.
It is harder.
I don't mean that way.
It's more difficult for them, bless them.
Yes.
For their particular lifestyle because that
culture doesn't readily accept gangbanging like you don't.
And it is, forget about politics or anything, there are well-intentioned trans people, gay
people, all wonderful human beings and blah blah blah, who march right alongside certain
Middle Eastern political
groups not realizing that if they did that on the streets of those countries they would
be killed.
Absolutely.
They have no idea.
The college kid irony.
What a beta!
So there's also weird stuff that we find.
Is that, it looks like it's misspelled.
Is it spelled correctly?
It just embarrass me.
It doesn't look right. I don't think, is there two Rs in there? I don't think there is twopelled. Is it spelled correctly? It just embarrass me. It doesn't look great.
You're right.
I don't think, is there two Rs in there?
I don't think there is two Rs, is there?
Yeah, I think there's not two Rs.
No, EMBAR, E-S-S.
No, I think that's right.
It just looks wrong.
Interesting.
Yeah, that's right.
EMBAR.
Maybe it's just the glasses on his head.
That's wrong.
I do like we all have that quality of like laser focusing in
on something very small like grammar and sure derailing an entire
I do do that a lot. Why does that is so?
Have you ever done a mic nastic stream? Sorry, have you ever done this?
Why would you post the one where you knock the bar over? I'll be honest, I can't do that.
No way, this is hard.
Did you do any fitness routine over the years?
Nothing.
He's been a lifeguard.
I was a lifeguard.
Every once in a while, I went through maybe the 30s
or 40s where you start lifting a little bit.
Then you go, I don't like this.
And then you go running.
Yeah, I don't like this.
You Swiss.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
I don't like that.
I like to Swiss either.
But why, hiking is okay.
But don't you Swiss during hiking?
You can slow down.
Okay.
Okay.
That was very Jewish the way you did that.
You can slow down.
Okay, you can slow down.
What's the deal?
Anyway, you know why Jews have calluses
on the bottom of their earlobes?
No.
Oh my God.
No, wasn't.
Stop saying it's good.
Thank you for that.
That was good.
Any?
Yeah, you comment over there.
Thank you.
Comment! Thank you for that. That was good. Eddie. Yeah, you comment over there. Thank you.
Comment!
Comment!
Hey, soul trainer.
Comment!
Oh my god.
No.
He did not call Eddie comment one.
Press the button.
Press the button.
Press the button.
Press the button.
Press the button.
Press the button.
Press the button.
Press the button.
Press the button.
Press the button.
Press the button. Press the button. Press the button. Press Coleman. That's the best thing that's ever happened on the show.
That's great.
Oh, so great.
You just made my life.
Coleman is very handsome and talented.
He is.
And so is Eddie.
Eddie's very talented.
I'll take it.
Very handsome man.
Take that to the bank, Coleman.
Why don't you write a little song about it?
Jesus.
Now I can't unsee that too with a facial beard and everything.
I know.
He's so handsome.
I know.
I know.
I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. Take that to the bank, Common. Why don't you write a little song about it? Common.
Now I can't unsee that, too, with a facial beard and everything.
I know. He's stylish, just like that.
I don't know why you're shaking your hand. He's a good-looking guy.
It's better than what I get. I get fucking Adam Driver all the time.
Oh, you're way better looking.
Everybody goes like, oh.
I didn't call you Cedric.
Cedric.
Cedric the entertainer. He's overweight.
That guy's skinny as hell.
I didn't call him that.
Why would you?
Because it's another blake.
She doesn't.
I got two go-to blacks.
He doesn't.
He doesn't look like Cedric.
Oh, shit.
No, actually the common thing is like, that was fucking perfect.
It's a really good.
Please stop encouraging him.
That was great.
What do you think of this though?
This is also perfect.
Probably 90% of people that see me automatically think I'm gay.
He is perfect.
You know, like I went to a beer garden in our little town and, and I was talking
to a woman, she goes, this is my husband
and that was the first thing he said, are you gay? And I said, no, why?
