Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Wild Alternative Lifestyles w/ Moshe Kasher | Your Mom's House Ep. 745
Episode Date: February 7, 2024SPONSORS: -Right now get 50% off a ONE-TIME PAYMENT FOR A LIFETIME Babbel subscription - but only for our listeners - at https://Babbel.com/YMH -Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKi...ngs! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/mom or through my promo code MOM. -Go to https://Saatva.com/theshit to get $200 off ANY mattress of your choice. It’s another episode of YMH with Todd and Christine! We start the week with a DENTAL UPDATE and open the show with a clip courtesy of the double soul shaman. Tim and Kristin then share a few new airtight stories submitted by fans, they also discuss the recent Vince McMahon allegations, play a game of "Would You Rather?", plus introduce a very cool guy by the name of Tony P. Comedian Moshe Kasher joins the Main Mommies to discuss his new book "Subculture Vulture" and talks about his time in rehab, his running streak of attending Burning Man and the San Francisco rave scene. Moshe then shares stories from his experiences as an ASL interpreter and how growing up with a deaf family impacted his life. The trio also talk about Moshe's wife Natasha's recent appearance at the Improv and the value of trying new things. They also watch a butthole arts and crafts video, some TikToks from the double soul shaman, and some “Horrible or Hilarious” clips, plus more of Christina's curations! https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinaponline.com/tour-dates https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Your Mom’s House Ep. 745 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Yeah, I got the video I've been looking for.
Look at that.
I thought it was just a push-up video, but it turns out it's a carnage video.
What are you doing?
I remember a vegan girl, like, I was like, why are you fat?
It's a mystery, isn't it?
Yeah.
So I call and the cop picks up and we start the call and like,
I'm like, it's time like a interpreter.
We're about to begin.
And then bam, the guy starts signing.
He's like, fuck you, motherfucker.
Fuck the police.
You fucking surveilling me.
I know you're surveilling me.
I'm like, oh, he's unmet.
Welcome, welcome to your mom's house.
["Mama's House"]
Uh-huh, welcome.
French excellence.
To your mom's house.
Usually don't do this this early, but.
Oh wow.
It's just happened.
It's like breaking news.
Yeah, I just, I'm literally coming from there.
Wow.
I got up early this morning.
I had an 8 a.m. appointment at the dentist.
It's terrible.
What the fuck?
Well. How are they even there at that hour?
I imagine they do, no, you do it
and then you just go back to the office.
It's a drag, it's a drag to wake up,
you go and you're unconscious basically
and then you're like, hey, you wanna drill on your tooth?
Yeah, so I get in there and they go,
all right, we gotta fill this,
you have the beginning,
like they said it's the beginning of a cavity
and it's better to fill now than obviously if it progresses,
they're like, it's a baby cavity.
And then they go, so we'll take care of those two cavities.
And I go, what the fuck are you talking about?
Two, it's one.
And they're like, no,
because it's in like the between two teeth.
I go, you never said this shit.
I got really heated actually.
So when they showed you the initial X-ray,
she presented it as one cavity.
When I had, they were like, oh, you have the start of it.
She was the same kind of thing.
She was at the beginning of a cavity here.
It's better to do it now than later.
And I go, okay, so I came back today.
And then they were like, so there's two cavities.
And I go, what are you talking about?
And then guess what?
What?
About 10 minutes in the procedure, she goes, good news.
I go, what?
She goes, it's one cavity.
I go, that's what you fucking said last time.
Yeah, she's a gypsy.
Yeah.
And I go, I'm on to you guys.
You guys have done this before.
Little fucking sea guys, rojad sea guys.
Rojad sea guy, look, she's trying to rip you off.
She tells you one thing and then charging you twice.
Rotten gypsy dentists.
Did she, how many cavities did she charge you for?
One. Good.
Also, a fucking surcharge on a credit card?
I'm like, huh?
What's a surcharge?
Yeah, they're like,
we charge a 3% on a credit card to pay for this.
I'm like, oh, because that didn't bring cash.
Do people bring cash to the dentist usually?
Yeah, that's shady as shit. That's our fee. And I was like, I have a fee. Because I didn't bring cash do people bring cash to the dentist usually
That's our fee and I was like I have a fee it's called finding a new fucking dentist Yeah, this is a gypsy dentist ripping you off big time the fuck out of here. No, this is this is immigrant stuff
She an immigrant no, I mean doesn't you know
I know because she's all this and I was like why don't you lower that me see that face?
Yeah, see where you're from because I I judge people by Let me see that face. Yeah. See where you're from.
Cause I judge people by somewhere they're from.
I want to see where you're from, lady.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
That's true because my old Russian dentist,
cash only, they do cash only.
This is what immigrants do usually.
Very strange.
Very dicey.
I'm having my teeth cleaned.
Here's $400.
Like what the fuck are you talking about?
Well, let me tell you, this same lady, she told me,
she's like, oh, you're gonna have to have a brand new crown.
This one's cracking.
And I was like, yeah, right, bitch.
But then three months later, I went back and she was right.
She showed me the actress, she was like, see, it's cracked.
You have to redo the crown.
I was like, all right, bitch, I trust you now.
But I didn't initially, you know what I mean?
Like I'm also very weary of dentists
and telling me what's up.
You shade the fucking gypsy bitch.
Well, she did it though.
How you feeling?
You still numb?
Yeah, my face is numb, I'm drooling.
I keep wiping drool off the right side of my face.
Did you bring the headphones like I told you to?
No, but luckily I didn't remember.
Then she was like, hey, we have headphones here.
Thank God. So listen to a podcast. Yeah? Yeah, about she was like, hey, we have headphones here. Thank God.
So listen to a podcast.
Yeah?
Yeah, about Kim Il Sung.
Oh, cool.
About the famine of the 90s.
And it was pretty cool.
What is wrong with you?
Last night, last night, the kids went to sleep,
put a decent time, I get into bed with you,
and all I hear is like the kidnappers took her, took her, put goggles on her on her face American nightmare. Have you guys seen it? Did you guys watch it?
Oh my god, I want to watch it so bad. It's yet
Unfucking believable. It is really phenomenal the story's insane. I mean, I don't
But you know how she does she does this thing where she's like what is wrong you? As if it's not the number one show on Netflix right now.
But I cannot for the life of me understand
why especially women want to hear about this.
Because it's exciting.
For you, because it can't happen to you.
No, I think they're titillated by the fact
that it could happen to them.
Maybe that's the appeal,
because I certainly don't have it in me.
The whole time I think to myself,
this is gonna happen to me.
This guy's a real fucking psycho. He is crazier than shit. The guy that was doing this stuff.
Well, any smart, which always when they were like super educated, I'm always like, that's
even creepier.
Yeah, I don't want to give it, it's so good that there's definitely somebody listening
who's like, I haven't, you know, I've heard or maybe you consider, let's talk about it
on the next one, because it's too good. I feel like we should give people a chance to watch it. Okay. It's too good fair enough
So go watch it. You got to watch it
Really nice that I got to fall asleep to hearing way
kidnapping rapes
Lots of knucklehead behavior. It's really worth giving a listen to god damn. Yeah, give it a gaze
It's really worth giving a listen to. God damn, dude.
Give it a gaze.
Yeah, and you probably will lock your doors afterwards.
For sure.
I get double security.
No way, man.
I'm never living alone.
These bitches, they live alone.
You need a dog.
You need five fucking dogs if you live alone.
I'll tell you this.
The people that were affected by this,
none of them were living alone.
Nam, Oslem Trou.
That's one.
The one that I saw.
Okay, one, but the other ones were not alone.
Great.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Can we talk about airtight?
You gotta be fully on it.
Talk about anything else?
Well, let's open the show first.
I'll kill myself.
Here we go.
Ready? Here we go.
This guy's the best.
I find it so cute and funny and kind of annoying that so many modern menswear leaders base their branding off of like Spartan culture and they call it the modern warrior journal or you know, we're the samurai brotherhood, you know.
Yeah, they never get naked.
They never do ball cupping rituals.
They never see each other's cocks.
The outermost extension of each other's hearts are completely hidden by their lulu lemon polyester underwear
That's leaching feminizing chemicals right into their ball sacks
So true.
Who is Randy?
Guys under.
Who knows?
Who loves this guy?
Welcome, welcome.
Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura I love this guy! Now, now, go feel it Tom, feeling it today. Let's see you shake your shoulders.
Shake, shake, shake, shake your shoulders.
And play the song like you need it.
Do not smile at the kidnapping of bad murder.
And I sleep by dream about sand murders.
It happens.
It happens.
It's out there.
Shit happens.
There's some goofy guys out there.
This guy, I gotta say once again, incredible skin.
He's so handsome.
I love the flex of silver and his whiskers.
Yeah, but the tone of his hair.
Oh, he looks great. Would you do Spartan ball cupping with him?
I think if I had a good teacher, yeah, if he was introduced to me, then what's going on?
You're supposed to do more than just that. Did you know that? What real warriors?
Really, they could be leaching good high vibrational brotherhood
vibrations into each other's ball sacks through cupping,
which is exactly what the
Spartans did.
Yeah.
You know, if you claim to be like a Spartan samurai brotherhood, it's like the samurai
were sniffing each other's balls.
These Spartans were cuddling and sucking each other's nipples before battle on animal skins.
You know, the Celtic Druids and the fierce,
kilted warriors that you see in Braveheart, did you know they did not actually wear their
kilts when they went into battle? They would actually take off their pants so their penises
and testicles were exposed during battle and they would moon the British with their buttholes. All of that truth is missing from the Spartan ethos of the modern
men's work movement. It's like you're going to call yourself Spartan, do some ball cupping.
This is either very true or the long play to get some cocks and balls in your hands.
You know what I mean? This is either like a really a new angle for gay shit under the guys of like a history
dude or this is true and we're all just ignorant to it.
Well he knows an alternative truth that you don't know.
Yeah.
I never knew that about Braveheart.
There's so many things I'm learning from him.
Also here's the thing for even for more you know like archaic groups that knew
less feels like it's very much an intuitive thing
that you always wanna protect your dick and balls.
So having them exposed feels crazy.
That's why they invented armor,
to protect your vital organs.
Right, but I mean, actually your genitals,
like most people's genitals,
when they are in danger, retreat,
because your body's natural mechanism
to protect your reproductive organs.
So everything kind of goes up.
And I would think that if you were in battle,
you'd be like, not just covered, but like protected.
But then how are you going to show the enemy your butthole?
Yeah, that's a good question.
Right. And then how are you going to sniff?
You sniff each other's taints.
I know that the Chicago Bulls did that during their,
Is that right?
two, three beats.
Yeah, but pregame Jordan, Pippin, Horace, Grant,
They smelled each other's balls to collect essences
to grow their musk.
Fire each other's up and then look at them.
They were so dominant.
Yeah.
Jordan, the great taint sniffer.
I think you and the other male comics in Austin
need to start doing this.
I'm not against it. In the green room doing this. I'm not against it in the green room before shows
I'm not opposed to it. Do you think they would do this with you Shane Gillis and
And then and tell me
It's not gonna be hard to convince
Yeah, Bert visits all I'm sure Bert be the easiest got to talk into sniffing someone's tainter cup in their balls like he would
He would be 30 seconds in, he'd be like,
all right, just hold him.
Hold him.
You feel him moving.
Yeah, yeah, he would be easy to convince.
But yeah, I'm into the idea.
Especially if it makes me a warrior.
The thing is, it does make intuitive sense to me though.
If you wanna build your masculinity, build your musk,
what better way to do it than to smell
another man's testosterone to feel his energy? He's musk, what better way to do it than to smell another man's
testosterone to feel his energy? He's not wrong, it makes logical sense to me.
I feel like when you start spinning it like this, people start to nod more and they go,
right, right, all that testosterone's coming in. That's how they get you.
That's how they get you. That's how the gays get you. They always have their tricks up their
sleeves and then they're like, oh look, you're not gay. I just put it in your mouth and you're like, I just...
And they're like, yeah.
And you're like, oh, now I'm getting a warrior?
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. how fucking immature and like stupid these people are. They have no idea how history works at all.
The Celtics and the fucking Scottish and the Samurai,
they all were swallowing come right before battle
and that's how they got their energy.
And you're like, oh yeah, I didn't realize that.
Yeah, it's the history nobody tells you about.
Yeah.
It's so upsetting.
I feel so jipped.
They didn't teach me this in high school or college.
Speaking of cool stuff.
Oh, you said you wanted to do airtight.
Listen, I mean, this topic has really captivated TikTok. It went highly viral.
People really were into airtight.
People were. A lot of people never heard the term airtight, which to me is ignorance.
People watched the entire video and said, I still don't understand what this means.
I had to get other people explaining to them that airtight means everywhere that air can
enter is plugged up basically.
Minus your nostrils and your ears.
Yeah, you gotta learn your history people.
All right, so remember the last gentleman we had right in Brock and he was telling us-
He told us about five. He told us his ex-girlfriend had five guys at once,
like on a naval base or some shit.
Right, so we asked for him to elaborate and here it is.
Oh, he did?
I have the, would you like to read it?
You seem very excited, yeah.
Well, just as we go, he's like, yeah, my ex this,
she had five guys and you're like, come on.
So, just so we clarify, Airtite is anus, vag, mouth.
Meaning no air.
And this guy was like, oh, my girl did five.
And everybody was like, come on.
Five meaning the two hands.
The hands are full too.
Which here's the thing.
My thought on that was like, that's a pro move.
Meaning.
Well, I've never even seen that in point.
Well, but I have.
I think it's like, you know, but that's like, okay, there's camp.
It's a performance.
Yeah.
The idea that somebody in their personal life is like all five of you.
Personal.
It's a lot.
Right?
So.
Why am I coordination?
I know no way.
So Brock expands.
Oh, yeah.
Is that what we're hearing here?
Okay.
And then is there a second page?
Zolo, what's the second page?
Yeah.
The second page is the original email in case I wanted to go back.
Oh, I got you right.
So the original is that most women have had two guys at once, if not more, he'd say.
Okay.
I know multiple females that have taken two guys at once.
I knew a few girls that had three, but I'll do you one better.
My ex took a trip to Gulfport to the military base down there to cheat on me.
He went up doing five at once.
All holes in both hands, she literally got knocked up by a fat miserable piece of shit.
And it's great revenge seeing her get fat and depressed.
That's a great surprise.
So that was his original email and I was like, come on.
So we asked, could he elaborate more?
And apparently he did.
He can.
Okay, so here we go.
You ready? I'm fucking sorry. So I got put on. He can. Okay, so here we go. You ready?
I'm fucking sorry.
So, I got put on my dad glasses.
Yeah, read dad.
This is exactly why they give you glasses to read messages like this.
So, me and her were off, on and off for years, like eight years or so.
And she told me during one of our times apart that she'd had a threesome in Gulfport with
this guy I had beef with as a revenge thing.
That's just evil, man.
Dang. We later got back together and got engaged. So this guy.
With the whole? Yes. Damn.
Well the guy I had beef with moved back to town and started working with a good friend of mine
at a boat factory. Guys being guys in the break room the guy started telling the story of what
actually happened which included three more stories than the story that I got. So she had told that she had a threesome,
but there were actually five guys there.
