Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Size Matters w/ Rory Scovel & William Moore (PhalloFILL) | Your Mom's House Ep. 747
Episode Date: February 21, 2024SPONSORS: -Go to https://Hungryroot.com/mom to get 40% off your first delivery and free veggies for life. This week on Your Mom's House Podcast we've got an airtight show as Tom Segura and Christina ...P welcome two guests! First up we have founder of PhalloFILL and self described dick whisperer Bill Moore, followed by comedian and painter Rory Scovel. Before welcoming the guests Kristin and Tim share an Aussie with a very filling challenge, recap their time in Las Vegas, rail on some larger Disney adults, and talk about facelifts and celebrity plastic surgery. Christina and Tom are joined by Bill Moore who introduces them to the world of cosmetic penile fillers and offers a buffet of samples for them to check out. They talk about the benefits, the risks, and everything there is to know about increasing one's size. Tom also introduces Bill to the Double Soul Shaman who has his own methods of making members grow. Rory Scovel joins the Main Mommies to talk about his new special and how the comedy landscape has changed for marketing yourself. He also reacts to some fun clips featuring some female pilots, a woman afraid of suds, a special drink brewed by the Double Soul Shaman, a school board meeting, and a cool Disney adult. They also chat about Rory's artistic endeavors and co-existing with bugs, plus so much more! https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Your Mom’s House Ep. 747 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
There's people, let's say, in the cosmetic surgery world that you get a patient who's like,
give me another facelift.
And you're like, do you ever have a...
I cut him off.
You cut him off.
Yeah.
But here's the thing.
Let me give you...
No more dick for you.
You cut him off.
One to ten, what do you think you are?
Right now?
Yeah.
Six?
Six and a half?
No.
Higher.
But I think this is a fucking two.
No, no, no.
He's right.
This is like a two.
higher but i think this is no no no he's right this is like a two welcome welcome to your mom's house
welcome good morning good afternoon good evening uh we are rolling here in Tejas it's another episode
of Your Mom's House
Your Mom's House
this is jam packed
this one really is
other level today
wait till you guys
get through this one
yeah
it's good stuff
it is good stuff
we've been very pumped
for this one for a minute
we've been pumped
we've been loaded
quick reminder
for some dates here
your boy
Tommy Bunz
I will be in Portland, Maine, February 29th.
San Antonio, Texas, March 8th.
Belton, Texas, March 10th.
I added a second show in St. Augustine, Florida.
It's March 13th.
And the next day, I am in Orlando, Florida, March 14th.
Tickets are at tomseguro.com slash tour.
I think it's Horlando.
Yep, that's right.
Sometimes I mispronounce it.
Very nice.
Yep.
Very nice.
Can I tell you, did you want to do a clip or may I tell you the revelation that I had?
Tell me your revelation.
I had a Pajitsky effect.
Tell me.
Where do prunes come from?
Where do prunes come from? Where do prunes come from?
How do they grow?
Is that like a dried out fruit?
Is it a dried out plum or something?
How did you know that?
I didn't know that.
Do you know that I just put that together,
that prunes are dried plums?
What are raisins?
Dried grapes.
But why don't they call them dried plums?
Because they call them dried apricots.
Why do they call them a different word?
I don't know.
Why do they call raisins raisins and not dried grapes?
I don't know.
What about wine?
What is that all about?
Yeah, it should be called liquid grapes.
Yeah.
Dude.
Grape juice plus.
You're really on one today.
Very impressive.
This is a big thing you discovered?
Yeah, because I was eating some dried plums the other day,
and I'm like, well, this is so silly.
Why don't they just call it what it is?
How did you figure out that that's what it was, though?
I saw it on the package, the pictures.
It shows you the origin story.
So it's here, and then it goes there.
But I'm like, here's another dumb thought.
Why does that make you brown, the dried do you know what i mean if it takes all the juice out
of it though they always said though if um if you had constipation to eat a plum i thought that was
a plum yeah not a prune i thought prune oh and prune juice prune juice makes you shit sure sure
sure sure yeah it's just that was my revelation this weekend wow
yeah thank you for sharing that you got it for saving that and sharing that yeah
because you didn't tell me i thought i was much more excited than and i thought it'd be much more
i thought you'd be more enthusiastic about it but i'm pretty excited um why don't we play this first
clip and then we'll just okay well no that's really that's really somebody's mind
that's really cool so let's uh let's start the show okay here we go today is day one of getting
railed by 365 people in 365 days so i'm starting off pretty vanilla today i am catching up with
one of my old regulars who i haven't seen in like nine months so it has been a while we haven't really planned what we're gonna do all i know is he's taking me out for dinner
and then i guess i'm going back to his and we'll have some fun i'm honestly hoping for a cream
pro a cream pie but we'll see what happens this is big time who is right wow don't bring anyone to this yo mama in the fucking stand wow welcome to your
mom's house
huh
with Tom Segura
Tom Segura
and
Christina Pajit
Christina Pajit
Christina Pajit
welcome to your
mom's house
cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha
cha cha cha Cha-cha-cha. Cha-cha-cha. Wow.
Isn't that cool?
I have so many thoughts.
Yeah.
Well, so one a day for 365 days.
But what if one day you're not feeling it?
You got your period.
You have diarrhea.
You're sick.
You have goals.
If you're not disciplined about your goals, you don. You have diarrhea. You're sick. You have goals.
If you're not disciplined about your goals
you don't achieve your goals.
That's true, Tom.
Yeah.
Like anything.
You're like,
oh, what if I don't feel
like going for a run?
Well, then you're not
going to run today.
Yeah.
She's David Goggins-ing
her love life.
Yeah.
Love is a different word
I would use for this.
Here's the good news.
I don't think she's going
to have trouble
achieving her goals
because she's pretty beautiful. She's pretty. Very pretty woman good news. I don't think she's going to have trouble achieving her goals because she's pretty beautiful.
She's pretty,
very pretty woman, yeah.
And she's accent,
she's Aussie accent, right?
Yeah.
I mean,
and she's actually also,
she looks like this,
if you told me this was someone's,
you know,
journey goal,
I'd be like,
oh, I'm sure when I see them
or I hear them speak,
they're going to be clinically insane.
And she doesn't seem like that, you know?
Well.
Well, I know.
But what's really interesting is you got to remember something.
This is day one, okay?
What?
Day one.
Why do you gesture?
It's one.
You're in America.
Number one.
We're number one.
Right.
Day one.
Day one.
Why don't you show me your hand, though?
You should do it like this.
This is gay. This is heterosexual what is this gay straight we're number one america three oh my god day
three actions like this yeah did you see that yeah what is three again three dude are you foreign
like why are you doing it like that i'm half half foreign. What is this? Is this what Latins do?
I don't know.
I just know this is three.
This is not three.
Yeah, it is.
Foreigner.
This is three.
This is three.
Oh, give me a three, Josh.
So, yeah.
What do you, where, what country did you learn this from?
I don't know.
This is three.
I don't know, but I don't, I don't actually like.
This is so queer.
Mocking someone because they're different. So I don't know, but I don't actually like- This is so queer. Mocking someone because they're different.
So I don't appreciate what you're doing.
Welcome to your mom's house.
That's what we do here.
Yeah.
And then forever, I've always made fun of you for doing it.
You're like, I'm like, Tom, where's the car?
It's over there.
You point like that.
It's over there.
This is also very weird.
What is, is this because you're anorexics?
Yeah, I'm anorexic,
so either hand can do, yeah.
I bet it has something to do with that
because it doesn't make sense
that you're,
this is not normal.
How do you give the bird to people?
How do you give the bird?
I'm not a big bird guy though.
Show me the bird.
It's a sideways bird.
This is totally queer.
How about four?
It's four, bro.
Didn't they teach you in kinder?
Four.
That's so weird.
You're so gay.
Okay.
It's probably at least sucking dicks.
All right, show me the lady.
Fucking horrible person.
I'm about to get filled up and a baby juice facial at the same time.
This is day six of 365 days of getting railed by 365 people,
and we are well above our target at this point.
But, hey, I'm not slowing down.
That's a good idea.
That's what I'm saying.
If you get ahead of the game, then you take a day off.
That's right, yeah.
Yeah, it's like when we did the Sober October challenges and we were like, I'm going to
work out twice today.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
We want to take Sundays down.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Or you want to take off Thanksgiving, Christmas.
She should get ahead of the game.
She's like, I got another one.
I did my cardio and I lifted today.
I'm feeling good.
Okay.
Pretty cool.
I've been put on the spit twice today and i'm exhausted
people do not realize how much energy this type of extracurricular takes out of you like i'm
so exhausted i had a girl coming over soon and then i had to cancel because i just can't i i've
only got so much to give and that's what that's for in one day.
So I think we're going to hit my 365 way before day 365, to be honest.
Well, yeah, if you're doing four different dues.
No, because I think she said I was on the spit.
I think she meant like she had two threesomes this day.
Is that right?
Correct, yeah.
So she already had two people at once twice in this day
that's exhausting she's right god damn what an athlete yeah so keep going i just got railed by
my plumber what the hell that was actually really unexpected like i had this plumber come over to
fix my tap in my bathroom like not even thinking anything of it, but he arrived, and he was so hot.
Like, it's crazy.
I know I'm 27, but, like, I forget that, like, I'm 27.
I still feel like I'm 18.
So when someone comes over, and I'm, like, a plumber,
I always picture, like, a 40-year-old man.
So when he came over, and he was, like, 25, I was like,
what?
You're younger than me?
Yeah.
That is a trip.
Anyway, he was really hot, really tall, like, tatted.
Oh!
And I'm thinking in my head,
I hope he bends me over this bench and fills me up.
And I must have manifested it because that's exactly what happened.
It didn't really happen like that, though.
Like he was fixing my top and we were talking and I was flirting and I told him about what I do for work.
And one thing led to the other.
And yeah, I got a he filled me up. I't say that on tiktok but he filled me up
that's awesome you know what's interesting though this is essentially the male fantasy so like yeah
porn is a fantasy it's not reality it's a it's a woman a beautiful woman who's like oh like whoever
comes over gets laid right sure it Sure. It's a hyper reality.
It's not really what happens.
And then this person is actually being like,
no, this is reality for her.
And she's saying it completely shameless, right?
Like most people would have some level of shame.
It's like just an interesting psychology
of what's going on with this person.
Like how come there's no shame?
Why so much pride?
Well, I guess because we're in a different time now.
No, it's not about the different time.
This is an individual thing.
Because most people who are doing this would feel,
most people who have this interaction would be like,
I'll keep that to myself.
It wouldn't be broadcast of like, got filled up again today.
She might not be connected to what's going on inside of her.
I really want to, I think it's a really interesting.
She's not connected emotionally, babe.
She has some issues.
I'm going to venture there's something wrong.
No, there's something wrong.
I know that.
I mean, I can't imagine that if the family saw this,
that they're like, that's our Becky.
There she is. There she is.
There she is.
She's,
she's always been an extrovert and she's always been so much fun.
But I think,
I think the reason she can't feel shame about it,
which is an interesting point.
I really like this,
this,
and I think it's because she's linking it to a goal.
She's actually making it into like,
this is just something I'm doing.
So therefore I don't
have to have responsibility. And I'm not trying to shame her. I want to make that clear. What I'm
saying is most people, the overwhelming majority of people would feel some level of shame or at
least that they should keep this to themselves. Sure. But when you make it, the overarching goal is like,
I'm going to run a marathon.
Yeah.
She's trying to make it into something valuable.
Right.
It's for the greater cause of this goal.
I'm doing something that's hard to do,
and not everybody can do this.
Not everybody can do this, and here's how I'm doing it.
Really interesting stuff.
Yeah.
I left my boyfriend, and I've been traveling for 10 days,
and I've slept with 22 people in that 10 days
These Aussie girls huh?
My goal was 20 and I just hit 22 this morning
It's 1pm now here in Paris and I need to check out because I'm going home
I really doubt I'm going to get another one on the board either on the plane or like on my layover
So I think 22 is where we're going to
cap it out but how do they go i guess the other interesting thing is this this uh stat chasing
thing is usually something you associate with males yeah yeah so that's why the other part of
the year that goes like wow yeah well that's why you know it's a it's a cool time for women
it is a cool time equal yeah and we can do what
the guys are doing i mean listen my my first thought always goes to herpes genital warts
aids like just all the diseases one can catch yeah but that's like somebody who goes oh if i go run
what if i tear my achilles what if i get cramps what if i you know i mean sure like you're just
looking for excuses right it's not looking for excuses.
Right.
Right.
It's like, I can't run.
You see the end goal.
My ankles are weak.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, I got you.
Oh, plantar fasciitis.
How about fucking get out there and do it?
Get out there and do it, you fucking dipshit.
Well, she did 22 and how long was it?
A day, she said?
I don't know.
I found this.
A few days.
So cool.
Yeah.
It's not, and here's the problem though with this challenge. Yeah. I'm going to. So cool. Yeah. It's not. And here's the problem though, with this challenge.
Yeah.
My,
I'm going to put this forward.
Yeah.
For guys,
it's a little trickier,
right?
Because they have to seduce and lure and lie and,
you know,
and do the thing for a woman to get laid.
It's really simple.
Yeah.
I could,
I could shout in the parking lot who wants it.
And somebody is going to give it to
give it a shot. See what kind of numbers you can get. So I, you know what? I changed my mind. I'm
not impressed by miss three 65 or 22. In fact, listen, if I were a different place in my life,
I would double her challenge. What's three 65 times two. Oh my God. No one can do that kind of math.
her challenge what's 365 times two oh my god no one can do that kind of math i think it's easy i think it's bullshit i would say 730 in a month i could do
what's that what's 730 divided by 30 24 guys in a day easy that's basically one an hour easy yeah that's what i would do
well that's like ultra marathoner because some people do 100 mile races okay and you go whoa
this is not hard for a woman especially cute blonde girls to get laid yeah it's shooting
fish in a barrel now if she were unattractive maybe little heavy, something's wrong with her, missing a limb.
And she goes, I'm going to do 365.
I'd be like, okay, this bitch has got a challenge.
Yeah.
Right?
This is not a challenge.
I hear you.
Not impressed.
Yeah.
Well, it's settled.
You're just a run-of-the-mill whore.
Not impressed, whores.
Yeah.
The days are starting to get longer, and while there may be a little bit more daylight,
I still feel like there isn't enough time in the day.
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sent you. Please, women getting laid. It's easy. Have you ever been seated at a restaurant and
found that you couldn't fit comfortably in the seat or booth? Hey, everyone.
We're plus-size park hoppers, and we range in sizes from 2X to 5X.
Like this video and follow us for more plus-size Disney content.
We're starting a new dining series called If I Fit, I Sit.
In this series, we'll go to different restaurants on Disney property and beyond,
showing you the types of seating they offer, whether or not we find it comfortable,
and we'll also review the food.
I don't know why these people don't do what I did.
Just feel immense shame about the way you look and feel.
Yeah.
Stop embracing who you are.
I hate it.
We know how it feels to walk into a restaurant and only see chairs with arms on them.
You know what you do at that point?
You turn around and you leave the restaurant.
And you leave it for the regular folks.
You leave it for the normals to eat there.
Yeah, it's not for you.
This is not for you.
You go to a barn and you eat with like-sized people.
And be anxious about whether or not you'll fit. Our goal is to help you feel more at ease.