Why? Because what you're wearing, I said, well, you don't have to be gay to wear a
skirt and not heels. No, you do. Yeah, you do. I said, no, I'm not gay. No, but I'm wearing a skirt and not heels. No, no, you are.
I mean, it's okay.
You can see the wheels trying to stay
as much as possible.
My take on this is little middle of ground between,
it's like everything he says is totally right.
I just think it's weird to be surprised
that somebody might say that.
I know.
Do you know what I mean?
When people are like, holy shit, you're tall,
I go like, that's annoying,
because everyone says it to me all the time,
but it's not weird that that guy had that reaction to me,
because that was just his natural.
So when that guy goes like, you're gay,
this guy should be like, well, I acknowledge that probably
in this guy's life experience,
almost everyone he's ever seen does this.
Yeah, war heals.
He's incorrect, but it's not weird
that he was jumping. it's not an improper assumption
It's not a wild walk up and go like are you a cop? He's like no
We should stress it's okay. Everything's fine. Somebody thinks you're gay and you're not it's okay
It's like what let him think what I want. There's that like it's not an insult right
So why are we just that was upset about what? Yeah? Oh, no, I'm not it's fine Everything's a lot of us have jack guys off before yeah, but he's gay. Yeah, not even a joke. How do you think Tom and I met if he?
And I do love this
Great
What do you think?
Shoes are great. Common. What do you think?
My sister is gonna literally take us aside and she's gonna be like this is a bad
She's gonna Sophie and Shannon are both gonna say no in spirit. Yes. She is. Oh, she's gonna be so mad
You know everything's jokes. It's all jokes. They're doing a podcast Sophie and Nick No. No, Christina's the one that, I mean, gave a blessing and very, was very nice.
Of course. As you should.
We're trying. We're gonna give it a shot.
You are.
But we're, it's just a fan cast.
This is all you, Howie.
I love that.
All you, baby.
Baby crab. Did you want a pet crab?
He's not gonna get hurt, is he?
Kid Mama's got you.
That's clearly how a Mandel.
Mama's got you.
Yeah. That's hilarious. a Mandel mama's got you
Larius that was fine, huh?
You think the crab knows where they are and what what no no
It's trying to find a pin cushion
It's a beret. Oh, I'm sure you put a beret on a crab before dummy. Yeah, doesn't that isn't that a pin cushion? Yeah
Yes Other kids.
She has no problem.
I'm mental or otherwise.
You wanna know when this means?
Yeah.
I don't know that you need to baby talk a crap.
Yeah, I don't think you need to either.
Because I think that's just for her.
That's just for her.
What's your favorite memory of being with your dad?
What a segue. It's when we took our pet crab to the fucking park now. It's my favorite memory of all yeah, oh
You can share
Remember that I don't that's okay. I'd have to think about it. I don't know I mean I
The honestly this last tour was pretty pretty epic right because I didn't I he never took me out of school
Whatever I didn't I never toured with him until I was an adult.
I was gonna say to be able to tour,
like to experience it as an adult is a good thing.
Yeah, I got lucky that it lasted long enough
that I got to do that in my adulthood.
So that was, I mean, we travel,
I saw, I don't know, 100 countries.
How many countries did we see?
Well, they went to, and he was such-
And my girlfriend, Kelty, came to get with me and Nick was so
Outgoing in terms of I want to appreciate your culture and I'm not going to be the ugly American go ahead
Oh, so we went to South America and I was like, you know what Kelty and I were like, let's let's agree to not be those
Tourists like however they do it. Let's try it like whatever food
towards like however they do it, let's try it, like whatever food, however they cook it,
like let's just immerse ourselves
and not like demand it be the same everywhere.
Within about two months, I was like,
give me some fucking eggs that are scrambled
and fully cooked for fuck's sake.
Like I just want my goddamn, I became him.
Like when he came home like always in my childhood,
I remember him just being very particular
about his food orders and I just never could figure out why
and then I realized like you just want something familiar.