My buddy is a murder show guy and likes investigating,
so he went full detective,
found the guys and verified the story.
Then he hit me up to have some beers one night,
told me everything that happened
and showed what the guys said shortly before our wedding,
which I obviously called off.
I was stupid for taking her back to begin with.
So I called it off, she got knocked up by some other dude,
got fat and didn't do shit with her life,
and I made out great LOL.
Great wife, great kids, great job.
But yeah, there's tons of whores.
More than I think you all realize.
I've got a lot more threesome group fuck stories.
I wasn't even a part of it.
I just feel like it was a common thing growing up there, but there's nothing in Arkansas to do. So maybe that's
part of it. Let me know if I can help with anything else. Brock.
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consider Tommy is your right that these small town places.
That does make sense. Yeah.
But then again, okay, so here's my thinking. Yeah, but if you live in a small town and
everybody talks, maybe-
That's how, well, but yeah, but you're actually telling what happened. It in a small town and everybody talks, that's how well, but and but yeah, but you're actually
Telling what happened. It is a small small circle and everybody talks and the story got out
See even more reason for me to not have a five way
Yeah, cuz I'm like well, there's like there's like ten guys in the village
I can bang and if I'm banging half of them they're gonna talk
Yeah, you don't live in a village though. You know what I'm saying? Whatever it's called, the small group of people living in Arkansas.
Right.
But in LA, you could do that and you'll never be found out.
Thankfully, you can keep the story.
You can keep the dream going because you don't live in a small town.
That's what I'm trying to tell you.
The dream for me.
I got a cooler story for you.
Oh, I'm more.
Oh, you do?
A woman wrote in New Anteira Tide. Very much worth you. Oh, I'm more. Oh, you do love that? A woman wrote in who went airtight.
That's very much worth it.
OK, hold on.
So this is an actual live woman human that
wrote in who went airtight.
Ready, guys?
Airtight story from a woman is the email title.
This didn't happen in my 20s.
I was in my late 30s.
Wow.
The morning of I threw a birthday party for my small kid at a trampoline
park too. So don't discount moms and their wild sides. Thank you. I took on three dudes
at the same time. Air tight. We had discussed the activities and participants ahead of time so I could prepare.
The day of I stuck to just dumb bitch juice, pedilite, and water.
Here's the how-to.
One guy lies on his back and I get on top and ride for a bit.
Then the second dude gets behind me.
I bend forward as far as I can so it's belly to belly with the first
guy still inside, then the second guy enters my ass. He controls the momentum really. At
that point, your girl isn't able to really move. Their dude comes to the front and straddles
the first dude's face more or less. I took him into my mouth slash throat. By this point,
I had been having sex with all three of them alone and in combinations
for a few hours.
So this was the finale.
It's an absolute insane experience, very, very fun.
At the time, I had a long-term partner and he had friends who were open to the experience.
I don't really think it's fair to say that slight behavior is for girls in their 20s
and they end up regretting it.
Love your show.
Hope I could shed some light on her tight.
Well, but here's the thing.
How did the birthday party go that we opened with?
Did anybody get injured at the trampoline park?
Those can't be dangerous.
Yeah, that's a detail I wish I didn't know.
Can I tell you as a mother the first thing I think of?
What?
Is like, she had a birthday party for her kid.
You know how fucking exhausting those are? So tired.
And then she had the energy to do this afterwards.
Even when we've done the thing at the place
and the kids come and just like,
God damn it, I can't fuck three guys right now.
I'm too tired.
I wouldn't have the energy to fuck two.
One.
Yeah, two would even be a lot.
So, well that is a lovely story.
Really a testament to her energy.
I noticed I...
Did you get around to all? No, no, my penis. I did, halfway through it. I was like, all right, I'm a lovely story. Really a testament to her energy. I noticed I... Did you get aroused at all?
No, no.
I did, halfway through it.
I was like, all right, I'm picturing it.
And I was okay.
My penis actually shrunk during the story.
I'm glad that you were turned on.
You need to get into cupping.
I know, I noticed that there were women
that commented that they had done this. And I'll tell I know. Get your energy back. I know that there were women that commented that they had done this.
And I'll tell you something.
Those profile pictures had something in common.
What Tom?
They didn't look like ladies.
I'll tell you that.
There was, yeah, interesting.
They went church going.
I think this is something that's really tickling your fancy though. You're getting... I love it. There was a, yeah, interesting. They went church going.
I think this is something that's really tickling your fancy though.
You're getting fed up.
I love it.
Now I gotta go to the trampoline park, have a birthday party and see what happens.
You and I gotta plan some stuff.
Well, you gotta have two.
Here's the thing that I'll give her credit for, or at least make sense to me.
She's laying out that these are three people she's familiar with.
And she's had sex with them independently,
which is I think the key.
That's the key, yeah.
Yeah, you don't want just some Johnny come new guy.
No.
And who are you and how do you fuck me?
Exactly, you get to know everybody.
Here's my one problem.
I don't like anal.
This is not gonna work.
Here's the thing, you don't know that yet.
This is not gonna work.
No, you don't know that yet.
And also, she's clearly Polly, maybe not bi, but she's Polly.
She's Polly.
And that helps.
I'd have to get really good at anal to go this varsity level.
You can start with plugs, first of all.
You can start with anal plugs.
I don't think so.
Yeah, I think you're just like shooting down ideas
before you really think them out.
You could definitely do it two way.
Why don't you start with a two-way before a three-way?
I think the thought of the DP part is so intense.
But just so that's what I'm saying is,
why are you just don't rush into that?
Just V in mouth first.
Oh yeah, finger cuffs.
Oh yeah.
That's easy to do.
That's easy to do.
We can go to the park and find someone there.
Yeah, the park has a lot of people.
The dog park or the people park?
Either park.
Yeah.
Because dog owners are usually pretty nice, you know?
Or do we go to the park with our kids playing and we find like a dad?
Hello, yeah.
Find a nice dad.
Oh, god.
I think it's a good place to start.
Yeah.
I think you start with two before. You don't have to start. Yeah. I think you start with two before,
you don't have to rush to three.
Right, you start with one guy, go to two,
go to three and then four or five.
Yeah, but you gotta kinda warm it up.
I understand, I hear what you're saying.
Nobody runs into airtight.
That's what she's telling you too,
like you don't just run into it.
You have sex with the guys
and then you guys figure out the configuration.
And she also makes a good point.
It's not just for women that do it and regret it in their 20s.
You can do it in your late 30s as a mom.
And also, she has great memory of it.
She's like, it was really, really fun.
Yeah, not so much my kid's birthday, but...
Yeah, the day of the birthday for her is really not about the birthday.
She's like, that's the day that I had three cocks in me. Yeah.
So much to celebrate.
You know, when they look at the trampoline photos
because like, oh, this was my eighth birthday.
She's like, you wanna know what's funny about that day?
Fun fact, what's really cool?
Oh yeah, this thing, you had the clown come.
Oh, it's not that.
Memory.
All right, I got another story for you.
Such good memories.
Do you know who this is?
Do you know this guy?
Yeah, he's Vince McMahon.
Yeah, you do know him.
Because from wrestling, I dated a guy that was under wrestling.
That's right, because you knew who the undertaker was.
And I went to the stupid wrestling.
Well, he has a whole new look to him.
He looks terrible.
Yeah, this is not a good look, but this is his new look, which is jet black hair, some plastic surgery,
and Tony Stark mustache.
And he just resigned as the chairman of WWE,
which is a big deal.
I mean, he has been the face of this brand for decades.
The villain of the brand, yes.
Well, but he's the guy in charge.
He runs the show.
And he really built it up into like a absolutely enormous
juggernaut of sports entertainment.
I mean, it's multi-billion dollar.
So a former WWE employee claimed
that he sexually abused her,
including with sex toys that he named after wrestling stars
in a shocking new lawsuit.
Janelle Grant broke her silence about their relationship
and disturbing allegations, including that he defecated
on her head during a threesome.
Oh, dear.
And asked her to continue performing after
while he went to clean himself up, so she had it turd on her head
and it was dripping down her back.
And he was like, keep blowing that guy.
Stay there. Stay right there.
That's cool.
He sent her text messages.
Geez.
I'm the only one who owns you and controls you.
Her lawsuit comes after the Wall Street Journal reported
that last year the WDOE was investigating
an alleged $3 million payment
from him to a departing female employee,
Grant, who was unnamed at the time,
claims she received an initial installment
of a million dollars, but no further payment.
So she is seeking more money.
Here's some of the texts.
Can you read them?
Regarding your last picture,
you need your panties ripped off
and three big black dicks and all three holes
at the same time, three exclamation marks.
He likes threes.
Way up your pussy, P-U-S-S-E-Y,
and way up your ass as far as they will go,
but even farther.
And the thickest cock goes down your throat,
so it makes you gag and convulse
as those big black cocks pound away.
It feels like from the start, you're being assaulted,
but it's made you come nonstop.
Just one, such a juvenile. Just one can continue his constant orgasm. And just before you pass
out those big black dick squirt, their loads have come and said, this is unreal. Seventy
one years old, he's 71 I think. Geez, I can't even, it's so juvenile. As you lay on your
stomach the cum is coming out all your holes
I'll turn you over and jack off all over
Here's the crazy
Yeah, like why is he jacking off all he's turned on by all this he's trying
Is he so he would he would he would send her he would fuck her and then then he would go over to this wrestler's hotel room
and go fuck him right now.
And she would do it, and then she was like,
I didn't like that, and he was like, yeah, you did.
Go do it again.
They sound really nice, he sounds cool.
I'll read the next one.
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restrictions may apply. I love it. Thank you. That's that's you Janelle.
You just can't get enough.
Can you in the future is going to be so bad
that you'll demand to be fucked twice a day
and not just with blank in a three way.
That's somebody's name obviously.
Why not let others see the beautiful voluptuous body
and watch you shake uncontrollably when you come.
They'll go out of their minds.
They'll find more friends and will tie you up and you're so helpless. They'll go out of their minds, they'll find more friends,
and will tie you up, and you're so helpless. I'll direct them to have their way, any way they want.
Who can make you scream the loudest? Screen. Right. Maybe I'll just line them up and have them
squirt in your mouth, pussy all over your tits and ass, and all at the same time you'll be covered
and come, and we'll make you eat it all and taste everybody's come. Don't eat it. The next morning you'll be a little sore but after you're
going to want more after all that fucking is over. Oh my god he writes a
dissertation. I just passed my phone around to a bunch of guys on the tech
crew. They were screaming oh my god she's fucking beautiful look at that ass I'd
like to get that. I paused to count how loud how many guys there were 12. I said
okay there's 12 of you and she would love to fuck each and every one of you one at a time the guys cheered
Only do it if she takes three at the time. Oh that brought a huge reaction
Oh, she wants one deep in her ass one way down her throat. Yeah one in her pussy. She were talking about airtight
Yeah, this is amazing. This really happens and keep you pound her and keep on pounding until you pop your load. She may scream and try to say no,
although it would be difficult to say anything with a cock down her throat. They laughed. I then said,
listen, no matter what, just pound away until you squirt. Maybe these guys were having such a
blast with me. Some of them didn't believe me. So I said, you're the greatest fuck in the world,
and no matter how much you get, you always wanted more.
And then I said, she loves, come baby.
These texts, as we call them,
were having the time of their lives
listening to my truthful story.
I then said you would take a 10 minute break
between each fucking, but then you would get back
on your knees, your hands and knees with your ass
in the air and say, okay, I'm ready, who's next?
L-O-L. I drove them wild. It drove them wild, baby. Or I should say, you drove them
wild. Just imagine if this really happened, baby, how much come you would have coming
out of all your holes. And that's why airtight is the way to go. I mean, this guy just painted
a beautiful picture. He really did. This reminds me of a story I read once from Hemingway.
Yes. For whom the bell tolls, I think. For whom the bell tolls. That's a fantastic,
very similar prose. Similar idea. And also, I do like that he allows her a 10 minute break
so that she can get back on her knees. Get recuperate. It's nice that he factors that in for her.
It is crazy that this is the chairman of the WW.
It is something else.
It's funny.
Like this is you know what it is, is that it's like it's this
probably this repressed part of this guy and he's getting how old is he?
I feel like he's I mean, he's got to be in his 70s.
He came out with 76.
Hey, that wait, no, it's my birthday. He's 78. Hey, wait.
Burn up.
No, it's my birth year.
78.
He's 78.
Oh, oh.
Yeah, I mean.
Oh, this isn't 2020.
So he was 74 when he's 76.
He's all juiced up.
He's still so juiced up.
74 sending these is wild.
Can I just tell you too is like, I mean, I guess I'm very nervous, paranoid.
How do you send these texts to just hoes?
Like you know this shit's going to end up on the internet, bro. How do you send these texts to just hoes? Like, you know this shit's
gonna end up on the internet, bro. What are you doing? How do you not even think like,
I shouldn't text this, maybe a phone call, but even then could be recorded.
Because he's not thinking that that's gonna happen.
He's just so juiced up.
Yeah, he's fired up and he's just like, there's so much come and you're so good at this.
It sounds like he really likes the come. It's all about seeing other guys come and big black
Dix likes that part he liked he also liked I
Think you know thought of her as like this sexual like a bee like you just need all this stuff
Yeah, like he's doing her. Oh a favor. Oh my god. He looks so great
He looks like ghoulish in this new one with the mustache.
Look at that one.
It looks like Vincent Price.
Yeah.
Darkness falls across the land.
So he was sending her, scroll up a little bit.
Wow.
He was sending her to that guy's room, the guy below, right there.
One down, one down, one up.
This old guy?
That guy.
That guy was?
No, that's him. Sorry, I thought that was Lauren I guess because he was sending her to this guy named
Lauren I guess he was a bald guy
Yeah, and and he was like how was that you can see the text and she was like
Like it. I'm not interested in doing this again. Yeah, you go back there. I feel like this all
Didn't like it. I'm not interested in doing this again. Yeah, you did go back there. I thought it was a soul
Didn't have a choice. Yeah, that's really cool
But he was a sharer you can't call him selfish. No, it's it is all about when people get a lot of money and power and they like if I go They stay cool with it. You know go over to Zolo's place
And then stop by Annie's
They're good guys. How big was that? Come. Did you come a lot? All right,
I'll see you tomorrow.
My question is, did she in any way invite, like, was she like into this at all?
Maybe we don't know. Yeah, you don't know.
I think in stories like this, you really don't know.
You have no idea what the hell the dynamic is.
Her version of it is going to be, I felt pressured to do this.
Of course, yeah.
Of course.
And then he's going to be like, I thought you were having a great time.
Because we're also only seeing one text message right now.
Look how different it used to look.
More importantly.
That's, yeah.
Look, look how much better he looked.
I think, well that's also a younger guy, right?
I know, I know.
But I think it would be fun or interesting, I should say, to see the other texts.
Right, the responses?
I would like to see if she's like, oh, I came so hard.
Well, I don't know why he's L.O.L.ing either.
Yeah. Jeez.
This is a really cool text.
That look is insane.
Yeah.
Why are you choosing this look?
Unreal.
Unfucking real.