Don't eat that.
And to show you that there are accommodations out there.
Don't eat that.
With one of us being gluten-free, we'll also highlight the gluten-free options throughout these restaurants.
We'll rate each restaurant on comfort, atmosphere, food, and drinks.
Don't you hate when you see arms on a chair?
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Who the fuck is thinking that?
There's arms here?
I guess this isn't for me.
Jesus Christ.
Sit on the floor.
That's what they should do.
God.
If you walk into a restaurant and you don't fit in the chair, you eat on the floor until
you can fit in a chair.
Like in Afghanistan, that's what they do.
Jesus Christ.
No, you should be a pig.
You should be treated like a pig.
They have a trough where they put the food in.
By the way, did you catch that these are Disney adults?
Yeah. Disney. So this is an catch that these are Disney adults? Yeah.
So this is an account not only for Disney
adults but plus size Disney.
Whether or not they can go to their
stupid park of their choice. And
have you noticed this by the way?
The common denominator in all Disney
adults. They always have a really high
register in their books. I know.
Children. Yeah.
The trauma is so apparent. There's a reason they love Disney and they're 400 pounds. They were all children. Yeah. Yeah. The trauma is so apparent.
There's a reason they love Disney and they're 400 pounds.
They got a trauma.
Have you been dying to eat at Steakhouse 71 at Disney's Contemporary Resort, but you
weren't sure if you'd fit?
Hey, everyone.
We're plus size park hoppers.
We range in sizes from 2X to 5X.
Holy shit.
On this episode of If I Fit if i fit size sits we're eating
at steakhouse 71 this restaurant opened in 2021 and quickly became one of our favorites the
majority of the seating here is table seating but they also have the chairs are a bit comfortable
enough some of the chairs have arms but you are welcome to swap them out if needed as for the
booths it does look like the tables move but you can always request a table if that's what you
prefer we've been lucky enough to try brunch lunch and dinner here and today we're having As for the booths, it does look like the tables move, but you can always request a table if that's what you prefer.
We've been lucky enough to try brunch, lunch, and dinner here, and today we're having lunch. I'm sure you did.
The menu here is pretty small, but everything is delicious.
It's a small menu.
Ashley started out with a wedge salad.
Oh, yeah, sure.
And yes, we do eat salad, despite what some of you might say in our comments.
But she eats it with bacon, ranch, cheese, and hamburger meat on it.
Jesus Christ.
Is that bone marrow on your salad?
Fucking A, man.
Gotta be kidding me.
I feel like if you're a Disney adult, you have to register on a website somewhere just to let the normal parents know, like, hey, I'm severely mentally ill and I'm going to be there too.
You know what I mean?
Just let the world know that you're fucked up.
Do you want a little Billy to come with us this weekend at Disney?
No.
Sarah got the petite fork and nice Caesar salad, which she really enjoyed.
And the star of the show is this amazing French onion soup.
Sarah gets this every time we come.
Take a look at this cheese pull.
Have you ever seen something so beautiful?
For entrees, Ashley got the prime rib sandwich.
She thought it was good, but the prime rib was a little dry.
Katie got the best burger of her life.
I bet that made her stop, right?
A little dry.
She's still here.
I'm done today.
She ate right through that dryness.
Get out of here.
How about they should do the real segment,
which is like how much diarrhea they had at Disney.
I thought you were going to say how diabetic they are.
Well, there's that too.
I got to also just say this.
I had an incredible time in Las Vegas.
Yes.
Way too many days.
I like having like a 48-hour max,
but we had a huge promotional week with poor Osos.
And I lost track of the amount of events but I have to give a shout out first of all I have to thank
everybody that came to all the stuff that we did all of you that that that
got tickets to the show the show was it was one of the greatest shows I've ever
been a part of I mean Trevor Wallace opened the show.
Bobby Lee went next.
Shane Gillis went next.
Then Bert and I went up.
We sold out of Porosus in 15 minutes.
Oh, my God. We sold a fucking insane amount of Porosus merch.
We had a crazy after party.
So many people came to support us.
Jelly Roll came.
Kimmel came.
Vince Vaughn was there.
God,
Big Country came.
Michael Che,
Dan Soder.
I'm forgetting people.
Chrissy D came.
I mean,
it was like,
it was so many people.
And it was just like it was incredible to feel
that level of support from people it was really awesome it was really awesome um we had our punt
pass kick event will compton i got to say thank you to him warren sap came to that and participated
uh joey fatone came and participated and it was just like it was just so
much it was so much fun um and so many people just like like supporting us showing us love at all
these things and it was just like very humbling and and i don't know i was a lot of gratitude rich
eisen gronk edelman they were they were fantastic and um it was just
it was a lot of fun a whirlwind as they say uh-huh yeah that's exactly how to say it yeah
well poros is an exceptional vodka and i am not even a huge vodka drinker and i
love this vodka because it doesn't taste like rubbing alcohol. Do you know what I mean? Like it doesn't have that awful after sting
where you're like.
A lot of people don't know.
So good.
But you'll find out.
And we also will now,
we now added Nevada's also going to,
so we're supposed to start with California,
Texas and Florida.
And on that trip,
MGM was like,
we want to carry it in all our properties.
We were like,
holy shit.
And then I can't say which yet, but then a major sports team was like, we want to carry it in all our properties. We were like, holy shit. And then I can't say which yet, but then a major sports team was like, we'd like it to be the official drink of our team.
And I was like.
Well, that's because it's good.
It's awesome.
Yeah.
People think that we like for people think like, oh, you just threw your name on something.
They don't know that we went through this whole process for a year and a half.
Well, and we were even doing, we met with the mixologist and we did special drinks
and man, it was so good and fun.
I actually feel like
I don't really have to sell it
because it honestly sells itself.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So we're very fortunate
and super thankful
to everybody that came.
Thank you for coming
and thanks for showing the support.
It was awesome.
We're really, really,
it was really cool.
I don't think Disney will carry it,
but I think that a lot of other places will.
I hope not.
Did you...
What?
Had we talked about Bradley Cooper's thing?
No, not yet.
Not on the show.
He had a cool facelift.
I know.
It made me start thinking about my facelift,
my upcoming facelift. Yeah? Are you going to about my facelift, my upcoming facelift.
Yeah?
Are you going to do a full thing or a mini?
I don't know.
Blefts?
Upper, lower?
I want to do lower blefts.
Yeah.
I want to do my eyelids because my dad had it done when he was 50.
I'm almost there.
Look how they're drooping.
I look like a dog.
I can barely open my eyes.
I need to get them cut.
I'm going to do it this summer, I think.
I think really good lower bleph work is a game changer.
Yeah, you can do it many.
I want to do lower blephs.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think you should.
You see tight blephs?
You're like, whew.
Tight blephs?
That's some good bleph work.
Because here's the deal, man.
He didn't need a full facelift.
Well, this before, by the way, that one is from fucking 25 years ago but i know
his more recent one yeah it's like he didn't need it you don't think so i think bradley cooper was
aging just fine maybe with a little very handsome guy and phil's i don't know why he went full
face he didn't even need it well yeah but again those are that's many years apart
that some of these examples are like that one above right right there that's probably that's before and after it's probably
more recent okay so he pulled too tight you know what he could have done what you're talking about
just get maybe a little bit of eye stuff give me a little bluff work baby because they pulled him
back look they did too much look at the eyebrows are too lifted they pulled them too hard although
it would be cool to do stand-up after like a really extreme
facelift we're just like how's everybody doing it's great to be in phoenix but here's the here's
the deal i think you should always be honest about plastic surgery yeah and when they deny it
it's just so here's what happens the handsome, the movie stars, they get cosmetic surgery and don't talk about it.
And then the action stars are all on juice and then they either deny it or don't talk about it.
And by the way, every fucking single one of them, every one of them, they're all juicing.
And I don't mean like tea.
Like I take a little tea.
I'm talking these dudes
are on all of it what do you what's all of it deca annavar trend hgh they are taking huge cycles
they're dude they're regular dudes yeah they're not fucking superstar at their regular dudes they're in their 40s and 50s and they're like
and you're like oh yeah chicken breasts like nah bro that's not how that happens no and then there
was a few that i was like oh maybe that guy isn't and then i asked their representative and they
were like oh no fucking juice to the guilt of Of course. Yeah. They're all juiced out.
And then the big thing is that they go,
no,
like,
or they don't talk about it or they deny it.
It's so fucking weird.
Why?
I don't know.
I don't understand.
I think what it is.
I deny.
Who cares?
I think the reason that they deny is that people think if you juice,
just juicing will get you that body, right?
And the truth is you have to work out,
like you have to be working out really hard.
You still have to be disciplined with diet,
but that's how you achieve this at this age.
And they feel like it takes away
from the real work that they're doing.
So like, you know what I mean?
And I think they don't want to be seen
as taking shortcuts or doing something.
So they just deny it, which is is silly what's going to happen though is that we're in an era where people are learning more and more about it and we're starting to go like oh okay like more people
are on to it going like oh i know that this is bullshit and we're going to get to a point where
everybody understands it and then we'll maybe at point, it will be the year of admission, you know, where people.
But it's so silly.
But yeah, the plastic surgery is the other one.
Like somebody's fucking 55.
All of a sudden, they're like, hi.
And then they go, no, I just rested.
Do you know that Kylie Jenner claims to not have had plastic surgery?
Oh, they're the most extreme.
All those girls look nothing like they did.
Bring up Kylie Jenner,
her before and after.
She was,
she turned 17.
It's so weird.
Or 18.
Why are you,
why are you?
Why lie?
Just be like,
hey,
I have a brilliant plastic surgeon.
I afforded this.
She claims it's just filler
and Botox.
What?
No way.
No way.
She's got a whole new face.
Jesus Christ.
It's not even the same person.
She looks like an Instagram filter. She looks perfect. It doesn't even look even the same person she looks like an instagram filter she
looks like it doesn't even look like the no same person it looks like somebody who's a fan of hers
yeah you know no it looks crazy that is not botox and filsy so that's a whole whole face
it's great look she had her chin maybe the ears are probably pulled back all of it brow lift
because her the arch on the eyes is
different they did her yeah the shape of her eyes that's she's like i didn't have anything done yeah
she only claims to have botox and filler it's so stupid why lie i don't know nobody cares her and
every sister they all did it of course they all look completely because they all look the same
they all look identical yeah they probably all went look the same. They all look identical. Yeah. They look like the mom. They probably all went to the same doctor.
Whoever it is, give me the name because brilliant work.
I'll tell you what.
Good work.
When I get these blephs done, you guys are going to know. I tell you what, I'm meeting with a guy pretty soon here in LA.
A bleph guy?
A bleph guy to get my lids done because these guys are drooping.
I can barely see through them.
They're going to call me Tommy Blephs when this is over.
Good. do it.
Yeah.
Why the fuck not?
Okay.
Let's start.
Let's take a quick break.
We'll be right back.
Tommy Bleffs.
And we are back and joining us,
very excited to have in the studio,
is Bill Moore, the owner, the creator,
and the guy that runs Fallow Phil.
Correct?
Correct.
Fallow Phil.
Fallow Phil.
Everyone's excited.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
You know, this has been, I think, a topic that never ends.
I think every man, certainly, at some point in his life, maybe for all of his life, has an obsession with his genitals.
And he has a desire to, in most cases, enlarge them.
I agree with you.
You know, I tell people when I speak to them and my friends, I can't imagine one, I'm not
sure that there are, most men, if they had a solution that they knew was safe and would leave them
symmetrical and undetectable would make their penis a little bit larger, at least a lot larger
or at least a little bit larger. I think every man, they may not want to admit it to their friends,
but I think if they could do it in privacy, they would. Yeah. I mean, there's some guy, I mean,
one of the guys in the booth there is like, Oh, not me, man. My shit's already nice.
I'll let you guess which one said that.
The the yeah, the majority of men.
And we also have like probably almost an unhealthy obsession with like how how we feel about it, what it says about us.
It affects people's confidence. Right.
how we feel about it, what it says about us.
It affects people's confidence, right? And it's just something where men always see that women,
especially through the course of our life,
went through this huge leap in breasts.
Breasts are a big confidence thing for women.
Some do get them reduced, but the majority has been
this whole world of women like enhancing their breasts.
Of course. And it went from the, the, the initial phase where they were just like boulders and
they're just like rock solid to like now, like it's undetectable in some, in many ways. Right.
So how did you come up with, uh, this solution or what you're, what you've been doing? How did this start?
Well, I guess you might say that my interesting girth enhancement started back in 2010.
Have you guys heard of what's called the P-Shot, the Priapishot? It's a procedure where we draw
blood and we spit out your platelet-rich plasma, and then it's re-injected back into the penis,
and it rejuvenates. They use it in the face for rejuvenation. Plat back into the penis and it rejuvenates they use it in the
face for rejuvenation platelet-rich plasma rejuvenated penis vampire facelift okay so it's
the same same concept so the blood is drawn you collect the growth factors and you inject it back
into the penis it was supposed to make the penis grow that's how it was presented in the very
beginning in 2010 it didn't do that.
But I sent a newsletter out to 10,000 of my clients because I owned a really large med spa.
And I sent a newsletter out.
And it was overwhelming how many men responded back that had an interest in the P-Shot. Well, then I began to do them, and I didn't get the results that I had promised.
So we had to pull that back and stop promising girth enhancement.
But we were able to make their penis perform better.
So we got better sexual enhancement from the procedure, but not growth.
So people continue to ask about it for years and years and years.
And it wasn't until during COVID, I had begun to see more patients come in that had girth enhancement
with silicone. And some of them were using a product called PMMA. That's basically acrylic
beads. That's not meant to be used for dermal filler, but it's used a lot in Mexico for dermal
filler. And it was placed unevenly. It was not symmetrical. It was lumpy. It looked really bad. So I knew that people were
doing it. I talked to a urologist in Mexico that was doing it and kind of got some ideas of how he
was doing it. I talked to a plastic surgeon in Mexico City that was doing it. I talked to some
urologists here. I talked to a dermatologist here and kind of found out what I thought was working.
And when we were closed for COVID, I began to experiment on my friends.
Really?
I had some friends that volunteered.
Come over, let's have a drink.
Well, they might've had a drink.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So come over.
We did it at the clinic.
So the clinic, I could go into the clinic.
So we did it at the clinic and we began to experiment.
And I came up with a way to lay the dermal filler evenly
and they had a really good outcome.
How many injections are making it even?
So if this were the shaft of the penis, we're going to lay dermal filler all the way down the shaft on both sides.
Okay.
And it has to be done evenly.
And so I teach the urologists that are our providers how to do this procedure.
We have 21 locations, I believe now.
We've got five more that I had signed up,
and I think I have five more on a wait list to train with me.
We'll be at 30 providers or 30 locations across the country
before the end of the summer, I'm sure.
This filler increases the girth of your flaccid penis.
And erect.
And erect.
So it goes in...
It's proportional.
So if your flaccid penis is here,
your erect penis is most likely here.
I got you.
Okay.
If we take you...
Each treatment that we do moves you up one step.
So these are all quarter-inch increments.
Okay.
And each procedure increases your girth one quarter of an inch.
We're very slow.
We found that doing it very slow keeps the filler in place and keeps it symmetrical.
When you try and inject a whole lot of it at one time, it's when it moves around.
