Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - The Best of Both Worlds w/ Ian Fidance | Your Mom's House Ep. 757
Episode Date: May 1, 2024SPONSORS: - Get up to 60% off your subscription at https://Babbel.com/YMH - Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co.../mom or through my promo code MOM. Hi Mommies! This week, Tom Segura and Christina P have some new music tastes to talk about before opening the show with a guy who has a size question for all the ladies out there. They then show a video clip of their fully customized bathroom. This is the kinda guy ya gettin. Tom also plays a snippet from an old YMH episode where he predicts how his nose would turn out as an older man and then plays a clip of an old man senator having fun with some old timey words. Comedian and podcaster Ian Fidance joins the Main Mommies and he recently dropped a new comedy special "Wild, Happy & Free" which led to him filling out his childhood fantasy of being a ghostbuster and filming at the firehouse from the movie. Ian debates Tim and Kristin about his bisexuality, specifically the male kind, and determine if it's cap. They check-in with the Double Soul Shaman, check out Christina's new footwear choices, and play a quick would you rather, before getting into some of Christina's infamous TikTok curations. Are bi dudes cap? Chime in below! https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Your Mom’s House Ep. 757 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Welcome to your mom's house.
My favorite spring cleaning takeaway is the post clean clarity you get.
Wow.
How have I been living like this?
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Mint Mobile for details. Which one are you singing?
It's so crazy right now.
Yeah, I'm gonna get so crazy right now.
Wow.
Got me looking crazy at the moment.
Cause I feel like that song is about you and me.
Really?
Well, because around that time is when we started dating.
Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no, no.
Wow.
And then not only that, got the hottest chick in the game,
wearing my chain, that's right, ho. And that was right around the time too. That's yeah, remember she's in the video. You see her dancing
similar
But you're into the new aspect. I'm into the new song. I'm afraid to go to the album. Are you gonna do it?
I was recommended to me by one person and I think whenever you have a
Semi-polarizing thing that's a good thing. So great one person. And I think whenever you have a semi-polarizing thing,
that's a good thing.
So one person told me this thing's amazing,
and the other person told me no, it's not.
And so that makes it interesting to me.
Okay.
I'm just afraid of ruining my goth credibility.
Oh, don't worry.
Nobody cares.
I tow such a fine line with my audience.
Oh, you think they're gonna be like she's yeah, not authentic
I'll tell you in the goth world. You got to maintain your levels
You can't so you can't even check out other music you can very quietly you can't like admit it really
For sure dude, but all you for sure you guys that is so disrespectful to the goth community and people listening right now
All you gay lords listen to other stuff.
Uh huh.
Say it again.
Here's where they get me as they put it on tick tock and you know who lives on the talk
and then I hear it.
I hear it fully talked.
It's this tick to TikTok right here. Yeah.
What? Me?
Yeah, of course.
What's going on? Why are you attacking me?
I'm not attacking you. I'm just having fun. What are you talking about?
What's up with the hate? Hate from Austin for your wife today?
I'm just joking, man. Come on.
You're cool.
I'm just, yeah. I'm in a good mood.
But I thought you'd be happy that I'm finally getting into pop music.
I've presented. I don't like it.
And now I like one song here and there.
TikTok has gotten you, grabbed you.
It got me in a lot of jams.
Yeah, it does do that.
Social media has these masterful 15, 20 second clips.
You're like, what is this shit?
I know.
I actually have a playlist in my phone, TikTok Jams,
of just the songs that I like.
TikTok Jams.
Mm-hmm.
There's some bangers in there, you know?
Okay, cool.
What are you listening to these days?
All kinds of stuff, really, you know?
Yeah. Yeah, I got, I mean,
tell you what I downloaded recently.
Yeah.
So. Go ahead.
Taylor sent me this song.
I thought you were gonna say Taylor Swift. I almost threw up in my mouth. No, no, no. Dead by Daylight. He said it's very aggressive, Um, Taylor sent me this song.
I thought you were gonna say Taylor Swift.
I almost threw up in my mouth.
No, no, no.
Dead by Daylight.
He said it's very aggressive.
So I added that.
I haven't listened to it yet.
Aggressive how?
Like what kind?
He said it's really dark, fucked up.
He listens to it in the gym.
So I haven't checked it out.
Is it like heavy metal or death metal?
Um, I mean.
What's the genre?
That's the artwork.
That looks horrifying.
Yeah.
Yeah. That's cool. I guess it's-hop, but it's like not your standard
I got some future here. I got the Beyonce
Album, I haven't checked it out
some Bootsy Collins and I got some
Arthur
Verocay, I think that's Brazilian or something. Is that Portuguese? That's from 1972
You know, I hear like you said like little clips and I go what is that and then I just download it I think that's Brazilian or something. Is that Portuguese? That's from 1972.
You know, I hear like you said, like little clips
and I go, what is that?
And then I just download it.
That's the way to do it.
Yeah, so there's a bunch of stuff like that.
I downloaded Gary Clark Jr.'s new albums pretty well.
Yeah, I wanna check it out.
Have you heard it yet?
I started listening to it, yeah, but you know,
I get so taken, I get distracted by my own drumming.
And you know what I mean?
By your own drumming, yeah, you're like,
I could have fucking improved this. He didn't ask me to help him on this album. He didn't and you know what I mean. Your own drumming, yeah you're like, I could have fucking improved this.
He didn't ask me to help him on this album.
He didn't ask you shit, big mistake.
Big mistake, big mistake.
I wanna check out that album too.
Yeah, it's pretty rad.
All right, there's so much to talk about,
so much to get into.
So many important topics, are you ready to start the show?
Here we go.
I'm always afraid but yeah.
Okay, oh man, for fuck's sake.
Fuckin' shit.
Baby.
Women.
Yeah.
I wanna know.
Big ones.
Small ones.
Media.
Big ones.
Right. media big ones right
What
Oh Bye, baby. Mmm. I like it. I like it. That was kind of cool.
I'll tell you what's cool about this guy in a second.
Welcome.
Welcome to your mom's house.
With Tom Segura.
Mom Segura.
And Christina Pazic.
Christina Pazic.
Welcome to your mom's house.
Boots and cats, boots and cats, boots and cats.
I know what this beat is now, right?
Boots and cats, boots and cats, boots and cats.
I know what this beat is now, right?
Boots and cats, boots and cats, boots and cats.
I know what this beat is now, right?
Boots and cats, boots and cats, boots and cats.
I know what this beat is now, right?
Boots and cats, boots and cats, boots and cats.
I know what this beat is now, right?
Boots and cats, boots and cats, boots and cats.
I know what this beat is now, right? Boots and cats, boots and cats, boots and cats. I know what this beat is now, right? Boots and cats, boots and cats, boots and cats.
I know what this beat is now, right?
Boots and cats, boots and cats.
It's disco.
It's a disco beat.
It is. It is, right?
Boots and cats, boots and cats.
I learned this.
This part I can't teach.
That's too hard.
What?
What?
That shot.
They used that shot of your...
Oh, I didn't know they did that.
Of my coffee and my hands and stuff?
This whole section, yeah.
Look, that camera.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know. I know. I I didn't know they did that.
Of my coffee in my hand? This whole section, yeah.
Look, that camera.
I know, but what?
Is it funny?
Yeah, that shot is funny to me.
It's so stupid.
Yeah, it's so...
It's like silly.
Yeah.
We're gonna see...
Here's our work area.
I installed it a little while ago.
Oh, shut up!
Just having fun.
Yeah, it's fun.
Well, I'll tell you, because I wrote down some notes when I was,
because I don't like to interrupt when we're watching.
I like to hold my thoughts.
Sure.
And I have to say, this guy's like the slow buildup.
He was like, little lady, big lady, medium.
And then he got kind of an Iggy Pop.
I wrote down Iggy Pop,
because it felt kind of very feral and punk and cool.
Well, here's what's interesting about this guy.
This is a wild ride of a video.
It's only, so at first it starts and you're like,
oh, here's another severely mentally ill guy.
Right?
Right, which I love.
Yeah, of course.
I was like, oh yeah, the angle, look at this angle.
Yeah, it's great.
It's staring down shirtless.
I don't even know what kind of chest that is.
Never seen anything like that.
But- Very amorphous. Yeah, there's just like, there's nothing chest that is never seen anything like that, but very amorphous
Yeah, there's just like there's nothing going on. Yeah, there's not tits and there's no muscle
He's staring down at the camera, you know strong overhead light looks like those
I didn't know if that was a shower curtain or a window curtain and then he's like women, you know
And he's like, women, you know? Yeah.
Women.
Yeah.
I wanna know.
And you're like, okay.
I wanna know.
You go, this is real weird, right?
And it's weird.
And then he goes, you're like, little ones, big ones.
You're like, okay, this is gonna just be.
And then you're expecting it to end with him
just being like.
But then something happens. And in a moment moment he just gets a little bit of like swag to himself.
Right.
And this is this thing where like your whole life when you're a guy you go you hear from women and other men but like women will tell you they like confidence.
And this confidence takes over.
Yep.
Right? Here he's in the weird state still.
Still being weird.
Hey, I'm fucking weird.
And then, all of a sudden.
Right there.
I like it.
Right there someone went, ooh.
I like it.
Yeah, I like this bit.
And when you're at like a club or a bar
and you see this guy get a chick, you're like,
how? Because he went up and he was like, let's fucking party. Well, this guy, some chick was
like, yeah, but it's also like I said, it's like Iggy Pop. It's very, it's like, very like now I
want to be a dog. Like he's kind of fucked up and this guy can fuck. You start to think sexual. Yeah, well he went there.
Because he's free, he's free.
Yeah, he's free, he's shirtless.
And he didn't just go, alright.
I'm looking for girls.
He just like, he said I wanna party.
So now he's putting a call out to people.
So now some chick's like, I wanna party I guess.
And that's why he's a fucking rad dude.
It works. Yeah, it really works
No, I know cuz now I want to join his party everyone does you're right Tom he created a vibe
He did now you want to join his vibe versus the other way was like I want pussy
I want you to find this video cuts off
Here you're like that's just a weird fucking guy. If it just cuts off with him going, medium ones,
then it's different.