And we went from having gray hair to fucking dark dark dark hair at 78
Okay, that's always the the bad choice is to go from just gray
Stay gray get your plugs right and keep it keep it gray, and you won't look totally right and you can do some like
darker
Streaks in there. Yeah, you know like you can dark a little bit
Would you rather I'm ready. I know you have some I know I'm sorry. I really have to urinate so bad
Can I just piss really quickly? Yeah, of course. Okay. I gotta go but then I can really focus
Peepie come out my peels. We're back. We're back. We peed. Yeah, so much better. I can't think when I have to pee
So so Vince is so cool all the calm and the shitting.
It's very cool.
Yeah.
Anyway, I have some would you rather for you.
Haven't had one in a while, but I'm very excited about it.
Are you ready?
Yes.
Okay, this one's personal between you and me.
Would you rather I change my hair
and I get either really, really, really, really short,
short blonde hair.
So I'm still blonde, because I know you like blonde,
but it's super short.
Like sad Midwestern mom cut.
Like a Midwest, okay, a Midwestern mom cut.
It's very specific.
Very specific look.
Like depressing.
Okay.
Or long, long black hair.
Long black hair.
That was great.
Okay.
Okay.
Why? But you like blondes, you're not into the dark hair. Yeah, great. Okay. Why?
But you like blondes, you're not into the dark hair.
I'll take it over that mom cut any day.
Yeah, it's pretty gnarly.
It's the worst.
It is the worst.
Long black hair.
I promise I'll never do a mom cut.
Okay.
Now would you?
It really is the ultimate.
It's like somebody shutting off a valve to your penis.
Well, you're sending a very clear message to society,
which is like, I no longer make estrogen.
I'm a man.
I don't want to be a member of the woman species.
Everything is shut down here.
Here it is, shut it down.
Yeah.
The longest, blackest hair in the world, please.
Long and dark.
God damn, dude. Long and dark. Yeah. God damn, dude.
That's brutal.
Okay, would you rather I be too tall or too short?
Too tall.
Wow, so quick too.
Why?
I just, I think tall is attractive.
I'm not trying to make anybody short feel bad,
but I just, as like a partner, like I would just rather.
Thanks for calling me your partner.
Yeah, as my male friend.
I would just, I just find it more attractive.
I just feel like short, really short doesn't do it for me.
I just feel like it's-
It's just not your jam.
It's not for you.
If you're telling me like six one or five one,
I would take six one.
Six one, but I would tower over you. I'm not into it. If you're telling me like six one or five one, I would take six one. Six one.
But I would tower over you.
I mean, I would be,
That's six seven.
Sorry, I was just thinking that.
I'm just saying like, I would be at your height
and that would be fine.
That's fine.
It doesn't turn me off at all.
But me being like, how are you?
That's not your jam.
It just feels weird.
Some guys in love.
I dated two girls that were five feet tall.
And?
I mean, just, some guys love, like they demand.
No, it's some guys favorite thing.
It doesn't do it for me.
Yeah.
Okay.
So what are you, a fucking kid?
Grow up.
Okay.
Jesus Christ.
What are you in fucking middle school?
Put some stilts on.
But they do a lot of times short ladies
wear really high heels.
They love to wear high heels.
And now she's fall of five, four?
Yeah.
No, I'm not into it.
And spinners, they call them spinners.
Yeah, yeah, I've had them.
It's a whole aesthetic.
Did they spin on your cock?
Of course.
Stupid.
Yeah, and then, and it's fun
because you treat them like they're little rag dolls,
but it's like, you know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
And then would you rather I-
You accidentally break them?
You're like, oh, shit.
I think that's what it is.
The appeal-
I didn't mean to.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I mean, I guess the appeal is like they're so petite and tiny.
Yeah, it is.
I'm so much bigger than you. I get that.
I would like that.
Yeah.
If I were a man, I want like a tiny girl.
I'd be like, oh, you're so petite, I could break you and fucking kill you.
And that would turn you on.
Put my dick in and break you with my dick.
I understand that.
God, you're so obsessed.
So like, you really need to start talking about this more in private sessions.
I need to break you with my dick.
But I'm trying to imagine what it's like to have one.
I wish I could feel it once in my life because I feel like that's the thought I would have
in my head.
It's like, I'm like, oh, fuck, I've break it.
But you don't think that when you're doing it with me?
You're like, oh, fuck it.
Yeah, I try to hurt you, but I don't like, you know.
What?
Yeah, I'm not trying to please you.
I'm trying to make it go, ow, fuck, ow, stop.
Yeah, and it is easier with the tiny ones, that's true.
Yeah, they scream more.
All right, would you like to hear my other one?
You got it.
And this one's.
If you keep crying, I'm gonna come again.
Yeah, go ahead.
Go ahead.
Okay, this one's more psychological torture.
Okay.
And would you rather I be hardcore Christian or hardcore vegan?
I know. Because both are equally annoying.
Holy shit.
Not that all Christians are annoying or all vegans are annoying,
but the kind that's like militant and then they have to preach to you.
Like the type of Christian where I,
you know the ones when I post on TikTok,
who are like, how I work out and honor Christ.
And they have to wear like the Lululemon's
with the Bible verses and they read the Bible in the gym.
Or a vegan where I'm like, you know,
Tom, you really shouldn't eat that egg
because it's considered an abortion of a chicken.
And dot, dot, dot, dot.
I'll say this.
You've done it again.
This is your gift and it always has been.
Thank you, sir.
Those are two of the worst options in the world.
And this is like who I'm with.
Me, you're a question.
Or just like.
It's me.
Now let's say we're together for 20 years
and then one day. I'm like babe
Guess what? I'm vegan or babe. Guess what? I'm just gonna picture a scenario in which I'm not saying shut the fuck up
Because both imagining both
It's awful. It's awful. But but okay, but here's the thing
One is an assault on your ideology all the time and your possible behaviors.
And it could affect your sex life
because I could be like, you know, the Lord says.
Oh my God.
The other one's just going to affect like
what you can eat for dinner.
Cause I'll be like, I'm not going to make you
your hurtful meat.
I'm, I'm vegan now.
You have to have tofu and fake cheese, cashew cheese.
Yeah. The problem with both of these
is that they are affecting every window of your day.
You know what I mean?
It's not like, it is how you wake up.
It is, eating is like one of the pleasures of life,
joys of life, and to have somebody
that you're with all the time,
he's constantly contradicting what you wanna eat.
And constantly, because you're saying
you're not just vegan and quiet.
I'm militant.
You're a brow beaming.
And I'm gonna try to convert you at every,
or it's like you open your baby bird eyes
and I'm like, good morning,
the Lord has blessed you with another day.
Oh my God.
Or it's good morning,
would you like a vegan tofu scramble?
I guess, but here's the thing,
because there's so much nuance to this.
Yeah.
Right now, you just made those kind of pleasant.
Are you pleasant about these things?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I-
Good morning, the Lord has blessed you with another day.
Yeah.
It's not that bad.
Good morning, would you like a tofu scramble?
It's like, it's a nice thing to say.
So let's take it further.
And then you're like, you want to do it real quick?
And I'll be like, hold on.
They could both be whores. Right, but listen, but I'll be like, well, hold on. They could both be whores.
Right, but listen, but I'll be like, yes,
but first we have to do our morning devotionals together.
The vegan girl might be, yes,
but first I have to do my Ayurvedic bacteria poll
in my mouth, would you like to join me?
Oh my fucking God, is there a third option
where I kill the person?
You have to choose Christian or vegan.
God.
Here's the thing.
Yeah.
I am not a religious person.
Yeah.
But I find a hardcore vegan so unlikable.
Like the idea of spending time with somebody like that
for every meal.
I mean, I'm having three meals a day.
It's the meals.
And it's the restrictive behavior.
I know, I think I'd be like, yeah,
there's some crosses up, let's go for it.
Plus it's the devil you know.
At least you'll shut up during
fucking breakfast, lunch, and dinner, right?
You can eat what you want, except on Passover Lent,
when I will make sure that we abide by the Catholic standards
or Christian standards of, you know,
what is it, fish on Fridays or whatever.
But you kind of already know the Christian one
because you grew up in a religious household, right?
Your mom was like that.
There's those crazy videos, people who are like,
and you're like, what is this person?
And they're like, I just feel the Lord's love today.
And I just wanted to tell everybody about it.
You're like, what?
This is like a told schizophrenic person.
And they're just like, the Lord is filling me with his joy.
And I just feel compelled to share it.
I just feel compelled to share it.
And then other people are like, that's wonderful.
Like those people, you're like, oh, God, this person is so sick.
So weird.
My, my favorite are the gym goers that are like,
I can praise God.
How do you work out and praise God at the same time?
She's like, first I read my Bible verses
to get super pumped for the Lord.
Between sets.
And then she's like, yes.
And then like they were in clothing
that is Christian branded and you're like, huh?
Cause that's a form.
So okay, so here's,
so that's a form of mental illness.
It's totally mental illness.
But the vegan is like the hardcore people.
That's like mental illness,
but it's about food restrictions.
Because there's this practical application
of that you need to eat.
Right. And you're saying,
this isn't like somebody I know, you're saying it's you.
I wake up next to your fucking annoying ass every day
talking about your fucking no more milk or honey and anything and I'm
like oh god. But what's that call when someone has like food restrictions and
it's actually an eating disorder? Gay? Yeah it's like there's a word for it and I'm
sorry I can't remember it right now where you're like hyper restrictive you're
like I can't eat that but I can have that it's just like an eating disorder but
now I'm gonna inflict it on you. Yeah, I mean.
Yeah, there's a different word. I guess like the thing is if you're like that with food,
I guess I could do the thing where you're like that
with your, you're like that with food,
but I go, you just eat what you eat,
I'm gonna eat what I eat, you know?
Can't do that though, I'm gonna be overly militant.
I'm not gonna let you eat, you're gonna eat vegan.
You're gonna eat vegan, and I'm gonna make you eat fucking
Quinn now and all that
Quinn now first-class bullshit
the fuck
Quinn now babe now. Yeah, you are now vegan mayonnaise. No, just listen to your Christian bullshit. I guess I
Guess I'll just take it pray and before every meal, praying before we get in the car.
Pray, pray, pray all day, pray.
I mean, either scenario is gonna end up in like huge arguments and divorce.
Yeah, there's no question about it.
You know that's happening right now, that some poor guy or girl listening to this is like,
my wife became a hardcore vegan. My life is...
To evolve into that is not fair to the other person.
No, or like my wife became a hard-core Christian,
I'm losing my mind.
She converted and I'm like going crazy.
Someone right now is dealing with us, poor son of a bitches.
No, I hate it.
I know.
Good job, that was a really good one.
God damn it, that was awful.
He got it was awful.
Awful because you know, it's hard the the whole trick of marriage is to evolve together with somebody
Over time and like you hope that you guys pick up hopefully the same
Interests and things you know, but if one person goes that way one guy goes this way One guy goes this way. I like to be in the same place like that kind of thing
You know like at least have like a appreciation.
Like, oh, we like living in this sit, like.
Yeah.
And having some shared interests.
But like, if you, this is a whole ideological way of,
you know what I mean?
That you're holding an ideology where you're like,
this is how I want to live.
It's my new philosophy.
It's fanaticism.
So it's like.
And if that's not your partner,
that's not going to work. It's not going to work. It's not going to if that's not your partner, that's not gonna work.
It's not gonna work.
It's not gonna work.
The vegan, I think that would break down.
Even like if it was like a really compassionate way
of someone doing it,
if somebody is totally not into it,
like totally not into it,
I'm not into it at all.
I'm not into at all, you know.
It's zero interest.
Like I even had a family member
who was vegan for a while.
And was, I love this family member by the way.
Like she's my favorite one,
but come Thanksgiving,
she would bring over her own Tofurky from Traders Joe.
And then like I'm trying to cook a meal for the whole family
and she's like, can I heat up my Tofurky in the oven?
I'm like, what are you doing?
I remember a vegan girl.
I was like, why are you fat?
It's a mystery, isn't it?
Yeah.
Cause they're eating macaroni and cheese.
It's vegan.
Or macaroni with whatever,
spray butter.
But the best part of the vegan, by the way,
my vegan relative who I adore though,
is she would eat the Tofurky, remember?
And she'd go mmm you
can't even tell just like there and like it doesn't taste like a fucking burger
you're like no it tastes like shit it tastes like actual shit yeah it doesn't
taste like the real that's why it's called the real thing and then you're
fake I gotta show you something so you know we've been on this we've been on
this lane of like people showing you how they live and they're like really authentic and genuine oh
yeah and they get massive hate for it such a good lane sometimes they don't
get hate sometimes I think some of these people don't hate like I don't know
it's this is one of the ones that I really wanted to show you okay folks
let's take a journey through a weekend in my life as a 25 year old bachelor in
DC on Friday I needed some alone time and a little Okay folks, let's take a journey through a weekend in my life as a 25 year old bachelor in DC.
On Friday I needed some alone time and a little solace so I headed back to the apartment to make
a new dinner creation of chicken with pasta and broccoli that gave the house a nice aroma.
Before collapsing on the couch to watch Seinfeld and let the humor of Jerry,
Elaine and Kramer take me away for some moments of peace. Since it rained buckets on Saturday I started the morning off by whipping up a hearty breakfast
that included pancakes, eggs and of course some juicy bacon.
Juicy bacon?
Afterward I had a nice little content strategy session where I began sketching out some new
ideas that I am really excited to share with all of you in the high very soon.
At night I made my way to city taphouse to grab dinner with some friends and watch a
little football as well.
I had not seen the guys in over a month so it was awesome to catch up on everything and
enjoy a little banter as always.
On Sunday I was invited to FedEx Field for the final Commander's Game of the Season against
the Vaunted Dallas Cowboys.
I think one of the things about this guy is that he's 25,
but he seems to have like the personality of like a 55.
100%.
I was wondering that like, because when I was 25,
I was still getting hammered and puking and yeah.
He's like, I have on this very crisp white shirt.
And you're like, well, not only that he cooks nutritious meals,
his apartment looks really put together. He's autistic, I think. Hey, are you single? I sure am. Are you on the dating apps? Yes? I am can I take some pictures of you?
Here purple absolutely, let's go
Yeah, he's really genuine he's very like authentic and nice
Hey, what's going on? I'm Tony. I live here in DC. I'm 25 and I'm looking for a long-term relationship
Is your ideal first date? Oh, it's a good question
I have to go with swingers because it's a great competition day
You have a lot of fun little playful banter nothing better than that in the first day
I guess it's a place for like an arcade or something.
Yay!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Ha ha ha!
Yeah it is.
Sure typical Thursday night.
Ooh, love Thursdays.
So I start things off at the work little happy hour or two.
Go out to learn about eight o'clock, then come home,
make a nice complex dinner, we really go all in.
Am I just like so damaged and cynical?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Yes! You know what I mean? Yes. Like I just like so damaged and cynical? Yes.
That, you know what I mean?
Like I don't even understand how a guy like this exists.
I don't either.
A 25?
Yeah.
And like he's, I just, I don't understand how he's not like,
you know, more of an asshole.
I guess I, am I just-
You're so broken though.
I am and I'm just surrounded by assholes.
You and I both are, you were damaged and broken
and sad inside
that we can't fathom that somebody is this innocent
and happy.