Now, how long does this last?
Well, I have it in me from 2020 that has not gone away yet.
We have many patients from the very beginning that have not lost it.
So we are telling patients three to four years.
But I think it's longer.
I think it's going to be longer, but we just, we can't promise what we haven't seen.
May I ask you this though, because I do filler under my eyes and that's about a year.
Why?
You want to know why?
Yeah.
Why the difference? Let me tell you. So there's two, that's about a year. You want to know why? Yeah, why the difference?
Let me tell you.
So there's two, that's a good question.
That's a great question.
Thank you.
So there's two layers of fascia.
I'm going to tell you how the erection works.
Okay.
There's two layers of fascia in the penis.
One is called the Bucks fascia
and the other one is called the Dardos fascia.
The Dardos fascia is the outer
and the Bucks fascia is the inner.
What I want you to think about is one of those water hoses that is fabric.
And whenever you turn the water on, it expands and it gets rigid.
Oh, yeah, I love those.
Yeah.
And then when you turn the water off, it gets soft again, and you can move it around.
That's exactly how the fascia works in the penis.
It's very flexible whenever your penis is soft.
And then whenever it becomes erect and it's just full of blood, that's what it is that makes it hard.
The pressure expands and the fascia holds the penis erect. So what injectors had been doing
was they had been putting the dermal filler between the fascia and the skin. So it felt
like a water balloon. It was very spongy. It wasn't firm.
We found out a way, or I found out a way to put it below the first layer of fascia in between the
second layer of fascia. So here's the layers of fascia. We put it right in between. And that's
what I teach the urologist how to find and how to do. So now we put this dermal filler between
these two layers of fascia. They don't
have any blood flow and they don't have great lymphatic drainage. So it doesn't metabolize
nearly as fast because it's free floating in the face and it's able to metabolize really quickly.
But in the layers of fascia that we place it in, that being behind that layer of fascia keeps it firm.
So when you get erect, you cannot tell that there's dermal filler in there.
It's just as firm as it always was.
And it lasts because it's trapped between these two layers of fascia that just don't
have the blood flowing and lymphatic drainage.
Can you do labias next?
Let me start working on that.
Now, some people, because I'm sure are curious, what about the head?
Can they do?
So lots of providers outside of our network do the head.
They do the glands.
But it's a totally different type of tissue.
It's nothing at all like the tissue in the shaft of the penis.
What if they want the tip of their dick to look like a top hat?
Well, we personally don't do it at all.
Let me tell you why.
Because when you inject it in, it can't spread.
The tissue is not the same.
It's very spongy.
It's a very spongy tissue.
And it's very rich in blood.
It's like the face.
It will dissolve even faster because it's so rich in blood.
And so it won't last long.
And it looks like acne whenever people try and do it.
I dissolve it for people because people will have it done somewhere else and they'll come
to us for correction and we'll dissolve it out.
But we don't have a way just yet to make the glands larger.
Are these sizes that are on display on the table?
Are these supposed to be flaccid sizes or just.
It can be either one.
Either one.
So what we can do is, um.
Let me put my glasses on.
So.
Me too.
Hold on.
I want to get a better look at these guys.
Yeah.
This starts at three inches in circumference.
And you know, some guys will come to us and they are in these two areas, flaccid.
Most likely their erection is probably somewhere over in here.
So what I can do is I can ask a person, tell me what your erection is.
They can look at it.
They can say, I'm somewhere between here and here.
I hand it to them.
I say, close your eyes.
Close your eyes.
Feel that.
Hey, that's something funny.
Can I feel one too?
Yeah, yeah.
I'd like to feel one.
Yeah, feel that.
I had something funny.
One day whenever I was in clinic and I told a guy to put his hand out, he said, oh, wait,
I did this in high school and it didn't go really well so anyway um this is um we we let them decide where their where their erection
is so they'll they'll determine this is why you see that one again hold on we're getting there
is that close i mean it's kind of okay so let me tell you so what i would tell you if you
tell me that this is where you are i would say the females the research shows that somewhere in here
is the best for stimulating a female so that's between 5.75 and six like a baby's arm that's
where women have reported to have the best sex and it's not about length it's about
girth right sure it's about it's about stretching the value of that uh the tuna can there on the end
for those guys listening that are like yeah but i want a big longy it just ends up hitting your
cervix and it hurts the nice thing about whenever you have this.
How do you like to take this for a spin?
Okay.
Huh?
That's a spin.
Maybe for your birthday?
Show up with one of those?
Is it a liquid death can?
Yeah.
I've got at least, I've got two guys that are larger than this.
And I don't have any idea where they put it.
Oh, hold on.
Can you make it darker too like this?
Can you go darker in pigment?
I think that's called melanotan.
There's some injection for that.
Wait a minute.
I got to ask this.
I got a lot of questions for you.
So do I.
So there's people, let's say, in the cosmetic surgery world
that you get a patient who's like, give me another facelift.
And they're like, do you ever have somebody who you're like, hey, man.
I cut them off.
You cut them off.
Yeah.
But here's the thing.
Let me give you.
Let me give you.
No more dick for you.
You cut them off.
But sometimes they taught me and to continue.
And let me tell you some reasons.
Okay.
So if the penis is getting to be too large and I believe that it's going to be misshapen
and it's going to be misshapen,
and it's going to look unusual, I generally warn the guy.
If it's a single guy, then he definitely does not want it to be misshapen if it gets to be too large.
Because he's on the dating market, people have to be able to see it.
I've had some men tell me, my wife has had five vaginal births, and I'm only going to see my wife, and she doesn't care what it looks like whenever it's flaccid.
I want you to keep going because the more that you put in, the better her orgasms are.
And so in that situation, I say, you know what?
It's okay.
I'll keep going because it's not a body dysmorphia issue.
It's actually trying to please his wife that's had multiple vaginal births.
And may I ask you this?
If the guy goes too far, how do you dissolve the filler?
So we have a product called hyaluronidase.
And it is an enzyme that breaks the bond.
And it basically turns the dermal filler into sugar and water.
And it dissolves.
And so we use that for sculpting.
So we get to the very end
and let's just say that this is a penis
and it has a little bit of a little irregularity
here on the side, just a little one.
I can do just a few little droplets
of hyaluronidase in there
and just smooth it out and make it perfect.
So we're sculptors.
These fillers will increase your flaccid and erect size
and your erection will maintain, will still be a full normal erection.
Yes.
And you're going to look longer when you're flaccid.
So if you look at our before and afters, people say, well, look, you did make it longer.
We just made it hang better because it's got a lot of weight in it.
It's heavy.
I mean, sometimes I had a guy tell me one time, he's like, I lay down on my turn on my side
and I feel my penis lay next to me. Um, he was kind of joking, but he, but you can, but you can
feel it in your pants. Like people say, I feel, and they say, I feel different when I'm at work,
when I'm sitting at a business meeting and I can feel my skin, I say dick on the air.
I can feel my dick and my underwear. It just makes me have big dick energy. I had a guy-
This is what we're all after.
I had a guy that came in last week and he said,
you have no idea what this has done for my career.
He said, I was stagnant in my career.
I was not motivated.
Now I wake up in the morning when I get out of the shower,
I see a completely different person than what I saw before.
My energy is different.
I go to work.
I'm more assertive.
I'm more productive. I mean, I've, I've heard it a lot. I mean, this was just last week that
someone told me, but I've heard this many times that people become, they start new businesses and
they just feel different. They, they date. I had a guy that told me that he was on Tinder and he
said, you would not believe the tears that I was able to move up on Tinder dating
when the size of my penis changed.
Yeah.
Like a totally different,
totally different group of women.
Can I see some photos of these penises?
I'd love to look at photos.
They're on the site.
Can we look at some of the before and afters?
I'd love to see them just for science,
you know,
dash.
And,
um,
here we go. Wow. Oh, look, you even straightened out.
Look at that one on the right. Okay. I'm going to ask you because you're a female. Sure.
The left side, would you even want to... The left, wait, the far left guy? Okay. The far right guy,
there's two photos. Yeah. And the left picture is the before.
Would you want that?
Oh, I'm so open to so many painters.
Okay.
I love them all.
All flavors and sizes.
He looks so much better on his after.
Yeah, he does.
He looks so much better.
Yeah, no, it's amazing.
I'll say it.
If I was jacking guys off, I would want the guy on the right.
You'd want the guy on the right.
I mean, that's miraculous.
Scroll down. Is there more?
There are more. But I wouldn't even know that's the same guy.
I was trying to get you to the page
where you don't have to give us your information.
It was the
before, dash, and dash, after.
Up at the top.
Before, and
dash. Right there. That, I think,
is going to take you to all of them.
This is the whole library. Go down. We've got better ones. Dude, I think, is going to take you to all of them. This is the whole library.
Go down.
We've got better ones.
Dude, they hang totally different.
They look longer.
And I don't like to go over the top with them.
These are nice enhancements.
Nice, nice.
Very nice enhancements.
Sometimes it's just three quarters to an inch enhancement.
I mean, there's a lot of providers that look like hot dogs when they get finished.
And that's not what we're, that's not what our goal is.
We want them to be undetectable, give them more confidence when they look in the mirror in the mornings, more confidence dating.
That one's very subtle.
I like that.
Can I ask you this?
Yeah.
Have you ever had a black patient?
Yeah.
Okay.
Keep going.
Those are lots.
You know that that BBC
big black clock
is not true
well yeah well
here's the thing
I actually feel
that like
it also
also needs to be
said
that if you're a black guy
and you're probably
and you're feeling like
god I don't have some
that's worse for them
right
because they're like
everybody's expecting it
yeah
it's really hard
look at this guy right here wow that. Look at this guy right here.
Look at that one.
Wow.
That guy's pregnant.
This guy right here?
And then he looks totally good.
Oh, and here's a black guy right here.
Here's a black guy.
He didn't even need it, though, let's be honest.
He was long and thin.
He was very thin.
Well, I mean, he said his erections were somewhere down in here.
And he needed to be up here.
You've got to have girth to please.
Sure.
Sure.
There's more
black guys on there if you keep going let me ask you christina is this how many russian jews are
how do you feel about this it's lovely that's a black guy you like yeah that can be arranged let's
do it it's great it's great real quick um sorry did you say russian jews i feel like they're pretty
whoa that's a black guy yeah so bizarre that was a correction that was that was um that
was a trying to correct something that happened with this guy's circumcision just trying to make
it a little bit better yeah he had some adhesions oh poor guy i got a question for you yes so what's
going on with that fucking thing um well it's uncircumcised and um it's huge now now so
what you're looking at at the bottom where that little tight ring is that's actually a medical
condition called phimosis and there's a little there's a little muscle that pulls the foreskin
forward so that when you're a hunter and a gatherer you don't get twigs don't hit the
interview that's what you're saying we've learned differently though remember what's what we learned
when you fight wars the the soldiers used to fight without protection.
Oh, this is somebody else that, yeah, sorry.
It's a different guy.
I think Bill here knows what he's talking about.
Well, I would say God's plan was for it to be protected.
And so that one is too tight.
And so it's actually holding very tight
on the gland of his penis.
It's not supposed to be quite that tight.
Okay, this is one of the main questions that I had. So you take, let's say the before
measurements, right? How do you know that I'm as small as I can get? Like, what if I go in there
where you measure me and you're like, okay, you're a four inches in girth. And I'm like, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me tell you something, doc. This thing gets a lot smaller, right? Do you ever
have, it doesn't make a difference. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. We're going to inject
you exactly the same. So people do come in. They have days that they're cold. They have days that
they're warm. They have days that they've had caffeine or some other type of stimulant that
may make them have less blood flow in their penis, a pseudothet.
You know, there's things that can happen, and they're smaller or larger.
But we're going to inject them the same.
Gotcha.
And their erect change is going to be really the key to know that you've got the quarter of an inch growth.
Because when you're erect, you're erect.
And so we're going to be adding a quarter of an inch to the penis whether
it's flaccid or erect and so they will see the changes um every time in their erection does
uh bonding with your brothers make a difference like i know a lot of males are into biohacking
you know they'll buy all the supplements very expensive supplements yet they never have seen
their bros naked they've never worked out naked they've never
played naked ultimate frisbee they've never done naked wrestling and there's a reason why
testosterone and sperm counts are at an all-time low it's because men are not getting that vitamin
that robert bligh who wrote way of iron john said there's an invisible food that gets transfused
between men through the ethers when they get naked and do, for example, ball cupping or ball tapping rituals where you tap your bestest bro's balls and look at his beautiful mushroom head and send good energy into it.
Is this effective?
That is interesting.
I've never heard that before.
Well, he has like real world examples.
Oh my gosh.
So in my live workshops,
that's him on the right.
Do a beautiful cock exercise.
And this is actually inspired by a guy named Darius Bashar.
Basically.
I mean,
they're all candidates,
right?
They're all,
everyone,
everyone's a candidate.
He does these workshops called penis wellness.
So it's all about your relationship with your cock and like
really learning to love your penis because if you love your penis your self-esteem goes up
which is kind of what you're talking about it is true it's very true with a bunch of other guys
and then i'm just curious what's gonna happen me too
does anyone get in a boat and then uh how about we go first so
we're gonna um look at each other's cocks and then take three deep breaths.
Yeah, you both did it.
I can't wait for you guys to do it.
Do you and Brooke do this?
Sometimes.
In Chinese medicine, the dick is the outermost extension of your heart.
Yeah.
And then you say, brother, you got a beautiful penis.
Brother, you got a beautiful penis.
Then you hug.
You can convince these guys to do anything.
I have to hug at least for 30 seconds.
Because I really feel bad for the person.
The dicks are definitely, yeah.
I've been shivering since we got out.
Aww.
What's that other guy up to back there?
I think the ringleader's kind of growing here.
I think he is too. I think he is too.
I think he is.
I think this is all a ruse.
I'm trying to find if you're showing gay porn or if this is actually biohacking.
This is what this guy teaches.
It's called science.
He's definitely growing.
Yeah, he's totally growing.
This is what you do at the seminar, babe.
Yeah, this is the stuff I want to do.
Me and my bros want to do this.
Hug each other naked.
Post-show.
Oh, my God. Great set.
Is this what you did in Vegas after?
So successful.
God, I...
So does this work?
I have to go try it.
I don't know.
I haven't tried it.
Yeah.
Pretty interesting.
I think that I can probably guarantee faster results.
Yeah, that's for sure.
I mean, look.
That's for sure.
You don't have to convince me, Bill.
I mean, the person that really is going to live with this choice is this one.
So you really should be talking to her.
Don't even.
Have you had children?
Yeah, two of them.
So mine's blasted out.
You can tell.
Stop.
And they're his babies.
They're boys.
So their heads.
So they're big.
Well, I was told, they're like, oh, you're not going to be able to deliver these vaginally
because our first sons, they're like, the head is going to be able to deliver these vaginally because our first sons
they're like
the head is so big
you're narrow
there's no way
so they scheduled me
for a c-section
but then I went into labor
anyway so
anyway long story short
I pushed it
pushed both kids out of me
so it's a disaster zone
down there yeah
it's not a disaster zone
it's blown out
it's so blown out
what do you want
no you tell me
what you want
no no it's literally
you're the one that gets to choose it's like shopping for an engagement that's what it is you want no you tell me what you wanted no no it's literally you're the
one that gets to choose it's like shopping for an engagement that's what it is it's like well tell
me do you want the diamond cut what do you want the princess cut i mean like what do you babe
can i ask a question i really regret passing on this decision right now you're gonna you're trying
to be modest you should pick pick one and roll with it do you have a dildo? How many? Yeah.