But when he gets into this shit, this guy,
now it becomes interesting.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah.
Is that the whole thing?
Bring it on, baby.
And then you go, has he been drinking cough syrup?
Like, this is fun, you know?
Bring it on, baby.
Yeah, of course that's the end of it.
You think this goes fucking on and on?
This is it.
It's all you get.
You all right?
Yeah, I was hoping it would go into a song.
I thought he was gonna beatbox
or maybe start hitting his own chest.
I wish we had a song.
I wish we had a song.
Yeah, maybe we can have someone in the audience make it
Quick update. Yeah
Next week. I'll be at the Netflix is a joke fest in Los Angeles on
May 9th at the Kia Forum
I have a special surprise guest that is confirmed is not being announced that you are gonna want to rip your own
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in Los Angeles and then the, oh thank you so much.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh, is that it?
No, that wasn't it, but we can do it for you.
And then Orlando, Florida, the funny bone.
The funny bone.
August 16th, 17th.
That's it, that's it, yeah.
Oh my gosh.
I should have known better.
Yeah.
Like I've heard that fart so many times.
I know it so intimately.
Yeah.
It plays in our own bathroom.
I'm so disappointed to myself.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's pretty cool.
Have you told him about that? Have I told about that?
I don't think we've discussed this publicly.
Really?
Yeah.
Have we talked about it?
No, they don't know what we're talking about.
So we had a really weird layout for a bathroom.
Like the design of the home that we bought.
It was strange. The guest bathroom was literally just outside
of our bedroom.
It was such a banana.
People taking shit somewhere.
Yeah, so you're like, can I use your bathroom?
And you go, yeah, go to my room.
Like it's a strange thing.
So we ended up whatever, changing that.
And then we needed to add a guest bathroom
for the level of the house, right? So
We take a space and we convert it to a bathroom and while we were going through the process
Making it the bathroom. We were like, you know, we should make it fun
So first we we did like fun wallpaper. Yeah, and then like a cool, you know
Countertop a cool sink. We're just like trying to make it like
a fun space and of course a Toto washlet for our guests Toto wash that's right
just take a shit just dump and leave with a clean butthole yeah and then we
added we wrote wipe down in our own signatures and they did like a neon
thing on the ceiling so it says wipe down. It's so good.
And then the final piece of the puzzle that really makes it amazing is we get the guy
to add a, he adds a sensor that you don't see under the sink.
So when you walk in, like you just walk in and you're't see under the sink.
So when you walk in, like you just walk in, you're like, it's normal.
And as soon as you walk past it, music starts to play in the bathroom.
And then we loaded up MP3s from the show that can play.
So like as you walk in.
It's so fun.
It's like you'll just walk in and you'll hear any yeah, you really need to tell you here all the time
You're black and you guys do your own thing, but you still have to shed
And that you hear that in the bathroom
And you hear you know, are you retarded yeah, and then there's a ton of
You know sniff that one up.
Farts and.
Yeah.
And guess what?
There are a number of people who have used it once
and been like, I don't like using that.
Yeah, there are people who come over
and they're like, no thanks.
No, no thank you.
Can you turn that off?
Yeah.
My favorite is when I'm sitting down and it goes,
F-A-R-T.
F-A-R-T.
And the best part is-
F-A-R-T.
Yeah, that one.
And then there's music that's laid under it too.
So like you'll hear it for a little bit, just cool music.
And then I'll be done shitting in there or whatever.
And I'll leave the door slightly ajar.
And then you'll hear it it for another five minutes,
all these loopings and Top Dog talking.
And I'll say, yeah, there's a lot of Top Dog,
which I like too.
You need to work too.
There are three, I've noticed, I've seen three types of,
oh yeah, this place too, I'm there all the time.
I haven't had any buttholets for months now.
Three types of people have walked out of that bathroom.
I've noticed that there's people who go,
yeah, they don't really say anything.
They don't say anything.
Yeah, and you're like, nothing?
And they're just like, it's like when we talk about
someone came to your show, then they walk backstage
and they're like, well, we're gonna go now.
And you're like, okay, like you just saw the show, you're not gonna say anything?
So there's those people, they don't say anything.
There's the people who kind of make it clear
that they never wanna go in there again.
And then there's people like our neighbor
who I brought in with his son.
And I've never seen people laugh this hard.
And I'm like, this is what's fun.
This is who it's for.
Chuck came over and he was on the floor,
like holding his, it was late too.
And he just wanted to stay in it.
And I was like, that's the fun of this room.
That's the best.
And you should also mention is that we wanted it
to kind of be like a green room, like dark.
Yeah, it's really cool lighting.
The lighting is actually red, primarily.
It's like red and a little bit of light.
And then I put a true mirror in there.
So you can see her.
Yeah.
But it's at the level that when you sit,
so when you sit to shit, you see what you really look like.
So a true mirror gives you.
That's still in another bathroom though, right?
Goodman?
Oh, Goodman, he's always with us.
He's in our primary, like, where we shoot all the time.
Yeah.
But a true mirror shows you the reflection as other people see you.
So you'll be like, you know, it's really fun.
It's very cool.
Yeah.
Dad!
Buddy!
Hey, I got to tell you something.
What's that?
I'm Polly and I'm bi.
What's that?
I'm Polly and I'm bi. What's that? I'm Polly and I'm bi.
Okay.
I go retarded.
Did you just fart?
That one too plays a term.
Did you just fart?
You just fart?
But I like when he goes,
he goes, I found a few niblets in my underwear.
Oh yeah. That one plays in the bathroom too.
Would you marry your dad?
Yeah.
Cool.
Rest in peace.
Yeah.
It is kind of our tribute to Top Dog.
It is.
Yeah.
Toilet.
He would have been really into it.
Oh, he would have thought, oh, this is pretty neat.
Yeah.
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Yeah
It is the best thing about our house though, it really is my favorite thing. So a lot of people were
Alarmed by you me as usual
Because you were so hyper critical of my face
On a recent episode of the show and you're like god your
ears and your fucking eyes and your nose and you look like shit and your nose is hanging over your mouth
And yeah, you're like you really need to get surgery like ASAP. Yeah, okay, and then
The staff here discovered that I guess this was covered to a degree in episode
165 wow that's early 165 and I think I may have brought it up.
Here you go.
Here you go.
You know what else you have perfect?
What?
Your nose is perfectly straight and symmetrical.
Yeah, it's kind of a drooper though.
It's starting to droop at the end.
I think by the time I'm an old guy, my nose is going to like hang over my lips.
God, I can't wait.
Yeah.
Wow, you called it.
How did you know? I think I've seen pictures of like my mother's father
and some of her brothers and they all,
I think I have a lazard that like her side
of the family's nose and it all starts to do this.
Ugh, so.
They'll have that nose.
Yeah, my John Amos nose.
Yes, exactly.
Well, is there anything to be done for it?
Yeah, you can have surgery as you suggested.
But to cut the tip, can they cut the tip?
They just shape it, yeah.
They shape it?
Sure, yeah.
I didn't really think you could fix that.
Yeah, you look so much like John Amos.
It's crazy, dude.
It's the same exact nose.
People were Photoshopping you as him too,
it was pretty funny.
I mean, I don't know, I don't see, you know,
I didn't think that he was a black guy, you know?
You didn't think he was black?
Well, like I didn't like go like, oh, you know,
like who's a black guy?
Shouldn't?
Whatever, I don't know, I was just thinking of the nose.
I don't understand what you're saying.
Because I'm worried that people will think I'm racist.
Because I was like, it's not racist, right?
Okay, good.
Yeah, you look like him.
I don't even know what you just said.
I know, I know.
I just felt weird because I was like,
I just realized now that he's black is what I'm trying to say.
And I was like, I don't really, I hope people don't perceive that to be like racist.
Oh, that you're comparing me to a...
Yeah, like I don't see it
Do you know what I mean? You're talking specifically about his nose, correct?
You think I have a similar nose 100% it's a gentleman that happens to be black exactly got you exactly
Exactly, you weren't like hey your black ass nose, correct. Got you just see no. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't mean to make it racial
I got you. I got you. Yeah. Well speaking of race. Yeah, but you do have a fucking terribly Johnny Mostyn.
It's never, ever once been a consideration.
So this Republican gigaboo that, you know,
it's a tax rate that's stopping business investment.
What?
That's racial, racial racist.
So that is a-
He said that? Democratic Senator senator from Maryland David Trone
He's speaking to obviously to a black woman named Shalonda Young and he claims he was trying to say bugaboo. Sure
There's a bugaboo out there and number get you know
Sometimes I get my words jumbled up. Yeah. It's never ever once been a consideration.
So this Republican gigaboo that, you know, it's a tax rate that's stopping this investment.
He didn't like catch it and go, oh my God, I just said the wrong thing.
Y'all, sometimes, you know, you say it ends in boo.
And I didn't know if it was bugaboo or what. You know how that goes in your head.
Is that the full story?
Does she say anything back to him?
Nothing?
No, she doesn't.
She really just kind of plays it off.
I would have said, I would have been like,
I'm sorry, what?
The Republican.
Jigaboo.
Yeah.
Wow.
I meant bugaboo.
Yeah.
Who says what, who ever says bugaboo?
Well, bugaboo is such an old timey word. It's real old timey. Who the heck is saying that? So is. Jigaboo. Yeah, who says what it whoever says well bugaboo is such an old-timey word
It's real time me who the heck is saying this so is cheek a boo that it's really old timey
That's I wonder if Tanner do you even know that word because you're so young
I feel like that's I was that's like a from the 1940s
mmm, I thought it was like a fun word when I was little yeah, but
Yeah, recently learned it was racist you recently learned it was like a fun word when I was little. Yeah. But, yeah, recently learned it was racist.
You recently learned it was racist?
Yeah.
You've been saying it and getting weird looks, or what?
No, no, no.
I haven't been saying it since.
It was just like, you know, I was like a kid.
Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, I always thought just the J-I-G was probably the most
fun way to say a word, you know?
Huh? Jig?
Sure.
Yeah.
But I never...
Jigaboo wasn't something...
That's old timey Southern racist.
That's a really old timey...
I think it's earlier than what you said.
I don't know if it's...
Oh sure.