Like we can't even wrap our brains around a babe.
But can I tell you what?
I really can't wrap my brain around.
Yeah.
The girl that wants to fuck this guy.
Well, you just said you were in love a moment ago.
I love him as a son.
I'm double his age.
But I'm saying like, I don't know if I could.
What if him and his buddies came over and fucked you up?
Exactly, now you're talking.
But like, I don't know if he's got effability
and I worry for him.
It's a green flag you look for.
The ability to have meaningful conversations
and really make a good connection.
What is one thing these two don't know about him?
Oh, that's a good one. It's going to shock you all. I'm a black belt in karate.
Wow.
If you're a serious prospect and want to go on a date with Tony,
it's slide into his DMs.
Tony P. He also does outfit videos.
Oh, Tony. Oh.
He does this dance thing.
Look, he's showing you. He's so sweet.
He's so sweet.
Circular texture for some polished flair.
Oh my God, I love his moves.
He's like corporate dad.
Yeah, he's a corporate dad, but he's 25.
Dude, how is he this mature?
I don't understand.
I don't understand it either.
What's he doing DC?
Does he work in politics? He's gotta be in government or something. I'm not sure. It don't understand it either What's he doing DC does he work in politics gotta be in government or something?
I'm not sure it's gotta be something dope though something dope
Tony P bro, I'm so excited that Tony P. There's some of the comments. Oh, no
Tell him my wife just saw this immediately down alert at all dating dating apps to find you normally
I'd be furious but since she's chasing you I can't help it let her follow her dreams
She likes chocolate sprinkles on her ice cream be good to her tone. Oh
They're like nice to him. Yeah
Telling calls them dates the ladies call them on the other hand call them abductions. Oh that I guess okay. Yeah
Just like a 60 year old public defender
It's accurate. It is accurate. Oh
Thank God those slacks aren't tailored. Give that jackhammer some space.
So I think one of the fun things that people do is that when somebody is really wholesome,
they like to do this to them, you know?
Okay.
They like to press them with an appropriate...
But hold on.
This is really interesting because why are they going easy on Tony P but then so hard
on our coffee girl?
But no, no, no.
They like him.
See, there's a whole, there's layers to this.
Like he's more aligned with Neve,
the girl who has like the dad jokes.
Right.
They're just wholesome.
Right.
They're wholesome.
So what they do to wholesome people is they sexualize them
because they know they're not ready for it.
And they're not asking for it, so then they do it to them.
They're childlike and they wanna get this childlikeness
out of them.
Yeah, Coffee Girl is different.
Coffee Girl is like, I'm doing all this stuff,
I work hard, I'm working hard,
whether it's in business or at the gym.
And then they're just bullying her based on appearance
and the fact that like,
you're saying you do stuff and you're not doing it.
Gotcha.
It's a different lane.
I am so foreign to nice normalcy.
Love the way your jacket shapes you like a UPS package tone.
Tell my wife accidentally called out your bed,
your name last night in bed.
She's devastated and keeps apologizing.
How do I get her to do it again?
Yeah.
So good.
I'm so pleased to hide that giant hog.
And it's men bullying him.
Which is great.
They like to sexualize the wholesome.
That's definitely a big thing.
That's a whole lot.
Look how many likes that last one got.
Over like 1100 likes.
I know.
Looking into your eyes is like looking into a kaleidoscope.
I feel both energized and terrified.
Yeah.
Tony P.
So that's a new follow for you, Christine.
I love Tony.
Hopefully I think you could befriend him.
I think you guys would be a good-
I will.
I'll start talking to him.
Yeah.
He's got Charles from Boston Vibes.
Yeah.
What's going on?
It's Charles.
Yeah, I think Charles is a little more sexual energy to him though. A lot more. Yeah. Yeah. What's going on? It's Charles. Yeah, I think Charles has a little more sexual energy to him, though.
A lot more.
Yeah.
Yeah. Tony P needs to...
Tony's got to do one of these where he grabs his dick at the end.
Uh-huh.
You know?
He's like, I'm wearing this and then he just goes, right here.
100%.
Because, you know, I mean, this may sound so stupid,
but I finally just figured it out in my 47th year of life
is that the Tony P's of the world are
you know, beta
our good friend and
Here's the listen to me one second
Let me finish the thought finish it is that the type of woman that's attracted to beta is the dominant
Female who is the male the masculine?
Thousand so he's gonna have to be with a bitch, a real ball buster.
Maybe.
Unless he ups his masculine thing.
I think there's something else that could happen though.
This guy's genuinely who this, I think he's authentically a really nice guy.
Yes.
And I think he actually just wants a real innocent wholesome girl.
That's not, that's the other way.
Like a big V, you know.
A Christian V.
V. V.
Yeah.
And he gets to say sweet things and he's like, I made you some grilled chicken and she's
like, I appreciate that.
And then he's like.
And they're Disney adults.
Yeah, Disney adults.
And they get to be Disney adults because they're so innocent and they're young and sweet.
And they wait.
They wait to do stuff.
They wait to do, they go to church together.
Yeah, that's who he is. It's crazy that that's a that is a real person
I think you don't usually see like we're at the age now where it's wild to see it and someone younger
You know you go you're 25 because you think about yourself at 25
You know I mean you're jacking off in a cab
Doing like crazy shit 25. I'm off the rails, bro. Yeah, I was already like blacking out. I was blacking out waking up in yards
I was already doing that. I was already gone. Well, Tony P
We wish you the best of luck. I love you. Keep posting these cool videos. All right ready for a break. Yeah
All right, we'll see you guys in a moment. All right ready in Chamesh
in a moment. All right, ready in five, four, three, two.
That's for me.
That's just for you.
That's for you.
You guys get a Jewish producer every time you do.
Of course.
Only, it's a lot of work.
Because they're always like, can I stay?
And they're like, no.
But back for the second time, right?
So my theory says the third time.
Third time.
Because every time I come, it's a new and nicer studio.
That's the way till you see next year.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's gonna be incredible.
You have a new book before we move on,
a new book called Subculture Vulture.
It's out now.
It's the great Moshe Kashi of Hell, yeah.
Glad to be back.
Welcome back.
Thank you for coming back.
Before we get it, there's a lot to talk about,
but the book concept is very cool.
It's broken, you break it down into like this, these six subcultures kind of of your life,
right?
Yeah, they're each like a, it's kind of a, it's a history and a comedy and a memoir
and it's a, it's subculture, a memoir and 16.
So each of the sections is one of the subcultures that kind of like created who I am.
And I know I was familiar with some of them.
I knew about AA.
Yeah, I went to rehab three times
by the time I turned 15 and got sober at 15
and I've been sober for six.
Pretty wild, congratulations on that.
I knew about deafness.
Yes, my parents are deaf.
My uncles, aunts, cousins, everybody's deaf.
Is deaf.
And you know sign language
and obviously it became a huge part of your life.
I was an interpreter actually for 15 years.
That was the last job I had before full-time stand-up
was sign language.
Pretty wild.
Yeah.
I knew about Hasidic, like Judaism
was a big part of your life.
Yeah, my dad, after my mom's split with him,
like became like a born-again Hasidic Jew
and he moved to Brooklyn, a neighborhood in Brooklyn
where he married a woman
from like the most extreme Hasidic sect.
So when he went on visitation
I would fly back and cosplay as a extra from Fiddler on the roof for six weeks a year while
I was a public school regular secular kid listening the same music you listen to growing up then I would just fly back and become like
Tevi of the milkman. That's pretty wild. It was crazy. I didn't know we were just talking in the lobby
I did not know about burning man. What burning man. I was it. I do. Oh, we were just talking in the lobby, I did not know about Burning Man. What? Burning Man, I went,
I love it. Oh, you knew that?
I knew it, because I follow you guys on Instagram.
By the way, there's a goth Burning Man
Venn diagram crossover that you missed out on.
What? If you want to come, you and me, we can go.
Can I take the one drawback?
Because I've been there for a show I've filmed many years ago.
Oh, you got sent to Burning Man for the show.
Yes, it was a show where I picked up hitchhikers on FX.
Oh, wow.
And we picked up people at Burning Man and gave them rides.
And I actually, it's a lovely culture.
I love the idea.
It's very cathartic and great.
The playa dust and the filth.
There's no way around that.
No way to shower and shit properly.
I have an RV, so I shower and shit in a very clean way.
And I imagine if the two of you came,
you would not be tent camping.
That's just, I'm not, I'm just throwing that out there.
You don't have the vibe right now.
Can you bring a tour bus?
You can bring a tour bus.
That's the fucking way to go, bro.
You can 1,000% bring a tour bus.
So then, I worked there for 15 years too.
And I went for the first time in 96 when I was 16.
And last year was my 24th time going.
24th time.
Are you one of the probably longest going?
I regularly, I'm definitely the best looking person
who's been going that long.
Most definitely.
Definitely the youngest.
I don't have the least amount of crow's feet
of the people that have been attending that long.
Do you plan, do you build a float?
Do you build art?
What?
Do you go with an agenda every year?
Like is there? No, okay, look, I've been going for such a long time build a float, do you build art? Do you go to an agenda every year?
No, okay, look, I've been going for such a long time that it's slightly boring to me at this point,
but now I go because I have a streak. Do you have things like that?
Yeah, sure.
I cannot go because then it'll be over.
Fucking Duolingo, yeah.
It's very similar to Duolingo.
I speak the, I learn the language of Mother Iowaska every year.
No, I don't, don't I'm still sober
but I
These days I go with I almost do nothing
But there were years over the over the two and a half decades
I've been going that yeah, I would go with an agenda
But we would always go with like a comedy agenda like you know, they have our right right right
You say like float we built this art car called the void which was
The worst art car that has ever been built at Burning Man.
And we did it to bum people out.
It was basically a cargo van, and we framed it with two by fours,
like a big square on either side of the cargo van.
And we just draped a shade cloth on the side of it.
So it was just a roving cube of black.
Just a saddened people.
And we would pull up on, people would be in the desert rubbing each other,
like peeking on Molly.
And we'd pull up blasting Husker do or like anal
cut with like a PA and we'd be like hey there you on acid have you ever thought
about what's gonna happen when you die and then we pull off
like bad vibe clowns so wait that's that's subculture five four that I
mentioned four yes and then I knew stand-up obviously that's subculture 5, 4 that I mentioned. 4, yes.
And then I knew stand up, obviously.
That's one of them.
That is one of them.
That is 5, yes.
There's a 6 one?
The 6th is Raves, which is how I got here too.
Did you?
Good time.
Oh, the best time.
Growing up in LA in the 90s.
Oh yeah.
Ron D. Cork.
I went to 2.
I've only been to 2.
2?
Yeah.
I wasn't a huge rave, don't get me,
I'm not gonna claim that scene,
but I was there enough to be like,
this is definitely fun.
Was it San Francisco for you?
San Francisco.
I was sober eight months, I was 15, and I was looking around, I'm at these young people's
meetings and I'm the youngest person by 10 years at the young people's meetings.
So I was like lonely.
And I was horny as well.
And I mean, I didn't put it together, but in retrospect, I was like, there must have
been horniness involved. And I saw a flyer for a rave on a telephone pole and I go, I didn't put it together, but in retrospect I was like there must have been horniness involved
Yeah, and I saw a flyer for a for a rave on a on a telephone pole
And I go I don't know where I got this from because I grew up like listening to gangster rap and like that was like my world
Like identity crisis guy sure that was my universe and but I was like I'm going to that and I bought a ticket
by myself and I went and I I
Remember I stuffed a bag of Escape
by Calvin Klein into a sock,
just in case I had to like,
to like Pope a recent to Blackjack somebody
on the way, that was the mind I entered that party with.
And I got in there and I mean, it was like,
the whole book is about these moments of like,
you know, like a doorway where you walk through,
it's like Narnia was like that
or Star Wars or Harry Potter, you're this like weak,
like just powerless friendless kid.
And then you walk through a portal
and you're like in another universe.
This is I belong.
I belong, these are my people.
I've got superpowers here.
I started, I put the bag down with the escape sock
and I just like wandered into the rave.
Like every, you know, I'm like people
and cat in the hat hats and big Mickey mouse gloves and shit and I go, wandered into the rave like every, you know, I'm like people in cat and the hat hats and big Mickey mouse
gloves and shit.
And I go, these are my people.
I started like pure wedding and like doing ballerina dances.
And this gay couple came and grabbed me
and they picked me up in the air and they go,
you dance beautifully.
And I was like this like little wannabe gangster
in the air and put me down.
I like grabbed him, I go, don't you hug me.
I grab him, I pull him close to me.
I kissed him both on the cheek and ran off.
I was a I was a full raver.
Yeah, like I'd been a change.
You were energized by the whole thing.
It was like a whole I was a different.
I literally walked through and came out of different.
How long did the like rave period last for you?
So I did that for about five years and I became like a big rave promoter
and DJ and eventually ecstasy dealer, clean and sober.
I think perhaps the only clean and sober ecstasy dealer, clean and sober, I think perhaps the only clean and sober
ecstasy dealer.
That's probably a great way to run the business.
Well, I did not get high off my own supply.
There you go.
Indeed, I did not.
But I would see people from the AA meeting sometimes coming.
You remember raves, all the drugs get sold at raves
like in one, like in the first half hour.
So it was like a Middle Eastern market, you know,
but quiet, you know, they're not going like,
hey, come get a vase.
You be like, ee, ee, ee, ee get a face. And then I'd see a guy from the Monday night meeting and I'd be like, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, e hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey between like the black kids from the projects and the hippie homeless kids and it was a full physical war and
all the black kids had like baseball bats and like 40 bottles and all the hippies
I'm not even making this up
They had like staffs and like crystal juggle like contact juggling balls
But it wasn't even skateboards and shit, but it was kind of an even match
Sure was like wizards coming by but then like gangsters on the other side was one of the greatest things I've ever seen.
Did it, how did it end?
I think it just sort of exploded and then they all went down to Golden Gate Park and
played acoustic guitar together.
That's cool.
That's very cool.
You had a great, you always bring up something wonderful you saw.
What is it, the Folsom Street Fair?
Oh, the Folsom Street Fair.
In there.
And then the Exotic Erotic Ball.
I don't know if you ever did that one in the 90s.
I remember the Exotic Erotic and Folsom Street fair was great. That's always the classic.
You would have loved it, Tom. It was like a rave where you could see somebody fisting
two men fisting. Yeah, literally. I always bring it up that it was so free. Like,
seeing guys buttfuckin' on the street. Oh yeah, big time. I had a friend who used to work at
Pier 39, which is like the tourist spot of San Francisco, and he was this older gay guy with a wicked sense of humor,
and this family from Iowa or something came in,
and they were like, hi, we're noodle towels.
We're just checking things out.
Anything funny?
He goes, oh yes, honey,
you gotta go to the Folsom Street Fair.
And he said this Christian family
to the Folsom Street Fair.
They're probably still talking about that.
Oh my God.
Yeah, that's a good one.
He must have misdirected us, for sure, at what they, that was a good question. He must have misdirected us for sure
at what they were thought when they got there.
He must have not meant this.
You know that there was a subsidiary
of the Folsom Street Fair that was more hardcore?