Familiar, yeah.
And you were on a huge tour, you must feel that way.
Totally.
It's not even like a, I thought it was this diva
like you start thinking you're hot shit thing,
it's like you just, it's hotel and hotel and hotel
and hotel, new light switches and new things.
It's like a normal.
And then you kind of go just like, I just want scrambled eggs and then they come and hotel new light switches and you know normal and then you kind of go just like I just want scrambled eggs
And then they come in they're like liquid and you're like motherfucker and you just kind of like become this like bad customer
Yeah, and so that happened. Well, I don't and then he was like
Welcome to my life. He was like, but I don't have
I mean I I'm a meat and potatoes kind of guy. There's no, you always say this. It's such bullshit.
He's like, I'm so low.
Mate, you're the most high maintenance person on earth.
I don't eat crabs, lobsters, aliens, suction cups.
But if the fucking toast is not just right, you'll send it.
But it's like, I need it.
But it's toast.
Can I tell them about the coffee ritual?
Yes.
OK.
Picture, you know, you went, you took, you took your parents
to like five star restaurants and they order A1.
Yeah, yeah.
You have it, you have it good because this is what I deal with. He fucking, like, we're going to like
Michelin Star or something in like Tokyo.
I always thought Michelin was about tires. I didn't know.
I know the reason for that.
It is.
It was to sell more tires because they realized if they gave people more, like this place deserves a special trip.
That's a three-star place.
It's a ranking by tires.
If they drove to more restaurants, They'd sell more tires in the beginning
That's how it started. So it was a guide to like where you should drive to anyway. That's back to the thing ADD
so
He will he will have he did this morning. He goes I want coffee
In a paper cup and this is like again no matter where we are stays hot
Yeah, I want a paper cup the biggest one you got and I want a pot and he'll go like this a pot of coffee
So I can report and they go okay, and so they'll bring him like the the best cup they got and then he'll go not hot enough
Microwave it and then they go do you want us to make you a hotter ones like no
No, I want you to put this in the microwave at this Michelin Star restaurant. And they'll go like, uh...
That's what a microwave does.
Yes.
So then they'll microwave it, finally.
Like they'll find a way.
They'll put them in the oven or something
because they don't have a microwave
because it's a nice restaurant.
They'll bring it back and he'll go,
I want a cup of ice cubes.
And they'll go, what?
It goes, yeah, it's too hot now.
I want a cup of ice cubes.
I control the heat.
He wants it exact. There's an exact exact he wants it from here to here so he puts a
couple ice cubes but then he'll talk to us he'll wait on his scone because it
didn't come at the same time it'll get too cold he'll have the microwave it
again really and this will happen maybe four at least at least two or three times
and it's every time so I will usually go to the bathroom
and just like wait it out.
But I pay for the rope when they hand it back.
And he literally, I saw him say this
to a Michelin star like restaurant
where the chef goes, he goes,
well at Burger King they let you have it your way.
And the guy is like short circuiting and he's like,
ah, yeah. Yeah, Well, you know what?
It takes a while for some people to figure out to ask for what they really want. He goes
I'm a simple guy with simple needs. No, you're not. I don't eat day old caviar from the Caspian Sea. I don't care about
Anything that crawls sideways and where the eyes can go over the shoulder. Those are aliens on
2027.
No, he's fine.
Oh, he's well done steak guy, just like top dog.
Yeah, every time.
Burn it. Send it to hell and back.
He says, send it to hell and back to the chef.
That's how you want it.
To the chef.
Like, well done.
The color of your...
Sir, it's cooked in its own juices, bitch.
They don't have juices.
It's blood.
That thing where you press it and the little vein goes
and it comes, the blood, that's blood.
So at a steakhouse, you're like well done.
Butterfly it.
And well, no pink at all, none.
No, zero, black inside.
And I'm guessing no sushi, that's off the table.