Okay.
Look at your mouth. Your favorite dildo.
Could you tell me on here where your favorite dildo is?
The size?
My favorite dildo.
Maybe I should have asked that.
You said that so sincerely.
Your favorite dildo.
You're totally right, Doc.
Which one's your favorite dildo?
Tell me which one's your favorite.
I mean, you can't put me on the spot like this.
Being on the spot's going to help.
You really got to think.
But here's the thing.
I like them all.
They're all delicious.
This is diplomatic.
Okay, I'll tell you the truth.
I've had the liquid death can.
It's not great, honestly.
It's not.
It's too much.
It's like giving birth again for me personally.
But then again, I was in my 20s, so I can't.
How do I gauge?
You had this? Hold this. I had in my 20s so i can't how do i gauge you had this hold
this i had in my 20s that this yeah not the length but the girth this girth yeah jesus christ i'm
telling you and he was short short it was like that it was like that like that like okay like
honestly when he gave it to me to hold i was having a flashback oh my gosh i was like i was remembering the summer of 1997 was it
fingers didn't touch yeah wow yeah yeah no i'm telling you but we didn't day long
because it just wasn't for me okay i mean i feel like this one's good this is a good one that's a pretty common choice
yeah cause it's not gonna like
yeah I like that one
alright Tom and you said that you think that your erection
is here
now it's bigger than that
okay let's go here
let me switch with you there
wait where am I here? I't know am i here you want to try that one
you know i think full girth is probably there the the larger one yeah okay then then we're talking
two treatments two to three two to three we did three treatments he would be to hear i don't think
so i don't that's too much too much um yeah okay even though i've had two kids? I don't think so. That's too much for me. Too much? Yeah. Okay.
Even though I've had two kids,
I don't want to be stretched out more.
It would just be temporarily stretched,
which puts the nerves on the stretch,
which makes you have more sensitivity, of course.
But two treatments for Tom would put him exactly this space.
And then we determine how many syringes
that we're going to put in you.
Look, I'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that my wife's had a liquid death
can in her before.
I was thinking about how you were going to handle that a second ago when she told you.
I was just wondering how the conversation was going.
No, yeah, that's it.
I was like, wow, Jesus.
Yeah, he was a real loser too.
They usually are.
There's some type of balance.
There is some balance in the universe.
The blood goes. Yeah, it wasn't the brightest candle. And's some type of balance. There is some balance in the universe. The blood goes.
Yeah, it wasn't the brightest candle.
And I didn't like it.
I didn't like his dong, actually.
Yeah.
No, I didn't.
That's a good spin on it.
I didn't.
And then, of course, the number of syringes are determined by the length.
So if someone has a much longer penis,
then it takes more dermal filler to get down the length of the shaft.
If they have a smaller, shorter penis,
it doesn't take as much dermal filler.
Wait, can I ask you the dumbest question?
When you put in the filler,
do you have to like smooth it out?
I do.
Do you rub it?
I use my thumb.
I use my thumb.
We model it and then we use our thumb.
Because I know how that goes here.
It just goes,
like you hear it.
There's a process that we teach.
I mean, we have a protocol
that is step-by-step for our providers.
And everyone that we have is a urologist.
We have one dermatologist and one OBGYN, but it's primarily urologists.
I have the top urologists in the country.
They're called KOLs, key opportunity leaders, that are the ones who do the best research
and are the most published.
They have embraced this procedure for the first time
because there's never been a procedure that offered safety, efficacy, and symmetry
that was undetectable.
I mean, this sounds like the perfect pitch.
Yeah, we were just featured.
They had this North America Sexual Medicine Society meeting,
and it was in San Diego.
It was all the top sexual medicine doctors in North America come. And one of my providers presented on safety and
efficacy. And when they sent out the email that said, thank you all for coming to the conference,
they actually put Faddle Phil in a video of her talking at the very top. So they really have
embraced it and they have pushed it out to all their urologists.
But can I ask you a question? How did it fit in your mouth?
I was 23.
I don't even remember, babe.
Did you have to unhinge?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
I'm telling you, I was such a lose, though.
Let's not go into any of the loser.
He used to have to bang at his parents' house and stuff.
I know.
So sad.
It's before you, babe.
Oh, thanks. This is a summer boyfriend yeah wait a
minute yeah no it is huh yeah no i know who it is do you know him i've seen him yeah i've seen him
yeah yeah one time we were together and we saw we saw him and I saw her go like this.
She goes.
No.
And I was like, what are you doing?
I did that like my cat.
I was like, let's get out of here immediately.
Yeah.
Isn't that cool when you could put a dick to the face like that of your wife's sexual
history?
Oh, I feel like I'm a dick whisperer now.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
Like I've seen so many like.
Yeah.
I can look at hands and nose and I can feel like I can a dick whisperer now. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like I've seen so many like. Yeah, you've seen dog reviews.
And I can look at hands and nose and I can feel like I can look at skin textures.
I can look at features of people and I almost feel like I have an idea of what it's going to look like before they take their pants off.
Aw.
Well, they say that like.
Like Superman.
Yeah, I wish I had that power.
The myth is that it's shoe size.
That it's completely unrelated.
I don't think shoe size is.
Yeah, that's completely unrelated.
But that like index fingers and.
I see thickness and I can even look at the size of fingernails.
I could just, there's traits that I had put together that will let me sort of know in my head what they're going to be.
You know, I think most urologists are not looking at that.
They're just in there to treat an STD or a UTI.
They're not thinking about trying to an STD or a UTI. They're
not thinking about trying to see how to make this penis larger. So I think I've put a lot,
I've treated a lot of people. And so I've, yeah. Can I ask you, is there any potentiality for nerve
damage? We have never had it reported. So no one has ever reported loss of sensitivity and no one
has ever reported erectile dysfunction at any of our practices which is really really amazing because people claim erectile dysfunction because of you know sexual
performance anxiety there's all kinds of reasons that people can have erectile dysfunction without
actually having damage so we've never had it reported what you already that one yeah so then
we have to go up yeah okay we're gonna go up to to go up to here? She just wants to go up to there.
I think that you go up to there.
If you've had two big kids, I think that that would be a good size.
Actually, she's right.
I really think that's a great size.
And so that's about three treatments for him.
That's a level up, yeah.
I'm going to ask you, does it make you scared to think about having it done?
Yeah.
Because having all the needles put in your penis, it's not what you, on New Year's Day,
it wasn't your resolution to say, okay, this year I'm going to have-
I can't do it today, by the way.
I have to do it.
No, no, no.
No, no.
I'm just saying, but on New Year's Day, you didn't say-
I need to find peace.
Yeah.
I'm going to have needles put in my penis.
Yeah.
But you numb it.
Yeah.
So that they don't feel it.
We use a lot of canes.
No, I just realized something.
I have to top the
that guy so we have to go up to whatever's one beyond that beyond liquid death i'm gonna be
flying back and forth from dallas to austin quite a bit it looks like don't do that so okay so it
won't hurt is what you're saying because there's light it feels like a um the very first lidocaine
injection is with a little tiny insulin syringe it It feels like a toothpick. That makes so much sense. She's always talking about dicks. And like every time some girl comes
over who's like a friend, she's like, I went on a date. She goes, well, what was that dick like?
Do you know why? Because they're so varied as we saw in that buffet that you showed us,
the assortment. They're so interesting because they don't, there's no two dicks that are the
same. There's no two dicks that are alike. And they're fascinating to me because they're so interesting because they don't, there's no two dicks that are the same. There's no two dicks that are alike.
And they're fascinating to me because they're external genitalia.
It's so weird.
It is weird and interesting.
It is.
You know,
and that's what they tell you in kindergarten.
They go,
no two dicks are alike.
That's what they teach.
Yeah.
All of you are unique.
I've heard a urologist say,
you know,
they say,
if you've seen one dick,
you've seen them all.
No way. But that's not true. He says, if you've seen one dick, you've seen them all. No way.
But that's not true.
He says if you've seen one dick, you've seen one dick.
Because there's never another one like it.
No, and I'm sure badges are the same way, right?
And there's some ugly ones that come through.
Ugly dicks?
Yeah, there's some ugly ones.
There's some that has bad coloring, bad texture.
Some guys are just,
we're not blessed with the best genetics when it comes to that.
And some guys just come in
and everything is just perfect.
I mean, they want it larger,
but the color is perfect
and the shape is perfect.
And there are some beautiful dicks out there.
There really are.
You know, I've seen some really nice ones.
And it's the same thing with vaginas.
True.
There are some that look like they're gunshot wounds.
Even before childbirth.
Before childbirth, they look like they've been wrecked.
Yeah, that's a bummer.
And then there's some beautiful ones after childbirth.
I mean, I personally like to look at both.
Yeah.
The good thing is guys don't really care.
I mean, all the guys that i sleep with now
yeah seem to care before and after guys really don't care what your vag looks like i gotta tell
you we you know you do go like oh that one is is whatever and this one is this but like ultimately
you just want to finish inside of it i know you don't really care i know that's what i'm saying like women who are that's a i get it like
but that's your own personal insecurity guys we really we're not like oh yeah and it looked like
like no even maybe with boobs like there are guys that like hungry tits and then guys that like big
sloths i i've always been um with breasts like i don't, I've been, I've loved small breasts, big, like I don't have, I don't go
like, oh, if it's not like this, I can't be happy.
It just doesn't affect me that way.
You know, but.
What is, is there's gotta be something on a female that you said it's not breast.
It's not the vagina.
Are you a butt man?
There's, I mean, there's gotta be something.
I like butts.
Sure.
I like butts.
I like her teeth are oh
i have nice teeth nice teeth you have beautiful teeth thank you thanks yeah yeah my braces and
stuff i wish you'd cut your hair off wait shorter spikier yeah darker oh if she had bad feet i
wouldn't have dated her i think that feet are important too and feet is another thing that
could guide me to what the penis is going to look like.
Really?
I can, yeah.
People that have nice feet
generally have a nice looking penis
from what I've seen.
Wow.
We need to do a
Like if you had like
hammer toes and stuff.
Yeah.
There wouldn't have been
a second date.
No, no.
I agree.
Feet are very important.
Yeah.
Wow.
Wait, you can look
at a dude's feet
and guess the Peter. i think just when you could
put it all together all the little the little attributes i mean there's there's lots of things
on the body that i feel like that i that i look at i mean this there's no science of what i'm
telling you you ever have a big surprise though where you think you're gonna see something oh of
course i mean of course i'm not accurate all the time i mean sometimes i'll have a guy that comes
in that's skinny and a little my hands and he pulls it down and I'm like, holy shit, it's long.
Maybe not Garthy, but yeah, it surprises me.
So I'm not perfect at it.
Have you had the, this is my first time I'm coming in for an assessment and you're like, dude, this is a really full, you don't need anything.
Yeah, of course I have.
And you tell those guys like, what are you doing here?
Well, they say I would like to have a bigger penis.
Jesus Christ.
Greedy.
And so if somebody comes in with a large penis
and I find that there's a problem and there's body dysmorphia
and I think that they're never going to be happy with no matter what I do to them
because there's dysmorphia. We don't treat those people.
We just tell them that you're not a great candidate for the procedure and we're not going to be able to do a treatment.
Do you need an assistant in your Dallas facility?
I used to have an assistant that would hand me syringes and would do everything for me.
And during COVID, he refused the vaccine.
And so I lost him because of that, because it was required in Texas.
And so I haven't had one since.
And I'm not going to hire another one because I just grab everything myself off the table.
You know what this would be great for?
Because it's always been such a bummer when people like trans people, when they transition to male, they don't often give them good units.
I want to get into that so bad.
Yeah, that would be great for that.
Let me tell you, what I've been doing,
I've been going on Reddit,
and there's some rooms that are female to male trans,
and they've been taking hormones,
and I think that they also use some suction devices
and so forth for the clitoris.
And they get some really nice growth
and almost develop a glands or a head on the clitoris when they there's some, they get some really nice growth and almost develop a glands
or a head
on the clitoris
when they've been taking hormones
long enough.
And I really want to find
some female to male
trans men
to try and
do my procedure on.
Yeah, that would probably help.
See if I can make their,
make their,
their clitoris,
which is now looking like a penis,
larger.
I think I can.
Yeah, that'd be awesome.
Because it's the same structure.
It just changed when we were in their mother's womb,
but it started off to be the same structure.
Yeah, we're all the same meat, just different formation.
Was he a good lover?
No.
Hmm?
No.
No.
No.
No, no, tell us the truth.
No, no.
How hard did you cut? Oh, no. No, no, tell us the truth. No, no. How hard did you, how hard did you try?
No, babe, stop.
Was it better?
Is it better?
We can keep going.
I am kind of curious.
Yeah, she's not like, she's playing cool.
No, I'll tell you what.
Honestly, okay, if I have to go back in my Rolodex,
not top three what honestly and i mean it
not my favorite why i just not for me it wasn't for me it's not better orgasms no
what do you want from me you want the truth this is the truth
it wasn't my favorites no not in top three not oh i'm gonna puke
stop you're making everybody uncomfortable no i'm not yes i'm curious how long it was
but literally like that literally so it was short and thick short and thick yeah
and you came so fucking hard. Stop it.
I'm going to puke.
Why?
You're blushing because it's true.
Oh, my God.
Stop.
I hate this.
So you don't think that if we kept going, it would be.
Oh, my God.
Be like the best sex you've ever had?
Flashback.
Yeah.
Stop.
Babe, you're asking me something that happened like over 20 years ago.
Oh, you remember.
Don't give me this 20 years ago thing.
Not that, you know, details.
I vaguely remember.
You don't remember if it was great sex?
No, it wasn't.
It was not.
It was not.
Bill, what do you think?
I want to know if it had good sex.
Was it pretty?
Was it a handsome dick?
Sure.
It had nice color and nice...
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He maybe could have been a prostitute.
Maybe.
He missed his calling.
Maybe.
Yeah, it's just not for me.
Not for her.
So what else do you want to know about Garth?
So is this guy a candidate?
Look at it.
Who are you?
Remove it.
Remove it.
Remove it.
Remove it.
Remove that clothes.
He's possessed.
Remove it.
Remove it.
20 days.
Okay.
It has been like this for 20 days.
20 days. He's having like this over 20 days 20 days
we can always suffering okay why why why is the man like that i don't want it to work
why the man is like that he's really had an erection for 20 days having an exorcism done
we'll worship you we give you glory i think maybe a doctor would be of god who we should seek out
We give you glory.
I think maybe a doctor would be who we should seek out.
No, but this is religious.
God gives you erections.
Peace.
Oh, demons give him directions. Peace.
But God will lower your...
Stop there.
Stop there.
Stop there.
Stop there.
Oh, a somersault.
To be fair, one day at lunch, I saw Eni do the same thing.
He was in his phone like this, suffering this young man.
And I was hard too.
How many weeks?
Three weeks.
Almost a month now.
He has been suffering like this.
No way.
Doc, he seems like he's got pretty good.
That's a pretty big doc.
Pretty big dick.
Yeah.
Pretty big dick.
Christina, where's this one at?