No.
Yes, if you were really in the know,
you would go to Doriale, which was a sub,
that's where the real freaky shit went down.
Didn't know.
The innocent shit with two men butt fucking
to house music, that happened on course some street fair.
But if you wanted to see like a compigot pissed on,
you go to Dory, yeah you missed your shot.
I missed it, wow.
That's actually the seventh subculture in the book,
is Dory and Holly.
That's another shot, you're good.
My life in piss.
Well I do know if clubs, my gay male friends would go to
where there would just be like a guy sitting somewhere
and then you
guys would take turns fucking him or maybe, you know, like glory holes, you just put your
dick in a hole and guys do whatever they want.
I've done that.
We've all done that.
Yeah.
That's how you got past at the comedy store.
Exactly.
Tommy.
That's what those holes, they all say those holes are from when the mafia was there, they
would shoot people.
No, no, no.
That was an original glory hole.
Yeah.
No, I went once to a sex party called the Power Exchange in San Francisco.
Yes. It's a club, no?
It was a club and they had, there were three level, or maybe there were two levels.
That's what I'm talking about.
Power exchange. So you go in, you had to bring up, if you went with a woman,
you would get in for a certain amount. If you went solo and wanted to wear your regular clothes,
it would be really expensive. If you went solo and wanted to wear a towel, it would be another
amount. And then upstairs was the gay man. So that people are just having a fun time.
Downstairs there was this like weird kind of psychological experiment happening. So
it would be you'd go in and the look as I went with a girl and I went with a girl and
the look but she was not like somebody
I was hooking up with, so we were just like
kind of checking it out.
The look on everybody's face, it was all these like,
kind of thugs and towels, who, the look was
extreme disappointment, hour one,
and then the straight couples would peel off
and go fuck and have people watch them.
Hour two was kind of like mild, intrigue and like conflicted emotion and then our three was like gangster getting a blowjob from a postal worker in a wig
Like it was just like they kind of surrendered to their horniness and I remember I went and I dropped the girl off
After that like good night, and I was driving back to Oakland and I saw the off ramp and I saw the power
I already I had the band on and I was like and I went back
Yeah, I went back and they said we used to joke me in that girl
Motion went back was like and I went back and I like stared into a window as a couple fucked and jerked off
And that was sort of that's great. That was nice. That sounds like a nice way to end the night a nice night
Like now I'm ready to go. Yeah. Yeah, like that seems to be the night. And then you're like, now I'm ready to go home.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's time to go home.
Now this is where I wanna ask you before I forget
about deafness.
Power exchange.
So have you done shows with a sign language interpreter?
Oh sure, yeah, yeah.
So for people that don't know,
this is a thing that happens in stand-up.
And the first time, it's usually quite a surprise
where you'll be at a club or you're at a theater and they go, oh, there's a hearing impaired person
in the audience and you're like, okay. And they go, so there'll be an interpreter on stage
with you. And you're like, what do you mean? They're like, well, somebody calls ahead and
says, I'm hearing impaired, they can request and we will by law provide an interpreter.
So you are literally standing, you know, doing your show and then depending on the size of
the stage, you know, maybe 10, 20 feet away or whatever, there's an interpreter throughout
your act.
You'd be one of probably the only, if not the only comedian who actually speaks sign language.
Do you interact then differently with them?
I do a thing sometimes. They kind of hate it. I mean, every
comedian kind of does the same thing where they play with.
I've never had a bet show with an interpreter.
They're fint. It's always fun. It's always fun. It always adds
this like weird new dynamic where you kind of play with it.
But usually what comics instinct is, is to like make them say
something sexual or color and then everybody laughs and we all
have a good time and then the interpreter goes home and cries.
Yeah, I will do a thing where because their job and no one thing, sexual, off-color, and then everybody laughs and we all have a good time and then the interpreter goes home and cries.
I will do a thing where, because their job, and no one knows this except me and the deaf
people, their job is to not only interpret what I'm saying, but to say what the deaf
person is signing, right?
That's the second half of the job.
Say what the deaf person...
So usually the way you interact with the sign language interpreter is that you say your
act and they sign it, right?
Right.
But there's a second half of the job which is a signing person signs and they take the
mic and they say what you are signing.
You know what I'm saying?
No.
The deaf person signs and the hearing interpreter has to speak in English what they're signing.
Oh.
That's the second half of the job and it doesn't ever happen in a comedy show because that's
not there but I worked for 15 years an interpreter. I did I thought you meant at the comedy show
That's why I was like wait
I've never had that bit well
That's the thing that I will do because I'm the only one that can do it sometimes in the right circumstances
I will pretend they don't know who I am. Yeah, so I'll pretend like you know what I'm gonna try to I'm gonna try this
This doesn't look that hard
And I give them the Michael you're supposed to sign And I give them the mic, you're supposed to sign
what I say, right?
And you're supposed to say what I sign and go,
I guess, and I hand them the mic
and I start like kind of flapping my hands
and they think I'm just fucking with them
and being like the most ignorant comedian ever.
And then I slowly like morph it into sign language
and then I'll do a bit.
Now that is a funny bit when I've interpreters
trying to do like a blue joke or something
and they're trying to catch up and I'm like correcting them I'm like no no no I said
my balls were filled when I went to the Folsom Street Fair they were full I got
pissed on in Dorioli. You're doing it all in perfect sign language. I will
morph it in the perfect sign language in four seconds to say that. Does it
fade on you if you don't use it because I mean do you still use it quite a bit? I
use it because my mom I'm my mom I still in my mom, but I'm ruster than I used to be.
When I was right before I transitioned
into full-time stand-up, I was at the heights of my powers.
I was working on the internet.
Webcams were invented.
When I was a little kid, I would have to call my mom.
And the way that I would call my mom is I would call
on a phone, like a regular phone to a service.
And there would be an operator that would pick up. The operator would hear my voice and that I would call my mom is I would call on a phone, like a regular phone to a service, and there would be an operator that would pick up.
The operator would hear my voice, and then they would call, and they had this thing called a TTY.
It was a teletype machine, and you would type the message.
And so, you know, me and my friends used to fuck with, I would fuck with my friends and call them and be like,
you know, I would like call my drug dealer.
Yeah.
He was very mad when I did this.
I thought it was funny, you know, because I'd call them and be like,
yeah, I need a 20 sack.
And he'd be like, get off the phone,
do not ever call me with that.
I was like, oh, it's fun, it's fun,
we're having a good time.
But then they invented webcams.
And so an interpreter would do it.
And it was like, it was so much smoother.
And I was that interpreter.
So that was very surreal because I used to call the people,
I used to be the person calling,
and you know, I would call my mom
and the phone would pick up, you know,
and it'd be like, hello, hello, my son.
They'd be like, oh, mom, are you a black dude?
And at that time, at that time, sure.
That's all right.
Hello, son.
That would be the interpreter calling you.
It would be the operator, right?
So now it's an interpreter,
so the conversation's got a lot smoother, right?
And you could call any kind of call,
so I did that for five years,
any kind of call you can imagine,
anything that a deaf person's calling for,
you're calling for too, and I would,
I'll tell you the, I'm trying to think which one,
this one's a good one, this dude called one time,
and I could see on his face, like he was agitated,
there was something up with him,
and he's like, call the number, and I go,
oh, okay, and I press connect, and it's a police station.
It's like, you know, whatever Austin police
Can I help you and the guy starts signing my job?
What are the rules in interpreting is a big rule never ever do third person never say he said
He wants a pizza always say I want to order a pizza
Yeah, it's you can get fired for doing third person because it's like this like
Reminder that the deaf person isn't in charge of the call and
And there's like a person right he's saying that he wants you don't ever do that can you can be fired for this
So that's a that's a rule
So I call and the cop picks up and we start the call and like I'm a sound like a interpreter
We're about to begin and then bam the guy starts signing. He's like fuck you motherfucker. Fuck the police you fucking surveilling me
I know you're surveilling me. I'm like, oh, he's on math. Okay, this guy's is like day four. He hasn't slept in days. Yeah, and he's like fuck you you fucking stupid fucking pig fuck you in the cop
Unflappable professional the cop just like sir if you don't calm down and tell me what's happening
I'm not gonna be able to help you. I understand that you're upset and I'm signing all this shit
He's like you can fucking suck my fucking dick you stupid pig. I'm stoked at this point
I'm able to call a cop a pig with total impunity. I'm loving it. I'm doing snorting noises. Everything's like, you can fucking suck my fucking dick, you stupid pig. I'm stoked at this point. I'm able to call a cop a pig with total impunity.
I'm loving it.
I'm doing snorting noises.
Everything's good, right?
I'm just like, fuck you, fuck you.
The cop's like, sir, I just, again,
I just, I want to help you, but I can't help you.
He's like, suck my, you can help me by sucking
this dick, you little bitch, fuck you.
And then he signs, fuck your mother.
And there's silence on the phone.
And I go, uh, and the cop goes, what'd he say?
I go, oh, hold on, just getting some clarification here.
And the guy goes, fuck your mother.
And I go, uh, he said fuck your mother.
He said it, he said it, I didn't say that.
He said fuck your mother.
The cop loses it, full out of, he's like, fuck my mother,
fuck you, motherfucker, fuck.
And then they're just going back and forth
Fuck you fuck you fuck you and I hung up the call luckily nobody it was such a dramatic situation
Oh, I jumped out of professional composure. I could have been fired and you can you ended it well
I didn't hang up the call came to a lovely conclusion. Yeah, I ever got help
That's crazy that that's what throws people off
That's crazy that that's what throws people off the ledge.
That's my mom.
That's my mom.
Don't talk about my mama.
I had another call once these guys called, these two dudes called, and they go, they
go again on their faces, they're like, okay, call.
And I go, what's up with these faces, man?
Why are you, and then the call picks up and I realize immediately why.
It's like tons of fat-titted horny babes are fingering their juicy slits waiting for you
right now.
Press five to be connected.
And I'm signing it.
I'm like, tons of fat-titted horny babes are fingering their slits right now.
Press five to be connected.
But then I got to tell these guys.
I go, guys, I got to tell you, I'm sorry, but I can't press five.
Like I'm not allowed.
This is a pay-to-play situation.
This is phone sex.
I can't connect you.
And they go, oh my god, no, no, no, no, we don't want that.
Phone sex, no, no, no, no.
And I go, oh, whoa, this is hilarious, like wrong number.
Oh, they were trying to call some other number,
this is like a weird, they go, no, we don't want phone sex.
We want a woman to come to our houses
and have sex with us.
Oh, right, phone sex would suck.
Yeah.
Oh, I mean, you mean a prostitute?
They go, yes, yes.
Do you know anybody?
I go, and like, I'm a coda.
I'm a child of deaf adults.
Like in my DNA is the desire to help.
And at any time, I spent my first 15 years of my life
in a non-consensual sign language interpreting internship
with my mother.
Like I signed every doctor's appointment she ever had.
You know, gynecological appointments, life was good.
And then I started getting in trouble.
The AA stuff, I started signing at behavioral meetings
of which I was the subject.
So it would be about me, right?
It would be like this guy fucking, you know,
pulled the fire alarm, broke the window, this guy sucks.
And I would have to like, you know,
you gotta kind of shave it a little bit.
You can't quite be like, he's cool. Cause then my mom would be like, why do you call me in here to say he's cool?
So you have to be like, well, he's got some problems. We think he's charming.
Maybe a future in stand-up comedy.
Like, you know, I do like a full like kind of tilt of what the conversation.
Yeah, but you have a couple of degrees.
Yes, a couple degrees.
You had to like seed enough information that it makes sense.
But not he's been misbehaving.
Yeah, but we really do think he shows promise or whatever.
Anyway, so it's in my blood.
I wanna help deaf people, but I go, guys, I can't,
I don't know, you're out of state, I'm not a pimp.
Yeah, how I do this.
I don't know anybody, and the look of disappointment
on those two guys' faces when they hung up,
I still don't know if they got laid.
I know, because how do you find?
Most of them did, they did.
They think they did. Tell you something, they did. That's laid. I know. Because how do you find? Motion, they did.
They did.
Tell you something.
They did.
That's nice.
You have to find a person that understands sign language like a pimp.
A deaf pimp.
Yeah, it's so hard to find.
Well, that's a whole thing, by the way. Sex workers for the disabled. I mean, deaf people,
they get laid.
I know there's the sex worker for like the guy that is like completely immobile. It's
like a caretaking sex worker, right?
Yeah, and when you learn about sex workers
for the disabled, you start,
all your judgment that you may or may not have had
for sex work starts to like dribble out of your brain.
You go, this is like,
because we convince ourselves,
deaf people I don't even think count in this world
because deaf people, they're interacting
in a pretty able bodied way, you know?
But people who are severely disabled, who can't move,
they're as horny as we are.
And we like to think of them as like,
oh no, you get disabled and then your sex drive goes away.
But that's for us, so that we don't have to think about how,
you can't even masturbate.
Some people are so disabled they couldn't take care of
themselves at all.
And they want to.
Oh, terrible.
And so these sex workers that work with a disabled,
they're like, they're fucking heroes
Yeah, of course straight up straight up homie straight up homie. No cap. No cap. That's how I talk
God we think of this
We have the cutest pair of mother-daughter
Buttholes to do clients mom is an absolute bombshell. She has
She loves daisies, wine, and she loves
the ocean. So I gave her a little crown of daisies, wine bottle, and a super cute seashell.
And I also did cat ears because they have three cats. They also love working out, but
I was a little worried to overcrowd the mom's butthole. I didn't want to overstuff it. So
I just left it there and then moved on to the daughter's butthole. I didn't want to overstuff it. So I just left it there and then moved on to the
daughter's butthole. She has brown hair. She loves sunflowers and she is in nursing school. So I
decided to do cute little sunflowers. I gave her a stethoscope and then for hers I was able to put
a little weight on there. Absolutely love this pair. My daughter is always going to thank her mom's a giant pain in the ass and vice versa.
But for these two, they're still best friends, which makes these BFF buttholes
so much better for the two of them. That's cruel for a mother.
That's a really beautiful. Would you get it for the kids?
Absolutely. We already have. We ordered it.
I tried to order one for a buddy that goes to Doriale and it was so expensive. The amount of
female clay that she had to use definitely could not be overcrowded, that particular
butthole.
Oh my gosh.
It was the entire city of San Francisco pouring out of it.
Speaking of nudity, your wife, and Bert Kreischler.
So good.
It's Bert Kreischer.
No.
He's like, no, he's actually kind of famous, honestly.
No, yeah, no, I know. Did I miss, say it? No, no, no, he's a he's a he's actually kind of famous on this. No. Yeah. No, I know. Yeah. Did I miss say it?
No, no, no, I don't know
But Bart went crazy one day. He was like, you'll never believe what just happened. Oh
Did he cry
So what's the fault for people that don't know? Will you please tell the story?
Well, Natasha followed Bert and he was...
It's a very smart move, actually.
As he always is.
Yes.
With shirtless.
He was shirtless, yeah.
And he didn't begin...
He gets shirtless.
He gets shirtless.
That's an important point.
Well, I think it is funny that Bert does it at the improv.
It's not just for concerts.
No.
It's for a 10-minute spot at the improv. Yes, yes.