I think it's like 19-teens or something.
Yeah, because I've heard like old timey country songs where they use that word.
And you're like that's...
Can you look up what era that's from?
Like what year is that from?
I've been in a song in 1909.
1909.
1909, yeah, so that's super old.
So he's like, what I said was something
that my granddaddy used to say.
Back where I come from, that's how we call it.
He's from Maryland.
That's wild.
But I guess there's a, you know.
There's all kinds of. there's a fun line there.
Well now you got me curious about old timey racial slurs.
And why can't we bring them back?
No.
I mean, like if they're really old, bring them back.
What's old is new again, Tom.
Yeah.
That's wild, dude.
Well, it's cool.
Thank you.
Yeah.
I wonder if this has to do with dancing if that's where it comes from
You know jitterbug. Well, like like there's that's also an expression for dancing like do a jig is like it's like a
It's a dance reference look at the origin of that word have so like I wonder if that's the
Etymology of it. I got this was the first song that it was played in in 1909.
Wow.
I've got rings on my fingers.
Okay.
Where is the volume?
["Rings on My Fingers"]
Okay.
I've got rings on my fingers.
Jim O'Shea was cast away upon an Indian Isle.
The natives there, they liked his hair, they liked his Irish smile.
So made him Chief Panjandrum, the neibob of them all.
They called him Jijibu Jayre and raked him out so gay
So he wrote to Dublin Bay to the sweetheart just to say sure I've got rings on my fingers I don't understand what the fuck is happening
Elephants to ride upon my little Irish rose
I gotta tell you something. I don't feel any racism in this song
This feels like sweet. Yeah, it's an old gay
meaning happy and also lame song from that era. I agree.
It sounds like it's Irish in nature. So there he went, yeah, this Irish guy goes and he...
So how does it become... He makes him the leader of the tribe. How does it, what's the... Because they call him
I think I'm the leader of the tribe. How does it, what's the- Because they call him Jujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujuj And in my red little hair I danced and I pranced and everyone said look at that gay man go
And that's how everybody used to talk about
Being happy and fun. I want to bring back gay to mean happy and fun
Do you want to just start using it again like that? I'm feeling rather gay today. I had some fun shows
We had a gay old time. Yeah, that's what everyone. Yeah
It was a gay time. So gay
old time. That's what everyone used to say. It was a gay time. It was so gay. Now gay means lame.
I know. But then how did, just like the gays take the gay word.
I don't understand. I don't understand how any of this happened.
There's so many ways.
Cause they're so happy being homosexual. We're gay. I don't get it.
But they do have a fun.
What you got here.
Uh oh.
So yeah, it says what you were saying.
It comes from jig and dancing and then mixed with bugaboo, which our senator was trying
to say.
There you go.
The name of a mythical ghoul or monster like a boogie man.
So you combine the two.
Oh, a dancing boogie man.
It's thought to be derived from jig meaning dance and bugaboo, the name of a mythical.
Okay.
By the way, even if he was going to say bugaboo, still sounds racist.
Bugaboo kind of does
Yeah, bugaboo sounds like jeje boo. It also it means monster
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like even like so you meant a less bad word like that. You're still saying some fuck shit bugaboo
Yeah
dancing monster
Dancing monster is what a black person is
a black person is.
That's crazy.
There's no way to spin at it.
Well, I mean, yeah, you know,
dancing.
You seen him dancing? You see him dance?
I didn't mean nothing wrong with it.
I like dancing anyway.
God damn, dude.
Bugaboo.
I don't know. That's a real old timey
word, dude.
Yeah. But you're right. We got to bring these back.
Yeah.
I think there's less venom in them.
I think it sounds, I don't know. I think the older ones sound like pickaninny sounds horrible.
Right. That's right under there. I didn't just think of that one.
It says that comes from the Portuguese.
Pequeño. Right. See guys, that one's like me. A diminutive of bequeño meaning little.
Although it is used disparagingly to refer to dark-skinned, usually African
child. So it's the slender a child. Great. It's incredible that that just came into
your mind out of nowhere. No, it was on the page, I swear! Yeah. That's horrifying. Yeah, it's, there are no boundaries
for where the mind will go when it comes to hatred.
That's the fun thing about it.
That's true, that's the cool part.
There's nothing that'll stop it.
They're like, yeah, but we don't have a word
to insult the children.
And then someone's like, you know what I just thought of.
Thank you, thank you for that.
I just wanted to label for the group.
They're like, no, no, what about the kids though?
The youngins, yeah.
That's true.
I don't know if there is a group
where they even have a racial slur
for the youngest of them.
I can't even think.
I don't think there's anyone,
what about the Jewish people?
People hate the Jews.
Is there like a little Jew slur?
A tiny Jew?
Tiny Jew.
Josh?
Baby J?
Baby Js?
Baby J.
No, I think just.
Yeah, you just kind of have to qualify the existing slurs.
They're not as fun.
Yeah.
Look at this baby,
look at this tiny newborn baby Jew.
You have to say that, you have to come up with a word.
Yeah, baby Jew.
I don't know.
That's so tough.
We got our work cut out for us.
The whole world does.
You guys know what to do.
No, no.
No.
No.
God.
Fuck, man.
Yeah.
Isn't it fun?
Yeah, thank you for bringing this up.
Just having a good day
and then I had to hear the fucking jigaboo again.
Yeah.
That's a really old timey.
Yeah, it's very, very cool.
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Yeah, no, but that is special. I think it's like, it's important to point out
that's how much people hate black people. Yeah.
Is that they're like, we can't just have a one or two.
Well there's so many.
Yeah.
There's so many like awful old timey ones.
And then when they were like, you know,
there's all these horrible words,
somebody was like, what about the kids?
Can't forget them.
We don't wanna just label them or everything else.
God damn, dude.
Also we have been getting messages, we should say,
that we know that the Garth videos
made it all the way to last week tonight,
the John Oliver show.
It's interesting, the mainstream media.
Yeah, that it's broadening and that,
and you think of the whole story,
like the whole arc of this story,
the fact that it's now in like on HBO.
Well, yeah, I mean, look, we broke the story
on your mom's house ages ago
when he first came to Facebook and he was like,
this is slick stuff, neat stuff,
I'm going to break down the walls.
We're like, what is wrong with this guy?
So we've been pushing the story
and it's about time HBO has picked it up as well.
And then the next step, I think,
for all of us is probably 60 minutes. Once they do a piece on it, then it up as well. And then the next step, I think for all of us is probably 60
minutes. Once they do a piece on it, then it's game over.
Then we're finding bodies.
Then when the task force is on the property and they got a
cadaver dogs, they're like, holy shit.
And whether or not Trish is in on it, which I wonder.
Well, think about it. She loves him.
She she seemed like a genuinely kind person.
She might be blind to what's really going on.
What do you think?
I don't know, man.
I mean.
You think she helps?
Well, I'm thinking of like Eichmann, you know.
Yeah.
Like his wife knew who he was.
He was hiding in Argentina.
That's true.
But it's not like she was like, who are you? She knew who he was. He was hiding in Argentina. That's true. But it's not like she was like, who are you?
She knew who he was.
So does she just keep a secret about who he is?
Or is she a participant?
I mean, that's really the question.
That's really her level of involvement.
Yeah, because like that guy's, Eichmann's wife
wasn't a Nazi soldier, but she knew who her guy was.
Well, she knew where her bread was buttered.
You know, these broads enjoy the money and the lifestyle
that comes from such things.
And they don't want to rock the boat, you know.
Even Bill Cosby's wife stuck with him, Camille.
She knew what was up.
She knew what was up.
She's like, I'm not fucking divorcing you.
And then what, some new woman comes in
and gets my legacy, my money?
No way.
No way.
You just keep taking them naps.
You like to think.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You think Camille knew?
I wonder.
Well, knew something, yes.
Knows the extent, that's the difference.
I think that's also the type of thing.
I know that this guy goes off and does something.
I don't think they know the extent or the details.
That's your spouse though, do you?
I don't think she knows the details.
You do suspect, but you never want it confirmed
that that guy is doing creepy stuff.
That's a crazy level.
I don't think you really can
wrap your head around
that kinda.
I mean imagine if Trish just walks,
she's like, I made you some.
And he just turns around, he's like.
You see his eyes are black and he's got.
Blood.
Blood dripping down his throat, he's like.
Ah!
Yeah.
She's like, ah, I made you cookies.
Yeah.
I told you not to bother me, I'm in my shed.
I'm working on a song.
Yeah. Oh yeah, a lot of time alone in the studio.
Sure, sure.
Yeah.
Fuck, dude.
Real crazy stuff.
Real crazy stuff.
Alright, we should take a quick break.
We'll be right back.
And we are back and joining us for the first time, you can see his new special that's out right now
is called Wild Happy and Free.
It's on YouTube.
It's Ian Fy-Dance everybody, right in here.
Hey, thank you guys.
Claps in the back.
Thanks, fellas.
Yeah, man.
Thanks for coming, dude.
Thank you for having me.
I'm excited.
We're very excited you're here.
New special's out.
You shot it in New York City. Yes cutting room
Yep, and we were just saying that you're a big Ghostbusters fan. Yes
You have the shots of the I did a shot-by-shot
Remake of the Ghostbusters first call from the secretary picking up the phone Janine
But we had to do a cartoon of that. It's my cousin Sherry
Answering the phone and she's a huge butch dyke from Delaware. So she's like hello
Ghostbusters. Oh, yeah. Oh, we got a call
She's like, yeah, we got one. I'm like, yes
And I yeah, so I'm in the car and and everything and then I enter the building and I always thought those were fun
Like HBO used to do and when people would get their half hours.
Yeah.
They would do those little sketches like, you know,
to intro the special or outro.
Those were always so fun.
Those are my favorite.
Yeah.
And then they were like silly.
I think one of my most favorite was Norton's for I think
it was a mouthful of shame.