I mean, it's got a big gland on it too. It's got a big head. Yeah. Pretty big dick. Christina, where's this one at? I mean, it's got a big glan on it, too.
It's got a big head.
Oh, you can see that through the undies.
I mean, as you can tell.
Yeah, and we're talking to an expert.
And I thought I was an expert.
You're definitely.
Hey, you ever go to NBA games?
Not often.
You should come with us and just look at the dicks through the shorts and tell me what you see.
It never stops.
That one's so fun, because I do like to imagine, like, what am I dealing with?
That sounds like fun.
Yeah.
Let's see, is he asked the biggest?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Stop.
Pardon my ear.
Not today.
Not today.
She's like, oh, no, that reaction.
After now, he's coming back for testimony.
I pray he's going to be good to my ear.
All right.
Doc.
Sorry, Bill.
Oh, shoot.
He's got to put on the boner, too.
The water.
Water helps, too.
Wow.
So, you're in Dallas.
Uh-huh.
I come down for my first treatment.
My first treat.
How long does it last, the procedure?
I book people even when they're new for one hour.
But if they're a repeat client, I can probably get them in and out in 30 minutes.
It doesn't take me very long.
I'm pretty fast with it.
And one treatment will get me up a level?
Each treatment will move you one size up.
Wow.
But it's in and out pretty fast. How long do you recommend between?
If I go up one and I go up another one, how long?
Three weeks.
Three weeks. Okay.
And you're going to have to avoid sex for 10 days because we don't want the filler to migrate.
I patented a post-care sleeve.
This is the first time that anyone has ever seen this in public on your show because I'm far enough into the patent process that it really can't be replicated now.
And this is our secret
sauce we put this on the penis we have 10 different sizes the gland is captured by that little ring
and it keeps the penis extended or elongated and compressed and so they wear that for three weeks
under their clothes it makes your dick look bigger people that have it on they're like this is like a
push-up bra for my dick um you put it on your penis looks bigger. People that have it on, they're like, this is like a push-up bra for my dick.
You put it on, your penis looks bigger in your pants.
And it holds the filler in place until it settles.
And we're the only ones that have that.
Everyone else uses an ace bandage or that co-band that they put on you when you have your blood drawn, that sticky fabric tape.
So we have this.
This sets us apart.
No one else has this post-care garment besides us. And literally this is the first time I've shown it. Our patients of course have been wearing it for
almost two years now, but I've asked them to keep it off blogs and to not post pictures of it
because we were in the process. You know what I was listening to that as a woman, you can look at
this thing and you could probably put a face to every size. You go, Oh, that's so funny.
You're like, that's because I've had the full gamut. Literally I've had a, I'm doing that. That's so funny. I know you are.
You're like, that's him. Because I've had the full gamut.
Literally, I've had your first guy.
Did you really?
I have.
And I've had the last guy.
That's fucking crazy, by the way,
that you've had the co-keeper.
But that's what I'm so fascinated by,
because I've had, like I said,
a guy that you wouldn't imagine had the one.
And then another guy, you're like,
that guy looks normal.
I think I know who this guy is too.
I think I know a few of her.
Tom and I have been together for like 20 years.
So he's heard all my stories.
Was it really erect like this?
It was erect, maybe a little more, but I, you know, again,
I don't have exact dick memories.
I know what they know.
Yes.
Between one and two.
Wow.
Yeah. It was sad. Kind of, you know. I yeah it was sad kind of you know i've seen it yeah of course i've seen that so like if you could help that guy that would be you know
you can give them the information no i don't talk to i don't talk to the ghosts of christmas past
i'll talk to them yeah it's a full gamut i'll'll tell you. Yeah. And then you're like, oh, and that was Oxford and that was...
That was San Francisco.
San Francisco over there.
Los Angeles summertime.
Barista.
I've got a tape measure here if you need to measure yours. I'm going to leave it for you.
Doing girths or lengthies?
Really? So you can do the length and then you can
do the girth. Okay, look.
We have to wrap up, but I wanted to
say this. I think this is a
very cool option for men.
And they can go to
fallowfill.com. That's right.
And you have locations all over the country.
Oh, great. From the northeast down
to Southern California, down to Miami.
We're struggling to find providers, good providers up in the country. Oh, great. From the Northeast down to Southern California, down to Miami. We're struggling
to find providers,
good providers
up in the Northwest.
We've got some
that we're talking to,
but we're pretty well
covered up by Chicago
and Detroit
and Indianapolis.
Great.
Is this the correct way
to do this?
Yes, that is the Garth.
So that Garth,
if you're measuring it,
it should come out
to be five and a half inches.
You're measuring in centimeters.
You've got to know the centimeter side.
I'm serious about filler in my labes.
I mean, because it does get wrinklier over time.
Just to give it a little pep.
You know what you might try?
There's a procedure that exosomes stem cells and stem cells
release exosomes
which cause rejuvenation
that can be
injected into
any tissue
and make it rejuvenate
so if you think
that there's a problem
where it's
aged
and you think
that you're trying
to reverse
the first thing
that I would do
is I would try
to have someone
inject exosomes
into it
to try and rejuvenate
that's a whole
another topic
but it's a great procedure.
I wish you had a table of coochies out here and I would be like,
I can run through all.
I know.
That's why I want him to do badges.
Now.
That'd be fun.
Can we find a veg,
a veg rejuvenator and we'll have her come or him come.
That'd be fun.
All right.
Well,
this is awesome.
Thank you.
Thank you for having me.
Thank you so much
this is awesome
you guys know what to do
at fallowphil.com
get your dicks bigger
thank you
and we are back
and our guest
has a new special
dropping tomorrow
on Max
religion
sex
and a few things
in between
everybody
it's Rory Scovel
let him hear it
thank you
thank you
thank you guys
good to see you I appreciate that did I say that right is it Scovel Scovel Scovel yeah should I put theseory Scovel. Let him hear it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, guys. Good to see you.
I appreciate that.
Did I say that right?
Is it Scovel?
Scovel.
Scovel?
Yeah.
Should I put these on?
Scovel.
Oh, yeah.
Better.
You guys have cooler, more...
Yeah.
Yeah.
I feel like a pilot.
You kind of look like a pilot.
Yeah, that looks good.
That's a good look for me.
I like it.
Giant headphones.
Congratulations on the special.
Thanks.
Where'd you shoot it?
We did it in Minneapolis at a place called the Good Ale Theater. for me i like it giant headphones um congratulations on the special thanks where'd you shoot it uh we
did in minneapolis at a place called the uh good ale theater oh minneapolis is a great comedy town
yeah we didn't book when we did the tour we didn't book uh minneapolis because i just had it in the
back of my head like that might be the spot to you got to do it once once a tour you got to leave one
at least one of the good ones but it's hard to know it's hard to know what that city should be
but yeah minneapolis is a good a good one yeah um did you like you did one of the good ones but it's hard to know it's hard to know what that city should be but yeah this is a good a good one yeah um did you like you did one of the most amazing that we almost
were able to podcast at the time because i was like this to me nothing gives me more anxiety
than what you did which is why i was like well we have to celebrate it which is that the last
thing you did which is where you go i'm just gonna go on tour and every night i'll just come up with something new oh the in atlanta the the docu special yeah dude that was fun that wasn't
meant to be a documentary that i just wanted to like try that and i was like oh let's do it
the whole week let's do six nights in a row and we'll charge like five dollars because it could be
just shit yeah i kind of thought that's i was like, oh, I'll probably bomb.
But people will walk away being like,
oh, who gives a shit?
It's five bucks.
So people kind of give you the benefit of the doubt.
And someone was, I told Jay Larson about it.
And he was like, you got to shoot that.
That should be a documentary.
And so then we just put,
Abso gave us some money and we went and shot it.
Yeah, but how do you deal?
Because like every comedian fears bombing.
So how come you don't fear it as much like i think i do i think i think i do i think we i mean i i think everybody does
and i think that nervous energy suddenly just drives what you show but the both the both of you
could do also do it you just you just haven't gone out and just said, all right, I'm just going to go talk for an hour.
And you would surprise yourself 10 minutes in where you're like,
oh,
I actually think I could just keep talking.
And you realize you're,
you're just being entertaining.
Yeah.
I think you could,
I think I could do it for a little bit.
Cause I've done that.
I have shown up and been like,
all right.
Sure.
And signed up for like the no material,
whatever kind of stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But the fact that you were doing like full sets,
like doing it that way, I'm like, this is insane.
Well, by the third night is when I was like getting like the most,
like my brain was like, like,
think of something that feels like a secret you don't want to tell anybody.
And then quickly I was realizing, oh,
this is actually the most interesting thing.
And I also started to realize, oh, instead of the audience,
either laughing or not laughing, most interesting thing and i also started to realize oh instead of the audience uh either
laughing or not laughing i saw them just get engaged by me just saying something like vulnerable
like i remember at one point i just my brain was like just tell them you've seen gay porn
and so i just said that yeah and i could see the audience being like all right go on and i was like
oh yeah all right i'll just talk about this yeah yeah. And I didn't have a joke with it. I just kind of talked about it.
That's what I was going to say.
It became something.
So did sometimes it stay in, this isn't really funny in this moment.
This is just revealing?
I think, yeah.
You know what I mean?
And you just are like, almost like you're doing therapy in a way.
But like, and then you'll find a joke later on?
Yes.
And that's why I think we could all do it.
I think more comedians can do it than think because once you just start talking about a topic, you know if you just keep going.
There's something there.
There's going to be some kind of dots to connect.
And you go, oh, that's funny.
That's where the laugh is.
You know what's so interesting?
Because I was watching a bunch of newer comedians at Mothership a week ago.
And I was like, okay, they're all skilled comedians.
But what's interesting to watch is
someone that's honest and vulnerable at least for me yeah I want to see the guy who's like
I watch gay porn you're like yeah yeah you're intrigued yeah you're like yeah you know like
it's really it's the content not so much the form yeah it makes because you everyone can be
proficient at some point at a skill set well Well, I think we can all, at least doing that documentary
was eye-opening for me to be like,
oh, and this constant search of like, oh, I need material.
I think I always saw it like, oh, I need 60 minutes of material.
But there's nothing really in that.
This docu-special made me really step back and be like,
oh, actually, what do I want to say for 60 minutes and live or die by it?
Maybe it's funny.
Maybe it's not.
And it kind of shifted my brain.
This special is actually most of the sex jokes were born out of that week.
Really?
Atlanta.
Yeah.
And my goal with it was like, oh, we shot this this documentary.
So I'll have the birth of the joke.
And then when I finally shoot the special, it'll be the death of it.
I'm not going to do it again.
Sure.
So this is kind of what that is.
Well, that's like my favorite show here in town.
It's called Bottom of the Barrel, where they have a literal little barrel on stage.
And it has just written suggestions from the audience.
So you pull it out.
And if you don't want to do it, you drop it.
But if you read it, you just say the thing yeah and then you just see where it goes because you get bits out of random
suggestions yeah if you're willing to just kind of talk you have to talk talk talk yeah the way it
goes wrong i think is if you just go like you look at it and it's just silly joke silly joke like you
have to actually talk you know you have to be willing, silly joke. Like you have to actually talk, you know,
you have to be willing to kind of make it,
you have to be willing to be uninteresting to perhaps pay off on being funny.
That's the secret.
You got to go to the peaks and the valleys.
I think so.
And I think when you're in those valleys, you don't panic.
You stay, you stay in it.
And the thing I kept trying to remind myself with these shows,
I still try to do it is like the material is one thing,
but can I just like be fun? Like when I out there can people be like oh this this is this
is attractive this is like i'm compelled to want to hear this person talk i think we see it in
acting all the time there's like just some actors you're like yeah even they're just like standing
there you're like yeah i'll watch I'll see what you're doing.
And it's like, I think we have that too.
I mean, really, if you think about what we do,
it's kind of bizarre that it's even a thing.
Yeah.
That people show up to hear our speeches.
Yeah.
For an hour.
And also for us, for them to think that our perspective on stuff
is so important or interesting.
Like it's like we are, you have to be a little full of yourself
to think, oh, what I have to say is valid.
I'm worth listening to.
But also to that point, yes, what you have to say,
but then also, like, whenever I watch, like, Ron White,
it's like, you want to hang out with that person.
You want to hang out with Uncle Ron White.
And I think, too, when people buy your merch merch or something they want a piece of your soul like you are selling
your soul your essence your being when you're a performer and entertainer well nowadays i mean
you guys know it like nowadays it's like you give you give everything it's no longer like oh you're
just on the stage it's like we're in this world of like the social media, the podcast.
No, but you know, the funny thing is are the comedians who are like,
and I knew them all, we knew them all coming up who are like,
I'm just going to, I'm not going to do all that other stuff.
I'm just going to do my spots.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah. And then what happens to all, 100% of them is after a certain amount of time, they're like, hey, how do I do this?
And how do I do that?
And how do I do that?
And you're like, oh, okay.
Yeah.
I'm guilty of it in my own way.
Everybody.
You try to steer your own ship and you go, I that they want to buy a ticket to see more of it.
It's just,
it's just reality.
It's just what it is,
man.
This is the,
this is what it is.
Yeah.
This is how this is done now.
Yeah.
You,
you are a comedian.
Guess what?
You got to have a place like a website that people can go to,
to,
to watch things and buy tickets,
have links.
And you got to put,
you have to be present more than just on stage.
Yeah.
Isn't that crazy?
It's such a different industry.
Yeah,
it is.
Like when we started,
we were all trying to get our VHS tapes.
Oh my God.
To mail,
to mail,
to a club,
to host.
We were just talking about,
do you remember,
do you remember Dublin's?
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. And I was just telling us, I remember remember Dublin's? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I was just telling someone, I remember Jay Davis ran that.
And I remember walking in there and handing him a VHS tape and him being like, yeah, thank you.
Being like, can I get on this show?
Yeah.
And that was just the way of it.
And then the big shift was like, oh, DVDs.
Now you have to learn how to burn a DVD.
Then it was like, no, you got to have a thing on YouTube.
Now you're doing YouTube.
MySpace videos.
Yeah, or MySpace video.
And also then it shifted into, well, how many followers do you have?
Because that creates the value.
And I think that's where suddenly things changed you can now have this
perceived value based on
how many people find you interesting
and that is a good
metric but I think
sometimes we don't step back and go oh you can buy
you can buy those followers
to like have it you can like
rig it a little bit
it's not completely
an even exchange like I know I don't want to like say the little bit it's not you know it's not completely an even exchange like i know i don't
want to like say the people but it's like i know somebody who whose social media following is
impressive by most people's measure but it's not the biggest and they have massive ticket sales
yes you know i mean so it's not like yeah the same yeah but i i think that now when you start when we had to learn how to like make a
vhs tape and just go to the mailbox yeah now it's like no you need to know what time to upload to
tiktok and how to title it and how to like and i and i mean from perspective of if you're not in
the position to pay someone to do that for you yeah if you're just starting someone be like hey
it's hard enough just to figure out how to go on stage and be vulnerable
and be honest and find that material.
It's like, well, while you're not doing
that, you need to be offstage
making sure you know how to work your cell
phone to really upload
Insta at the right time.
So much.
Well, you have to be business-minded now.
Oh, yeah. Absolutely. There's no way around it.
But you always should have been. I think even 20 years ago, we should have been be business minded now. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. There's no way around it. Yes. 100%. But you always should have been.