It sounds like a real commitment. And then Natasha was like, I think it's texting me.
I think I'm gonna take my shirt off. I think I'm gonna take my shirt off. And I was like,
go for it, honey, do it. And the video is so great because it goes from her. And it's,
she looks so awesome and like, like punk rock. And then it like swoops around a Burt who's like,
having a seizure. Like he's losing his mind. It he's like, there's so much joy occurring in the world.
And obviously the audience, they get to see a perfect pair of tits.
And then Natasha goes on.
Yeah.
But I loved it.
I thought it was like the most punk rock.
May I ask you, because I saw the TMZ video.
It was so great.
Like, so did she do her whole set topless?
Like, how do you follow that?
Right, right.
It's like when you, you ever try prop comedy? Have you ever tried? A little bit is terrible. It's the worst because you'll do you follow that? Right, right? It's like when you you ever try prop comedy? Have you ever tried?
A little bit is terrible. It's the worst because you'll do it right?
You'll do it and like it'll work the first time and the second I had this bit once early in comedy where I had this like
Astronaut oh, I got you yeah, and I did it one time and I'm like oh my god
I think I'm I think I'm caret top like this and then the next time I put the thing on no one's into it and I'm like I got
Ten more minutes of astronaut stuff, and I'm in a fucking plush
astronaut helmet. So yes, your tits are out. What do you do?
She did a very classy.
She did it. Everybody cheered.
And then she put on like a fur coat over over.
So it looked very like Sharon Stone at the Oscars.
Lovely. It looked so hot.
Here it is. OK. Go full screen here.
Let's. She's great.
Yeah. So there's Bart Okay. Go full screen here. She's great.
Yeah.
So there's Bart getting off stage, I think.
Yeah.
Taking his clothes with him.
This actual King of the Stage is absolutely one of the funniest comedians I know in the
world.
I am jealous of her husband because he gets to believe a third she is that f***ing hilarious.
Ladies and gentlemen, Natasha Luzero. jealous of her husband because he gets the third she is that hilarious ladies and
gentlemen Natasha Lujero nice plug to you yeah yeah sweet
wild Wild. Oh!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Happy day, buddy.
Woo!
Thank you, guys.
Holy shit!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
That's rad. Yeah, there she goes.
Bert is an ecstasy.
Yeah, he loves it.
The craziest part is...
No, he called, he was like, they're so perfect.
The craziest part is that this is not edited footage.
That her tits look like that.
Though they have their flowers. tits look like that. Though they have that flash.
They're blurry like that.
Yeah.
It was very weird for us.
Can I tell you how I know she has perfect tits?
I've never seen them.
But the fact that she doesn't have to wear a bra to go out.
Yeah.
She didn't have big mom slops like your lady.
This I could not.
That's the first thing I noticed.
I'm like, she's got little mom slops.
She's got perfect mom.
Nice. They're nice. Yeah. I'm a lucky man to take a bra. She's got little mom slops. She's got perfect mom slops. They're nice, they're nice.
I'm a lucky man.
Lucky guy.
Yeah, but nobody called, you know, TMZ called her.
I'm a lucky guy too.
My big, oh you're so sweet.
Thanks babe.
We all say that by the way.
I would have to take off an enormous bra to do that.
Yeah you would, and I gotta tell you something,
I think it would help a lot.
I think people would really like it.
I think you should do it.
Can I tell you why I love that she did that?
It just made comedy fun again.
That's funny. For me, like watching that, I'm like, oh, that's, that's why we do this. So fun.
It's funny you say that. That's so good.
That was exactly what I loved about it because like Tasha has had, like,
she's had a kid and, and I think you probably relate to the idea.
Like once you have a kid, you have this like reconfiguring of like
What am I kind of doing and like everything what's the stage got for me?
and like we still you know are like I I know she loves doing the podcast and stuff and
That but like the stage I've wanted her to like find a way to like recharge her fun thing
Because that's her as a performer. It's like this wild kind of performer and when she said she was doing that
I like I was so proud of her actually, because I was like,
it's such a wild kind of.
Well, it's really also like the, I think the most fun thing in
standup that you can do, especially in clubs, like doing
something like the like improv is being in the moment.
Like, you know, when you're like, I did this thing in the moment.
Yeah, it's crazy.
It's not like it can't happen tomorrow.
Yeah.
It won't happen on the later set.
It's just something that was happening right now. It won't happen on the later set.
It's just something that was happening right now.
And that's captured that like you get an idea and you're like,
that'll work if I do it right now or I'll try it right now.
This is a magic.
It's exactly like in the book.
These like portals you can walk through.
There's performance portals too.
I'm here and there's a choice to be made and I can either have a boring set
where there's nothing inspired and I'm just like trying to do well
or I can have this moment where I like kind of
just blast off and see what happens.
I remember doing a weekend one time with,
who is the headliner?
I think the headliner was,
it might have been, it was either Tommy Davidson
or somewhere, we're at the Ontario Impov
and Jay Phillips was ahead of me and then I went and I had,
in one of my jokes, I incorporated something
from one of his jokes, right?
Yes, yes.
And the first time you get real nervous
cause it was like, it was a leap to do it.
It wasn't like, it was like dangerous to try it
because I was like, this is either gonna go really poorly
or really well and it went so gangbusters.
And then I got off stage and I remember saying,
I go, it'll never go that well again.
And he goes, yeah, well, I got, no, it won't.
I'm playing off of what, like they just saw you do this thing.
And then I used it in my act.
And it's, but there's no rush like that.
No, it's the best.
There was this comic, you know, Mo Maddell.
Yeah.
So in San Francisco, we started together.
And he used to, Mo, I probably shouldn't tell the story,
but he used to always put this vest on right before he was going
to go on stage, who put this vest on.
And we all thought it was like a no sleeve, puffy vest.
And that was like his uniform.
I guess it was.
And so he did his set.
He had a great set and then he hung his vest up
because he was done with his set.
And I was looking at the vest and I go,
the vest is there and I'm going on pretty soon here.
So I grabbed the vest, I put it on,
then I put my jacket over it and I go up on stage
and somewhere in the middle of my set,
I took it off and the crowd,
I mean, you don't know if the crowd noticed,
but then the crowd goes nuts and I go,
oh yeah, this is the comedy vest.
It's like our intern vest here at the punchline.
We have to wear it when we're in our first year of being passed here.
That's great.
These are magical moments.
Yeah, those are moments.
It's great.
OK, these are either horrible or hilarious.
So I show them to you.
You tell me whether you think it's funny.
OK, that's it.
Fuck, dude.
Oh, I can't.
OK, that's broken.
Oh my god.
Fuck, bro.
Internet.
I know it's been good for you guys, but the internet doesn't seem worth it.
Like, he's stoked.
He's like, he's smiling.
Yeah, he loves it.
He's like, oh, that's broken.
Oh my god.
God damn.
Can I say, this is my new lane, though, is weightlifting accidents.
I really like them now.
I got some lanes for you.
I might have gone down a mole, though.
What do you got?
White tourist in Thailand.
Fight video.
That's one of the greats.
That sounds interesting.
That's really good.
It's just a level of happiness that you
see when these British sex tourists get beaten up
by like 42 Thai people.
Holy shit.
That's a really good lane.
Are you on Cartelagram yet?
No, what's that?
That's the Instagram lane
where the Cartel guys have their own channels.
I'm telling you, the internet has gone too far.
You haven't seen this?
Why are criminals trying to make content?
It's out, they're out in like the jungle
and they're like,
get on that way.
And then just,
and there's just like Ranchero music. And then you just see like a canoe with like a hundred kilos of
coke and they're like, this was something a dog. You know that's funny.
You gotta send this shit to me. There's another guy, there's a guy on the internet that I found
who can find any location based on. I've seen this guy. All you gotta do is, that's so strange.
CIA, why am I saying this? The cartel's gonna kill me. The CIA just needs to hire that guy.
That's it. Jota Cartelogram and then the the war on drugs
Is that the one one the part that I thought it was a woman who's like show me where you shit
And I can tell you where you live based on your toilet and she does it
She's like through your number trailer. Oh because of that model that the dad zoom out zoom out that guy that you're talking about
Fucking spooks me. Oh, it's so scary. He literally like you could do a picture
outside just in front of like a tree.
And this dude will be like based on that type of tree and blah, blah, blah.
And then he's like, it's definitely North America.
It's definitely the and then he just like zooms it's in Austin and he finds the exact location.
But he does it for like fucking Kazakhstan.
And yeah, he can find anywhere.
It's so scary if somebody wants you bad enough. They will they will find you
I know I gotta find you. I got a German shepherd
In order to protect my family good and it is the biggest bitch like it would welcome it would welcome
Come on in you saw the TMZ video right this way like it sucks
It I was like had this whole big plan
So now I got this big lumbering dog that takes human-sized shits sheds all over the house they're
like zero instinct zero protection and it is because I fucked around and got a
German Shepherd and in their DNA they want to betray the Jews they do I'm not
protecting this house yeah we think German Shepherd's are kind of we were
bred for the other team yeah he's like calling local what supremacist if you want to find this family come on over
Or this is I guess from cartelogram here. This is one lane where they interview the guys
They don't all do interviews, but some of them do when's the last time you killed someone
Really and before that
But at the what's the cost of a human life? What does it take for you not to fuck with someone?
Could I say the wrong joke right now?
And you wouldn't like me because of it?
So do you ever just kill somebody randomly in the street because they disrespect you? No. So I guess because if you're listening
or you're like what the fuck is that?
Because they kind of, you know,
made his distorted voice when he was speaking Spanish.
Basically he was saying,
I've killed a lot of people,
I've made five disappear recently,
and that I don't just kill anybody,
but if you're not doing shit with your life
then you're worth killing.
He doesn't just kill randoms,
but it's a, it's a Sicaria, you know,
it's a hit man from the cartel.
I like that he said, if you're chill, if you're chill, cool.
I want to go on record and say I'm not like a very chill guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like I'm one of the chillest dudes, I'm cool.
And he said a bad joke would be okay.
He's like, a bad joke or I thought that was the conversation
between me and Mo Mandel in the green room afterwards.
Did he get mad?
No, he didn't get mad.
I don't think he did.
We'll find out.
Yeah, we will find out.
All right, here's another horrible or hilarious one. That's terrifying. Thanks, Tom. Oh, shit. I don't think he did. We'll find out. Yeah, we will find out. Um, all right. Here's another horrible or hilarious
That's terrifying things Tom. Oh
Oh boy, I don't I like rock climbing. I don't like whatever this is
That one I like because you know what you're doing I like it I like the screen I always like a good like a
That's the air knocked out of it. Oh, that's getting the wind out fucked
Yeah, this is also the problem with anybody doing shit in the wilderness solo like he set up the camera himself
What does he do? Does he like military crawl to the cell phone and try and call for help? He's super fucked. I mean
obviously
He probably got rescued somehow, obviously he probably got
rescued somehow, but he's not walking back. Did you make that noise during your accident?
Yeah. You did the grunt. Oh, fuck man. Yes, that's a real shit is bad right now, kind
of grunt, you know. I love that he took the time to set up the camera before too. Doing
that, oh man. He was right there too. He that fucking thing. Oh man, he was right there too.
He was right there.
Almost got it.
It's so rough.
So we're over two so far.
These are two.
Oh, do I think it's funny?
Either one.
Here's the thing, I think they're both,
the first one was genuinely funny.
Not because of the finger, I don't like seeing that.
I like seeing how desperate and pathetic people are
for viral, he was like, he had a's me doing pushups with a lead somewhere.
He had a lead to him when he broke it, he goes,
yeah, I got the video I've been looking for.
Look at that.
I thought it was just a pushup video,
but it turns out it's a carnage video.
But may I ask, what's the point of this?
He's just trying to go, he's trying to traverse it?
Does he have like the rope or whatever?
Yeah, he's trying to show you that he can climb
that whole thing, looks like freehand, you know?
Like there's no rope, no safety stuff.
And that obviously like look at the way that that that's angled.
That's tough. I mean, that guy's it's nonsense.
Rock climbers are have like the really high level ones are so freaky strong.
Oh, it's so strong.
They I saw a video of one like one of the top, top, top guys
with Larry wheels, who's like this big bodybuilder powerlifter.
And they were doing the front,
like basically lat pull down here,
and he could do the whole, the rock climber,
he looked like just like a lean,
didn't look like a bodybuilder,
looked like an athlete.
And dude, he took the whole rack down, full control,
down to here, and like you could see the other guys were like,
uh, I can't do that range of motion.
It's nuts, because they're all, you know,
fingers, hands pulling themselves up
for miles on rocks sometimes.
They have the same disability
that they're not able to masturbate anymore.
They can't.
As the real disabled people,
because of those calluses it's so rough.
When they try, they make that same noise
of that guy falling off the rock.
And they could probably pull their dicks right off.
You could probably, because of that strength.
The strength.
That's really dangerous.
That's very dangerous.
You know, I saw a documentary, the guy before Alex Honold, right off. Probably because of that strength. The strength. That's really dangerous. That's very dangerous.
You know, I saw a documentary, the guy before Alex Honold, like the big boss of extreme
climbing.
He's no longer, he's so old that he's no longer able to do the things he needs to
do, so what he does is he just sets up high wires between cliffs in Yosemite and just
walks across them with no net underneath it.
Their brains have been boiled by adrenaline to such a degree
that they can't feel alive unless they're doing that.
I can't say that. There are some things that I respect and I go, holy shit. But I have
no desire to do. And rock climbing is one of them where I go, I have no desire.
I would never. I read a book you've read into thin air. It's about an ill-fated climb to
the top of Everest. It's great. But you read it and you about it's about a ill-fated climb to the top of Everest
It's great, but you read it and you go
I thought I didn't want to climb Everest before I read this book right now
I like so in the depths of my spiritual bones
I would never it's miserable and I get I've done the indoor places
Yeah, where they have the rock walls and it's super challenging and it's fun
But I'm like I have no desire to go out and do this. Never never this isn't because there's only
The outcome is likely this I don't even think doing it would give me
The fulfillment that it gives some people for sure it does
Climbing at the top of a mountain seems cool climbing to the top of a small rock. Yeah, I don't even see what you're exactly getting
That's what I mean. What's the point? Like what is he doing? I can't all right. It's so getting. I guess this is practice for him. That's right, what's the point? Like, what is he doing? All right, I can't.
All right, here we go.
It's so upsetting.
This guy doesn't care about his life.
This is better.
Everybody laughs.
Everybody laughs.
But the music, it's so slow.
The slowness is the key.
The slowness and the music.
That's how it was very slow.
It was good.
She's like, I gotta stop this car.
I would say it's nearly romantic
That was beautiful that was I didn't know you could live being run over by a car
It wasn't her head I
Thought that was really beautiful. That was really nice. Let me see. Oh, this isn't going to slide.
Always good.
Yes.
What is that?
That was rad.
It's a truck full of coke.
That's so crazy.
Literally, I know.
How does that guy not know he's barreling 75 miles down the highway with the truck in
the bed elevated?
Yeah, he's like, I killed a man yesterday.
There was a man with his truck slightly elevated.
75 kilos of coke went onto his body.
I can see myself fucking doing this, dumb idiot.