And he has like De Niro insulting him and then
all those celebrities just like spanking him and be like really mean
I thought that was funny. Yeah, great. And I feel like the specials don't they're just like ladies and gentlemen blah blah
Yeah, so I wanted to kind of do something like a like kind of old-school with that. Yeah
That's very such a great and plus you have the creative freedom because you're on YouTube
You know, you don't have to answer to whoever you can do whatever the fuck you want
Well, we were a little worried about Sony because it's it's I mean we use the car
We use a firehouse, but we made my own logo. So we're not using the no-go symbol
It's it's with my dumb face on it. Oh, that's better
I'm the ghost. Yeah. Yeah, and so we had the car for like four or five hours and
People are stopping and taking pictures and they're like thinking it's the actual thing, but it's just my stupid things.
That's like, well, you got the actual car. Oh yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. I'll show you pictures. Is that a crazy expensive thing to do?
Um, the guys that run it and that run like the Ghostbusters firehouse, like fansite, they're all kind of like fans of mine So they really helped me out and also were super cool with kind of accommodating us and I'm making it so that it was really painless
And again, like we were worried about the Sony thing, but I think cuz we're using our own
Symbol it's it's just I guess it's like parody law, you know, yeah, but uh, yeah, it was really really cool
Yeah, that's any past week. Yeah
Such a good slogan.
I've quit Betty Jobs in this.
Yeah.
Now did you see, like, the internet was going crazy
a few weeks ago with reference to Ernie Hudson being 78
and him being jacked?
Oh yeah.
It's fun, have you seen that?
No, let me see.
I interviewed him on a podcast.
Really recently?
Oh yeah. Dude, I went line for line interviewed him on a podcast. Really recently? Oh yeah.
Dude, I went line for line with him
about his lines in Ghostbusters.
I was like jizzing the whole time.
It was amazing.
Let me see.
Listen, it's fucking crazy.
Oh boy.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
He's 78.
I mean.
Look at that one right there.
I know, it's amazing.
78 years old?
It's ridiculous.
It's fucking insane.
It's ridiculous. He looks awesome. That's dope, dude. Oh know, I know, it's amazing. 78 years old? That's ridiculous. It's fucking insane. It's ridiculous.
He looks awesome.
That's dope, dude.
Oh, that's great.
That's amazing.
That is great.
Oh my gosh, he looks so good.
78.
Yeah, and everybody's like, yeah, he's taking shit.
So what?
Of course, like, you think you just look like that
because you take some shit?
Look at him.
I asked him, I said.
That looks like a guy who's like fucking 45, man.
That's crazy.
He looks great.
I said, Ernie, what makes you so strong?
Is it mood slime?
And then he had to pretend like he liked it.
What is going on?
Is he just amazing genetics?
I mean, I think it's genetics.
He's probably on a really good regiment.
Maybe I'm just being naive and thinking
that he's just on vitamins, but I don't know.
And what does he say in this he says?
Well, this is somebody saying like sweet baby Jesus, I'm lusting after someone's grandpappy
Asked about that he says it's nice to be noticed been a little bit of a surprise the last couple days
He always been what I consider fairly good shape,
but normally when I do those press conferences,
I'm in a suit or a sports coat.
Let's see, I've always tried to be healthy, he says.
Says the two-time cancer survivor.
What?
My career hasn't been about focusing on my physicality.
The most important thing for me is just try
to maintain your health, just common sense.
I see guys who really pump up.
They get these massive arms and six-packs,
and that's what their career has been about
Usually the warden or the principal. I'm usually the guy in the suit
He hits the gym three days a week for an hour at a time He also works with a personal trainer and a Pilates instructor
He says his trainer will put him through stuff that he feels these ganos. He's gonna be sore. It's painful. I actually enjoy it
He says his uh
He and his wife nearly 40 years tried to hit at least 10,000 steps a day
They do that with their dog. I've always looked at physicality from a spiritual perspective
So he's nothing like it doesn't seem like anything extraordinary. At least that's not what he's saying
Yeah, do you think he did? Yeah, but this is but this is well Just like those celebrities are like I just lost the weight. I lost the weight through diet
I think you something super super super dramatic a bunch of zempic needles fall out of their purse
But I think he's just like I think he's got great genetics. Yeah, and he's probably has maintained a healthy physicality
Yeah, and now he you know he does what he does and he you know, he shoots some shit in his ass. Yeah
78 that's insane
That's crazy insane. It's good though. This is why you should take the tea. Definitely. I put the tea in the booty
You think he's on the tea for sure really? Of course. Yeah, you think you're gonna
Maintain a muscular build at 78 naturally. There's some outliers, right?
78 with muscle
now not really.
Shouldn't he be in like Guinness Book or something?
Like hottest oldest black guy?
Oh my God.
Yeah, that is a category actually.
Hottest, oldest, blackest.
No, he's definitely on T for sure.
But maybe he's on some other stuff, I don't know.
He just looks like he takes care of himself.
But here's the thing about it though.
Exactly.
If you take tea at 78 just out of nowhere
This doesn't just happen to you. This happens because
He has a great baseline. He's continued
to probably eat healthy, stay active, and lift weights.
This guy definitely has weight training.
In the interview I did with him, he said he doesn't drink, he doesn't do drugs.
There you go. My grandfather him, he said he doesn't drink, he doesn't do drugs. There you go.
My grandfather was, he died at like 52,
missing all his teeth.
He was like so terrible looking.
What was his thing? Was he hardcore?
Was he like? Oh yeah.
Really, really bad alcoholic and gigantic.
I should show you a picture.
It's fun to laugh about.
Fucking gnarly.
We're all laughing.
I wasn't allowed to meet him
because he was such a bad alcoholic.
And the first time we found out he was dying,
so I got to meet him and I sat on his lap
and the first thing I said was,
pop up, are you a robber?
Because he was just so beat up and horrible looking.
Yeah, he was, where did he come up?
Like where? Delaware.
Delaware, okay.
Fuck.
Yeah, he was in New York. 52 he died?
Bernie Hudson, no.
Damn, that's really young.
Oh yeah, yeah, it was terrible.
Liver failure. Jesus. Yeah. Well, it's really young. Oh yeah. Yeah, it was terrible. Liver failure.
It's good to be here, guys.
Yeah, that's a really nice story.
Well, I mean, look, 52,
because I feel like I have all that in my family too,
but then we just keep on ticking.
Really?
Like my uncle Nadecky didn't die
until he was in his late 80s.
He drank a fucking handle of vodka every day, drove a cab.
Like I think he got diabetes later in life,
but that's it.
Lived through communism, ate sausage every day.
Wow.
What kind of genetics do you have?
Are you white, like super too white?
I think I have, aside from him
that looked like a melting snowman when he died,
I have really good metabolism. My dad had good metabolism. So did he, my grandfather was like a melting snowman when he died. I have a really good metabolism.
My dad had good metabolism.
So did he.
My grandfather was like a boxer.
He was just a really bad alcoholic.
And I work out a lot.
I ride a bike in New York City.
So that helps.
But you guys have like Irish, like are you like?
Italian, Ashkenazi.
Yeah, that's the week.
Big old Jay over there.
Yeah.
Yeah. Hi everybody. Hi. We were trying to week. Big old J over there. Yeah.
Hi, everybody.
Hi.
We were trying to figure out some old slurs a moment ago.
Yeah.
I got a couple.
Oh, yeah?
What?
For what?
Well, for young Jews, child Jews.
Oh, annoying.
Yeah.
Precocious.
One thing, I don't know if you want to address it,
because he's right here now.
I mean, Eni said that being bi is cap.
Remember when you said that?
Oh yeah, that's right.
Pushing it on to me.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. That was Christina's...
I'll tell you what.
Hey, we have a backbone.
That was great. That was my meme.
That's not you? No, it was me. It says addressing Eni here. But yeah, no, that was not my theory. It was Miss Christina's. I'll tell you why again.
And for people that, hold on, for people that we got to give reference to people.
Sure.
We were talking about different things being kept and not, you know, full of shit.
And one of the things that came up in a series of conversations we got from people that
were like, you know, I'm not going to be able to do this.
I'm not going to be able to do this.
I'm not going to be able to do this.
I'm not going to be able to do this.
I'm not going to be able to do this.
I'm not going to be able to do this.
I'm not going to be able to do this.
I'm not going to be able to do this.
I'm not going to be able to do this.
I'm not going to be able to do this.
I'm not going to be able to do this.
I'm not going to be able to do this.
I'm not going to be able to do this.
I'm not going to be able to do this.
I'm not going to be able to do this.
I'm not going to be able to do this. I'm not going to be able to do this. I'm not going to be able to do this. I'm not going to be able to do this. I'm not, you know, full of shit.
And one of the things that came up in a series of conversations week after week was bisexuality.
You, I remember, mentioned it. Sorry.
And he was just like, yes, I agree.
And then I reached out to you and you sent in a video.
Yes.
Here's just a taste of it for people.
Hey, gang. It's your old pal Ian here. I just want to say I saw your little video clip Christina
Yeah, I'm a by-guy. Sorry you can't wrap your head around being cool, right?
Yeah, so you can't wrap your head around a fucking complete hell of God's design
complete hell of God's design. Who kind of a bitch bastard God would make a man unable to be content with one sex,
be able to settle down, have a life?
No, he's got to make me yearn for delicious cock!
And desire! Wonderful pussy! And what hold? Why?
Of course I'm making stops in gay town.
So...
I'm also the mayor.
This was great and we played it. Everybody loved this, but you're the person that actually, you know,
made points that people could relate to on this story here.
Interesting.
So now that you have them here, I'm sorry.
I'm so excited to talk to... Okay. So Ian, here's Neil, man. Interesting. So now that you have them here, I'm sorry. I'm so excited to talk to you. Okay, so Ian, here's Neil, man.
Yes.
Okay, I lived in San Francisco for like four and a half years
and I feel like that's gay central.
Yes.
And the men that I was friends with or dated or whatever
that would claim to be bisexual,
it was just a short stop on the way to gay town.
That happens a lot. That happens a lot.
That happens a lot.
A lot of guys who are like, yeah, the thing is, you know, I kind of, I'm kind of like
both.
You're like, oh, okay.
And then five years later, 10 years later, they're all like, oh, I'm gay.
You're probably hanging around like San Francisco lispy guys.
Like yes, I love pussy.
But then, and then there's been a few in LA that, yeah, they're like, oh, I'm bi.
And then you're like, OK.
But then a few years later, like you said, they go straight to gay town.