No, you see a long time ago, man invented fire and it was okay to take your food. You just killed and put it in the fire
Okay, I don't have to eat it raw anymore. Not an adventurous. You know, I will say that. Yeah, no
I'm much more like him and I want to see the cool stuff. I have seen him put things in his mount suction cups and I
Just do you have more to say? Oh, sorry. We're good. We're running. No, no, we're good put things in his Mount Suction cups and I just...
Do you have more to say?
Oh, sorry, we're running.
No, no, we're good.
This is super fun.
How old were you when you were...
Do you know Garth Brooks?
Does he know me?
Yes.
Have you guys hung out?
He was on the Kiss tribute album.
Oh yeah, that's right.
No show.
They have their pals with Garth.
How was that?
Garth's two biggest influences were Kiss and James Taylor.
Did you think he was weird?
Not at all.
Really?
Look at you.
You didn't think he was a strange guy?
Tom, he's a strange guy.
If you Google Garth Brooks and Kiss, you'll see him together with us performing Hard Luck
Woman as far as I'm concerned.
Yeah, this is not the litmus test for like who's acting bizarre or odd.
Yeah, right. Yeah, just as eccentric
Holy shit, that's a 94 you guys. Oh, yeah the MTV unplugged right I put together a kiss tribute album called kiss my ass
Where the flags and all and each country had its own flag on it. Yes. He put together his own tribute album. That's correct
It's your correct
Lenny Kravitz.
It's a great idea.
That is very cool.
It actually is.
Why wait for somebody else to throw your own party?
Throw your own party.
100%.
It's a great idea.
That's so cool.
Gina, are you gonna miss the touring now?
No, I think being a realist and a pragmatist,
it simply means you have to have a sense of when it's
time to get out of the ring. How many world champions, I mean world champions unequaled
have stayed in the ring too long and get their ass handed to them by chumps. Little got just
because you go too long. I want to go out on the tsunami, you're a surfer,
go out on top and look back at something with pride. You don't want to remember being naked
Elvis on the bathroom floor.
But like so the last show that I saw which was on this tour which was it really was amazing.
Like you feel comfortable being like that's it. We're done, we're done no more. The December shows in the garden,
we raised that because we did lots of other stuff
and we debuted our kiss avatars,
which I don't wanna talk too much about, but.
They're gonna do like the Bee Gees thing.
That's cool.
In the same way that you two at the sphere.
The holograms.
Is beyond anything, these things are gonna
take a life of its own so the caterpillar in essence becomes the
butterfly kiss ends and begins so you're cool with like you're you're
comfortable now to I make it living yeah it was it was actually weirdly
emotional the last show and it also doesn't match the lyrics at all yeah so
it's like my girlfriend is kind of crying and they're going like
lick it up, lick my balls and they're like it's so beautiful. It's such a legacy. It's like oh my god.
But you do have an amazing legacy. That's an incredible thing you guys did.
So wonderful. Fucking fuck you. It's amazing.
Fucking fuck you. That's one of your lyrics. Yeah, you're gonna say that.
Fucking fuck you. He does have a great lyric that I like to bring up called,
I want something, I want to get in your face.
I've got nasty habits, it's a fine line.
So many girls and so little time.
When love is its head, I want to get on your case.
I want to put my log in your I wanna put my log in your fireplace.
Put my log in your fireplace.
That's what's up.
That's actually real songwriting.
Curious to me how white people try to sound black.
It's just not convincing.
This was so, so, so.
What did you say?
Tom's a proper hippo.
That's right, that's what's up.
By the way, Tom is.
That is what's up.
Tom is black, by the way.
Yeah. Tom is? Tom's black, by the way. Yeah. Tom is.
I told my mother's black.
You're black.
I'm P really bad.
Tom's black.
You have to P really bad.
Really bad.
You don't like holding it in?
Sorry, I went so long.
I'm such a lot of personalities.
I can hold it in forever.
I can drink.
I got a P.
So little Segura kid is growing up and you reach a certain age and then you have a sense,
I know what I want to do.