I like that this guy driving the car with the camera is like,
he knows, he's like, oh, this is about to fucking pop off here.
It's going up.
He doesn't honk and goes.
He's like, you keep going.
Go, go.
That was a juicer, though, too.
That was kind of a nice bust.
It was really good. That was nice. Fairly too. That was kind of a nice bust. That was
really good. Fairly satisfying video. 10 out of 10. Speaking of juicy busters, I have
a question for you guys. Somebody called into our podcast recently. We have like a secrets
hotline on the Sunny Moon podcast and the girl goes, I'm a hoe and I tell every man
that I'm with that I'm a squirter. And I am not a squirter.
I have never squirted in my life.
I tell them I'm a squirter so that they feel the challenge
and they always leave disappointed.
What do you think?
Would you do something like that?
I mean, this reminds me of the old,
I used to hear this from comics 20 years ago,
at the line they go, you know,
I just can't come from a blow job.
And they would, they would, yeah, yeah, right?
And then they're like, oh, shit, I guess I did, right?
I heard that a few times.
You're the first, you're the first.
But that's more empowering.
Yeah, this is done to make somebody
feel like they're insufficient.
They're not enough.
Yeah, so they fuck harder and leave disappointed.
You get it all kind of, a look of disappointment
in your lover's face
And he's tried really hard. It's uh, it's brilliant
It's brilliant at first. I was like, I don't know that sounds someone compassionate
But then I'm like bitch is getting what she wants out of you ever been with
But if she's trying to get someone to feel like shit though, too, right like that's not some guys like that
Yeah, right. No, I'm certain guys and those are the guys that really come back time after time and those are your regulars
I'm a fortune. Yeah, but also imagine being in a relationship with that girl be like fuck in seven years. I know I'm gonna get her
I'm building up. Yeah, she's gonna score you have children. They're in college. You're like she still hasn't squirted
I'm doing my best. Have you ever been with a squirter? And you can abstain if the question's too close to.
Not like shooting out like that.
A real messy girl.
I have.
It's wild.
It's a wild situation.
And you pull out and it's just go whoosh.
It looks a lot like that truck.
You put your face in it.
Ah, I think to be honest with you,
it was a little scary.
Intimidating, definitely.
I heard Squirt is piss.
I have heard that as well.
This goes back and forth.
It's a big controversy.
It's a huge problem.
It's actually not cool for you to bring up.
But it is a huge controversy.
Nobody knows.
One thing that I'll say about that is that every time I hear a medical person weigh in on it, they go, it's piss.
And every time...
You hear like a feminist sex blogger.
They're like, I know my bladder's empty and it's not piss.
And literally, I've heard always the woman saying it's not piss
and always the medical person saying, yes it is.
That's funny, my bladder's empty,
but you have a secondary bladder for, that's sex piss.
Sex piss.
And that'll come out if the guy fucks you right.
Sex piss, sex piss.
Yeah.
So was it thoroughly, you're intimidated but ultimately enjoyable?
From an ego perspective.
You felt great.
Well, it's just like the great mission of male sexuality is like, am I doing this right?
And so if you have a physical representation of yeah, definitely there's a gauuge.
Oh, it's like it's come.
Lady come.
It's like if I gizzed and then you're like, it's like a, it's come. Lady come.
It's like, it's like if I gizzed,
and then you're like, I did a good job.
That shows me I did a good job.
Oh, now I wish ladies all did that.
I wish I could do that for you,
like a sense of achievement.
Is it?
We could try.
We could try.
You want me to try pissing on you?
Yeah.
If I somehow was able to be the origin story
of your guys' piss journey,
that would make, to be honest, the book,
I don't care about the book.
Piss journey.
I mean, this is my moment.
It would mirror the new book, I think.
That's right.
Yeah.
Piss journey.
What is this you gave me about?
I tried that once, by the way.
Piss journey?
I did one time pee on someone.
And?
Did they ask for it?
They, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It wasn't a surprise.
Well, I didn't know if you were like, you're getting pissed on.
Yeah, I just jumped out of the closet like, surprise.
No, it was, I was in a relationship with somebody and we were getting
Freakier and Freakier and we're like, why don't we try this?
Yeah, and it was full on and it was all the way and it was in in mouth and everything
Oh, did they drink it?
I don't know if there was that but it was definitely, you know, a filled up the bucket and
And both of us at the end were like, okay, that was you ever tried something you're not into?
Yeah, like you just it's above a ever tried something you're not? Into?
Yeah, like you just,
it's above a difficulty setting that you're prepared
to fight at.
We both kind of looked at each other, shook hands and go,
that was a nice experiment,
but I don't think we're going back and forth.
I think there's this thing too about,
you think, I think it happens maybe for men more,
maybe I'm wrong, but where you go,
you hear about a sexual thing and you go,
well, if people are doing that,
it's gotta be, I'm supposed to be into it.
Right, right.
And then you try it.
I'm a square if I don't like it.
Yeah, yeah, but then you go like,
I gotta tell you, I really tried it.
That one's too far.
Or it just, it doesn't do anything.
Like I don't feel anything from this
other than I don't wanna do this.
Yeah, yeah.
That was it.
That's how I am with feet.
I don't understand, I never, you love a foot? yeah. That was a, that's how I am with feet.
I don't understand, I never, you love a foot?
Yeah.
You love a, what do you think of it?
Do any women?
Women different.
Or any women in feet?
That's an interesting thing, how come women are never talking about it?
About men's feet?
That's a real, are you into men's feet?
Write us, your mom's podcast at G.
Not if you're a guy though.
No, no, no, it's a woman.
There's gonna be guys.
Because we, we made an inquiry about women that have gone airtight with dudes.
What's airtight mean?
Oh, it's like three, three at once. Oh's airtight mean? Oh, it's a three.
Three at once.
Oh, airtight.
Okay, I see.
I see.
I've done that.
I've done that.
No.
Well, here's the thing.
It was a few.
They wrote in and you're like, wow, you have three guys at once.
Three's a lot.
That's a lot.
No, five is the most.
What are the odds that one of them doesn't just annoy you on a social level?
That's what I think.
It's hard to find three dicks.
The one that wrote in about it, the thing that made sense is that she had slept with each
individually.
Yes.
So I think there's a real understanding of this is how this guy does.
I know what he's like.
I think because, you know, it's not a porno, it's real life, right?
Right.
So that's the only good threesome I've ever had is when it was with two women that I
dated and then it was cool.
Like every other time there was some horrible social dynamic,
there was one time I was dating someone
and we decided to like find a couple on Craigslist.
And so we wrote to the couple and I hadn't done this.
I wasn't like some dynamo in this way,
but we found the couple and they were like come over,
we go over there and immediately I'm like a little uncomfortable.
The guy kind of like very eyes wide shut,
takes my date's hand and like leads her to the bedroom and
The girl comes over to me and we start kissing and I'm immediately like oh this will not be happening like I am
I am impotent like this is not you're not turned on at all. It's not that I'm not I'm like pressured
I want to be pressure. I'm like please make this happen the guy the strange man
He's done this a dozen times.
He's in the other room just fucking going off.
I mean, he's just like pounding my girlfriend.
And I'm in the other room with his girl just like,
this doesn't normally, I mean,
I've never done this before, but it also doesn't normally
happen and I'm like furiously pumping, trying to,
and just like nothing, just zero happening.
But every time I look over is this stranger
just railing my girlfriend most group sex is like that did your girlfriend go
like that was a great time we I think he was a creep a little bit to her and she
didn't she was like I'm good on that it was another moment that's my whole sex
life is just trying things that are too freaky for me yeah yeah well at least you
tried but one time I had I did two women I had dated.
It was really beautiful.
It was really nice.
It was really nice.
I just, there was no pressure.
But see, that's the thing is that you knew both.
Yeah.
That changes that.
And that's why I'm here.
I know the two of you.
I think you're both great people.
Yeah, let's do it.
I have a new book out.
It's a big day for me and I just wonder if you can make it special.
Yeah, let's do it.
There's plenty of room.
Oh, that's perfect.
Let's go.
No, I know.
We can do right here. It's a great episode of where my mom's at. Oh, yeah. They're right here. We're getting squirty. Oh, that's perfect. Let's go. No, I know.
We can do right here.
It's a great episode of where my mom's at.
Oh, yeah.
They're right here.
We're getting squirty.
Squirty and pee.
They're tight.
My mom's right here.
My piss journey.
Oh, yeah.
You talked about pissing in your room.
Did you know that the ancient Romans used to brush their teeth with urine?
They used it to wipe on their teeth.
And the thing is it actually works because urine contains ammonia, which is a powerful
cleansing agent.
Powerful.
It also contains a lot of blood.
It's a lot of blood.
It's a lot of blood.
It's a lot of blood. It's a lot of blood. It's a lot of blood. It's a lot of blood. It's a lot of blood. white on their teeth and the thing is it actually works because urine contains ammonia which
is a powerful cleansing agent.
It also contains stem cells and so it can actually help to heal the enamel and tooth
and also the gums.
People may claims that I don't know is entirely true.
I don't know that your urine has stem cells.
We know that the Spartans would practice ball cupping.
Oh, let me show you.
I've never done this before but I was just thinking I want to use the tap water so I would practice There you go. This is a... Your smile is fucking... Energy just takes the water up.
They're packed with heaps of good stuff.
Good stuff, guys.
Look at that good stuff.
They love the good stuff.
Heaps of it.
This is a whole area of the internet that I love.
The piss area.
Piss is big.
They love it.
It'll heal cancer.
Like, it'll heal everything.
And then there's these people on these message boards
who have, like, abscesses
that they're treating with piss
and they're getting worse
and they keep posting it. And the hippies never are like you know what tap out and
go to a doctor they're always like just a couple more squirts you're almost there
piss stuff is like this guy so one of the reasons why I am saying is because I'm
a double soul shaman and ancient cultures I would have been the one that the
quote-unquote straight dudes would have gone to for healing especially sexual healing when their wives were on their periods it's not that the quote unquote straight dudes would have gone to for healing, especially
sexual healing when their wives were on their periods. It's not that the women were dirty
when they were menstruating, it was that they were too powerful for the alphas, stag dudes,
the warrior dudes who usually had many, many wives and many, many babies to be around.
So they would go to somebody like me for sexual healing and I would help them sharpen their
masculine essence. Yeah. I know this guy. I would help them sharpen their masculine essence.
Yeah.
I know this guy.
I mean, I don't know him.
I probably can't next day remember him.
Do you have his piss one?
Oh, he's especially.
He's always talking about like building up calm and doesn't like save his calm and stuff
like that.
He's calm and his piss and he drinks booze.
Yeah.
He's like, the reason I'm single is because I'm a double soul shaman.
It's not because I drink piss every night.
That has nothing to do with it.
He's really into, I mean, really into the lives.
I keep saying that like skin is skin always looks amazing.
He looks amazing.
Do you think he's good at sex?
I don't know.
He's amazing.
He's a double soul shaman, of course.
I'm sorry I asked.
What are you stupid?
I mean, I don't think he's bad.
I don't think he's bad.
No, I think he's excellent.
I think this is his full time job is like being horny and courting. But it's also, you always, he always presents, I'm not's excellent. I think this is his full-time job is like being horny and courting
But it's also you always he always presents. I'm not horny. This is always this has healing. Yeah, this is nothing
It's a sex man. I don't want to fuck your wife. Yeah, but I have to yeah, and I'm just like how much better
Do you feel now that I did it? I just think this guy I would love to see what this guy thinks about when the cameras are off
And it's like 12 30 and no one's calling him like what's sad double soul shaman look like I don't know
Yeah, I mean I think it's just another cup of piss honestly
Drowning in sorrow
He did the piss one that he'll pull it up this one this is the first this we found we played this one today
This is a new one. I find it so cute and funny funny and kind of annoying
And there's so many modern mens work leaders base their branding off of like Spartan culture and they call it the modern warrior
Journal or you know, we're the we're the samurai
Yet they never get naked.
They never do ball cupping rituals.
They never see each other's cots.
Never.
The outermost extension of each other's hearts are completely hidden by their lululemon polyester underwear
that's leaching feminizing chemicals right into their ball sacks.
Duh.
I love that he did an edit point there, too.
He did.
I kind of flubbed feminizing ball cupping, Lulu lemon, feminizing chemicals into their
balls.
Let's just start over.
Let's just start over there.
When really they could be leaching good high vibrational brotherhood vibrations into each
other's ball sacks through cupping, which is exactly what the Spartans did.
If you claim to be like a Spartan samurai brotherhood.
It's like the samurai were sniffing each other's balls.
The Spartans were cuddling and sucking each other's nipples
before battle on animal skins.
I love that he's a snob about such a specific,
he's just like, you don't even cover your brother's balls
and lick their nipples before battle? Who the fuck are you? Like that's a hipster on the level, you don't even cover your brother's balls and lick their nipples before battle.
Who the fuck are you?
Like that's a hipster on the level
that I don't even relate to.
Right, but also like the idea that like,
the idea that anybody knows this is hilarious, you know?
It's common because his angle should be like,
I'm gonna teach you some shit you don't know.
And he's like, who the fuck are you?
Okay, so you're fucking stupid
and have no information about what Troy,
the warriors of Troy did
Yeah, they would drink a shot of each other's nut right before you call yourself a man. Yeah, like you're a man
Okay, I wonder is it true have we researched it? I know
Must know Moshe and I imagine that if you found something that really detailed on like the highest ranking scholar on the samurai
And it didn't mention ball cupping and nipple licking.
He'd be like, this guy's a fucking fraud.
Yeah, this is fake news.
What is ball cupping?
Is it you hold the ball in the hands of your brother?
He gestures like that a lot.
Can I tell you something?
Let's bring it back to this book.
About Jewish history.
Sure.
That they used to, in the Bible,
this is the Bible that everybody reads,
they used to make oaths.
And that's what I think part of why the circumcision
is a covenant, it's an oath with God,
that people in biblical times would make oath
by grabbing each other's cocks and swearing on,
they would bulk up.
I like that.
This wasn't about war, this was about keeping your word.
I like that, it makes sense.
You'd grab the balls of your,
that's how I signed with my manager for the first time.
Really? Yeah, he would grab each other's balls and we said this is permanent. Yeah. Yeah, that's that's how I made the
But that's a real that's real
I guess you cuz you I mean it makes sense that if you do an oath that way you definitely feel very vulnerable, right?
When you do that, right? It's not just like shake my hand
It's like hold my not hold my balls and wait for me to say yes paint your face in my menstrual blood
Yeah, what I should do I went on a vacation recently and I walked into I went to this a hot spring like hippie place in
Ashland, Oregon, and I walked into the the menstrual
Oh, I'd love to go to one you would love it you guys would get such a kick out of it
But the women though the women came over and chased me out good
They were like this is not this is a yo Yoni tent and you don't belong here.
Good. Yeah. No, no, I.
This is what I want.
Like what he's talking about.
I actually would like with other women as I menstruate.
I want to know you.
So me and Brian Kree just taught a really juicy anus workshop.
I remember this one.
And got a little bit into the prostate, too.
And that caused.
Why?
To be secreted from my manhood.