Whenever to return to bi.
Only cops and assholes exclusively.
No back, no vaginas.
It's like they're getting comfortable.
Right. With coming out. Right.
So they're like, no, no, no.
Like, I'm right.
It's like, you know, everyone has their own probably probably path there and kind of like when you know your dogs
gonna die so you get another pet yeah like that you're not beaten with sadness
by the right the inevitable happens something to deal with the sadness and I
think some like it makes sense right like I've I've also like someone's been
like oh yeah this guy he's actually he's bi. And you meet the guy and you're like, oh, okay.
And then it's like, oh, this is, it feels like it.
You can almost feel like this guy's just,
he's not comfortable yet with himself.
So he's letting people know.
But see, that's why the B in LGBT stands for bully.
Because we're the only ones that you're allowed to be like,
you're not that, oh, give it time. Queer. That's right.
Yeah.
That's right.
Yeah.
Now you, you were going to, sorry, I interrupted you.
You're going to talk about the lispies.
You were like, oh, you're hanging out with the, is, is there some correlation between?
Well, I mean like, okay.
So you could kind of like I've come into my femininity in a way of like the rings
have helped being Italian Italian of course,
you know the hands, hey I love it to cock.
And I feel like I even do it when I see a guy that's like, yeah I'm bi and I have a
girlfriend and I'm like, wow that's clearly beautiful. Are you fooling? But I Have met a bunch of guys that are kind of like me that like look like plumbers
That are also like so you think part of like the authenticity of someone who's bi is like you where you don't come off
As you're not like nobody believes me. That's a thing. That's the thing that pisses me off masculine guy
Yeah, and then they'll be like why I've never seen never seen you date a guy, and so you're gay.
And I'm like, no, you're gay for caring.
Like, why do you care about what I'm doing?
Your emotions are gay, for sure.
Yeah, exactly.
But I can only speak for me, but I do,
because I'm open about it, I do meet a ton of guys
that look like fucking mechanics that are like,
hey man, I suck dick too.
Yeah. Okay, thanks.
But aren't they sucking dicks on the side
and they have a lady that they're with?
Some of them.
So they just take a little piece of dick down.
Are you into those types of guys or no?
No, that's the thing.
I'm not, I've, and I've kind of backed off
on being like I'm bisexual because it has so much,
I mean I'll ride for it and be like, yeah,
because I know like a lot of bi men, it's weird and tough,
but more than anything, I'm just myself
and I do what I want when I want.
And I hate that when you hear bisexual,
you automatically think this thing or you're judging
or you're like, you're a faker, you're gay,
you're not gay, you're this, you're that,'re a faker. You're gay. You're not gay. You're this you're that you know and it gets to be pretty
annoying
With just a bunch of people or even like some of my friends are like well
I've never seen you with a guy think you're just lying for clout
And I've had to like grip them up because people talk slick sometimes and you got to just fucking stand your ground and take out for
yourself so you think you might you are probably somebody who's like truly sexually fluid then, right?
Like you're saying like you might feel more like this and then it kind of, right?
Like does it come in waves?
Like you're feeling more attracted to a certain gender.
It's like when you're on a diet, you know?
Yeah, yeah.
You're doing real well and then some days you need a cheat day, but with a cock.
Having pasta.
Yeah.
Or cock.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you primarily who
do you go? I do.
And.
And I date women,
trans women.
I've never dated a guy I've tried.
It just doesn't.
I don't know what it is.
Like I and also I always
fall in love with my
girlfriends, you know, and then
inevitably I'll be like, I think we would would wouldn't be great to be best friends together forever
They're like no and I'm like, okay fair I get it and then I lose that attraction
But I've never been at a sleepover with my best friends have been like Bill
Yeah, you just hold me. So the men is a purely sexual thing. Yeah, even man ass. It's just cock.
I don't know what it is.
Well, it's delicious.
Well, yeah, sometimes.
It's scrumptious.
But then that's why I like transforming
because it's like a Miley Cyrus song.
It's the best of both worlds.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know.
Maybe my next lifetime.
I can't wrap my, you know, I'm square.
But okay, so.
Well, they're getting better than they were.
That's true.
Yeah, I like them to look nice. Me too. Yeah, I hate, yeah. I don't like the ones that, so they're getting better than they were that that's true. Yeah, I like them to look nice me, too
Yeah, I hate yeah, I don't like the ones who look like they're put together with a mop and Scotch tape
I know the trains. God bless you, but you know and also like if you want to be on my team
You got to play the roles like sorry. I don't make the rules of looking like a woman, but you should fucking try
Yeah, we're making
Effort I get my Botox my Phil Zzies, I do my own Zempies.
It sucks being a woman.
Okay, well then, sorry.
Well then, being a woman.
When there's a guy who looks like me
and then he just shaves and puts on a wig
and he's like, I'm not getting treated
like the woman that I am.
And you're like, your effort is terrible.
There's a video of this woman arguing
with some waiter at a Sonic or something and she's like I am a woman
And he goes I just need to know what you want me to address you and she goes
What do you think I am and then she turns she looks at him with the camera and he goes you
Man, and she turns herself and she's a fucking lied-back
Is like how dare you? And it's like, well, he has eyes, lady, what do you want?
There was that show when the people were transitioning
on the show, it was a reality show.
Oh my God, this was the best one.
Yeah, it was a fucking amazing show.
And this one man who was married with a kid
and is telling his wife, he's like, I'm actually trans
and starts transitioning and he works at a gun store.
And he's got traps like this and he just grows out his hair and then like starts the
hormones and then he goes into the gun store in like Idaho and they're all like
sup Jim yeah he's like it's Janet okay and then you see that he's distraught, right?
So you're like, okay, he's not happy with,
but you're also like, man, you're gonna have to go
way further to get the reaction you want.
The long hair is not enough.
Right, do your nails, put clear makeup on.
Yeah, but also years ago.
Run for a year.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right, wear a dress, if you want, you know. Yeah, tell a story without an ending. Yeah, but also run for a year. Right. Wear a dress like if you want, you know, tell a story without an ending.
Drive bad.
Well, I was I was with a gal in Vegas and, you know, we were like laying in bed
and she was like, oh, my God, I don't want to drive home.
Women drivers are so bad at driving and she's trans.
I'm like, yeah, well, why don't you just put your hair up?
She loved it.
I feel like there's like this misconception of trans people
where a lot of people's introduction to them are online
and in this Twitter space where it's not actual trans people.
It's autistic guys wearing dresses and wigs. Yeah that are obsessed with anime and are still somehow
Controlling as a man how we think feel speak and and talk and but in the real world with like legitimate
Trans people they're really cool. They're really down with jokes. They get it
Like a lot of my friends or women that I've been with are like, yeah, I'm not,
I'm trans. I'm not a woman. Yeah. And that is something that I love about myself. And, you know,
obviously I present is this and that, but you know, and, uh, I don't know. It's just strange.
It's such a legitimate small percentage of people that are legitimately trans. And I think a lot of it is, I mean,
at the end of the day, a lot of people need love and care. And a lot of it, I think, comes from,
you know, these these different things. There used to be transvestites and cross dressers and
gender benders. And that kind of went away. And now if you even dip your toe in this lifestyle,
you're immediately bombarded with you are this, you are that. And that's cool.
That's totally fine.
But you know, I mean, I think, you know, before you, you know, chop your dick off, you should
be in, you know, a therapeutic environment for a little while.
Probably a good idea.
Instead of calling someone a gatekeeper because they're like, hey, let's think about this.
I think it's cool that you're able to like, you are open and able to articulate a lot
of this stuff because it actually does
Give people like oh, this is
perspective they don't get they usually get like you said like sound bites or tweets or something and then they go
That's what this is, but you actually provide real perspective on it. Well. Yeah, thanks
I mean also like I I don't know I feel like I
since I you know date and in
Intimately involved with this group of people that are very like misunderstood.
It's I don't know.
It's like some of the women I meet are really fucking cool.
And some of them are porn stars and they're super hot.
And they're doing a thing that I think is great where they're like
being just down as people and letting people see like, oh, they're not freaks.
And it kind of like opens people up to the fact that,
oh, these are people and they're expressing themselves.
But I mean, I think everyone,
if we're having a conversation in real life can admit like,
yeah, there's a difference between someone
that's presenting and trying,
someone that's like, hey, brother,
I know what it's like to get a period, it sucks, huh?
You're like, ah, Jesus. I got what it's like to get a period, it sucks, huh? You're like, ah, Jesus.
I got one for you, though.
This is interesting to me,
because you said you date women, right?
What's it like when, I feel like you must have had
every reaction when you share.
Do you share up front, or do you wait to share
what you're in, that you're, you know.
Yeah, I have to.
So you do it out of the gate.
Yeah, I mean, also, it's, I, I you know a lot of my stuff is out there publicly
So if you do any
Cursory research on me you're kind of well aware of what I'm about
But I feel like that's a conversation. I owe the person I'm with that's cool
And I also have to be honest like and it has happened man when people find out
Some of them don't like it. Yeah, really
Yeah, have you had like crazy reactions? Oh, yeah. Yeah, and a lot of them you think would be related to Ernie Hudson
Really it's not very popular with those women. Yeah
It's funny because everyone's like yes, this is amazing live your life
Oh more men need to be open.
And then we'll get in a relationship and they're like,
listen here, queer.
It is my pussy for the rest of your life.
Don't ever think about delicious penis ever again.
Delicious cocks.
And I get it.
It's a lot.
It's a lot.
I'm a lot.
I get it.
I would feel so insecure if Tom was into dicks.
I would. Yeah. Especially when a lot, I get it. I would feel so insecure if Tom was into dicks, I would. Yeah.
I can't, especially when you make babies with a dude,
cause then you're like, oh my God,
I have to worry about like the whole population,
not just other ladies.
Yeah.
So especially if you can just step out and like suck a dick
and then you get your fix.
Yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, wait, so you have an,
sorry to like, if this is too personal.
I get it.
You have an arrangement, like you, so you upfront, you're like, hey, so I like to. I'm sorry to like this is too personal. I get it. You have an arrangement like you.
So you upfront you're like, hey, so I like to do this like once a month.