Yeah.
When is that?
When is that?
Yeah.
Stand up, I guess.
For me?
Oh, I think I knew I wanted to perform in some way, probably when I was like 10, 11, yeah,
like 10 years old, yeah.
So you jump up on the coffee table and you-
I just liked, I liked, I wasn't, so I wasn't a class clown.
I was more like lay back and then I would just, you know,
throw out comments and sometimes everybody would laugh
and that would just, that would just like a real drug, yeah.
Did you get beat up a lot Tom?
Not a lot.
I used a football player, you used a hot popular kid.
I got, well I got beat up in fifth grade, first day at a new school, by three guys. And that was
kind of the last time though that I got beat up. I was never beaten up. Yeah. You were
tall. I mean, you were fairly tall. No. Yes. It's scary looking. There were other things. There was a guy, I didn't know about headbutts or anything.
There was a guy who was like the big guy
who wanted to pick a fight or something.
And he got really close to my face
and while everybody's watching.
And I didn't know about headbutts or anything,
but I instinctively did that thing and his nose started,
and then he stopped picking on everybody. Wow. He's got a scar on his forehead from his tooth. I didn't know about headbutts or anything, but I instinctively did that thing and his nose started,
and then he stopped picking on everybody.
Wow.
He's got a scar on his forehead from his tooth.
That's from a tooth.
Yeah, he knocked his tooth out.
There was a guy who must have been 6'9",
or close to my son's height.
Green Day or somebody was playing at a festival
and they asked me to jump up and join them. So I did and then backstage
This poor guy must have been high on something came up to me and started shoving me and
I put and everybody's watching so I put my hands in back of me. So I'm sorry
I'm sorry. So he got closer when he got closer, I smashed his face in just like that.
Yeah.
And because he's taller, I caught the top of his suit
that it went there.
And the guy literally just fell backwards.
And like a sprinkler system in your garden or whatever,
you just saw blood coming out of my forehead.
But I didn't feel anything. Sure.
On the other hand, have you ever smashed a girl in the face?
A girl?
A girl?
Yeah, a couple of bras.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, What? Really? In sub-defense, I imagine. No. No.
But if she's just, fuck it doesn't know when to knock it off.
Should you?
No, I haven't like, like, like you just, like a right cross.
At the end...
No, it was straight on.
Straight.
Okay.
At the, I, it's supposed to have a knock-down.
You have to give me some context or else I'm going to be alarmed for the rest of this.
Well, it was at the end of a show and Paul had a guest young girl dressed in
SNM semi-nazi, you know kind of thing with the Nazi hat and everything. I didn't see swastikas or anything
But it was that style. Yeah, bondage leather Hugo boss bondage letter and bondage leather rather and she must have been
I don't know 24 25
Attractive girl with all the lifted and separated
in your general direction.
And as I was passing by,
Paul was kind of showing off,
because look at this girl and all this stuff,
and I'm going, hey, how you doing?
On the way back, she said,
hey, I heard your mother was in a concentration camp.
And I said, what?
She said, yeah, cool, huh?
Whoa, dude. Oh
I don't blame you at all. Yeah, just dector
Nice cool, huh the hell was she on what a dipshit?
Yeah, I'm okay with that one. Yeah, me too. That's sometimes honestly a lot like a lot of chicks could use a
Shot to the grill, you know?
I think anybody.
Sean Connery?
I have some interviews.
Well, you know if you try, you try.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
You try and you remind them, and then they have to get one more in.
Sometimes you give them a shot, and they straighten up.
That's Sean Connery almost verbatim.
Oh, really?
That's just how I think.
I didn't know.
I didn't know.
We love him.
He knows he's talking to me.
You've been good.
I've been good.
You've been good.
All right.
This, we got to wrap up.
This is a real treat.
Thank you so much for stopping in.
It was so much fun to have you.
Would you like the truth?
Yes, sir.
Truth part A. I was making a joke to Nick.
You got me on a plane to come out here
in the middle of Texas where they used to sell cows.