So a little bit of sperm seep tail, a little bit of testosterone, a little bit of spermadine,
which is good for muscle growth, a little bit of nerve growth factor, which is really
good for your brain and your nervous system.
Hold on.
Do you think you watch this Netflix?
What else came out?
A little bit of vitamins, minerals, oxytocin, and bonding hormone, which lowers cortisol.
So not only am I getting the benefit of the urine therapy,
which is powerful on its own, the Shivan Buu, I should call it,
but I'm also getting the benefit of the sperm, the semen,
tiny bit of semen that's been mixed in with my urine.
Here we go.
Fresh.
Then the action.
Oh!
Wow, that's very, very potent.
I love this.
That's how I am at an Outback Steakhouse. Like, wow, that is really something special.
Strip on the Barbie.
Just a little pre-come on the Barbie.
And I gotta tell you, he's so comfortable urinating
in front of the camera and talking.
You ever see those videos where people are crying
and then they make a video?
Yeah.
That's this.
He's like, oh, I got a hot piss loading up.
I gotta go grab my iPhone because it's time for a video.
It's not an accident that he's pissing.
It's not, it's not.
God.
Do you wanna?
He's so handsome.
You wanna show most of what you got?
Are you ready for my TikTok curations?
Absolutely, yes.
As you know, you and I both seem
to appreciate the outliers.
Yes, yes, oh, I have another one for you.
A false valor, you know false valor.
Oh, of course.
There's a new category, which they're rare.
It's false, false Valor.
So it's a guy, it's a stolen Valor,
a guy going up to a stolen Valor guy
and then being proved that the guy
actually was in the military.
That's a very rare category,
but it's really, really satisfying.
He's like, where'd you get that fucking,
where'd you get that uniform?
Where'd you serve?
And then the guy like busts out like,
ID and all that.
And then, so he becomes, he stole the Valor back.
Wow.
It's a nice kind of a wrap.
I'd like to see one of those.
Sounds interesting.
Let's find those, okay?
Sure.
Put it on the homework assignment.
Okay, here we go.
What are the biggest challenges for you?
Rita Franklin, right?
The biggest challenges for me,
trying to figure out what to cook for dinner, nightly, you know, just
night after night.
What is it going to be tonight?
You don't actually cook around dinner, do you?
Oh, please.
I do my own washing, my own cooking, my own ironing, all of that.
No.
Yeah.
So, you know, there's something nobody would know.
You know, you have to figure, what is it going to be tonight?
I did that last night.
That's the hardest thing right there.
Wow.
It's a great-
She just liked it.
My biggest challenge is figuring out how to get my man's pre-come into a Jarvis piss
so I can get some of that oxytocin going for my concert tonight.
You lowered my cortisol levels.
I saw a Yoni.
I saw a Yoni.
He's squirting right now.
I saw him in concert.
It was awesome.
How amazing. The only annoying thing about that concert
is you're obviously surrounded,
I was, it was a smaller venue, it was in South Carolina,
is that everybody around you
sings what she's singing at their football.
You're ruining this.
The worst, yeah, I saw other.
Like they're like, R-E-S-P-C.
Like as she's, and you're like, dude, what the fuck.
Don't go to a, you probably aren't into Broadway musicals,
but I love them.
Never.
You do.
That's the worst situation.
Because they'll do that.
You could be the most complex person I've ever met.
The most layered person.
I like group sex, a little bit of piss play,
and the Phantom of the Opera.
Wait, do people sing along?
Is that why?
Oh yeah, but the dorkiest people too.
It's just like, just some geek that's trying to get like past at their community college musical theater class is just like
The Phantom of the Opera is here!
Like no, that's a professional up there.
Let him do it.
You're a virgin. Let's wait till you get on the stage.
I know.
I want people to start doing that at my shows.
Doing the bits with you.
That would be good.
That would be kind of cool actually. What do you call a hen that counts as eggs every day a
mathma chicken but she shouldn't count her eggs before the hatch first joke of
the year me all right happy new year to you guys y'all have a great day have a
great year let's make something happen take care okay so this is the lane of
like dad jokes.
I really hated that a lot.
I really hate him, I hate from Austin.
I really don't like it,
cause he's trying to get laid, right?
Like, is this what this is?
Always for men.
I can tell you one of the things that happens though,
when somebody goes like,
well, let's just make it happen.
Let's do, he doesn't know what to say,
but he likes the idea of like, yeah, getting some
attention, but it's attention without like,
That's what I'm saying.
This guy's 60.
He should be like threshing corn or like telling his grand kid about the Bible or something
on here.
Like I got, you see how many likes I got, honey?
Yeah, to the diction.
It's so weird.
It's an addiction.
Yeah.
Oh, Jesus.
This is called a ring camera home invasion yeah Jesus Christ
this is fucking terrifying I think this is what I'm back to our men trying to
break into an apartment in Dallas got quite a surprise after the man inside
started shooting at them oh yeah he says when he answered his doorbell
camera the suspects told him they were there to check the filter on his air
conditioner. He told them to come back another time. They then tried to break in
and that's when the man opened fire on them through the door. One of the
suspects been arrested. The search for the other continues. Welcome to Texas y'all.
I hope to learn for them. That is an incredible video. You never know's a lot of learn for them. That is, don't do that.
Incredible video.
You never know what's going to happen.
I like how the lady goes, you don't do that.
None Texas.
You never know what's going to happen.
Yeah.
I mean, it's kind of a beautiful video actually, because what I was noticing is that the one
guy had a blue rag on, the other guys wearing all red.
You guys, this is a unity piece right here.
They're coming together.
Unity.
I mean, imagine those two guys saying we're here to change the air filter on your air conditioning.
You're like, okay, so you're robbers
Why do you have a gun though? I got a gun in a bandana. So I'm here to I'm definitely work for the city filter. All right. Oh, yeah
broad daylight
Helps with the meows Mowls. Oh my God.
Helps with the meow. This is like deep cringe.
We found the deepest of cringe.
That cringe lane is really strong.
It is so cool, but I do love black cherry soda.
Is self aware?
This one?
He knows it's cringe or this is his actual personality.
No, this is jam.
He's like, I have a thing that I do.
Yeah, I did this thing that I do.
Yeah, I did this before the internet.
People used to really not like it, but now I'm doing these videos.
Yeah, he's getting, all the views for this are on like a cringe site.
Not on the site of origin, not on the page of origin.
Society has morphed into itself where there is no difference really between a genuine enjoyment of something
or a cringe enjoyment of something.
True.
We're at a different zone.
Yeah.
We've gone through the looking glass.
Yeah, this is, thank you, it's highly unlikable.
Thank you for being here.
You're welcome.
Christina, you have one night of passion.
Yoni guy or a black cherry guy?
I'm gonna go Yoni guy.
1000%.
Yeah, I mean, it seems like, okay, dad joke guy.
I take it back.
Oh, fuck right off.
Between this guy and dad joke guy, fuck off.
I'm meowing with black cherry.
Black cherry guy.
I can't do dad.
That was a surprise.
Wow.
Yoni guy might really know what he's doing.
Yeah, he probably has skills.
No, he's fine.
But he does have like hot piss breath, for sure.
For sure.
The whole time he's on top of you,
you're just thinking, this is a urinal. But I'll be like, but I'll be like I don't kiss on the mouth
It's like it's not for me. I'm like that's cool. It's fine. We'll do whatever you want. He won't he'll like make deep eye contact
And go, you know kissing on the mouth actually is an exchange of oxytocin and psychic energies that imagine how much that guy talks during sex
He's probably correcting you the whole time, right? you don't do anything right. Yeah, yeah.
And if you tell him like, slow down, he's like, no.
You know the Yanomami people of Southern Amazon,
the way they used to fuck.
They didn't call it doggy style, it was ghost style.
That's always fast.
But the dad is a virgin.
That guy's too virginal.
Yeah.
This guy's just like a straight up.
You think he's a fuckhound with this guy?
No.
You see sex when you see this guy?
He's a weird alone guy.
And he's down.
It's going to be over quick.
Down and it's over fast.
Dad will be like, let's watch cartoons and eat lollipops.
Like, I don't want to do this.
And he finds out you do stand up and then
he just starts doing a shit for you.
Do you want to hear some jokes?
No, I don't want that.
What's a good name for a hot dog, Frank?
What's a good name for a hamburger?
Patty. Y'all have a good name for a hamburger? Patty.
Y'all have a great day.
Take care.
It seems unfair because he's just buying.
You know, he's just taking these off the internet.
Yeah, I know.
It's not even thinking about it.
I know.
That's not the only part I don't like.
It's not fair.
Yeah.
I don't like anything.
I don't like anything.
It's terrible.
Thank you.
You guys should have him on.
No.
I dare you.
No.
Please don't dare us.
I'd rather die. I want the piss. You'll have to do it. I want the piss sh No. Please don't dare us. I'd rather die.
I want the piss.
I want the piss shaman.
Oh, you totally should.
I would love to meet him.
I mean, and to be honest, that guy definitely
goes to Burning Man.
There's like literally no way he does that.
This guy would be nice.
The dads.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He would just be sweet.
But that piss shaman guy, that's a special.
He'd be like, you guys been fucking spewing so much nonsense.
So glad you brought a shaman here to tease you.
Yeah.
Okay.
This is my new hairstyle I was thinking of doing.
Tom, I know you like being with the skull it.
Wow, that is cool.
All the girls are doing this.
You like.
I mean, that is, it's kinda,
I don't know why Hitler comes to mind.
Oh, it feels very Hitler.
The way that it just kind of...
A reverse Hitler?
Yeah, the reverse Hitler.
Do you think there's drugs or mental illness involved?
Oh, I'm gonna go mental illness.
I think it's a combo.
Yeah.
I think anytime you see something like this, there's an amphetamine somewhere.
Sure.
Every time you hear about something horrifying, it's always meth.
Yeah.
And this haircut is pretty horrifying.
I kind of like it.
I don't know.
You would do it. You kind of like this.
The conquer in me, there's something I like about it.
Yeah, maybe because I'm into this middle part now,
I'm feeling her vibes.
No, why don't we just make it a little bigger?
There's plenty of room for it.
I didn't say for me, she's young and beautiful.
She can do this.
It's off center.
The problem is you're, this is permanent too.
Okay.
You have to shave the whole head in order for anything good to happen.
Yeah, it's it's gotta grow in
It's gonna be an awkward grow
She should write it out for advertising
This actually has an interesting story that I know
Yeah, so the guy driving that that car that hit that person
Yeah, is the Dean of Students at a private school in Tennessee and
He was he was caught for doing this.
And they found that he had tried to do it
to another cyclist.
Oh, he did it on purpose.
He did it on purpose.
And his story is fantastic.
When he was questioned, and you can find the audio,
he goes, I was driving.
I thought somebody threw a bike at the car.
Through a bike, is a quote.
So he goes, I thought, he was like,
I was just driving and they just threw a bike
and they're like, we have it on camera.
Like nobody threw a bike at your car, you hit a cyclist.
He's lucky that he was let go from the job.
It was like a really nice private school.
Like, you know, like a pre-coll, you know what I mean?
Like a college prep thing,
college prep school and he was the dean of students.
Wow.
Yes, crazy.
How do you get there?
Get that angry?
I know how.
It's like falling down.
Yeah, because you're dealing with an annoying parent.
You're dealing with administration.
You have to pretend to be this normal guy.
And this is your only release.
And you have that contagious hatred of psych.
Yeah, it doesn't work.
And he's in the middle of the road.
He's like, dude, no one's gonna fucking.
He was out like, if I find one,
it's not hugging them, I'm taking them out.
Taking them out.
Yeah, you wanna feel alive a little bit.
Your life starts to feel meaningless.
All you ever do is yell at parents or impotent.
You're not applying yourself in math, Jimmy.
It's a justifiable crime too,
because you could be like,
I don't know, he was in the middle of the road.
What am I supposed to do?
Well, yeah, or also, I mean mean his version. Yeah, they threw a bike
I was driving in there a bike landed on my windshield. I think let's do that though sometimes
So hide in bushes and toss a thousand dollar bikes that cars going by just to kind of what they do do is ignore the rules of the road completely
I will say that sure you shouldn't you should probably shouldn't run run them over me. No, there he goes
You probably shouldn't run them over. Yeah, no.
There he goes.
There we go.
Oh!
He kind of timed it well.
He just kind of nicked the bike.
How is this on...
Oh, the guy behind him had a camera?
Looks like the source video here.
I don't know how it's...
Yeah, who's videoing this thing?
Another cyclist, maybe?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Cool.
Yeah?
Anyway, I give me some...
Well, that's your whole former video.
That's it. Thanks so much. Can I see the book? Yeah, of course. It's it's pretty cool. Well, that's your whole form for today. That's it.
Thanks so much.
Can I see the book?
Yeah, of course.
It's a really cool art.
It's a really cool cover.
Yeah, it looks kind of like a zine, which I think is like, it's very much a kind of
love letter to what happened in the 90s.
I mean, the stand up not so much, but a lot of it is, it feels like of a time.
And I love that it looks like a zine that you could have gotten at that time.
Great blurbs, by the way.
Oh, the Ben blurbs.
That's a big thing, getting your blurbs.
It's so humiliating, isn't it?
It is, it was horrible.
Just like a homeless guy, just like,
please, can you spare, just spare a blurb?
But yeah, a lot of really cool people.
And there's great variety to them.
Yes.
I'll go ahead, I'll do it for you.
You got Dax Shepard.
Yes.
Nick Roll.
Oh.
The chain smokers. Okay. Nathan Englender, the
Pulitzer Ply's finalist, best-selling author of what we talk about when we talk about Anne Frank.
Nile DeMarco, the author of Def Utopia. Do you know who that is? No. He's like the America's top model,
Def model. He's like a hunk. like a mega hunk. That's awesome.
And then you got John Mulaney.
Yeah, very good.
It's very well-rounded.
Heavy hitters, Moshe, very good.
Listen, this book is like, I put so much of my sort of soul
into this thing, like I'm super proud of it.
And I went all in with sort of every aspect of it.
But it's like, it is the six pieces of my life
that kind of make me who I am.
And I really am super proud of it.
I wish it didn't have a Jewish chapter,
but I'm proud of you.
No, I'm upset about that too, listen.
Next book I do, it's gonna be one scene and one scene only
and it's come collecting in piss play.
There you go.
Yeah, that's gonna be the one.
I can't wait for that.
Make sure you get it, it's out now,
subculture of Ultur, Moshe Cashers second book. Congratulations, man. Thank you, thanks for having me back guys. Thank you get it. It's out now subculture of ultra motion cashers second book
Congratulations, thank you. Thanks for having me back guys. Thank you coming. I'm glad that finally your pissed journey will begin
Thanks guys
Let's take two books that have been much discussed.
The first one is called All Boys Aren't Love.
I will cover.
I put some glue on and got new on his knees
And I began to slide into him from behind
I pulled out of him and kissed him while he mastered
The ass made him turn over while he set the condom on himself
This was my ass While I was struggling to imagine someone inside. He got on top
and slowly inserted himself into me. It was the worst pain I've ever felt in my life.
Eventually, that felt a little mixed up. I wish you a happy new year I wish you a happy new year I wish you a happy new year
I wish you a happy new year