I think even 20 years ago, we should have been more business minded.
I think that's going back.
I think that was my, I'm going to go my own way.
I'm an artist.
Yeah.
And you can always catch up.
I think people find, you know, in a position like, I can't sit here and be like, I should
have made these other choices.
Like, I do have a special coming out. So I doing fine people will see a thing yeah but it does make you wonder
like what you can be doing and then how to do those things also i mean i don't know i also
remember things like i remember being in indianapolis and this guy was like can i get
a guest spot and i just met him and i i told the owner i was like can I get a guest spot? And I just met him. And I told the owner, I was like, can you get a guest spot?
And they were like, are you endorsing him?
And I was like, yeah.
And then he went up there and he absolutely just bombed.
You don't say.
Horrifically.
And then the owner was like, I thought you said that this was going to be good.
And then you're doubling down.
He's my favorite comedian.
I go,
I don't know.
So I go to him,
I go,
what the fuck,
man?
And he goes,
yeah,
it was fucking,
I'm going to do different stuff.
If you,
if I can get one more guest.
No.
And you keep,
yeah.
And I was like,
was this like a five show weekend?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I was like,
all right.
So I was like, just let him do one more
spot and he was like i'm gonna do something like totally i'll do this like my killer stuff now
yeah okay and he went up there and he did verbatim the same set and i was like yeah and he was like
yeah i don't know and the funny thing is the other point of this guy is that i remember
he showed me his website yeah and it was fucking amazing.
It looks like, like, uh, like fucking like Ford's website.
You know what I mean?
It was like, when something's in motion, you're like, Whoa.
And this is, this is like, this is like a while ago.
You know, this is like many years ago.
When like a video on a website was like, blowing. Big time. Oh, and then like that comic would have testimonials of other comedians saying how funny they are.
Remember that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This guy's lightning in a bottle.
I definitely asked somebody for one of those.
The next so-and-so?
Yeah.
The next so-and-so.
And you're like, damn, I got to make a website like this.
Yeah, exactly.
We were all trying to do that.
That's what I thought.
That's what I thought leaving there.
I was like, that guy sucks, but his website's the shit.
I wonder what it is like for,
like we have our perspective of, you know,
this and how we find, you know,
if someone's new and like really great,
like our way of finding them is either, you know,
maybe you scroll or, but usually someone will tell you.
I wonder what it is like for an audience now.
Maybe they don't know the business side of what we have to do now on top of try to make art like literally try
to make a a thing to watch that's interesting for 60 minutes i wonder how they what their
perspective is of of finding comedians and i mean judging by my friends that aren't in show business
sometimes i'm mortified
you know when they say like this is hilarious
and you're like it's Ted Lasso
you're like go fuck your mother this is terrible
don't send me anything you think is funny ever
it is actually disheartening
because if your circle
of friends is comedian
first of all it's not saying that like
you're you know it's impossible to
it's just that comedians, it's obvious, right?
You work in comedy.
You write comedy.
You perform comedy.
So when you hang out with them, your gauge for like, oh, shit, that's really funny, it is going to be different.
You are kind of more in tune to things.
And usually when you're like, oh, it's it's like a it's a different thing when my friends who don't do stand up fucking send me
clips oh my god of shit i'm always like i always go ha ha i'm like very funny i know because you
don't want to get involved i know you don't want to be like well here's what i really think yeah
no and also like i feel out of it so i send them the most con like for me i'm like i'm thank god they
can't hear the tone but i'll just write like that is funny or like such a good find you should be
an agent yeah wow wow clever you have a very good sense of humor don't send each other traditionally
funny things i don't think
we send each other dark awful
and then you're like that's fucking amazing
it's dark awful or like
that's when
I think my wife hates memes
and I try to tell her
a meme really is kind of
the ultimate
I'm not going to send someone
probably a stand up clip clip no but a meme
that gets me to laugh i'll send to someone i'll go this the person who made this doesn't even
they probably don't even know they could probably write comedy yeah to spot a still frame and figure
out what is the joke that goes with it yeah it's so good but also that's what you would share you
would go here this is i think this is funny
but to your point too it's like when they get it from us it's usually always dark and you're like
you know this is i need it now yeah i need it to be this dark now right it's like pornography
i've worn myself down i need it all like send me someone pissing on their sister. I need a different angle. I'm burnout.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
Porn is actually a great analogy for it.
Because, you know, what do you think the porn people send each other?
They're like, hey, check this out.
Her tits are off.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
She took her top off.
Wow.
God, that's even great, too.
Are they sending each other porn?
Like, hey.
I'm sure.
Look at the new kid.
I'm sure.
Kid in the biz. I'm sure they are. They have to send each other shit that makes Like, hey. I'm sure. Look at the new kid. I'm sure. Kid in the biz.
I'm sure they are.
They have to send each other shit that makes them laugh, I bet.
It's just like, oh my God, look the way he held up her leg.
Technicalities.
Such a rookie.
Wrong angle.
You can't even see anything.
The camera's blocked.
Yeah.
That's the kind of stuff.
I will say the one thing that traditionally made me laugh when we were on that plane ride
a few days ago, it was some guy in Central Park in New York City and he's laying on a
wall and he just puts his leg up and he goes, hey ladies, welcome to the barbecue.
And then he farts.
Yeah.
And he just got like people's react.
That's probably the most traditional thing I've laughed at in years.
Because what's great too is that he does that and then the camera stays on.
It's set up.
The camera stays on the girls who walk by
and then they're like...
Or the one girl would be
laughing.
It's real human
interactions and behavior. It's so genuine.
It is very telling of how you
respond to that.
Where someone's like like I'll fight you
right
Jesus
oh damn
yeah dude
if you're fighting farts
I know
it's so insane
you farted from a distance
yeah
I remember one time
I went into
I wish I saw that guy
when we used to go into
like music stores
to buy CDs
yeah
and they'd have
listening stations
right
and the guy
it was a big guy
like a real big dude
and he had the cans on
like you yeah and he was listening and he was like and then don't you know he farted and we like we
we ducked behind the other cd rack because we were laughing so hard right because i don't think he
knew that he farted it didn't perceive no he just kept singing as he's singing it was pretty great
that was pretty great that's a golden moment
yeah
yeah
this is a golden moment
here
good times Rory
my genuine reaction
to seeing a flight tech
with three
female pilots
for the first time
they're laughing
I can't tell
if they're happy about it
or actually
I mean they made a video
wait were they laughing
goofing on them
it looked like they were like how are we gonna
fucking make it you know
I like thanks Delta
thanks Delta
Delta set it up they're like we want to
give you this
can you look at their like go back
like they were in great seats
were they
this is business class
it's a long trip
but I can't tell it's almost like
I mean that
oh she's emotional
oh okay like she's doing great
too okay
she's in business class
nowadays that's $5,000
there's three chicks flying this thing
but she's actually moved by it.
Yeah, I can't tell you as a female
how indifferent I am to the gender of my pilot.
I am so indifferent.
I always ask to see the certification.
You're more particular.
Let me see your license.
I think that's valid.
Your life is in their hands.
Are you for real? Are you for real, pilot? I always ask them that. What are you running Let me see your license. Yeah. I think that's valid. Your life is in their hands. Are you for real?
Are you for real, pilot?
I always ask them that.
What are you running away from?
The one on the left is very handsome.
Huh?
She's very handsome.
Yeah, there's,
you know,
they're all,
they're all,
you know,
they could be a dude.
What is the pilot
that sits in the backseat?
Yeah.
What's their story?
Like,
if you show me
it was a war plane,
I'd be like,
oh yeah,
they're like,
the gunner.
Yeah.
Yeah. But like, on just a flight like this
what are they up to
you know what might be happening here
I don't know if I'm correct
but because of those business lay flats
this could be like a long haul flight
you have a rotating
it's a longie
and they're like hey you're on your period
I know you're going to get emotional
I'll come in and fly when you throw a tantrum.
Stop.
You know, because your fucking nails aren't painted or whatever you guys do.
You know, they should put a shitter in there, though, because I hate when they block off the shitter.
Just any cliche female moment.
I know your nails aren't painted.
That's what the discussions they're having.
That's what they're having, yeah.
As a pilot.
I know you hate to fly when you don't shave your legs.
I know the public,
I know the public can't even see us because we're in this armored door.
You're all emotional.
Tits are leaking or whatever.
Jesus.
What?
Tits are leaking.
Women are different.
I don't know.
Different.
Different. Different. I'm so, I'm thrilled. What? Tits are leaking. Women are different. I don't know. Different. Different.
Different.
I'm thrilled.
She's so happy about it.
Okay.
Okay.
I volunteered at my daughter's school.
I volunteered at my daughter's school with a fear of bubbles.
And there's a kid in there who likes to wash his hands a lot.
And he was washing his hands. He did it like five times that we were in there who likes to wash his hands a lot and he was washing his
hands he did it like five times that we were in there and he left suds everywhere and then he
started shaking his hands suds all over me he got soap suds all over me all over my dutch
bro's coffee i didn't get to drink i mean first of all i just wonder how you
you pause that right that can't be the complete video no i paused it she's like i got it
so but she's a fear of bubbles but she's a mom like a fear of bubbles that's what that's what
she's saying i have a fear of bubbles she's in what she's saying. I have a fear of bubbles. She's in the classroom. The kid washed his hands five times.
Why is she volunteering?
You can't volunteer.
You're a parent.
Imagine not dealing with bubbles
any time in the last few years.
How?
It's the main focus.
It's one of the main goals.
Two to six.
Two to six.
It's life.
You need some bubbles.
Bubble cities.
That's cocaine. You need some bubbles. Bubble cities. Bubble, that's cocaine.
What is she... It makes her nauseous, though.
Why, if you are literally about to puke,
how do you not...
Maybe I'll make a video later.
You know what?
Do I need to make this video the moment I get in the car?
I know.
Or can I recap?
Will I remember if I just recap in an hour?
I know.
The urgency.
I think it's because it's so...
She has to catch the moment.
It's really...
She just got in the car.
I think what we're not...
She's not saying, and what we didn't get to see,
is that little kid who was washing his hand,
covered in shit.
Covered in shit, yeah.
Head to toe.
Only his hands were clean. Yeah. And so even still, when he touches your coffee, you're like, hand, covered in shit. Head to toe. Only his hands were clean.
And so even still when he touches
your coffee, you're like, you are covered in shit though.
Maybe there's shit bubbles that she's
actually afraid of.
I don't like vomiting,
but when I see it, it doesn't make me vomit.
I don't know, I'm just
asking for a phobia. Wouldn't she be
terrified, not nauseous? I don't know.
She's having some type of real
visceral reaction here.
That's insane.
Does he like some
face boogers?
Wash his hands,
clean the booger
if they need.
And I threw up
in my mouth
in the classroom
and she said,
stop mom,
that's so embarrassing.
And I was like,
how do you think I feel?
How do you think I feel?
I just washed my hair.
I have to go wash it again
because he had soap suds. She it again because you got soap suds
how does she wash your hair is soap yeah that's what i'm saying how do you avoid soap suds
maybe she like just you know closes her eyes and like quickly i don't know dude it must be a big
thing it's a fear i've never when the kid was like hey mom can you not react that way it's
embarrassing was the mom like wait till i get in the car and feel the need to broadcast it?
Share all the emotions?
That's a big thing, too, is that...
Why do we all assume we have an audience?
I don't know.
Why do we assume that?
Like, nothing against this person, but, you know, you get in the car and you're like,
guys, listen up. And you're're just like who are those people have you seen the the broadcasting the tears like when
somebody's like going through an emotional moment and then they hit record then and then they upload
of like tears i always think like the i think maybe we think about this cause we think about production,
but you are like,
so you started it to have your thing and then turned it off.
I don't know.
My favorite though is the,
but she's a great person.
I don't want to,
she's fine.
My favorite though is like the famous husband and the not famous wife.
And then she feels like she needs to have a voice too.
And it's literally like
hey guys I'm making
broccoli who doesn't love broccoli
comment below and you're like you don't need
a platform always comment below you've got
to get the engagement
without the engagement you'll never get booked
at the ha ha shack
but like why yeah why broadcast
actually I think about it this might be her tape to try to get booked i know you're ruining
your opportunities rory the weird thing is when they go comment below and they're the thing they're
asking is so uninteresting i know you know like like uh i'm making broccoli uh what come what's
your favorite vegetable yeah no one don't who gives a fuck what someone's favorite vegetable is?
Yeah, it's a desperation to get the engagement.
It's like there's no thought put into it.
So desperate.
Like one celebrity, I won't say who, was like, you're watching the Super Bowl.
Can I not do this?
Do whatever you want.
Do it.
Do it.
Do it.
No, they're like, which team do you want to win?
Come on, come on.
I was going to say.
And they're like, really? Are you want to win? I was going to say.
Really?
Are you going to read all?
One for 49ers, check.
I'm so happy.
I kept up with the list.
And then you comment at the end.
Looks like you guys are split on this.
It's like, yeah, there's two fucking teams.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, literally.
Right down the middle.
Can't tell who you want to win more.
Thank you.
Was that fun?
I was following on social media.
What's that?
Going to Vegas and doing the whole thing.
Okay.
Was it?
Yeah.
Well, that's what I wonder your vibe,
because I know you and Bert are in different places in terms of let's go get smashed.
I'll say this.
I think it's definitely not my wheelhouse to be like,
let's go to a bunch of events and wave and shake a lot of hands
and rah, rah, rah.
I'm more in that world.
I think I did the best that I could,
and I think I made the most fun by far was that show.
The show at the end was absolutely fucking bonkers,
and the energy was, I mean, i'm not kidding you it was insanity
it was really crazy and every all the guests were surprise guests so like oh that's fun trevor at
wallace coming was a surprise bobby lee coming up was a surprise shane gill's coming like so every
time somebody got announced they would just go absolutely crazy and then when we came on stage
it was just it was pandemonium and and they
you know so everything culminated in that show yeah which was really fun um you know i don't
think i i need to do 10 events and every time i go to vegas yeah yeah um but i mean i tried to have
fun with it yeah yeah what was the reaction when you let the guest guy go back up all these years later? Did you let him come to the show?
Which guy?
I met this guy in Indianapolis.
Oh.
This is his third guest spot for me.
You know, he's gotten way better.
He's gotten way better.
Yeah.
Same set.
Yeah, same set.
Better timing.
What does the wild naked man drink?
I'm going to fill this beautiful mason jar with my beautiful
Orin, which is
medicinal.
Is that true? Is that medicinal?
Yeah.
I'm working out or going for a run
or pumping some iron.
I don't believe it.
It's a form of biofeedback and it's a form
of self-love. That stream is too powerful.
That's a powerful stream.
I get this enhanced benefit of self-approval
and self-acceptance.
And really, that's all there is to life.
That's a very convincing trickle sound.
I actually do feel like you would be amazing
at playing this guy.
Yes.
Yeah.
Because...
I'm in.
Let me just say, shout out,
we just said this off camera,
the show Physical with Rose Byrne is my absolute favorite,
and you play kind of a douchey adjacent character.
I pitched every season, please let my character drink his own piss.
And they were like, we just can't.
You really did?
It makes no sense.
You should.
You really should.
It's no wonder the yogis have been doing it for over 5,000 years.
You should.
You really should.