Well, I've kind of figured I don't know for for me like
and also I love femininity.
So the the trans women I date are very feminine
and the women I date are very feminine and the guys I go for pretty feminine.
Like I'm no offense, but Tom, not your style.
No. Thank God.
No. Maybe a couple of guys in the booth, but
no, but I don't know.
Like I hate hair and everything.
Like, yeah, I tried to get my dick sucked by this Italian guy with a beard
in Arizona and I couldn't get hard.
And I was like, hey, man, it's man it's not gonna work and he goes it's
okay I understand we fist bumped and he just left the hotel room. Jesus Christ.
Well I know but it's funny like like how a dude reacts. Oh yeah. Like that's
what's funny to me. Well that's what's great about it. Some girls not like cool. Yeah yeah she's like is it me? Oh my god this is so true. He's like it's okay. He's like I get it, it is a bit
stubbly. That's so true we'd be in a spiral. Oh I'm just not good enough. I'm too fat, I'm too ugly.
Yeah. I'd be like ding ding ding. Is it me? And you're like yeah. Yeah it's a little man No, I don't know. Is this gay?
Get out of here.
What is this?
This is an Indian military recruit and they're...
Whoa, I gotta move to India.
Yeah, right?
Just grabbing...
I don't know, I think gay is like your intention.
Yeah.
Like if I smack your dick as a joke, that's not gay.
But if I like smack it as a way for me to like think about it later that is good
Right. This is supposed to be
You know, are you I guess a
Viable recruit but for what?
Yeah, yeah
That looks like he's holding his cock. Yeah
Yeah, are they checking to see if they That looks like he's holding his cock. Yeah.
Yeah.
Are they checking to see if they won't get erect
when they see a woman and just start attacking?
Is that what they're doing?
It's kinda rough over there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, this is, this is, I don't know.
It doesn't look like balls where he's grabbing.
It looks like.
Maybe. I don't know. Did that guy look like balls where he's grabbing. It looks like maybe I don't know.
Did I have to go to school for that?
I've seen this video.
I've seen this type of thing before.
The guy just in a way you have.
It's fucking hot.
Well, I like it when they're not wearing the underwear.
Yeah. Yeah.
Why? Why?
If you're going to just take a visual hang out. Yeah.
Why be modest about that? Right.
I don't know, man. Interesting. Yeah, I don't know. to just take a visual. Why be modest about that, right?
I don't know, man.
Interesting.
Yeah, I don't know.
But again, I've kind of reconciled with it in a way of,
I'm the odd man out.
So for me to date you and then you get insecure
and get mad at you, I would never do that.
I'd be your worst nightmare.
I totally understand.
But then you have to what?
Just let them down easy,
because you're not changing.
You are who you are.
I have to tell them,
the only thing we have is trust,
and you have to trust that I'm not gonna step out on you
for a guy or a trans woman,
unless you stop acting, right?
But I don't know.
I mean, I think communication like the most important thing with
with anything. Yeah.
And I don't know. It's fucking weird.
I get it. I wish I, you know, I don't know.
I wish I could make a goddamn decision.
But I've never gone out
and like met up with a random guy at night and I'm feeling good.
You know, like it's always like things,
I'm never like on the phone with my mom,
like I love you, I'm grateful for everything you do.
Gotta go, I gotta go suck a cock.
It's always like, I'm having a terrible day
and I just need something to get outside myself,
which is why I'm like, I don't even know if I am
bisexual physically I am, but I think I just like getting outside myself.
Did we hear that?
What?
Annie's cap report might be true.
We may, I'm not.
It's your cap report.
Maybe, I mean, so, but yeah, I mean, look,
we'll discuss this, but it is interesting
that you say that your relationships
are primarily with women or trans women.
So that's the emotional connection.
And it sounds like your release is with men.
Right.
So-
Which by definition is bisexual.
Is it bisexual?
Yeah, but then I get fucking jokers being like,
no, you're pansexual because bi doesn't include trans.
And I'm like, well, fuck you.
So now we're getting into-
The label thing is too much.
That's the thing, that's what I hate about it. That's why I'm almost more like, well, fuck you. Now we're getting into the label thing. That's the thing.
That's what I hate about it.
That's why I'm almost more like,
I've kind of evolved to like, yeah, fuck you and your label.
I just do what I want.
And if you want to worry about the definition of it,
well then you're the,
Well then it's like, yeah,
why am I so invested in your sexuality and the labeling?
I agree.
I mean, look, I, I mean, I dressed up like Robert Smith.
Yeah. Through high school.
And I would I be non
binary by today's standards?
Maybe probably you
would have embraced that hard.
Oh, I would have been my whole
identity. I would have pissed off
my parents.
That's the thing.
It's a form of rebellion.
I get it. It's cool.
It's punk rock. It's goth.
It's yeah. It's if
you're a kid now and you're
non-binary, you paint your nails, cool, all power to you.
I love it, I'll support you.
If I see anyone being outwardly bigoted,
I'll fucking take up for you, whatever.
But to then put that on other people
and like make it as if you're, you know,
this like oppressed whatever.
It's like, well, you know, maybe you are,
but at the end of the day, you're kind of choosing
to do this and odds are you'll grow out of it.
Yeah, you'll grow out of it.
I think so too.
Which is fine.
Which is totally fine.
It's part of life, man.
Yeah, it's totally fine.
Part of life.
The real question is what is gay?
So people say that my work is black.
This guy, this guy.
And you know what I mean.
This guy.
But people just love to say,
oh, this is gay, this is straight,
that person's femme, that person's masse,
this is cis, this is trans. People think all these labels person's femme that person's mass. This is this this is trying
People think all these labels make them so unique when really they're all the same
They're just tools that the inorganic ones use to divide and control us in reality
Now this is not a bad thing. But in reality
You're actually gay if you don't do same-sex you want a platonic naked bonding
don't do same sex, erotic, platonic, naked bonding. Because you're not gonna have as high testosterone
as the average dude in my classes
who's doing this regularly.
He's plumping up his balls through these ball cupping
rituals and sniffing the taint and doing all these sorts
of things that the Spartans did to plump up their balls
and testosterone levels.
If you're not getting that vitamin of naked, erotic,
platonic bonding,
it's going to make you gayer. Right? Is this guy like liver king? But for gay guys? If you don't do gay things that the Matrix calls gay, then you'll actually be gay. Why? Because anything that the Matrix calls gay, it actually makes you straighter. It actually makes you want to eat pussy. Right? That's what guys do. Like, I'll have dudes sign up for one on one coaching sessions. Like two dudes will come on the Zoom call and I will show them how to do like rump bonding
where they put their butt holes together and then reach around and fondle each other's
balls like the bonobos do.
And then the feedback is like, fuck bro.
After we both had sex with our respective girlfriends and it was the best sex of our
fucking lives.
Yeah, cause you're trying to fuck the gay away.
See, Eni, what do you think?
What do I think I could tell I could feel your hesitation you try lies you trying to hang like the bonobos any
Are you gonna stay gay and not do this or are you gonna?
You're not gonna do a ball cupping ritual doing I can't be doing a ball cupping man.
That's so feminine.
You don't want your balls to get plumper?
I'm too gay.
Pretty wild right?
If you have to explain all of that
just to get someone to act the way you want them to,
you're a manipulative fucking, are you kidding me?
Like this guy doesn't have to go through the,
he probably is a secret thing
where he wants to like turn straight guys or something.
That's what Tom, Tom, that's exactly what Tom said.
Like this is just an angle.
Yeah.
It's a way to get laid.
Yes.
We love him.
Yeah.
I love this guy.
I mean, he's, he's hilarious.
Really?
That's great.
But like, if he was here, I'd do the ball cupping.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Maybe he's right.
Maybe he's ready.
You'd be like, I want to get some pussy right now. Yeah
But it's just like how every work every male regardless of their sexual orientation
Whatever their thing is that they do it's always
The end game of that is just to get laid
I don't whatever they're into so like just want into. You know these guys who are like
They're straight, super feminist.
If you're a girl and you get close to that guy
Guess what? He's gonna try to fuck you.
The wolf in sheep's clothing.
They're super manipulative.
And I just was like, you know,
This shit just makes me laugh where he's just like
Yeah, you're fucking gay if you don't hold your friends ball
And it'll make you fuck your yeah straight girlfriend better because then there's some guys like
Will it yeah, well if I if I call up my friend Todd and hold his dick will yeah
Well, I fuck my this guy to meet up with Andrew Tate and his crew and just have them
Combined and then realize that you know what?
We don't need women in the future.
Yeah. Wow.
It's just a life with your bros.
Just drink and come.
Woo!
Drinking nuts.
Cup and balls.
Wow.
What's up with your Birkenstocks?
Stop.
You're gonna shame me right now?
Oh, is that like the female equivalent of this?
Pretty much.
I just Birkenstocks with your bitches. I was just on the road and I got home and I looked down and I was like
You're just gonna out me like that. What is this? How are you gonna do that?
Never seen the honor before never seen the first of all listen you're getting into Birkenstock's late in life. Yes
Wow, she's late like but first of all, I've always been opposed to it because to me it's like the shoe of menopause,
it's the shoe of shutting it down,
it's the shoe of like don't touch me anymore,
I'm finished being a woman.
That being said, I want you to look at these burks.
These are not the traditional ones
where the floor of them gets all black and filthy.
Oh.
These are called the Arizona Big Buckle.
Ew.
They're. What? They leather, what is this? Oh, these are these are called the Arizona big buckle
This is what I came home to I'd move out like I'm like, oh I miss my fan
What is this? But Matt y'all know okay
Can I tell you why I got these because I'm with the dudes all little boys all the time
I we have two small sons and I'm in the house,
and then I'm outside on the driveway, I'm by the pool,
we're playing in the dirt, and I need like a house shoe.
Let me just say, you can justify anything, okay?
Certainly, we just talked about how I justify
that I'm not fully gay.
Is this the lesbian?
I get it!
Is this my inner lesbian coming out?