I remember playing here with the band
and during certain months they'd have cows
and horses and everything lined up
and people would bid on them as cow shit and everything.
And then when the bands would come into play,
a lot of people, big.
You put boards on there or saw dust, but it would smell like
turd the whole time.
You're doing concerts and of course local population were all
used to it.
I asked our driver, have you ever, oh yeah, sure.
So I thought it was going to be a joke.
A prank.
He thought there was no podcast and he's going to show up
and then probably like April Fool's.
Yeah.
Oh, that's funny.
But the reason I decided to do it was because of her.
She's got the charisma.
We connected backstage.
It's got the hunger.
I thought she spoke fluent Hungarian, so she said,
hodrad, hodrad, hodrad, hodrad,
kamcila, madoro, and then I just started talking to you.
I, no, not that much.
No, not that much.
My parents stopped talking to me. Tutsbeselni madorul vadnem. Nem, not that much. My parents stopped talking to me.
Tootspecellni, Madaroo, what name?
Name, I Kitchit.
I Kitchit.
To Airted, meet in Monta.
Again.
I mean that.
The power of Christ compels you.
The power.
Yeah, I understand everything.
I just...
Hungarian, you know, their remnants of the Mongol invasion.
Yes.
That's right.
Were Mongols. There was the Tatars, the Huns,. That's right. Were Mongols.
There was the Tatars, the Huns, the Majars, and the Mongols, different tribes, and they
were all united under Genghis Khan, and then Attila.
Attila.
Attila.
Attila, the Hun and all that.
And Vishayam.
Again.
Not you.
Say it.
Oh lord, not you.
Yo.
Yo, I disease school.
Aren't you learning German? No, Japanese.
Oh, that's right.
I've done Italian for a couple of years now and then Japanese.
What, you made me eat with that, dude?
Konbanwa.
Oh, good evening.
Tomdes, doza yoroshiku.
Oh, yes, nice to meet you.
Kore wa oishi gohan desu.
Oh, this is delicious food.
This is delicious meal.
Do you know that, you know, just a few phrases, they don't like the sound,
I don't know if you heard this, they don't like the sound of America, even if you've
got the right accent, the tone is too thick. Because they're smaller people.
The guys who want to be real heterosexual, oh, they do very exaggerated versions of,
you know, testosterone filled guys.
But in real life they talk, hey, how you doing?
Nice to see you.
Okay, now I'm gonna go.
Oh, son is dead.
You've heard that Japanese guys say like,
what is, someone asked him like,
what does English sound like to you?
And he said, it sounds like barking dogs
because of all the Rs.
Oh. Rararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararar English sound like to you and he said it sounds like barking dogs because of all the Rs. Oh, that's very funny.
Oh, that makes perfect. So that's how they make fun of us is
that you fucking dogs barking over there. There's an American guy who's on all the
chat shows in Japan. I see him all the time. He speaks fluent Japanese with a
higher, higher pitch. Uh-huh. That's interesting. I love languages.
And of course if you speak Spanish, there's a difference between Mexican Spanish and Argentina,
which is the...
Castile.
There's something like a helium thing.
If you're talking like this, something like that, hold on, let me go.
But when they speak to each other, it's like,
¿Cómo está?
Muy bien, gracias. Excuse me, I gotta speak to the guy.
I don't know what happened to my voice.
You're going to the club today.
Something happened, I don't know.
That's very, it's a very good impression actually.
It's beautiful.
It's very good.
Thank you.
Common?
Jesus fucking hell.
Hey, common, why don't you take us out?
Jesus Christ.
This, no, this was, I'm glad this wasn't a prank.
I'm really glad you got on the plane.
Yeah, thanks for having us. This was a birthday present to me. This is a blast, it's common. I'm glad this wasn't a prank. I'm really glad you're on the plane. Yeah. Thanks for having us
This was a birthday present to me. I'm glad that your charisma got him here. Hey man I'm flattered and um, it was really fun meeting you that you were not you were not doing jokes
You were not trying to impress you were just being a person being a person and that's the most impressive thing
I find tits of anybody in any walk of
life. Met the Dalai Lama, presidents, the most impressive people.