So no wonder the yogis have been doing it for over 5,000 years.
Everything that's bad for us, like injecting heavy metals and aborted fetal cells right into your body,
is made to seem good.
And everything that's good for us, like drinking your piss, is made to seem bad.
We live in an inverted clown world.
So try it for yourself. I mean, that's a great special title.
Inverted clown world?
Get the fuck out.
That is an amazing title for a special.
Inverted clown world.
That is.
I love that.
That's really good.
That's really good.
That's a great title.
He does a lot of cool things.
But also, urine, and I don't know anything,
but it is the body getting rid of waste that
it doesn't need, right?
Yes.
I mean, I don't know.
Sometimes there's a little bit of...
That's what the mainstream media will tell you, Rory.
That it's your body getting rid of waste.
Where's the one where he drinks it and then he's like, oh, that one I don't see in here.
I've never seen...
That's why the yogis have been doing it for five... Did he say 5,000 years? I think so. Which ones? I don't see in here. I've never seen... That's why the yogis have been doing it for 5...
Did he say 5,000 years?
I think so.
Which ones?
I don't know.
I mean, really?
5,000 years.
Well, you know, also, like, the samurai...
How could you know that?
And the Celtic warriors, you know, they would cup each other's balls and sniff each other's
taint before they went into battle.
Is that real?
He said it.
Well... Oh, okay. I didn't know it came from this source. And they real? He said it. Oh, okay.
I didn't know it came from this source.
They would fight with their genitals out.
Not armored.
Which seems counterintuitive.
And something that a liar might say.
But it's the truth.
But it's ballsy. And that joke
is sitting there the whole time.
It's just sitting there.
No one even wants it.
It's like taking the last piece of shitty pizza that's been there the whole time. They're just sitting there. No one even wants it. It's like taking the last piece of shitty pizza
that's been there way too long
and it's ballsy.
Right?
His beard is
really thick.
Is it real?
I find it so cute and funny and kind of annoying
that so many modern men's work leaders base their branding off of like Spartan culture.
And they call it the modern warrior journal or, you know, we're the samurai brotherhood, you know.
Yet they never get naked.
They never do ball cupping rituals.
I was going to say the same thing.
They never see each other's cocks.
get naked. They never do ball cupping rituals. They never see
each other's cocks. The outermost
extension of each other's hearts are completely
hidden by their lululemon polyester
underwear that's leeching feminizing
chemicals right into their ball sacks.
When really, they could be
leeching good, high-vibrational
brotherhood vibrations
into each other's ball sacks
through cupping, which is
exactly what the Spartans did.
You know, if you claim to be a Spartan...
Can I just say that I have pitched this to my wife so many times.
So many times.
And I go, no, I don't want you to do it for those reasons.
You're the one who's being too sexual.
I want you to do it to prepare me for battle.
Yeah.
Well, that's such a good point.
You're a double-souled shaman in your marriage. Like, I'm not'm not babe this isn't about sex this isn't about
sexual contact this is about being a man what if i have to fight today yeah yeah and what do you
want me to lose yeah do you want me to lose the fight yeah either way like what if i here's who
i want to comment first somebody goes i cup every day and I also wear Lululemon.
Wow.
Why did you, why bring that to my doorstep?
What's your answer to that?
That's going to be there.
What's your answer to that?
You're going to get a percentage of somebody.
That's going to be there.
I drink my own piss.
I wear Lululemon.
All the things.
Don't think we're not out here.
We are.
We're out here, dude.
It's like the samurai were sniffing each other's balls
the Spartans were
cuddling and sucking each other's nipples
before battle on animal skins
you see if Jordan will do that
right before battle well here's the thing
oh it's gotta be a guy sorry
history is only passed down
by the winners
I have not heard this version
yet
this is literally the first time ever
yeah
now by the way I was going to say this
I do want to play this guy
oh my god please
your hair and your skin look great
thank you
did you just get back from like a trip like a vacation or something
no but I did have a photo shoot yesterday where they put makeup on me and i don't know if i
got it all off wow residual makeup maybe it looks good yeah i got a little hair a haircut looks nice
you look tan your eyes look clear your skin this is your natural skin tone this is my natural skin
tone wow yeah wow you mean that no i feel like i'm gonna go back and watch this and i'll be like Your skin looks great. This is your natural skin tone? This is my natural skin tone. Wow. Yeah.
Wow.
You mean that?
I feel like I'm going to go back and watch this and I'll be like, blow.
No, you look great.
No, I'm serious.
It looks like you're just like, oh, you know, the Bahamas.
I was just chilling.
I'd love that.
Yeah.
Because are you British?
Is that your background?
I think French.
Yeah.
You guys don't tan usually very well, but you look very healthy.
That's how lazy I am. The furthest research I did was, I think French. Yeah. You guys don't tan usually very well, but you look very healthy. That's how lazy I am.
The furthest research I did was,
I think French.
Yeah.
No interest.
You haven't gone any deeper than that?
I think French,
and I just left it at that.
Never a talk with mom or dad?
My aunt is obsessed with genealogy,
and she said that at one point,
our last name was spelled Scoville, V-I-L-L-E.
Our family got into it.
Half of them split, changed the spelling, and that's our family history.
So I was kind of right.
So I only know that much.
The way I said it was kind of right.
Wait, what did you say?
The way that I said your last name was kind of right.
It was kind of right.
And you attacked me.
I don't know if I attacked.
You'll know if I'm attacking because I'll be blowing you.
Cupping, sucking each other's nipples on animal skins.
When I go flick your nipples and cup your balls while I suck your dick,
that's when you'll know I want to fight you.
I want to fight you.
When you're jizzing all over the place, it's almost time to fight.
Yeah, and that's when you'll know I'm ready to fight now.
That you're ultimately
relaxed.
This is a
city council meeting, I think. Have you seen this?
I haven't seen this one yet.
Good evening, cowards.
Rick Hebert, 97, Spruce Lane.
Nice to see a bunch of fat,
ugly women.
What?
Excuse you! No, no, no no no no no no right out of the gate he's like what you don't have
to buy a free speech call me by that's not free speech that's insulting
yeah I love this they always want whoa. Okay, everybody, stop.
Let Mr. Hubbard
speak, please.
It's factually inaccurate. Enough.
Go ahead, Rick.
And we wonder why children are
retarded stupid today.
We wonder why. We wonder
why when we have these
pathetic people here called
teachers rape the children's
mind. Whoa. Wow.
Anyway, that's all we got from Rick.
So far, good arguments. It just ends there.
He nailed it. He nailed it, dude.
Here's the thing.
The other guy was drinking his own
piss and talking about samurai
battle. This guy
way too much
green.
So much green. So much green.
Good. Cool guy.
I'm mostly offended by the
lack of color.
I agree. Green on green is a little aggressive.
Two greens?
How great would it have been though if he had on like a bright blue
hat and a yellow sweatshirt and been like,
Hey, you ugly fat pigs.
Here's what I do want to say.
To be fair, it does look like he just docked from potentially a 20-year boat.
It does.
It does.
He just got back with all the tuna.
So if things have changed socially, he might not know.
He's been out at sea.
What do you mean you can't talk like this?
That's why he was initially like, wait, what?
Is that bad?
Fat, ugly broads up here.
That is how you would talk on the boat, you know?
Wait, what was his gripe? He's like, they're making
our kids wicked retarded?
Well, he said that the teachers are
the children's minds.
I thought he was going to go with their actually physically
touching children.
It's the ideas. I thought he was going to go with their actually physically touching children. Yeah, me too.
It's the ideas.
I wish I knew more of like where is this
and what specifically
sent this dude off.
I'm going to say the northeast is a block
for sure.
But I like she's like, okay, Rick.
He's there every week?
Alright, Rick, tell us more about the mind. And she's like okay rick he's there every week all right rick tell us more about the mind and
she's just like get to it what what is it again rick she's unfazed bunch of retard kids here
mind oh my god yeah i can watch this all day with rick yeah it's fucking great every but every time
he's in a different color stupid it's yellow, yellow, orange, orange.
No one knows what to like ultimately perceive him as.
Why ugly women is what they are.
It's so funny.
It is crazy that.
It's a good one.
Like even, I got to say, even the woman up there being like let him speak yeah
like oh she's almost fully aware like he needs three minutes it's fine he won't pay for a
therapist just let him come in here do your thing rick hurry it up we have real issues to try to
work out it's dover new hampshire yeah so oh can we talk about this, by the way? This is not planned. I just remembered this.
I told you this.
We work with the same lady.
She doesn't want her name spoken.
Good.
But I was in her office.
Yes.
I look up and I'm like, oh, that's a fucking rad painting.
And she's like, oh, yeah, Rory painted it. Wow, you're a painter too?
No, he's super legit.
What?
I am obsessed.
That's awesome.
I want to paint.
Pull up Rory Scovel artwork.
And I'm very addicted.
Very addicted to it.
Wow.
That's your shit?
That's some of my stuff right there.
Bro, I love it.
Look at that picture in the middle though.
Oh, shit.
Look at that.
Look at this.
That is sexual.
That's a guy that rapes your mind.
Look at that fucking guy.
That's so hot.
That's a GQ photo.
That really is a good look buddy you're so talented
and can i ask you this i i feel like it was said in jest when we did when we when we did our bid
on 69 minutes like it felt like you were we were doing oh yeah but i want to buy a painting you
really do i really do i collect art i collect art i i have so many I guess you maybe edit that out
our friend our mutual friend
recently
recently just purchased one
yesterday
but I'm obsessed I started doing it
I was trying to kind of doing a little bit before
COVID and then I really was doing it
a lot during COVID
you know there's nights you did nothing to do I would go get high
and just go to the garage.
Nice. Can you send me... Can you send me shit most of the time?
Can you send me options? Yeah, I'll
send you a bunch. I love it. I love that
yellow and black one. That's cool.
Dude, it's fucking rad. I like them all, actually.
I like the circle. Chad
Daniels bought that one next to
the one with me and my dog, that colorful
one on the left. Oh, that's cool.
That one. He bought that?
Yeah.
How about the circles right there on the top right?
That was a gift for my sister.
So that's it at her place.
Hey, can you do this?
Can you go take it back from her?
Yeah.
Okay.
If you want it.
That's what I'm saying.
I'll buy it.
Did your sister pay?
Nothing.
Okay.
Your buddy Tom will.
And you know I'll do that.
Okay.
I love it.
I just break in.
Yeah.
And then when she's like, where is that?
I'd be like, I fucking took it back.
I don't know.
Did you take any lessons online or anything?
No, I just started doing it.
I think what happened was that I started, you guys have kids, you know the deal.
My daughter was like doing it in school, like, you know, when they're just like crayons and
finger, all that stuff.
And I was like, I don't remember. doing it in school like you know when they're just like crayons and finger all that stuff and
I was like I I don't remember I think like one afternoon I was like oh yeah why don't we just
do this together and I just started doing it I was like why don't we ever stop just like doing
something that's mindless just kind of like not that I really like coloring I definitely and I'm
not great at drawing but like when she would have to paint, I was like, this is fun
to do, but at some point in your youth, you're either really good at it and they go, oh,
you're, you're good at art or they go, oh, you're not, you'll do something else.
Right.
But instead, I don't know why people don't go, hey, you know, what's really fun is getting
high and sitting in your garage and just painting for 30 minutes and then being like, yeah,
I don't know.
That just felt good. I i just went and did that like literally like good i don't know i think for my own mental health
my dad passed away in covet is like june of 2020 and i remember i came back to la after the funeral
and i started like just i was like i'm gonna paint something for my siblings i'm one of
seven kids i was like i'm gonna send everybody a painting it'll take me a long time this would be a good like you know I
don't know grieving I don't know what I was looking for but I started doing one and I sent a picture
of it halfway down to my sister and she was like can I have that one and I was already planning on
doing that and I was like yeah I go I'll finish it and I'll send it to you and that just in itself
felt really fun like I was like oh I think this is good and I'll send it to you. And that just in itself felt really fun.
Like I was like, oh, I think this is good and I'll send it to her. And then I did it for all of them and it's just kept kind of going.
I think this is a great like, you know, explanation for doing art,
but also like for all these things that you,
I think you get older and you realize, oh,
I don't have to be the best to enjoy doing something.
We think like that for a long time. I'm not the realize, oh, I don't have to be the best to enjoy doing something. Oh my God.
Well, we think like that for a long time.
I'm not the best, so I should not do that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think, yeah, and I think people are,
that's the other thing that I like about it.
I mean, I could go off on a tangent
and talk about this forever.
But the great thing about painting
is that I think we think everybody who does paint
and makes money and is a professional and is famous,
like that they know what they're doing. Right. But you start doing it and is a professional and is famous like that they
know what they're doing right but you start doing it and it starts to occur to you like oh no one
really does know they just do something that they then show and then other people kind of decide the
value that's 100 right and then it just becomes this very abstract sort of thing where you're
like i think this is worth this much.
And then maybe someone agrees to that.
I think you can also like the,
the analogy is like pretty applies,
I think to stand up where like,
yeah,
people think of like people being like super proficient and what you don't
hear are the conversations literally before going on stage where a couple of
comics are like,
man,
I don't have this shit sucks. And the other one, man, I don't have, this shit sucks.
And the other one's like, I don't, this is not worth a shit.
I hate myself.
God, I suck.
And then they walk on stage and like kill.
Yes.
And then walk off and they're like, I mean, I guess they liked it, but that wasn't good.
Right.
That's how comedians are.
Yes.
I think that, yeah, that level of doubt is like.
It's good.
It's so much.
I think it's good to have
and that nervous energy is good to have
but also I think painting
in terms of stand up comedy
when someone's new
if you're like who's your favorite comic
if they're like oh I like Tom Segura
and then you see them go on stage
and they're trying to
Tom did this and he's getting laughs
and he's doing well
I'll do that.
And you don't know how to explain to them.
Like you could sound identical.
It's not interesting because that's already claimed.
Whatever that thing is, is already happening from a certain outlet
that people enjoy getting it from.
That it makes you go, well, then shit, who am I?
Like what is my thing?
And that's what you got to figure out.
And you kind of figured out in painting too,
you can try to like paint the way someone paints,
but you do also try to get to a place where you're like, well,
what do I think is an interesting painting that makes me feel like,
you know,
I'm not that you have to be like some crazy original person at the end of
the day, it's going to be shapes and colors and, oh,
this looks like so-and-so like, yeah, of course now course now but i it does put you in a position to be like well
getting to a point where you go well when do i think i like it and i think that's so powerful
when you stand behind the thing you like it gets you further away from ah fuck i don't have anything
they're not going to like it yeah like it's kind of more fun to watch someone go i actually uh i i
i don't have anything but i'm going to fucking crush it and then it's kind of more fun to watch someone go, I actually, I don't have anything, but I'm going to fucking crush it.
And then it's kind of great when they don't.
And they come off stage and they're kind of not even phased.
And they're like, I don't know.
I liked it.
Yeah.
All right.
That's kind of terrifying.
Yeah.
But I get it.
And you kind of like it.
Yeah.
That was confusing.
No, but I get what you're saying.
Yeah.
I get what you're saying.
Do you get what she's saying?
People ask us,
how do we keep the bugs out of the house
without any walls or screens or doors or windows?
Do you love this?
To that I respond, we don't.
We don't.
We keep the bugs out.
Yeah.