Oh yeah, the next step is cutting your
hair short and wearing a shirt like a bandana. You're almost there, mom. Embrace it. Enjoy
it. I think I'm a lesbian. This is it. Those are, I get it. Those are all purpose kick
around shoes. Because like, I don't know, like in Hungarian, you call it papucs. Like
you have your house shoe your papucs like your
slippers and
First of all, what color did you get this exact blue shoe? Now? Here's the deal man. I promise to you Tom
Look at my eyes. I promise you won't look at my eyes. Look I promise
I will never wear them out in public with you. I will never wear them outside of the house.
Get ready till you're running late.
Get ready.
Yep.
Shit.
You're in a rush.
This is a house slipper.
Look how nervous he's getting.
He's biting his nails.
They're better than Crocs.
They're way better than Crocs.
They're better than Crocs.
Crocs are disgusting.
People leave in the house in Crocs.
Have some respect.
Have some fucking respect.
I agree.
I like them. I'm team Christina, Christina Birks.
Those are cool jeans too, you should get those jeans.
Those are terrible, I would never do this to you.
These are just strictly around the house, Tom.
All right.
When I'm chasing the boys around.
I'm so embarrassed.
Why? I can't believe you just threw that,
you just did that?
Because I've railed against Birkenstocks for so many years.
Really? Yeah.
I have come out against them.
We're both very openly anti-Birk. Very. Really? Yeah. I have come out against them.
We've both been very openly anti-Birk.
Interesting.
Very anti-Birk.
I don't think there's an article of clothing that I would never not wear.
I just dress for comfort.
I don't care about whatever.
I just feel like that shoe says a lot.
Like it's a statement, you know?
Oh, it does.
Whenever I've, my whole life, whenever I've seen a woman in Birks, I'm like...
Smelly pussy.
Ah, yes. You think really her box stinks.
I think of the Appalachian Trail. Women shouldn't wear Berks, they should wear Bercos.
Yes, exactly. That's a great actual position. You think Harry Pitts, Full Bush, Patchouli.
Yeah, I'm not into it. Look, everyone has, look, I'm just saying this is personal preference. I'm
just not into it. You're allowed to have it? I'm just saying, this is personal preference. I'm just not into it.
You're allowed to have it?
Yeah.
Do you think this will lead to problems down the line?
We're gonna have a talk after this for sure.
What if you come home
and you're so passionately missing your wife
and you just see her and you kiss
and you're going around
and you're taking each other's clothes off
as you go up the steps
and then you get down to the Birks?
Are you staying hard or you coming to mind seeing?
I don't wear Burks, Tommy.
The thought of cock will enter my mind.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Here's one promise I will make too.
Cause when they arrived, I tried them on
and I was wearing socks.
No!
With them.
You're German?
And you liked it? It felt good.
It felt so good.
It felt so relaxed.
I heard they're very comfortable.
I've never worn a pair in my whole life.
But can I tell you, the fashion in me,
the fashionista went,
I can't do this to myself.
I can't do this to myself.
Embrace it.
Do it to yourself.
I won't do this.
And I feel like it's the last thing you,
you know, you give up as a woman.
I can't stop fighting the fight.
What is the difference between giving up and embracing this is
a really fine point hmm giving up and surrendering accepting Wow
mm-hmm just blew my mind dude yeah oh shit fuck man I just cut your balls
mentally our assholes were just backed up into each other right then I just cut your balls mentally
Our assholes were just backed up into each other right then
Wow Embrace it. Maybe I am fighting my inner lesbian my inner like giving upness person because I still I bleach the hair
I do feel her but I do it all. Are you gonna roll into being lesbian now?
I'd have to eat pussy and I don't wanna do that.
Just start slow, fingers in one.
Yeah, yeah.
Just start with one, give it a little.
Look, what would you rather do?
Would you rather go down on a chick
or spend the night with.
This guy all day.
What does he do?
I don't like the puking. He didn't puke, He didn't puke. He just farted and smelled his own. And then he made him get grossed.
Yeah, this guy all day and then he'd eat a pussy. No way. Are you watching this? Yeah, I got it. Perfectly shaved.
Smells, tastes like spring water.
Yeah, do you like oysters?
No, I don't actually.
Cause I probably...
Kinda like pussy.
You'd go with this.
Wait, you would spend a night with this.
And he would Dutch oven you.
And I like his, what's that behind him?
That piece of furniture.
I was thinking that, the armoire hole in the china.
It's a good piece. He farted.
Look at his face.
Almost threw up and you're like, yeah, I'll roll with this.
Babe, our five-year-old farted and I almost threw up last night.
I'm so used to farts and burps.
Look at it.
I'm in the house of cocks.
I'm always surrounded by male energy.
It doesn't phase me anymore.
This doesn't phase me.
And you would rather this than a chick?
Yeah.
Because I know what comes out of vaginas.
You guys don't see what comes out of us.
I think we get the idea.
You've no idea.
Blood, discharge, yeast, blah, blah, blah.
Babies.
Here's what I say.
Yeah, but you guys can sexualize it.
I know too much.
What do you think I got? The mustache.
It's a flavor saver.
I keep my chicks underwear in my pocket. I'm a creep. Yeah
No way, dude, no, I just or now
You would did I do what my life is farts and dry?
He's not but you have a connection to the people that are farting
This is you're just packing a bag showing up in your Birkenstocks and be like,
hey, we're having a sleepover,
and he's retching from farting.
This is the green room of any comedy club.
What is the difference?
This is 20 years.
Yeah, yeah, that's true.
This is no diff.
You are very, very, you know, well versed in this.
Desensitized, broken.
True.
I didn't think of it like that.
All right, it's time.
Why don't you tell Ian what's about to happen.
Ian, this is the best part of the day, the TikToks.
Oh.
I heard you bitches were looking for me.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Woo.
Bitch TikTok.
You have a specialty.
You're gonna go on hopefully an emotional ride right now.
Okay, calm down.
Sina's algorithm is not like yours. Oh
I feature the outliers. Hmm the people that need representation. That's called a spin. Oh
reality
You're gonna like the way you look I guarantee it. Here's the thing. You never know what you're gonna get. Here we go
What's going on?
You're feeling unsafe at a dog groomer? Why?
Oh, someone being mean to you
at a dog groomer?
I am so sorry. A guy coming up
to you while you're trying to groom your dog.
I am so sorry, honey.
I feel like he's grooming me through this video.
That you're being mess with at a dog groomer and you're not
feeling safe there.
That is so ridiculous.
And I feel so sorry that someone tried-
How can these all say, use this sound?
It's not a sound, it's a goddamn speech.
I know, okay, so this started as a trend on TikTok
where men, strong sounding men, would be like,
okay, use this audio, women, if you're alone in an Uber.
And it's like, it fakes it
that your boyfriend is waiting for you.
So like, anybody can, like, if I'm alone in an Uber, I can fake this audio. I'd be like boyfriend is waiting for you. So like anybody can, like if I'm alone in Uber,
I can fake this audio.
I'd be like, hey babe.
And then the guy goes, hey babe, you on your way over?
Yeah, I'm in the Uber right now.
Okay, I'll see you soon.
Thank you.
So it just started his way to keep women safe.
This is a different type of gentleman who's providing,
it sounds like a lot of feelings validation,
more so than protection.
What the fuck happened to the dog groomer?
Yeah, it's like, you're feeling unsafe there?
When you're picking up your dog? Why?
You know how they get.
Do they have bigger animals?
What happened to this guy's palmaradians?
I'm not with you, and that is, tell them they need to leave you alone.
You're getting bullied there? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I am so sorry that you're feeling so unsafe at a dog groomer tonight.
Are we calling your name and telling you that you don't know how to groom your own dog?
Well, that's what he's saying. He's like, you fucking idiot, this dog's not well groomed at all.
Oh, okay.
And he's like, that's okay.
He's gonna help you.
I don't wanna, I'd like to move on to the next one sure
He's got a bunch of other ones. I'd like to take the air gun from no country for old man
And just pop them in the back of the head. I mean there's this guy what?
And I've seen you you highlighted him before oh, he's got multiple
Speeches to use yes, are you feeling unsafe?
Are you feeling now? I am the toy store are you feeling unsafe? Are you feeling now? I am at the toy store. Are you feeling unsafe at the library? You know, okay?
He's projecting he feels unsafe at the dog groomer. He feels unsafe at the toy store
Do it again do the accent. Yeah. Yeah, can I can you I hear all the time? Where is he from? Hey, babe?
That your manic are you feeling unsafe? Okay?
So people just listening
Car backed out of a building and the firefighter the Chicago Fire Department guy barely got away
The car almost that backed out or just falls out
Also, I was like, oh what third world and then I see
Also, I was like, oh, what third world? And then I see Chicago Fire.
I know.
I don't know how that happened.
Yeah, was he on the car?
And then he left.
Yeah, how did he?
Bro.
He may have been on the car
and then he leapt onto the thing.
Do you know that his heart rate was fucking 220
when he got settled right here?
He was like, oh fuck.
You're not sleeping for days after this.
No way, man.
That's trauma.
Let's take a scene from a Jackie Chan movie.
It really does.
Yeah.
I'd love to have the story behind this.
So it is actually from a show.
It's from Chicago Fire and they're filming a stunt.
Oh, fuck off.
Damn.
All right.
Still pretty cool.
Yeah, it's a cool stunt.
I do like stunts.
I had no way of exhibiting them and I wanted to wear them and show them so that people
that collected jewelry.
It's crazy that Ian could actually pull this off.
I know.
I thought of it too.
I was like, is this the ghost of Christmas future?
Yes.
I'd be fascinated by it.
I wear it on very special occasions and I thought today would be a very festive
day to wear it.
I'm going to say that what you're wearing on your head is probably worth somewhere around $1,500 to $2,000.
Really? Yes.
Oh, he's so sweet.
I love him.
Yeah, he's so pleased with his jewelry collection. He's like, I just wanted to showcase them on my hat.
I want to be sad and have him hug me and go, baby, it's gonna be okay.
And you get to wear my special hat today.
Yeah.
This has been worth between 1500 and $2,000.
You got lots of money on your head.
He said, really?
Can you show him spinning around again?
That was the best reveal I've ever seen.
I had no way of exhibiting them
and I wanted to wear them and show them.
It's like Jambi from Pee-wee-Square.
So that people that collect the jewelry would be fascinated by it.