You're better than them. Was the Dalai Lama like what?
What did it do dog? You don't tongue kiss kids. We were both
speaking at an event and afterwards,
here I'll show you a photo, afterwards,
but he was asked a very interesting question
because he is the reincarnation,
his holiness and all that, 14th, I think, in line.
And he was asked by somebody in the audience,
what would happen if somebody...
If James Simmons tongueed your asshole.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yes, that's...
Jesus Christ.
No, Jesus Christ wouldn't do that.
All right, okay.
If somebody asked you something,
or, and you didn't have the answer,
but then when the answer came,
it was the exact opposite of what you believed.
And then he answered something I'll never forget.
He said, then you have to change your belief.
And I've never heard a religious person
of any denomination or anything say, because you're stuck.
Yes.
It's, I gotta show you.
Yeah, credit where credit is dear, right?
He goes like, he said basically like,
if science proves something wrong,
that I'm wrong about, I'll change my mind about it.
Change my mind.
Oh, the pope doesn't usually.
No.
No, he won't.
Gene Simmons gave me $10 and I'm keeping it, by the way.
He's trying to find a picture of him and the Dalai Lama,
by the way.
Oh, it's here.
I can just send it to you.
By the way, if I sign that,
you'd be surprised how much you can get for it.
Oh, but I...
Look, I'm surprised.
The reason I say that stuff is I'm always shocked by what people will...
There it is.
Oh yeah, they found it online.
It's online.
Oh yeah, yeah.
They're faster.
That's pretty wild.
Because Nadav's not here.
To Google shit slowly.
He was curious about, you know, what does that mean?
And you know, he speaks English well enough
and understands, like even though the words are measured,
they really mean something.
And hey, how you doing?
Nice to see you, you know that.
He was genuinely, and for a man in his late 80s,
genuinely interested in the meaning,
because everything's got meaning to him.
I told him in sign language, it's I love you,
and he said, oh, this is good.
We need more, I love you.
He's right.
He's right.
And then he started doing it in like other things.
And then there's other stuff.
That's awesome, dude.
That's crazy, your life has been an insane
continued success in all the things you do.
Yeah, it says right there.
Let me just, Gene Simmons recording studio events. Junction, recording, studio events.
Mayforsenfifth.com.
Dot com.
Right after events.com.
I want to dig in your booty.
Such a good...
Thank you so much.
Thank you guys.
And we will hopefully talk to you soon.
I hope I see you in LA when I'm there.
I gotta get my kids from school.
It'd be great to have you.
Well, I have to do something to get backstage.
By the way, did you, oh my God, pay for tickets
or did you wind up there?
I paid.
I paid.
Did he pay?
I paid.
No, right?
Of course.
No, okay, no, I'm pretty sure I took care of it
for you lower.
I took care of it.
I owe you some money.
All right, come and take us out.
Thank you guys.
Yes. out thank you guys
let's bang kids together the ultimate father something to be
let's bang kids together the ultimate father something to be
let's bang kids together the ultimate father something to be Let's bang chicks together
The ultimate father something to be Let's bang chicks together
The ultimate father something to be
Ramp in the pool with the balls on your mouth Ramp in the pool with the balls on your mouth Ramp in the pool with the balls on your mouth Ramp in the pool with the balls on your mouth
Ramp in the pool with the balls on your mouth Ramp in the pool with the balls on your mouth
Ramp in the pool with the balls on your mouth Rappin' a foolish and goes all in a mouth
Rappin' a foolish and goes all in a mouth Rappin' a foolish and goes all in a mouth
Rappin' a foolish and goes all in a mouth Rappin' a foolish and goes all in a mouth
Rappin' a foolish and goes all in a mouth Rappin' a foolish and goes all in a mouth Thank you.