We just learn to coexist with them.
Oh, I love it.
Do you love this?
Living?
I know you love it.
That fucking music is great.
So wonderful.
Those are bees.
There's bees in my house.
Doing their thing.
Doing their thing.
So good.
Hi, baby.
So good.
So cool.
I love it.
The cat's like, I don't like it.
The cat's got a cigarette.
Oh, you don't mind it?
It sucks.
I get stung every morning.
So these two maniacs live in a, quote, nature house with no windows, screens, or doors.
And they're like, how do we live with the bugs?
And they sleep.
I don't know if there's another one.
Is there other videos in there?
I just sent that one.
Yeah, there's more or no?
It's interesting that they have stuff, like actual artwork and stuff.
Well, and then the two of them are sitting on their couch next to an open window.
And there's just bugs and things crawling.
And they're like, yeah, when we sleep, bugs just crawl all over us.
Just get used to it.
I'm like, that sounds great.
That sounds awesome. Tom, that sounds like your dream it's just such a cool thing i uh saw a cockroach
in a hotel recently and i just killed it i killed it yeah i just laid in bed and i just debated in
my whole the whole time i was like this isn't a gross hotel it's not the nicest oh no it's not gross you know by our standards of what we've been through in our careers yeah I was like, this isn't a gross hotel. It's not the nicest. Oh, no.
But it's not gross, you know, by our standards of what we've been through in our careers.
I was like, it isn't one of those.
There shouldn't have been a cockroach.
I just laid in bed wondering, how do I, do I bring this up?
So I just, I had the dead cockroach on a towel and I just let it be out to convey, hey.
Oh, out in the hall?
No, it was in the room because I was like checking out.
I was like, anyways, there it is. There it is. This is also in here.
Just so you know. But I just laid in bed
and I was just like, all I thought about
was another one crawling under my mouth.
On your face, in your ear.
On my mouth.
I've worked in the service industry
for years in the beginning just so
you know like all your favorite restaurants roaches name them applebee's chili rats it's
like it just it's par for the course like yeah if you're if you're in the restaurant business
chances are there's shit there's sherman yeah it's fucking gnarly yeah temple of doom ruined
everything for oh bro i know i know what you're talking about forever that's and i've never even
seen any of those actual bugs in real life because they're so exotic bro that was how did they even
put her hand through and he's like if you don't we get smushed and she just had to do it i was like i think i would just lose my friends what what is uh grosser to you or like more you know
like skis you out more roaches oh fuck rats or uh snakes probably roaches honestly which seems
like a weird answer but i think roaches what kind of snakes like big pythons
that'll eat you whole are like little ones that can slither all over you and get in your bed
like a bed full of snakes a bed full of roaches or a bed full of holy fuck that's yeah i at least
like a snake you're kind of like you know where they are roaches you're like, you're everywhere. You're in the walls. Yeah.
You're hiding.
You're upside down on things.
Yeah.
Snakes are kind of like, I'm over here.
Yeah.
Hey, no, hey, hey, hey.
I'm not trying to surprise you.
And rats are like, I'm trying to hide like a cockroach.
I'm too big.
I can't hide.
I think they're all gross.
It's hard to actually... Those are all gross.
It's hard to rank them.
Okay, here's what I'm going to say.
Terrify me, but...
Roaches will crawl in your ears and your eyes
and crawl in your face.
Rats will...
Rats have teeth and will bite you
and bite your face out.
What restaurants have you worked at?
I think actually we should name the restaurants.
Now knowing what you have
seen, I think people should know. Don't eat your face.
You talking about Cheesecake Factory? I know.
I'm talking about, there's a particular Indian
restaurant, I'll tell you off camera, in Los Angeles.
Wowzers. Wow.
You saw them eat people's faces? Wow, wow.
No, raw top teeth.
They can bite you. Snakes, like little, like a
garden snake, a rather garter snake, they'll pile at the foot probably
and be in circles together.
So I would do snakes,
like not poisonous.
Snakes.
They're not going to bite you
if they're non-poisonous.
And they're just trying to sleep too.
Snakes are going to leave you alone probably.
And snakes are almost kind of like,
I'm sorry I look like this.
Rats and cockroaches don't seem to care.
But snakes are kind of like, I know it's embarrassing.
I don't have legs.
I think the roach is going to.
My entire body is muscle.
The roach might fuck with you the most in a way.
It's the least harmful, but it's the one that's going to.
It's going to move all night.
They don't sleep, right?
They'll survive the apocalypse.
That freaks me out.
What do they know?
Yeah.
That's true.
Okay, I don't understand this how
come when it gets cold they're also building a bunker in hawaii well how come when it gets cold
they all die right all the bugs die yeah temperature raises like they're all back well
how do how do they get all back they all just come back how did you know that this year, I think it's this year, is like the crazy I think
cicada 200
year thing. I love it. Where it's
about to be a massive plague
of bugs from underground.
I know everything I just
said sounds like I drink my own piss, but
I swear to God.
It's good for you though.
But there's nutrients in there that your body
said I don't need the first time.
Your body's not right.
Your body's not right.
Spermicide.
No, he's right.
So the cicadas, they live underground, so it's cold.
And then when it's warm, they awaken,
and they come up and out.
Yeah, but I know what you mean.
I don't know.
I always think that, too.
Do you like this?
Liquid death, yeah.
You got to ask Jordan if this has been inside of her,
because it's been inside of Christina.
Liquid death has been inside of you? No, the can.
Oh, you've put the can inside of you?
That one.
That particular can. We gave it to you as a gift.
Yeah.
It's before every guest comes on the show,
I put the can inside of me and I offer it to you.
No, no, I'm used to it.
My wife does that when she's going into battle.
Can't really touch the fingers or the thumb.
Cool.
I can't at all.
That's like a solid inch and a half.
Cicadas are cool.
Also, I've...
Pulled real it right back in.
Glow bugs.
What are they called, those glow...
I never see them.
Lightning bugs?
Looking like the phrase, ladies and gentlemen.
What is happening?
So it's this woman, and she's like,
reading a comment that somebody left her that says,
you looking like the phrase, ladies and gentlemen.
Because she has kind of like the androgynous haircut, you know?
You looking like the phrase, ladies and gentlemen.
She's got a good sense of humor.
I mean, that just crushed her.
That crushed her.
That's really funny.
Yeah.
That really did break her down.
That broke her in half, dude.
That's it.
That's it right there.
Do you have any thoughts about the lady that the Prince of Wales should marry?
Yes.
Well, I suppose...
Did you see the tongue work at the beginning?
I saw it.
When you marry...
You don't have to play the whole set.
You're going to marry somebody who perhaps one day
is going to become queen.
And you've got to choose somebody very carefully, I think.
And it's got to be somebody pretty special.
Because if you choose somebody who isn't used to it,
it can, I think, probably cause...
But I wanted to...
This is the King Ralph.
This is King Ralph, yeah.
John Goodman walks in on the next scene.
I remember this now.
I wanted to bring this up
apropos a discussion we had a while ago.
I brought the idea that Prince Charles
was attractive at some point in his life.
And I would like to cite...
The fight that this is your example
is really alarming.
I think he's cute.
The tongue action in the beginning.
Just play the tongue in the beginning.
That was horrible.
Such a lizard vibe, right?
But this is what's so weird about you.
This is so weird about you.
This is your example of like, that's pretty sexy.
Oh, I like his mouth.
Like, this is your example of like a sexy guy.
If you're sitting here saying...
If I have to be like her
lawyer yeah you know what i mean i go uh his eyes you know he doesn't look good yeah
that action right christina's picturing her huge clam her huge clam getting licked right now by
that big time but look right after the tongue goes away. Thank you. I mean, I thought he was cute.
I don't know. Look, I thought he was cute.
Is it his eyes? Do you like his eyes? I like his
mouth. I like his eyes.
I think he's kind of cute and dark and British.
Let me see post-tongue mouth.
Maybe that's, because tongue mouth
I think he's cute.
Cover the ears.
You know, he does look like he has good lips.
Cute. Yeah. Cover his ears. I think you're right. He's cute. I think you're right. He's fine. No, you don't. You know, he does look like he has good lips. Yeah. Cover his ears.
I think you're right.
He's cute.
I think you're right.
He's fine.
No, you don't.
You don't, and you're being kind.
The truth is, his eyes are too close together.
He's got big old fucking elephant ears.
I don't like the ears.
He looks goofy as shit.
I don't like the ears.
The ears aren't good.
I've just said that.
Look, cover the ears.
Cover the face is good.
Now we have to cover parts of the face to appreciate the face.
Yes.
Okay.
It looks like his mother mother and she was attractive.
It's not bad.
You know what?
Yeah, it's not bad.
I think if you get rid of those ears, you're doing something.
Yeah.
But that tongue thing.
I love the lick.
Do you think the interviewer's like, sorry, do you want to take a break or are you good?
No, no, I'm just licking my lips.
Okay, because just the way you did it it just felt like it kind of creeped everybody
out it just felt like you're gonna try to kill me so just so you know this footage it was it was a
meme and the footage was slowed down of him so the lick in real time is just like like it's a lick
but they slowed it down for this effect which i thought was was funny. Yeah, that's cool. I just, I don't think I've ever been sitting with anyone and been like, oh, I'm fine.
Not a little dry.
Just a little dry.
Yeah, I like that.
There you go.
But you also like this, which is fucking disgusting.
I like this.
No, no.
Well, Tom, what does that make you think?
No, but that's the part, that's the problem.
It's not the Tom.
When she says.
It's that you find the face attractive actually upsets me.
Yeah, because does it make you...
Because if you're supposed to find me attractive, this guy's fucking ugly as shit and you're
saying that he's attractive.
Does it make you think you've been misperceiving yourself this whole time?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And that's the part that upsets you is you're like, wait a minute, what the fuck do I look
like?
Like one to 10, what do you think you are?
On a scale of one to 10?
Yeah.
Maybe like right now? Yeah. yeah six six and a half no higher
but i think this is no no no he's right this is like a two this is a two this is like a one or a
two like if i'm being honest if you told me to like that's not real no no this isn't for you
not realistic this is a one or a two on a scale of one to ten. No. No.
No, if you add the whole package.
And you have to include the ears.
You don't get to delete that.
No, you can't delete ears.
You can't delete ears.
He's a fucking ugly guy.
And he's not the king.
It's a fucking ugly guy.
Or the king to be.
You like ugly fucking guys.
And so you shouldn't be with me because I'm not a fucking ugly guy like this.
You're a 6.3.
You like ugly guys.
You should be with ugly people.
This is fucking gross.
I think he.
It's upsetting how ugly he is.
I'm going to give him a three at most a four.
Wow.
Okay, but it's four.
No, it's not a four.
It's a three.
And I'll give you three.
Because he's a two, I'll give you a three.
And the fact that you're celebrating a three is really upsetting.
No, and in addition, he is the Prince of Wales.
Get the fuck out of here with this shit.
Listen, you have to add his status.
I looked it up.
Okay.
You have to add his status. Well, now he's the king. But you have to add his social. I looked it up. You have to add his status.
Well, now he's the king.
But you have to add his social status and his wealth to the equation because he's a dude.
It's not like girls.
Have you seen the picture with his fingers?
Yeah.
His cancer.
That's scary.
Thanks for making fun of him.
I think he has a doubt.
What kind of cancer causes your fingers to do that?
That's not, no.
He's in treatment.
8,000 comments about the different types of cancers.
Oh, sorry. He did, yeah. 8,000 comments about the different types of cancers. Oh, sorry.
He did, yeah.
No, he's got cancer.
He's so ugly.
So fucking ugly.
No, no, no.
I thought he was cute when he was younger.
No, no.
The guy is ugly.
He's a little boy.
He's a young man.
Young adult.
Old man.
He's an ugly man.
Can we agree that a young Prince William was hot?
No, of course not.
He was so attractive when he had hair and he was like 20.
Oh, Prince William.
Dude, he was a smoke show.
Okay.
I don't know if I got smoke show, but he didn't look like that.
Google hot ass Prince William.
No, you don't.
You don't have to.
No, I actually would like if you specifically Googled that.
Hot ass Prince William.
Well, that's the guy.
Yeah.
Wait, what guy?
It's that small world Disneyland guy
that took his clothes off.
Kind of out of his mind high.
Hi.
It's a Disney adult.
He's got good abs.
How come there's never a where are they now about people like this?
No.
So the thing is, he eventually ended up taking all of his clothes off,
which I was kind of hoping we could see what we're dealing with here.
Look at that lady's face.
She's probably sitting with her kid. Fuck.
We were there the week
after this happened, actually. Was the
ride shut down? No. Was he still
there? He was there
for a while. They could not get him.
They couldn't get him for a while.
Come on!
See, oh, yes.
Now he's naked.
Now he's naked.
It's a small world.
Wait, he made it out.
He made it out.
He walked out of the tunnel, I guess.
You know, this is a true story.
It's not even a fun story,
but we were on this ride in Disneyland,
and the couple behind us put up at the end of the ride.
They put up a picture of me on their phone and the guy goes, is this you?
And I turn around and I was like, yeah, I was like, that is me.
And he goes, I can't believe we just ran into you on this ride.
And I just go, that is a small world after all.
And my wife rolled her eyes like they just like went all the way back
around and when we got off I
go I was like
what is more perfect than
that line on this ride
I go that guy didn't set it up
I go even the guy didn't fully appreciate it
but I was like this was a perfect
the planets lined up beautifully
for me to say it's a
small world after all.
And no one really loved it, and I stand by it.
And I'll say this.
You deserve this.
It was fucking awesome.
I deserved an explosion sound effect.
That was fucking awesome, dude.
If you want more jokes like that, Rory Scoble's new special,
Religion, Sex, and a Few Things in between is out tomorrow on Max.
That's right.
Rory is a great artist.
You're going to send me some options for artwork.
You might steal something from your sister.
That's right.
People can follow you at all at Rory Scovel.
All of the things.
RoryScovel.com.
At Rory Scovel.
I don't even know what I have.
Check out his great performance in the show.
Physical. Physical. Apple TV+. God, you're know what I have. Check out his great performance in Physical.
Physical, Apple TV+.
God, you're so good on that.
Check it out.
Thank you.
Thanks for coming in.
We love you.
Thanks, Rory.
Thank you.
This was great.
Bye, guys.
See you next time.
This program is a continuation of my series on the Denver International Airport, and especially
the murals and the art contained therein.
And on this program, I will find out that many of them
are phallic. They are evil. They are signs of Satanism. See what I am talking about.
The male genitalia. They are evil. Phallic. They are evil. Phallic. Phallic. They are signs of satanism.
Phallic. Phallic. See what I am talking about. Phallic. Phallic. The male genitalia. Let's
take a look at the first of these, which I have called the birth of the Antichrist. This
is actually the figure of a naked woman, and the crotch is formed by a bird.
But right opposite the woman is a penguin. This sign in the penguin's cage constitutes a phallic symbol.
And in fact represents the gigantic phallic. They are evil.
Phallic, phallic.
They are signs of Satanism.
Phallic, phallic.
See what I am talking about.
Phallic, phallic.
The male genitalia.
Phallic, phallic.
They are evil.
Phallic, phallic.
They are signs of Satanism.
Phallic, phallic.
See what I am talking about. Phallic, phallic phallic see what I am talking about phallic phallic
the male genitalia