I wear it on very special occasions and I thought today would be a very festive day to wear it.
I'm going to say that what you're wearing on your head is probably worth somewhere around $2,000.
The eye contact the camera.
You saw it, right?
Wow.
He's so proud of it.
He's like, that's what's up, bitch.
Can you imagine this being like your friend or uncle
and you see him normal and then one day he shows up in that
and you're like, what special occasion is he bringing
on his head?
My friend Tilly's coming over.
I love him.
Babe, what's going on?
Oh, you're feeling unsafe for Easter?
Easter?
Why?
Oh, someone is being mean to you and calling you names?
At Easter?
At Easter.
I am so sorry, honey, that someone's calling you name
and being rude to you.
What are they doing?
They're calling me names.
Oh, they're putting you down to an Easter, and it's a holiday, and they're being rude? They're calming him down. Oh, they're putting you down on Easter
and it's a holiday and they're being rude.
Okay.
I am-
Okay, thank you, Christina.
That was a really great, thank you for finding that.
Who's rude to you on Easter?
Yeah, who's putting you down?
You're wearing brown?
It's the wrong color.
Now what are they saying to you on Easter?
You couldn't find your eggs.
We hid them and you couldn't,
you never thought look under a pillow?
Are they saying that to you?
Use this sound if you feel unsafe.
Oh, thank you.
Use this.
I want him and the other guy to have a conversation together.
Oh my God.
And have the other guy comfort him.
I really like your hat.
Thank you.
Are those Easter eggs on your head.
This is what she's known for.
I feel like this is performance art. It's a guy in it, a dryer.
This is just the beginning of a stuck porn. Oh yeah.
And he's playing, I guess, is that a cello?
I live in New York City.
I'm just jealous he has indoor in-house laundry.
You see guys like this in the city all the time.
Yeah, I feel like this is a standard issue, yeah.
And this is the sixth train uptown.
So Tom and I really loved our first dog, Fee-Foe.
Would you consider stuffing our dog, Tom?
Holy shit.
And putting him in.
No.
Yeah.
That's a legit dog.
Yes, it's movable.
No.
Taxidermy, and you can shape it.
I want that for me when I die.
Me too.
Wouldn't that be great?
Can we keep you in our studio?
Please, yes. Hey Ian. Yeah. I have a cigarette in my hand. Wouldn't that be great? Can we keep you in our studio? Please. Yes.
Hey Ian.
Yeah.
I mean you're just like.
Have a cigarette in my hand.
Have you posed like that?
That was really crazy.
Isn't that wild?
That's not okay.
But I have to say, look how pliable it is.
Yeah.
I mean, that's really tough for a tattoo.
Is it plush or is it the original skin?
I imagine the original skin. It's taxidermy, right? Does it still have its bones?
I feel like it. I
Don't know there's so many questions, but it's pretty cool, right? I think I would do this
I think I love animals enough that I would want this.
No, if this happens, I'm almost gonna cry right now
thinking about A, my cat dying,
and B, having him like this
and not having him respond to me.
That's the thing. That's the thing.
That's true, it's a mind fuck.
Because then you're like, why are you, oh yeah.
Yeah, you're like, get over here.
You know, you have those moments oh yeah, yeah, you know get over here. You know you have those yeah, yeah, yeah
Which comes in on my chest yeah, and I love looking at in my cat's eyes, and you get to peel the eyelids up
Here we go. Yeah, that's true.
That's true.
Oh.
Hey, baby girl.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Are you at T-Mobile?
What's going on?
Oh, one of the workers are being mean to you.
T-Mobile.
We need a palate cleanser from the dead dog.
I am so sorry that someone being mean to you.
What are they trying to do?
Dog groomer, T-Mobile, and Easter.
Oh, they're calling you names and, oh.
This is actually, this is the first believe in your spot. You can need this. Yeah, like people are being well
You need to let someone like a manager know and tell them
with you and
That's so ridiculous. I am so sorry that you're feeling unsafe at T-Mobile tonight
Well, you need to let management know or in the middle or call somebody, okay?
Yeah, I mean, this is like what you would tell a kid
is are people being mean to you at school?
You should go tell a teacher or a principal.
Is this user submitted?
Are people just throwing him places and things?
Oh, him?
I don't know what inspires his TikTok creations, Ian.
That's a very good question.
I imagine from real life scenarios perhaps?
I don't know.
Those are valid questions.
Maybe we can submit some to him?
Yeah.
I think we're good.
You feeling unsafe at the podcast studio?
Unsafe at your goddaughter's softball game?
I feel very fulfilled already, thank you though.
The trampoline pock
Yeah, the waiting room at your dentist, yeah
poor fella Poor fella, but at least he's got followers on the talk, you know
Yeah, I'm sure that helps as a New Yorker. Have you seen the NYPD dance team?
not
Personally, Here they are.
They're so good.
They're so good.
Is this why there's multiple men punching women?
Because they're too busy dancing to catch the guy?
These are cops, bro.
No, they must be ladies auxiliary.
These are real cops?
Yeah.
Oh.
OK.
Uh-huh.
It's crazy when you compare this to like a real dance team.
I mean, people already thought the police were inept.
Yeah.
And then now this.
It does seem like a waste of time.
Yeah.
Right?
Like the nurses doing dances during COVID.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Can we not?
I don't need to see the dance routines.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't. Okay see the dance routines. Yeah. Just. Yeah, I don't.
OK.
That's terrible.
I mean, there's the Bronx has literally turned into Fallujah.
And they're like, whatever, let's just dance it out.
This is supposed to help with the mental stress of being a police officer.
That's why they do this.
Oh, OK.
The dancing helps them.
Can you imagine an Irish alcoholic cop that just internalizes everything?
He's just been on the force for 30 years just seeing the most horrific forms of human behavior
And he's like I'm not gonna talk to a therapist or my wife. I just got a dance it
Yeah, when I dance I don't hit nobody. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
Would you rather me sock my wife or bring it down on the dance floor?
And they're like, you know, it's great that you're in the dance company. I'm so happy
This is like sixth grade drill team. I remember this yeah, and I couldn't do it back then either
This is probably how I would dance honestly
Yeah, like a comedian. This looks like a bunch of comedians. Yeah, it's not good
Whatever gets him off their phone playing Candy Crush in the subway. Yeah
Yeah, are you just walk by a car sometimes and you see the cops.
Oh, yeah. You startle them.
Jesus Christ. Really?
A part of me is like, man,
that like imagine being a door guy and you just sit in the same place
and you can't use your phone like, oh, my God, being a cop
and just sitting there in your car all day waiting for something to come in you got to do so I mean maybe they should be
like reading protocol or like you know like learning how what the law is
yeah yeah fuck I didn't know any of this shit they should have a candy crush for
cops where like each level comes up with the thing you have to like learn you
know they're like relearn well I'm surprised I know all those codes in the Candy Crush for Cops, where like each level comes up with a thing you have to like learn, you know?
Or like relearn.
Well, I'm surprised they know all those codes.
In the state of New York, citizens do not have to identify themselves just because you're curious.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bing!
Yelling is not a good de-escalation tactic.
Bing!
That's pretty cool.
Alright, we gotta wrap up, but I wanna say to you first of all, thank you for coming This is great. You can watch wild happy and free. It's out right now on
YouTube what else do you anything you want to plug any dates or anything coming up?
Yeah, my podcast with Jordan Jensen being Ian with Jordan every Wednesday on YouTube very fun. I did it
That was so fun. That was so fun
And I you took me to get the world's greatest
fried chicken sandwich.
The mysterious chicken sandwich.
Wow.
It was close, right?
Yeah, we walked over there.
Yeah.
Was it the world's greatest?
Do you wanna plug what it is or no?
You don't wanna blow up their spot.
No, I don't wanna blow up the spot.
There's another restaurant in my neighborhood
that you gotta come to next time.
Cause you said, they're like,
oh, there's another place you go.
Is that the other place?
Yeah.
Yeah, we're actually having my special release party there.
Dang. Really? Yeah, that's cool.
Yeah, they're opening up the restaurant.
They're making a menu item called the Fy Dance.
It's what I order every day
and it comes with a black coffee and a cigarette.
There was a couple of weeks where I would wake up
and I would think about that chicken sandwich.
Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah, it's so good.
I'm glad I don't have access to it.
You know what I mean?
Oh, it's bad news.
Yeah.
After the pandemic, I gained a lot of weight when they opened up again,
because I was like, oh, I got to help this business.
Yeah, spin it like that.
I was just shoving food in my bag.
I see no one's buying the donuts.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And also, I'm on the Rotaton PunchUp.live slash Ian Fidance for all my dates.
There you go.
And yeah, man, thank you so much.
This is such a blast. Thanks, Bummy. Thanks for coming, and congratulations dates and yeah, man. Thank you so much. This is such a blast
I was extra common and congratulations on the special. Thanks. Yeah, thank you guys. Thank you. Bye mommy
Just like just just like the gays Just like, just like the gays.
Tommy, would you marry your son?
Yes, of course. My god, I wish I could.
Tommy, would you marry your dad? Oh yeah, yeah of course I would do it.
Christina, would you marry your son?
Oh my god, yeah, yeah.
Would you marry your dad?
Yeah of course, I live for this kind of shit.
Yeah.
Just like, just like the gays.
Just like, just like the gays. Just like, just like a gaze. Just like, just like a gaze.
Just like, just like a gaze.
Just like, just like a gaze.
Would you marry your mom?
No.
Come on.
I think I'd marry my dad.
Okay.
Cristina?
Yeah?
Would you marry your mom?
I don't know.
Please?
No.
Would you marry your dad?
Yeah.
Of course. For sure. Yes. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Please. No. Would you marry your dad? Yeah.
Of course.
Yeah, for sure.
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I really would.
I really would.
Tommy.
Just like, just like, just like the gays.
Tommy.
Just like, just like, just like the gays.
Tommy.
Just like, just like, just like the gays.
Tommy.
Just like, just like, just like the gays.
Tommy.
Just like, just like, just like the gays.
Tommy.
Just like, just like, just like the gays.
Tommy.
Just like, just like, just like the gays.
Tommy.
Just like, just like, just like the gays.
Tommy.